Me f26 and my bf m29 are since 2 years in a relationship and it reached a point where i feel pressured and betrayed from him
He moved to canada to live with me over one year ago, he is trying to apply for a new visa now but he just told me a week ago that i need to fund him about 5k so he canget his visa.
I know that you need to show a certain amount of savings so you can get it, but there is more in our relationship what makes it more horrible.
Im working 56h/w as a icu nurse, i pay for everything since he moved here because he didnt find any job here.
I tried to get him some good jobs but he never wanted one of them and just ignored that.
I gave him since he got here about 800$ monthly so he can save some money and still have some money for himself every month.
I worked a lot of overhours since he moved here so i can support him fully because i love him so much, i never got anything back from him.
He barely help me in the househould, he never do any house chore.
I just had my birthday last week and i dont even got any flowers from him, all i got from him was a happy birthday.
He just was on a boys trip with his friends a few days before my birthday and he spend a lot of money for himself there, i wonder why this wasnt a problem but my birthday was.
Now it goes to the main problem.
He is in the process of apply for his language study visa now and he just told me that he never put any of the money i gave him into his savings, he spend all of it.
Now he beg me for giving him about 5k for it, he told me that he will go back to his home country otherwise.
Im deeply in shock about his behaviour.
He told me that he want to break up with me if he has to go back because he dont wanna do a ldr again.
Always when i try to communicate with him about that and that he need to get a job he always begin to gaslight me, he tells me that i leave him alond in a new country sll by himself and that he expected me to have more time for him and fully support him with everything.
He blames me for the fact that i have to work more because i have to financially support him, he fully exhausted me at this point.
He is from japan and lived with his parents before he moved here, he bragged a lot about their lifestyle and money before he moved here but i nevee saw anything what he talked about in real life.
I feel like im with a mommy boy who lied about his life.
I feel so used and betrayed by him now.
AITAH for feeling betrayed and used from him now?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team.
Me f26 and my bf m29 are since 2 years in a relationship and it reached a point where i feel pressured and betrayed from him
He moved to canada to live with me over one year ago, he is trying to apply for a new visa now but he just told me a week ago that i need to fund him about 5k so he canget his visa.
I know that you need to show a certain amount of savings so you can get it, but there is more in our relationship what makes it more horrible.
Im working 56h/w as a icu nurse, i pay for everything since he moved here because he didnt find any job here.
I tried to get him some good jobs but he never wanted one of them and just ignored that.
I gave him since he got here about 800$ monthly so he can save some money and still have some money for himself every month.
I worked a lot of overhours since he moved here so i can support him fully because i love him so much, i never got anything back from him.
He barely help me in the househould, he never do any house chore.
I just had my birthday last week and i dont even got any flowers from him, all i got from him was a happy birthday.
He just was on a boys trip with his friends a few days before my birthday and he spend a lot of money for himself there, i wonder why this wasnt a problem but my birthday was.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like i might be the asshole because i decline him to pay for it now and i got made feel bad for it and im not sure if i actually leave him alone now
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. If he doesn’t love you enough to want to save up $5,000 to qualify to stay in Canada, and if he isn’t motivated enough to be able to save up $5,000, then you’re going to be even more disappointed in him if your relationship continues than you feel now.
Deport him
Free yourself and let him leave.
NTA
he has been unable to find a job for over a year and hasnt been able to save any money on 800$ a month with all his other expenses paid, AND doesnt help around the house?!
NTA. Don’t let fear, false obligations, and unfair guilt be weaponized against you.
let that man GO! you aren’t a pay pig. you aren’t a sugar mommy. it seems like he depends on you for money and doesn’t care about you otherwise.
He has no interest in contributing to your relationship. Send him back to mama.
NTA.
Don’t front him another cent and let the legal system handle him. He’s sponged off of you long enough and has no intention to stop.
A woman named Fergie once said “if you ain’t got no money, take your broke ass home”.
Dump him. Find someone worthy of you, my dear. Someone who isn’t a scrub, perhaps.
NTA to him but definitely to yourself.
You are definitely being taken advantage of. What exactly are you getting from this relationship that you think makes it worth the way he treats you? And why do you think someone else can’t treat you better? Or why do you think being this relationship is better than being alone?
Him having to leave the country to go back home, may be a blessing (forget the disguise) to you. Please dont make this your life.
Don’t be an AH to yourself. This cannot be the best you can get.
He’s a hobosexual. Release him back to the wild
I agree with everyone else, gtfo.
Was he actually allowed to work while on his visa? If he wasn’t, then maybe a soft YTA, because he will actually need to leave you and return to his home country, unless he can come up with the money some other way. You can only stay in a country under the visa provisions, and have to leave when the visa is about to expire.
NTA get rid of the hobosexual
He is using you for money… obviously! Wake up girl…
Is this real? Are you really blind to that you just told us that he’s horrible and you will be happier without him?
Girl..
he had a year to find a job. any job. idk if he speaks english or french, but i saw a ton of cleaning lady that don’t speak the local language here.
he just want you to fund his lifestyle, and not working. it will not change…
You are asking the wrong question? You should ask if you would be the A H to kick him out. Only money you should spend on him now is buying a flight ticket back to him mom. NTA
He sounds terrible. Perhaps just dump him and make the decision easy for him.
He seems to be using you. He makes no contributions to your household. If he is not earning money, he should be doing all the chores. Why are you doing everything and funding his laziness?
If his parents are well off, why can’t they fund him the money for his visa?
NTA. I wouldn’t give him another cent.
Your boyfriend is a liar and a scammer. He’s using you. He needs to go back to Japan and you shouldn’t pay for his ticket.
Nta – he owes you 5k as well. You gave him the money to spend a part for his visa and he didn’t. So he used it for another reason as agreed. I would be ashamed staying at home doing nothing while my SO works way more to fund me.
He‘ll for sure want you to pay his ticket. Just don’t.
nTA
He never wasted the money you gave him specifically for his language study visa???? He’s been living off your hard work and doesn’t support you!
Send him back to the parents. Call his parents to pay for a ticket to send him home.
You deserve better – Simone that at least cooks you a nice meal, checks on you, does at least their fair share of the chores.
He is using you. He can go back to his country and good riddance.
He is not act8ng like a loving partner to you, he is not worth it.
His family can pay for his ticket home.
Find a man who respects you and wouldn’t let you work yourself to death.
This guy is not a keeper.
NTA. Don’t give him anything!!! 😳😳 expect maybe a kick out of the door
Send him back. NTA
NTA. He can go back to his country. You are his bank, nothing else.
Please, no more money.
“I feel like im with a mommy boy who lied about his life.”
That’s a bingo! Let him leave.
NTA
No.
Nta. I think the pretty obvious solution here is to cut your losses and send him home.
NTA.
Let him go back…
Pack his case and leave it by the door. Wave goodbye with a big smile, close the door behind him and do a happy dance 💃
Giiirl. This is your chance to elegantly get rid of him. (Something tells me if you stand your ground he will come up with the money from some other magical source just to guilt trip you even more about it and continue to juice you like a lemon).
NTA but clearly to yourself for allowing this to go on. 800 in fun money while you are working your butt off and he does NOTHING?
Come. On.
This is insane. Don’t give him anymore money and get rid of him.
You deserve so much more
NTA… ship his butt home…. he’s using you financially and blaickmailing you emotionally… his mother can keep him.
Let ICE send him home for free. Not out of your pocket.
NTAH I got to the point where you said you gave him 800 a month and didn’t need to read anymore. Stop wasting your time and money on this man.
Good grief. Did you even read what you wrote? He doesn’t respect you, he certainly doesn’t love you, and you’re just there to finance his life and get his citizenship. Is your goal in life to be somebody’s doormat and ATM?
If you read it as being from your best friend, what would you tell her?
NTA. He is financially abusing and manipulating you. Don’t give him another dime. He can move back to Japan and mooch off his family.
NTA. Is this fake? Bc if not, dump him NOW. He doesn’t love you, he doesn’t respect you, he doesn’t care about you. He’s using you for money. WAKE UP. Break up with him. It’s so obvious. Dear god, please, leave this pathetic loser of a man in the dust.
NTA get rid of him!
Let him leave. It sounds like he’s just using you. Don’t give him another cent.
You are massively YTA to yourself and a very stupid one. Why the fuck would you put yourself through this? Are you really this desperate to keep a man and have no self-respect? I would have got him deported in 3 months of him being in the country and not working.
Sorry for being harsh, but come on, girl. Why does he have to work when he has a golden goose that not only lays eggs but also prepares food from those eggs and cleans up after itself?
I would have also told him to do all the housework and chores the minute he entered the house. Not only does he live and eat there for free, but you are also paying him $800 a month, so I would expect the home to be spotless. You essentially paying for sex if he even gives you that.
NTA. Let him go. You’ll have more free time and at least $800 more a month to play with.