I (27f) had oral surgery three days ago and my face is still extremely swollen to the point where my family thinks that something is wrong and I should go to urgent care or see the doctor again. I’m still in pain from the surgery.
Today is July 4th and my boyfriend (28m) wanted me to come to his parents’ house because they were having a barbecue. When I woke up this morning I was still in pain and my face was still super swollen. I didn’t feel well enough to travel for two hours to see his parents. I called him this morning and told him that I won’t be able to make it.
He basically called me selfish for not going and made me feel terrible about it. AITAH? Also, the last time I went over to their home his mother called me fat behind my back. I don’t feel comfortable going over there.
Comments
NTA – “selfish” is a word that is used to mean, “I feel entitled to something of yours and you are not giving it to me”
Sorry to be blunt… but do you hate yourself perchance?
Points: Your boyfriend can’t even fathom what is a “recovery period” after you had SURGERY, f*cking surgery.
Your boyfriend’s family doesn’t seem to like you / respect you.
NTA but YTA if you keep allowing these people to trample you like that.
NTA, but are you sure you want to be friends with someone like this? Take care of yourself. Your health should always come first.
NTA. You’re recovering from surgery and in pain. He’s calling you selfish because you won’t travel two hours to see people who insult you? THat’s a him problem, not a you problem
NTA. It’s not selfish to take care of yourself.
You are NTA by a long shot. The post oral surgery swelling can be bad, my sister had to have bone broken to remove her wisdom teeth and she looked like a hamster with two baby carrots in each cheek pouch. She was MISERABLE.
All surgery causes swelling. I just had my thumb joint replaced and my hand swelled so much it was scary – my fingers were the darkest bruising I ever saw.
Tell him to kick rocks, talk about selfish!
By the way, rattling around in a car post surgery isn’t a great idea.
… You don’t have to date this twerp.
Nta for not going.
Yta for being with someone who doesn’t care or respects you.
Breakup with him ASAP
NTA, but definitely consider this level of guilt/lack of actual care for your wellbeing before this dude takes up any more of your time. It’s a huge red flag.
Real friends and family wouldn’t expect you to attend. Especially knowing you don’t feel comfortable.
Run as fast as you can OP.
You’re absolutely NTA. Healing after surgery is necessary, not selfish. Anyone calling you selfish for that is ignoring your basic needs
Think about what you just said, “I had oral surgery three days ago”. Tell that fool to fix you a plate and bring it over.
It’s a barbecue, who cares? Stay home
He doesn’t care about you he only cares about how he appears to others shalom you’re loved 💔
Find a new boyfriend. This one is defective. Take some Tylenol, grab an ice pack and put on Netflix.
Maybe this is the universe telling you that you don’t need that shitty man, his shitty family, or their shitty food in your life any longer?
Your boyfriend should skip the barbecue and stay with you and take care of you during your recovery rather than trying to manipulate you into going with him to an event that would prove uncomfortable. NTA.
Nta and I’d call him selfish, uncaring twit in return.
A loving partner partner would understand and ask if you needed anything before making the trip.
F him. He can go alone.
You may want to rethink this relationship if he can’t understand you are still healing from the surgery. He doesn’t sound very understanding or caring.
Sounds like you’re in the wrong relationship, sunshine. That is not a partner. He is a selfish asshat and I hope his mother’s wipers never work.
NTA
No.
Break up with him.
Two birds. One stone.
I have no idea why people put up with this type of BS. You must not want to be happy.
Your boyfriend is telling you who is – an unsympathetic person who doesn’t care about your health and well being. If he cared at all about you, he’d be cancelling his plans to spend the day with his family in order to take care of you. Spend the day considering if this relationship is really what you want. NTA.
You’re the selfish one??
This AH would rather see you in pain with your face swollen at his parents barbecue then trying to get better and heal?
He’s got a hell of a lot of nerve. His actions tell you who he is believe him.
NTA. I would really take a good long hard look at your relationship with this guy and see if this is part of a pattern. Dollars to doughnuts this is just one of many ticks against him that suggest you really don’t want to continue on with him. Another point against him and this pattern is the fact that he probably didn’t defend you from his family making fun of you. Take some time, and prioritize yourself while you heal.
Your (hopefully ex after this) boyfriend is a selfish a-hole. What part of medical issue does he not get? You absolutely do not need this guy or his family in your life. I agree with your family, go to urgent care! Something doesn’t sound right if it’s been more than 48 hours.
NTA, it’s really understandable to skip the barbecue when you’re still in pain and swollen from surgery, no one should feel guilty for putting their health first, and it’s reassuring to know others have been there too, sometimes people forget how hard recovery can be, but you’re doing what’s right for yourself.
NTA. And his lack of empathy for what you are going thru is concerning.
NTA. You’ve got every right to want to rest up and not go anywhere when you’re in serious pain, and the selfish one is your BF for acting like his wants trump your physical well being
Nta- he is not thinking about your welfare. What was he doing when his mother called you names behind your back? Why would he even contemplate you going to a barbeque in pain? Staying with someone who shows such little regard for your wellbeing is not a good idea…
NTA – dump the entire family
NTA at all! However get a better bf, one that actually cares about you!
NTA.
This guy is being selfish worthless unfair unkind time-consuming bully
Please dump him
Block him and his supporters on EVERYTHING
Your long-term HEALTH is more important than a party
Nobody should be FORCED to attend social activities or group activities or parties
Walk AWAY
N
T
A
NTA NTA NTA
Your boyfriend however is TA. I went to the oral surgeon 3 days ago to have a tooth extracted. (Tooth broke in half, had to be taken out, on blood thinners, therefore oral surgeon due to potential complications.) my face isn’t swollen and I have minimal pain, (Tylenol for any discomfort ) and I still wouldn’t want to drive two hours to attend a barbecue.
Your boyfriend is selfish for putting his wants ahead of your needs.
Not related to your question, but if you are still having excessive swelling and/or pain you might think about giving your oral surgeon a call. Mine gave me a number I could use for any questions or problems I might have.
NTA. And if you are still severely swollen three days after surgery, you probably should check in with a medical professional. I got a severe infection from dental implant surgery, and it required surgical debridement and heavy antibiotics. Take care of yourself, and dump your boyfriend. You deserve so much better.
This boyfriend is not a good match. Drop him and find someone who cares about your physical and mental health
Your boyfriend it thoughtless, not compassionate and an AH. You just had oral surgery. Stay home and take care of yourself. To hell with him and his family.
NTA he’s the selfish one for not caring about your healing process.
Hold on. Barbecues are where people go to gather and EAT all kinds of food, right? I’m guessing that three days post surgery, you’re not able to eat barbecue food. So he is calling YOU selfish so HE can go eat, after traveling two hours? I don’t f*cking THINK so. Why isn’t he spending the day taking care of you, and asking what YOU would like to eat?? He is the selfish one and is mother is obnoxious. Lose them both.
NTA.
Holy cow, you’re in pain and he doesn’t gve a damn.
NTA, but why are you putting up with that jerk and his A-hole family? Dodge that bullet and move on.
NTA. Get a new boyfriend
There’s an asshole in that story but it aint you.
nta you’re bf is unreasonable and inconsiderate.
Ok
NTA. Your BF is an idiot.
Please go look at the post-procedure paperwork you got from the oral surgeon and call them today if you have a concern. And if you’re considering going to an urgent car or ER, you have a concern.
I guarantee they have an after hours follow up, even on holidays (if you’re in the US), that they expect patients to use. Call and be sure you’re okay.
NTA. You need a different man. That one doesn’t even like you.
NTA
The way he reacted is a red flag. The way he spoke to you is a red flag.
Read the book,
Why does he do that
By Lundy Bancroft
It’s free online and may help you understand him better.
Hope you feel better soon.
tell him to fuck off and send him a picture of your face, and ask him if he OR his family would really want you coming there looking like this. also demand to know even if your face didn’t look bad, why the hell should you go to a BBQ where you won’t be able to even EAT whatever is be served, seeing how you just had DENTAL SURGERY and your entire mouth is in AGONIZING PAIN so eating SOLID FOODS like whatever is being served at the BBQ will be useless and a waste of your day going to if all you will be doing is sitting and going hungry while watching him and everybody else eat the BBQ, unless they can provide something YOU can eat that won’t damaged your recovering mouth and leave you in agonizing pain.
You need a new boyfriend
If your boyfriend was the one that told you his mom called you fat behind your back? Run because the whole family sucks. I hope your mouth feels better soon.
NTA, he is being unreasonable.
Also, try calling your oral surgeon’s office (they probably have a way to get ahold of them on holidays) and explain the pain and swelling are persisting and you want to make sure there is nothing wrong. Complications from oral surgery are NOT to be taken lightly.
You’ve gotten plenty of good advice re the BF, who will hopefully soon be the ex-BF.
But, please listen to those around you suggesting you need to call your oral surgeon.
I’ve had route canals (one surgical completed in one day, one over several visits) & 4 wisdom teeth impacted in the jaw, surgically removed all at the same time, as well as other dental procedures & never had swelling last 3 days. My husband recently had a bone graft in preparation for an implant. The swelling was gone in one day.
Please just call your oral surgeon. The worst thing that could happen is they’ll assure you your recovery is normal & expected.
When did you last go see his fam? Did you know about the bbq beforehand and were you able to reschedule the surgery?
If it’s important to him you see his fam, and you knew about this event ahead of time, YTA. Doesn’t matter that they’re assholes. If you marry him you’re going to see the fam for the holidays. Gotta fix it now and talk