I (29 F) met my fiancé (27 M) back in 2016. He has a child (before we met) with another woman (27) in another state. She put him on child support in the year 2017 or 2018.
Fast forward to 2025, we have two kids. He’s great with them. But he has always had an issue with even trying to keep in contact with his child in another state because he claimed the baby mother was “crazy” or “bitter.” Of course for a while I believed it but then came to the conclusion it’s because he’s an absent father to their child while he’s over here raising ours. Then he claimed child support was too much to pay. I then went out of my way and got his income updated to where the required amount was cut in half. Went from $800 a month down to $400 a month.
I’m very frustrated that he still lacks the drive or motivation to even provide for his other child. It is not fair. He will speak to him consistently for weeks and then just not do it for months. He blames it on his ADHD, anxiety, even the fact that the child is not PHYSICALLY in his presence. Claims he would be able to if he just had him here (????).
There’s been multiple fights to where I’ve begged him to just talk to the mother or child on a specific schedule that works for HIM or at LEAST make a payment for child support.
His most recent weapon against me is that I’m not truly wanting to help because of the fact that I’m not letting him claim one or both of our kids when tax season rolls around.
When tax season comes around I used those taxes for MY children. He is over 20K in debt from child support.
Is it wrong for me to draw that line? I don’t believe I’m obligated to pay down his debt to his other child. He makes me feel as if I’m no help and just sitting by watching him drown and not help at all when I’ve done all I could on my side. I’m raising my two children I’ve created and he can barely keep a dollar to his name even after he gets decent checks. He spends his money foolishly and will spend money on his Xbox Live bullshit and weed above all else.
Him, his own mother, and grandmother (who paid $3k all at once towards his child support due to the fact that the state was threatening to take his LICENSE away, she jumped right in and saved him) have all made it seem like he has the right to claim at least one of the kids to pay off part of his 20K+ debt in child support.
AITAH for not letting him claim one or both of our children to help pay down his arrears for his other child that he has with another woman?
EDIT: spelling errors and YES I absolutely agree, I am an idiot for not seeing the red flags in the beginning before bearing children with this man. I am and have been at my wits end lately and wanted outside opinions about this situation that everyone in his family seems to be trying to gaslight me on. I truly appreciate all the insight.
Comments
NTA. You are not responsible for paying off his child support debt to another child. You’ve already helped by updating his income and supporting your own family. His financial obligations to a child from a previous relationship are his responsibility alone, and it’s fair to protect your children’s benefits and finances.
It’s not that hard to set a reminder in your phone to call your kid, or pay your bills.
He sounds like a dropkick.
Sorry that you are engaged to and have children with such a sorry state of a man.
His debts are not yours, which is why I assume you’re staying engaged and not married. That’s the smartest thing you written in your whole post.
Please remember that no one can MAKE you feel anything, they can only try. You’re an adult, you’re in charge of your own emotional state.
NTA
Please keep in mind if he’s able to do this to this child he will fully be able to do it to yours. I personally don’t understand how as a mother you’re not so disgusted with him that you can even stand to be in the same house as him- but just food for thought that people don’t selectively choose who to be foul to. They have a default setting that eventually will hit you. As a mom I couldn’t even be friends with a dead beat, let alone be in a relationship with one.
I’m trying to figure out why you want to marry him.
By IRS law you two dont get to just choose who claims the child, there are clear tire breaker rules when two unmarried parents have the right to claim a child, the rule are, and must be applied in this order:
The parent, if only one of the persons is the child’s parent- since this is a tie we move to the next point
The parent with whom the child lived the longest during the tax year, if two of the persons are the child’s parent and they do not file a joint return together- I assume this is also a tie so we move to the next
The parent with the highest AGI if the child lived with each parent for the same amount of time during the tax year, and they do not file a joint return together- so? Who made more? that person has the higher legal right to claim the child.
admittedly, it’s rare that the irs would come after this if it’s the only questionable item on the return. But the fact is one of you has more of a legal right to claim those children, it doesn’t have to be a conversation at all, just follow the law as written.
You are the AH for dating the deadbeat and making him father to more kids. You are an AH for letting him treat you like an ATM. Hes a shit guy. Dump him and work on your self respect you already know he isnt going to support your kids either, but at least show them being a deadbeat is not acceptable.
You are that scared to be alone that you have to put up with him? Why are you afraid of being by yourself?
NTA. But it’s only a matter of time before you are the one chasing him down for child support. Congrats.
why did you have 2 kids with him when you knew he was like this? YTA and you brought this on yourself.
I’m confused. Are these children
just yours or do they belong to both of you? if they belong to both of you I would let him, but if they are just yours NO! This is a case once more of a man who has not grown up. He doesn’t want to take care of these child. His child he’s not in this child’s life. He resents paying child support and by the way you shouldn’t have helped him get it lowered and now he wants to act though its your fault that all this happened and he wants you to pay more child support for him. That’s what that comes down to don’t do it and I advise you to move on away from this man What is in it for you? What does he bring to the table? Sounds to me like he doesn’t bring anything to the table that he spends most of his money and is immature so what on earth do you see in a man that brings nothing to the table when you have two children?
So you knew he was a deadbeat, still had not one, but two kids with him, and now you’re marrying him?
You’re dating a total loser
It’s past time for him to get a second job. This is his responsibility, not yours.
He owes over 20k in child support?!? He’s a massive dick. Why are you with him? Also, no way would he soend that extra income on child support..
No, NTA. The income that claims the kids should be the one that supports the children, doing otherwise could be considered tax fraud. Tell them when he stops being a deadbeat dad & actually spends his income on his children, then you would be more than happy to have him claim a child. Hey, calculate the amount he spends on weed & xbox every month, & share that with his family…show how much he actually could be using on his own debt & children.
But you need to really be reconsidering this relationship. So many red flags. It really sounds like losing the dependent adult child in your house would free up so much time & money, & remove a lot of your stressors.
Well if you don’t want your husband in jail, maybe help him pay it down. Or help him pay it down and arrange for the future that the money should be automatically deducted from his pay before he even gets his check
Why are you so desperate to be in a relationship with someone who treats his responsibilities like a game and expects you to clean up his mess? Just curious.
So much judgement in this conversation. Get your fiancée to a psychiatrist and get his anxiety/depression and adhd medicated. That’s the first step. Everybody calling the dude a deadbeat and whatever else obviously has no idea what it’s like to live with those conditions. Let’s try to remember that it sounds like the mother of his child in another state also makes no effort to include him in his other child’s life, and may in fact be willfully impeding him, which cause a person suffering from the before mentioned chemical imbalances to completely “freeze” up. Especially if this has been going on for years. The argument that his kid isn’t present so he forgets to call etc is actually a common problem with people suffering from these psychiatric problems. They are caught up in their life and they push everything that causes them anxiety “out of sight out of mind”. Long story short, helping your fiancée by updating his income etc is really a great way to show that you love him, helping him pay down the debt will help you in the long run too, BUT the most important thing is to get his problems dealt with. With medicine and therapy he will be much better off. So much easier to just pass judgement and write people off than to simply try and put yourself in the other persons position and comprehend what they may be going through. His financial obligations will be a problem for you whether you stay with him or not. TBH in the long run, if you don’t help him to get treated and decide to break up, it will be worse for your kids.
He’s a dead beat and would treat your children the same if you broke up with him
No you are not. He is making no effort to support the 2 children with him that YOU support which is how YOU support them!
MOM & G’Mom can BUTT out until they are the ones supporting ALL 3 of his kids – thenthey have a voice in this, and ONLY then.
In the meantime, maybe his ex should garnish his wages to get that back child support and maybe he would be forced to budget HIS $ more wisely?
He doesn’t sound even minimally responsible or mature about his financial obligations. And honestly if his mom and g’mom want finances to change then THEY can take on that financial loss – NOT YOU! When you are using the tax exemption to support the 2 children that are yours.
Why are you even with this guy?
NTA. Do not let him claim your kids on his taxes, he will get more back but his check will be immediately seized for back child support and then what???
My husband owes back child support not bc he doesn’t pay, but bc in my state they start accruing child support debt from the date they move out of the family home and his ex didn’t waive that money even though he did still support when he was not living there. His child support is minimal and he opted to have it garnished out of his wages automatically so he would never miss a payment and his tax check STILL automatically goes to his ex wife to cover some of the back pay.
You have to really understand though that you are not responsible for his lack of relationship with his oldest child and you can’t force him to be there for them no matter how much you want to. All you can do is accept that you can’t change it and understand that this is a failing on his part, not yours! Unfortunately though you can expect much the same treatment of your kids if your rs with him ends.
NTA for not helping him pay child support. It’s not your responsibility. You’re already doing all you can to try and get him to be an active participant in his child’s life and he can’t be bothered. I hope you realize that if things don’t work out for the two of you, that’s the future your children will have with their father as well. Out of sight, out of mind. Not sure he’s worth the trouble.
Is there any way to get him treated for underlying adhd and anxiety? If you had to chose, I would focus on the anxiety. Would he be open to taking an SSRI like Lexipro? If he is, and after a few months, he might become a much more responsive and responsible person. I can totally see anxiety crushing his consistent calling and lack of visitation with his oldest child. And it might help dull the inappropriate spending a bit too, so he can focus more on sending more support to his oldest.
That tax money is for you & YOUR children… it’s not fair for him to claim the kids so he can pay SOME of his arrears for a child he refuses to do the right thing for. He’s constantly waiting for someone to bail him out & expects it.
he’s a nobody, leave him and ask him for alimony, you’ll be sure he won’t pay and he’ll disappear from your life painting you to others as another crazy woman who married
NTA. Pretty soon baby mom will go to court and the courts will garnish his paycheck and he’ll have no money left for himself! I hope you dont have a combined bank account! I’d recommend you put an automatic payment on his account to send out his child support. You aren’t the one who should be spending your money to pay baby mom. I dont see this ending well for you. And if you leave him you will be the one not getting any child support too.
I learn so many lessons from watching housewives and other trash tv. If a man is a deadbeat sad to his other kids, do t have kids with him or marry him. I’m looking at you Sheana (with your man who dumped his kid in Australia), Gretchen (who won’t even marry Slade bc that deadbeat is so in debt, didn’t even care for his terminally ill son), oh and then the greatest of all, Paris Hilton’s creepy husband’s kids. Ladies, a man that can do that to those kids, can and will do it to your kids.
YTA for helping him cut his monthly child support to $400. Could you raise your child on $400/month? I also think YTA for being with this man who is clearly a deadbeat. You and your kids deserve so much better!
YTA. You knew he was a deadbeat, you helped him further neglect his child helping him get child support lowered (which he doesn’t even pay? 20K in Child Support Debt!!), and knowing all this you still had two more children with this loser?!
YTA – this man was already a POS parent and you felt the right thing to do was give him MORE children???? jfc
Wait till he leaves you and don’t pay for the children you both have !!!
Did you know he was a deadbeat dad when you had 2 kids with him?
It’s the weed. The memory impact. The financial impact. The antisocial behavior due to his emotional attachment to weed. It is always the weed. Or booze. Or any other drug. But in this case it’s the weed. You need to get that sorted before you start throwing money at him that he will only smoke. NTA
If u marry this man you’re taxes could be seized to meet the child support, and he’s stupid to think child support isn’t watching to get that tax refund..but why, how could you help him get his cs lowered for the other kid!? That’s not your business, you over stepped, and to have two kids with this person .. yup you winning ..
NTA you claim them cause you’re the one paying for them, if he claimed them the money wouldn’t go to anything. So you can say you can claim them but the money goes to the kids like it does with me.
What does he contribute to financially to raise your children? I’m assuming since he’s in arrears nothing but 2 sperms. I would encourage the ex to put him on maintenance enforcement so they garnish his wages before weed get it
😂 helping your Fiancee deadbeat and listening to his excuses is not a flex pretty soon if ya’ll file jointly they will take your taxes to settle his debt
How can you be attracted to a man that doesn’t take care of his own child? I will never understand that. He abandoned his own child. What do you think he’ll do to you and your kids?
Please get on really good birth control and lock down your credit with the credit bureaus and figure out how to get away from this deadbeat.
Yta to yourself. You are with a dead beat and you had kids with him.
I feel for your kids. They have 2 shitty parents.
So many 🚩from him. Claiming a child just to get money to pay off his debt for another child 🤔, no sir it doesn’t work like that. You can not take away a financial benefit for one just because you’re a POS father to the other and can’t follow through your financial obligations to that child. I think you WBTAH if you stayed and married this leech. Think about your children and yourself, do you think you’ll be financially stable in the future?
Your relationship is very dysfunctional. Why would you want all that drama in your life? I’d break up sooner rather than later.
Yta for getting involved and getting hia chikd supoorr lowered. That eas a very crappy and narcissistic thing for you to take money away from his other child. That makes you a p.o.s. and you say you claim your kids. They are his kids too. He can actually claim them and you cant do anything. Youre a bitter woman who shouldn’t have had kids with a deadbeat.
He owes $20,000 and you petitioned the courts to have his payments lowered??
Hun, it’s just going to take LONGER for him to pay it off now. And he’s going to continue paying it after the child is 18. Or your boyfriend dies.
Whatever comes first.
My step dad owed a lot of child support as well before he passed away, and he was actively TRYING to pay it back. The debt thankfully died with him. Unrelated note. The hospital tried to bill my mom for his death. They were never legally married. All debts died with him.
You nta. Your boyfriend big one.
I will tell you something about living with ADHD: out of sight, out of mind.
I can go for a week without texting my own kids. And I feel bad but I just don’t remember. I do, but then it’s gone immediately. I cry and feel the worst. It’s not intentional, we are close and I love them.
Knowing he has ADHD it’s on him to make sure he adults here. Get meds, develop tools. Reminders in my phone remind me to call my kids (the ones who have grown and moved out) and more reminders popping up to remind me to call friends and other family. It’s what you do.
He should get a visitation schedule so it always happens. Develop the routine with the reminders.
He’s not an asshole for having ADHD and forgetting people exist. It’s a very real thing. But he is a terrible dad for not putting systems in place that demonstrate he cares for his other child and is a good dad. And the finances, eww. He’s walking red flags
We’ll be assured he will do the same thing to you! Don’t ever marry him! Marriage would be the only instance where you can let him claim them. But you’d probably never see a dime of that.
YTA for having kids with a dead beat dad. You are not married, you owe him nothing. You realize he won’t be any different with your kids if you separate right?
NTA but if you’re planning on spending forever with this guy it would be in your best interest to help him get it payed off. I don’t see the harm in letting him claim the kids on alternating years to get it payed off. He contributes to your family right?
How can you continue to fuck someone who so openly neglects his own child? How are you not completely degusted by him? I’ll never get this about new women in men’s lives. I just can’t fathom being attracted to a deadbeat dad, even if he was the father of my child. It’s so pathetic and gross. Plus they continue to live off the deadbeat’s support while his own child still doesn’t get anything. It’s just ew
LOL girl wtf
have some self respect and leave. Know he will continue to be a deadbeat dad to your kids too. YTA for being so foolish to involve yourself with him and to stay knowing what he is
I had a kid with a dude like that, but his kid was in the same state. Still didn’t see him. I bought the crazy baby mama story.
He and I had a kid together. He was great our kid. Then other behaviors happened with the dad (more red flags I ignored). Our relationship ended. Guess who doesn’t see either kid now. Guess who is now the “crazy baby mama.”
At least the other mom and I agree we want the kids to know each other and be involved in each other’s lives. So we plan things together for the kids. Now it is 2 crazy baby mamas and 1 deadbeat dad.
So once you divorce and stop sleeping with him, you’ll know yours and your kids future.
Does he support yours and his household? Do you have joint checking and savings accounts?
It’s not a great idea to marry someone who is in serious debt for reasons like this.
So yoy already helped him half his support payments, he spends his money on games and weed, owes 20k in childsupport. You haven’t mentioned does he contribute to your household or are you paying all the bills and does he pay for his own car even. This is a man child
OK you had kids with him but why is he your Fiance? If you missed the red flags before, don’t continue to do it by marrying this guy!!
What magic penis do these men have that they are bamboozling women into making more children with deadbeats? The pickings aren’t that slim.
Not many things LESS ATTRACTIVE than a man who doesn’t feel he needs to support his children, even less attractive is supporting his with one woman and not wanting the responsibility of supporting his children with another, and/or has multiple baby mammas that he never married. Yuck.
Do not marry this bloke. He’s showing you EXACTLY who he is and what is ahead for you if you marry him
You are looking at your kids and your future unfortunately. His family has enabled their poor precious mistreated manchild and now these kids will pay the price. I’m glad you are a good person and see what is wrong with the way he is treating his older child because to be honest most stepparents don’t. They only care about their kids. Don’t et him file on your kids because I’m assuming the ways it’s worded you are fully financially responsible for them. So he’s already doing the same to you as he is with his ex. Just still in a relationship at the moment. You would be better off single. Then you would only be responsible for 2 kids. Let him go back to mommy and grandma. If you and the other mother get along it might be beneficial to organize a play date or trip every once in a while so the kids can at least know each other.
Pre-nup. If the children are also his, honestly yeah, it would be fair to let him claim one. But you’ve stated you’re not okay with that and obviously you know the man much better than any of us, and would know what he would do with that money. He goes long enough without paying, they will garnish his wages.
Honestly your better off leaving him. He sounds like someone who will never grow up or take care of his responsibilities because it needs to be all about him. He needs to lay off the weed and video games and provide for his kids. It is not your responsibility to financially support his oldest kid. He needs to grow up and stop being selfish. Also stop trying to help him get his child support lowered, it’s the right of the child to be properly supported by both parents based on their income. If he makes the same as what he was making when the $800 order for child support was made, then he should still be paying that to his child and nothing less.
YTA for having not one, but TWO children with a man who can’t be bothered to take care of his first child. You knew damn well what you were walking into
And you want to marry this man, WHY?
Keep mind if you get married then he will likely want to file taxes jointly, since the kids would be dependents for both of you then. But if there is a tax refund that could get garnished for his back child support.
NTA. You will be if you marry this fool.
NTA for not wanting to pay his child support, but serious question why did you agree to marry a deadbeat? It makes you look complacent
This reminds me of a good friend of mine. She was a single mother whose husband ducked child support for about a decade. Then one day she got a big fat check. Turns out her ex had remarried and new wives entire tax return had been confiscated for back child support. Didn’t pay it all off and it only happened the one time because they divorced before the next tax season. Oh did I mention that he also worked construction because it’s one of the easiest ways to get paid under the table and avoid child support. Sounds like you have a real winner.
Remember when you give up and file yourself his first child’s money will come out before your amount is even figured. So if you know how he is hiding his money, and how much and when he is actually paid you should start documenting now or you won’t get much later.
NTA – does he pay any of your household expenses? I would be rethinking this relationship. If you marry him, his debt may end up becoming yours depending on where you live.
>She put him on child support in the year 2017 or 2018.
Nah, he put himself on child support when he had a child.
NTA
But be aware that he’s going to be just as much of a deadbeat for your children as he is for the other one. I can not imagine why you want to marry a man who is such a failure of a father and partner. You should be shoring up your own position because sooner or later, you’ll be the one chasing him for child support.
What the hell is wrong with you? You chose to have children with this deadbeat?
uh yeah let him claim one and pay his child support. I mean they are his kids too yall should take turns that is what most people do you claim one year he claims one year. I don’t understand why one parent should get to claim every year while the other one never does they are YOUR children not MY children. yall both shitty made for each other. I believe that youll end up with who you are suppost to be with and y’all both shitty so there is your answer. MY kids wtf it takes to people to make kids i mean wtf
NTA – he’s a deadbeat.
I read all of that and by the end I totally forgot that he’s your FIANCE. You’re definitely NTA but honey, get out while you can. He’s a deadbeat and he’ll do this to you too. You’re actually considering marrying a deadbeat dad who plays Xbox and smokes weed while letting his grandmother bail him out of his child support? What could possibly be so attractive that it cancels out that behavior?
This is just sad to read. You saw how he treated his other child and still chose to be in a relationship and have children with a deadbeat. Bad choices that have a lifetime of impacts. But you are not responsible for his child support and shouldn’t pay to. He needs to make child support a priority, but he’s the type of person that doesn’t prioritize his kids. That’s the kind of person you chose and are engaged to. Make a good decision for once and don’t marry him. His debts will become your debts.
In the title you call him BD and frankly that’s all he should be to you. Why are you engaged to this man?
You’re mixed up with a deadbeat loser. This is your future for now on.
NTA, the child is not your responsibility, it’s his. What I don’t understand is what you even want with this dude. Surely you don’t think that you’re safe from this kind of treatment by him. 🙄
YTA. Why are you with him?
If you marry this deadbeat you will own his debt. Your texts will be taken to pay his bills. But after seeing that he’s a deadbeat and would rather get high and play Xbox then take care of his child and you still marry him you’re kind of deserving of it
NTA.
I think you are with my with my ex.
Mine had the same excuses, I believed him for the longest time.
Then he did it to our kids, too. I didn’t even ask for child support as long as he stayed in touch with them.
He would contact them every few weeks, then months, dissappear for 6-8mo (just long enough for the kids’ behavior to go back to normal and happy), then he would want to contact them.
Rinse and repeat. With no care as to how it affected the kids.
I finally had to go with supervised visits/calls because the kids would go into a depression and bad behavior every time he disappeared again.
He just stopped all together, and my kids are better for it.
I continued making excuses for him and never said anything bad about him because I didn’t want to hurt the kids.
I didn’t even hate him until my 7 year old asked what he did so wrong that made daddy hate him…
Your fiance is showing you who he is.
He will end up doing the same thing to you and your kids.
Do not make excuses for him. Do not baby him, and do not let him take you down with him.
I heard a Chinese women’s dating saying recently. Spending money on a man is a woman’s misfortune. I’m certain this is the kind of shit they were talking about.
YTA for having kids with a deadbeat father.
Don’t pay off his debt, you’ll need the money for your own kids if you ever come to your senses and kick him out.
YTA for buying his nonsense excuses. You also chose to have two kids with a man who can’t take care of 1.
If you marry him, you will be the even greater fool.
His child support is his responsibility. His having the courts adjust it is his responsibility.
He is a deadbeat dad. NTA.
More than one thing can be true at once, in this case there’s many.
ESH… you know you’ve looked past all the red flags and here you are, that’s on you. His BM may very well be crazy, a bitch, bitter, etc; but he’s still a deadbeat. You guys have two kids together, you two should both claim a child on taxes, that’s fair.
You are involved with this lose why? Because you know he’s going to do the exact same things to you, given the chance.
NTA. He needs to man up and take care of his business.
Congrats you had 2 children with a deadbeat. Says more about you than him. Don’t think for a second you’re not up next to experience it.
Girl, you called your “fiance” your baby daddy. You don’t like that man (and you shouldn’t). Take the L and leave.
Nta- do not marry this dipshit.
You have two kids together .. It makes more than perfect sense for you each to claim a child on taxes.
Yes people have kids from prior entanglements, and yes it is perfectly possible for the father not to wish to engage with the mother due to her personality… As someone who was babytrapped by a narcissist I can see his point of view
Tax credit for a child helps the parent financially.. If it helps pare down debt and worry that seems reasonable..
But hey, If you don’t see yourself as a couple with these as shared issues it’s time to eject..,
NTA. It is not your responsibility to hand hold him. I will say though, it sounds like you have 3 kids, not 2. Not sure why you want to continue this relationship. He sounds immature and exhausting and I doubt those things are going to change any time soon.
Well, what I don’t understand is why on earth he’s still your fiancé
And I really can’t understand why to help him with HIS debts, your kids will have to suffer, so he can pay HIS debt. because at the end that’s it: he ants you to cut on your kids necessities, for him to pay a debt he didn’t want to pay on his other child
What enrages me is that’s hes mocking people with ADHD and anxiety blaming them on his total lack of interest for his first child. People with ADHD and anxiety do remember important things like children; they might get easily distracted, but he’s making it sound like he has the IQ of a carrot because of those conditions. That’s VERY offensive. He refuses to support HIS child but he doesn’t have a problem paying for his Xbox Live bullshit? The issue here is not any mental condition, is about MISPLACED PRIORITIES
The debt he has is HIS. If I was in your shoes I wouldn’t let him sacrifice the wellbeing of my children, because he prefers his Xbox. And, with no doubt in my mind, more child support is on its way. Maybe that will teach him to start spending wisely?
Look, for love to work, loving each other is not enough. You might love him with all your heart, believe your kids need a present father, but he’s more than willing that let your kids suffer because HIS debt, while he spends his money on Xbox
Do not pay his child support for him! It’s his responsibility not yours. Claiming a child on income taxes should exercised by the primary custodial parent (the majority of expenses fall on the parent who has the child the most. Doctors copayment, dentist copayment, medicine, er visits, food, diapers, school sports, school supplies, and so much more). Pay attention to how his family members jumped in to save him when he accumulated arrears. That’s how his life has rolled up to this point. He is an immature mama’s boy!! Lastly do not, under any circumstances, marry this man!! It will be the biggest mistake you ever make!!
He is a deadbeat to that child, you think he’ll be a supportive father? His actions say different
Nah, his child, his responsibility. In fact, if he’s so like that, you should walk. It seems you have YOUR kids taken care of by yourself. Is that what you want your kids to grow up witnessing and being like him or thinking that’s okay for their future spouse? Congrats on your adult child #3!!
You do know the minute you leave this deadbeat dad he will treat you and your kids the same way he treats his ex and her kid. Always look at the ex of the man you date and you will see your future with him. (If he cheated on her he will on you. If he doesn’t pay her child support he will not pay you. If he hit her he will hit you. And so on.)
NTA but girl what
If given the child tax credit from your joint children he would not pay off the owed back child support since he has not demonstrated a desire to do so with out the credits. And be prepared if you separate from him he won’t pay you child support either.
His wages should be garnished by the child support department.
NTA absolutely keep your money for you and your kids, he obviously can’t be trusted to take care of them. You would be better off single than with him, spending his money on weed and Xbox live with all of these responsibilities and debts is showing you his priorities are not you or the kids, his family bailing him out also shows this, you need to take a long look at your future for you and the kids if you stay with him
Wow this guy is a dirtbag. He’s just using you. Please leave him. He’s a terrible example for your kids and you deserve better.
It’s clear that you don’t even like the guy, why are you still with him?
NTA.
We had this song in the 90s, I think you should listen.. Scrubs by TLC. Just saying.
If you marry him, that debt becomes yours, as well. Plus, he will be able to file taxes jointly with no issues. DO. NOT. MARRY. THAT. MANCHILD.
His family are enablers. They jump in to rescue him. They see their mistake. They gaslight because they don’t want to be the “bad guy” when they say no or choose not to help.
You’ll be the next “crazy” or “bitter” and you know that, right?
He doesn’t take care of his other child because he sees the child as an extension of his ex, who he is not too fond of apparently. If he’s mad at baby mama he’s mad at his child too. I don’t mean this in a rude or harsh way, but the cycle will repeat with you, and baby mama #3, and #4, and so on… I’m not saying break up right this instant, but I would definitely be squirreling away money for when it happens because you will not be getting a cent from this guy
NTA. Are you paying all the bills? Does he work for cash? Why aren’t they garnishing his wages? Is he purposely self employed so they can’t garnish him? If he’s not paying any bills at your home, what is he even good for?
NTA. I was on the fence about you not letting him claim at least one, but it seems that he is the cause of this mess. Even if the CS arrears is because it was always too high before you saved him, this is unacceptable. He wastes money on weed that could help pay the debt. He is a loser. You deserve better.
Nta. What is stopping you from dropping this turd and his enabling family? You’re basically a single parent. Run, don’t walk.
I mean no disrespect. But why did you have children with this boy??? A real man wouldn’t neglect his child. If he does it to her, he will do the same to you when you finally wise up.
It’s not too late to break up with him! Sounds like you’re fine financially without him. I would just make sure you get a custody order in place ASAP so he doen’t try to gain custody of your children in order to avoid paying support. It’s a red flag that he’s saying since the other child is not physically there, he can’t pay support. He’ll do everything he’s doing to the other mom to you too as soon as he gets the chance
YTA to yourself for being with a deadbeat.
Don’t let him claim kids on taxes as any return could be garnished to cover his child support debt.
What a loser.
NTA.
He got himself into this mess, he can get himself out It would be ridiculous for you to allow your own financial security go down the tubes for someone who prioritizes weed and xbox games over his bills.
Why is this guy still your fiance??
Yes you are TA. This is the man you say is there raising your collective children not YOUR children. You want to marry this man because you see things in him your anger here is not conveying. I understand he has been backwards about coming forwards here and is dragging his feet to your frustration and exhaustion. However, you’d want to allow the father of both your children to have a clean slate and be able to better benefit your collective children no? I’m not questioning if you actually spend every penny of the tax relief on the children, I’m sure you consume enough of it personally but for this purpose you spend every penny on them. Those are less pennies than you could spend on them if there idiot father would wake up, claim them BOTH for tax relief over the next 2 yrs and clear his feet of the debit. Thus giving more pennies free over all for BOTH your kids to benefit from. And a less stressed father which is a benefit for him and your children.
Nope he’s a red flag. I would make sure all your finances are secure and leave him