Edit at the bottom**
So to make a VERY long story short(ish)
My step mom has 3 kids F19,F26,M28 and my dad has 3 kids F24 (Me), F 26 and M 28.
Our parents have been married for 9 years, the two siblings groups have never been close to each other but have had mixed bonds (for example I F24 have been close with both of the girls from my step moms kids off and on) however their sibling group has always been tight nit, they have planned get together, trips, etc. and even have matching tattoos. Well my sibling group didn’t become close until we got older, we are closer than we’ve ever been and we’re still figuring things out for ourselves. well now that me and my siblings hang out it has become a HUGE problem for the step family. If me, my siblings, mom and step dad hang out, my step mom gets so upset and posts on to Facebook something along the lines of “I’m so over this” or “I am officially done” because she isn’t invited. Things have gotten so rough that my step mom has stated that the two siblings groups are causing a family divide. She says that my group is leaving out her group and peoples feelings are getting hurt etc. (we only recently started hanging out about 2 months ago when I moved back home, and INTO MY BROTHERS HOUSE, meaning my sister coming over would be a “sibling hang out”) I often don’t even know my sisters coming over until I get a text stating “OTW” 🤣. So AITAH for not really caring that my step family feels left out since my sibling group has always been left out of their things and since we just got closer?
Two things to note-
Note: Also part of the “problem” is my sister brings my mom over (and my sisters 3 kids) so my step mom also feels left out and hurt that she isn’t constantly at the house too. ( my sister is the only one that has been super close with my mom)
Note: we all hangout with our dad and step mom almost weekly, so it’s not like we never see them it’s just that we’re seeing our mom more often than we used to. (“ our step mom tends to go get in bed and sleep even when company is over as She struggles with depression and is often in bed)
I left out a lot of small info but gave a general overview, so let me know if you have questions!
Edit to add: mom and step hated each other in the beginning and have physically fought but now are “super close” and talk almost every day. When step mom is upset about things my siblings and I do she “punishes” my mom by not speaking to her.
Mom was previously invited to things by step mom but it made my dad uncomfortable so now there’s a weird limbo where she no longer gets invited but step mom won’t man up and tell her what’s actually going on.
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Backup of the post’s body: So to make a VERY long story short(ish)
My step mom has 3 kids F19,F26,M28 and my dad has 3 kids F24 (Me), F 26 and M 28.
Our parents have been married for 9 years, the two siblings groups have never been close to each other but have had mixed bonds (for example I F24 have been close with both of the girls from my step moms kids off and on) however their sibling group has always been tight nit, they have planned get together, trips, etc. and even have matching tattoos. Well my sibling group didn’t become close until we got older, we are closer than we’ve ever been and we’re still figuring things out for ourselves. well now that me and my siblings hang out it has become a HUGE problem for the step family. If me, my siblings, mom and step dad hang out, my step mom gets so upset and posts on to Facebook something along the lines of “I’m so over this” or “I am officially done” because she isn’t invited. Things have gotten so rough that my step mom has stated that the two siblings groups are causing a family divide. She says that my group is leaving out her group and peoples feelings are getting hurt etc. (we only recently started hanging out about 2 months ago when I moved back home, and INTO MY BROTHERS HOUSE, meaning my sister coming over would be a “sibling hang out”) I often don’t even know my sisters coming over until I get a text stating “OTW” 🤣. So AITAH for not really caring that my step family feels left out since my sibling group has always been left out of their things and since we just got closer?
Two things to note-
Note: Also part of the “problem” is my sister brings my mom over (and my sisters 3 kids) so my step mom also feels left out and hurt that she isn’t constantly at the house too. ( my sister is the only one that has been super close with my mom)
Note: we all hangout with our dad and step mom almost weekly, so it’s not like we never see them it’s just that we’re seeing our mom more often than we used to. (“ our step mom tends to go get in bed and sleep even when company is over as She struggles with depression and is often in bed)
I left out a lot of small info but gave a general overview, so let me know if you have questions!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
NTA. It’s time you, your dad, and your stepmom have a “come to Jesus” meeting. Sit down and explain that you and your siblings haven’t been invited to every event your stepsiblings have been apart of in the past, and that’s OK. They have matching tattoos, have always hung out together, etc., and you know that’s normal and healthy behavior. It’s also normal and healthy when you and your siblings do it.
Let her know she has two choices. She can either 1. Accept that she will not be invited to every single hangout/event and has to come to terms with that on her own, or 2. Continue to kick up a fuss for not being included in everything 100% of the time and lose access to any future events/hangouts because you will not have someone so mean spirited and negative at your gatherings.
She can either be happy with what she has or have nothing at all. She won’t be part of absolutely everything, and she needs to manage her own big feelings on the matter as an adult, or you will be putting her in a “time out” away from you until she does.
The fact that Y’all are now spending more time together and including your mother in your hangouts is causing your stepmom to feel less secure. And, her insecurity may be exacerbated by her history of depression. It’s unrealistic for your stepmom to expect that she and/or the other sibling group be notified whenever a hangout just organically happens. Blended families are difficult NTA.
NTA. Your stepmom has no business hanging out with you guys when your mom and stepdad are with you. Your stepmom needs to get it through her head that you and your siblings have a separate family life beyond her family, and she needs to accept that.
NTA. Your stepmom’s feelings are her own to manage, not yours to cater to, especially when she’s been part of a sibling group that actively excluded yours for years. The fact that she goes to bed when company is over also shows a pattern of disengagement, yet she expects inclusion? She’s delusional. You’re allowed to foster relationships with your own biological family without her permission or presence. It sounds like she’s upset about not being the center of attention.
NTA – you’re all adults, so stepmother can just stay in her lane and unbunch the panties in her butt.
Radical idea…stop posting everything you do on SM.
It’s not the usual thing for the step mother to hang out with the bio mother after divorce. Don’t play into stepmother’s jealousy and control. I’d mute her on social media and just tell her, “Hey, we’re allowed to hang out with our mom and our siblings. That’s normal. Your kids do it too. We’re all adults.”
NTA – Your stepmother doesn’t get the dynamics of your relationships with her kids. You weren’t really a part of their sibling relationship. That’s not to say that you’re angry, but you accepted that and understood.
The fact that you’ve grown closer to your mom’s kids as well as your mom and stepdad has nothing to do with them. You live with your brother, and your stepsisters visit you and your brother. Those visits aren’t planned. What are you supposed to do? Call them every time that they are own the way.
Your plans with your mom, stepdad, and your siblings can and should be with just them. You have that choice, and she is trying to guilt you by basically saying, “You like them more!” She is talking like a child.
Her depression may have something to do with this, but you aren’t responsible for making her feel better or helping her with her depression. That is for the medical profession, ls and her own children can help with that.
You have finally found that happiness with your family, and that makes you feel a part of a family and loved. Don’t let her take that away.
Someone has main character syndrome
NTA
Why would your dad and stepmom be invited to hangouts involving your mom and stepdad?
Even if your two stepsisters occasionally come and hang at your brothers’ house with you, it doesn’t mean their mom gets to come.
How long have your parents been divorced and remarried?
Your step mother can’t be everywhere and in everyone’s business. Ignore her. If she starts ask her why you don’t have matching family tattoos or why you all aren’t invited on every family trip to put her on the defensive. Tell her that if she wants to see everyone act like one unit then she needs to lead by example and include your mother, since she’s your family too.
Trust, she will leave it alone.
I would list all the times her children did something without inviting you all. Just for fun.
Your stepmom is a weirdo.
Quit reading her posts.
NTA, it’s not your or your siblings’ job to manage step mom and her big feelings. She sees what you are doing as leaving her out, flip the script back on her about how they do stuff that leaves you and your siblings out. Two can play that came, she wants you to steady her boat and include her.
“waaaah the world doesn’t revolve around me and people hang out with out me! WAAAAAHH”
someone call the wahmbalance
Your stepmom’s reaction seems less about being excluded and more about control and insecurity. You’re finally bonding with your biological siblings after years of distance, which should be a good thing. It’s not your fault the step sibling group was always closer or that hangouts now happen naturally, especially since you literally live with your brother. The guilt tripping, vague Facebook posts, and dragging your mom into the drama feels unnecessary and manipulative. Family dynamics don’t have to be all in or nothing it’s okay to have different relationships with different people.
You’re adults, and you can hang out with whoever you want. Your step mum gets no say. She can either back off or carry on causing trouble until everyone distances themselves from her. NTA.
Literally all you ‘kids’ are legal adults. Tell your step to stop trying to arrange playdates. NTA.
So, her kid’s closeness benefitted her directly and she didn’t demand they include you and your siblings? And now you and your siblings hang out, she pitches a fit and alienates your mom who she’s weirdly close to? Yeah. She isn’t in it for anything other than control. She needs to find something else to do besides police your social lives