I (22M) just graduated with a degree in Fine Arts. My family is proud, but my brother’s girlfriend (23F) has made nonstop jokes about me being a “future starving artist” and says things like, “At least you’ll have plenty of time to work on your hobby while living in your parents’ basement.”
When planning my small graduation dinner, I told my brother she wasn’t welcome. He blew up, saying I’m being “petty” and that excluding her is disrespectful to him. My parents are trying to stay neutral, but I can tell they think I’m stirring drama.
I just don’t want to celebrate with someone who openly belittles me. AITAH?
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Original copy of post’s text by /u/PutLeading9592:
I (22M) just graduated with a degree in Fine Arts. My family is proud, but my brother’s girlfriend (23F) has made nonstop jokes about me being a “future starving artist” and says things like, “At least you’ll have plenty of time to work on your hobby while living in your parents’ basement.”
When planning my small graduation dinner, I told my brother she wasn’t welcome. He blew up, saying I’m being “petty” and that excluding her is disrespectful to him. My parents are trying to stay neutral, but I can tell they think I’m stirring drama.
I just don’t want to celebrate with someone who openly belittles me. AITAH?
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Your party, your choice. She’s not family. Brother should find a decent girlfriend.
NTA. Oh no, if it isn’t the consequences of her actions. Celebrate with those who would celebrate you, not belittle you.
NAH. There are consequences to our choices.
I mean, she’s got a point but that doesn’t mean you have to invite her.
NTA. If she can’t respect you, she can’t celebrate with you. Uninvite your brother too if you have to.
Honestly the GF needs a reality check, I knew bartenders with accounting and law degrees.
Also two folks with fine arts degree both currently teachers. Maybe not rolling in money but finically stable.
NTA – Its your celebration why would you want someone there that is going to do nothing but put down all your years of hard work? Tell brother that if he feels she must be invited, he him he can stay home with her.
Congrats on getting your degree!
My Grandma told me that she and Grandpa had discouraged Uncle George from pursuing a career in music. They steered him toward engineering; it was more ‘practical’. Decades later she confessed to me that doing so had been a mistake. Uncle George was extremely talented in music. He could have fed souls.
I remember one of his engineering projects though. It was a powered frosting gun, for professional bakers. Quite amazing.
But he could have fed souls.
NTA. Your grad party is a celebration of your achievement, and should include those who celebrated the journey with you. Brother’s GF did just the opposite — she crapped all over it. Why didn’t your brother stand up for you when his GF did that? If he had done that, maybe it wouldn’t have come to this.
(BTW, that question was rhetorical. We all know why your brother didn’t stand up to his GF.)
Tell your brother he either comes alone, or he doesn’t come at all. If he shows up with her you will leave. NTA
Nta you’re protecting your boundaries
nTA. I wouldn’t tolerate her comments. You need to return the favor and talking shit about things she does or doesn’t do. Karma is a bitch.
If he keeps being a jerk about it, just uninvite him as well. Words have consequences; just because you can say, doesn’t mean you should. She honestly sounds like she was probably a mean girl who never grew out of it.
NTA she’s just his girlfriend, and even if it was his wife, I’d totally understand. Most jobs now just want the degree. They don’t give a crap what it’s in. To say you are going to be poor is an uneducated opinion.
What’s her level of education? Is she jealous because hers is lower, or is it she’s looking down on you because she’s more highly educated/successful and thinks you are beneath her? Is she thinking that her boyfriend isn’t good enough for her because his family “has frivolous degrees” and won’t live up to her social expectations?
Your brother needs to take a really close look at her and decide if it’s worth it to keep putting your family through this
NTA
Ask your brother if you openly joked everytime you saw them about them getting divorced, would he want you at the wedding? Probably not. Why invite someone to the celebration of something, when they consistently joke about how it is doomed to fail?
Words matter. Could you be the bigger person, sure. You could. She being older than you could also apologize to try and make it right with you. It doesn’t sound likely. Your obligation to the significant other of a spouse is reciprocal respect. If they are respectful, you are respectful. She hasn’t been, so you don’t need to be either
NTA- My sister used to date a douchebag who caused various problems for our family. When I planned events, he was not invited. He knew why.
I’d tell your brother it’s time for his girlfriend to practice HER skills in drama.
IF she’s invited, she puts on her more supportive act. And the first comment she makes that’s not positive, she can leave, right after apologizing.
But that’s a huge compromise, on your part.
NTA, though
YOU’RE being petty and disrespectful?!
No. His girlfriend is. And he is being disrespectful by thinking it’s appropriate to invite his girlfriend to the celebration of the degree she sneered at 🙄
Tell her the future starving artist in you is saving money and can only afford to celebrate achievements with 3 other people who matter.
NTA! Celebrations are for people who supported you through your education. She has not only not supported you, she mocked you. As the guest of honor, YOU get to decide who celebrates with you. This isn’t a regular family dinner. Tell your brother he can stay home too.
NTA you can invite whoever you want, or don’t want.
But are you sure she’s teasing you from a malicious perspective? That’s a pretty standard joke about Bachelor of Arts students, and especially Fine Arts students. At least you’ve presumably got a talent in a particular artistic media. I know lots of people who have made that joke, not that it’s funny, it’s just kind of generic.
NTA. Your dinner, your rules. GF is just a bully that no one wants to stand up to.
Yeah, why would you invite her? I don’t agree with your major either but I’m not mocking you and hope the best for you. She doesn’t
Brother should realize that HE is disrespecting YOU when he isn`t telling his bedbuddy to shut up when adults talk.
SHE basically uninvited herself from anything to do with you.
NTA – but really – tell brother he causes this for sticking it in crazy.
YTA – because that was a hilarious joke coming from a woman 💀