My (22F) college graduation is in two weeks. My mom passed away from cancer when I was 14, and it’s always been just me and my dad since. Last year, my dad married Judy (45F). At a family dinner recently, Judy made a “joke” about how “it’s probably a good thing your mom isn’t here to see how much of a rebel you’ve become.” (For context: I have tattoos, my mom was strict but loving. This felt cruel.)
I told my dad afterward that Judy isn’t welcome at my graduation after saying something like that. Judy claims it was “just a joke,” and my dad is upset I’m excluding his wife from “a big family moment.” I told him he’s absolutely welcome, but Judy is not. Now I’m being called “childish and bitter.”
AITAH for standing my ground about this one day being about me and my mom’s memory?
Comments
I remember reading this post sometime back.
NTA
Your graduation is your milestone. You get to decide who gets to witness that moment.
a big family event = in a way yes, as in a graduation is for the people that actually did support you (it can be e.g. also chosen family), not for newcomers nor for not-supportes.
She might be family to him, he picked her, you did not, she married him as you were already 21, why should anyone already add her as YOUR family, its only a year?
NTA
Tell dad youll forgive her as soon as they gather the entire extended family so she can tell the joke again and then explain why it is funny. Of course with mom’s entire side there too.
Why can’t people just say “I’m sorry ” when they say something that hurts someone? It seems like more and more people feel like they have the right to say whatever they like with no regard for others.
Congratulations on your graduation. You are not the AH.
u/bot-sleuth-bot
NTA
Not bitter, not twisted, just setting a firm boundary regarding your mom. Tell her if she wants a relationship with you going forward then she needs to apologize to you.
Dad,
I don’t care if it’s just a bad taste joke.
I was offended and instead of apologizing she made excuses.
So I don’t want to share my milestones with her I don’t need her non-support and uninvited opinions about mom and me.
Either you put her in her place or I will.
You did not take action so I did.
I put a boundary where you failed to enforce one, like adults do.
That’s not childish.
Nta
NTA at all. Simply tell your dad, that’s okay I see how our relationship will go from now on, you’ll defend your trashy wife and ignore your child’s feelings, so let’s just get to the point and you will not come either!
NTA. Here’s the thing, 1 its Your graduation, not hers. 2 that may be his family, but that doesn’t automatically make her your. My Dad remarried when i was in college too. Years later, thats still his wife, not my step mom. Its not personal, we just aren’t close and dont see each other much. Plus, I had a mom, wasn’t looking for another one at 24.
NTA. I be honest, I would ask Stepmum to explain how the joke is funny and do it infront of more people than just dad. If she can explain why it is funny, she cant come . If she realised she was insensitive arse and apologize she can come, but you dont tell them that part,