A few days ago, I got lucky and hit a decent windfall – but enough to ease some stress and finally get ahead on a few things. I was planning to stash most of it away for some upcoming house projects we’ve been planning (new flooring, maybe finally fixing up the bathroom). I didn’t even tell many people about it yet, just kept it chill and started sorting out priorities.
Then today, a random delivery guy shows up at our place with a “pay on delivery” order. I’m thinking it’s a mistake, but nope – it’s a massive clothing haul my wife ordered. Over $800 worth. She never mentioned it to me at all. She just assumed I’d pay for it now that I had some extra money.
Honestly, I was pretty stunned. I asked her why she didn’t tell me, and she basically shrugged it off, saying, “You’ve got it, so what’s the big deal?” I refused the package. Not out of spite, but because that’s a pretty huge amount to just drop without a convo. I’m not saying she can’t enjoy any of it – I’d even talked about us doing something fun with a bit of the money – but $800 out of nowhere? That felt off.
Now she’s mad, barely speaking to me, and says I’m being stingy and ruining what should be a fun moment. I’m trying to be the practical one here, and yeah, I get that a win like this can feel exciting, but it still feels wrong to spend like that without even a heads-up.
I feel like I’m walking a fine line between being responsible and being a buzzkill. Maybe I should’ve just paid and talked it out after? I don’t know.
AITA for standing my ground and not footing the bill for something I wasn’t even told about?
Comments
800 is not a bit of fun. It’s a serious amount of money! Without any discussion, I’d be a buzzkill too!
I’d be livid if my partner ever pulled something like, even more so if they acted like it was owed to them, and I was somehow being stingy, when it was never discussed before. You’re thinking about paying things off and getting ahead, while she’s making excuses for frivolousness. Fun moment for who btw? Was her sneakiness supposed to be rewarded? NTA.
NTA, She just learnt your boundaries real quick, next lot could of been a grand, a conversation prior to this probably would of been a different outcome for her
I guess your wife thought you hit the jackpot and she could cash in on the ‘let’s spend it all’ game! But hey, next time maybe just keep some Monopoly money handy for these situations.
There are posts about scam delivers like this all the time in r/Scams how would you know if it was real?
Our rule has always been anything over $100 must be discussed before hand. I have pushed that envelop a couple of times for Christmas and birthdays, jewelry and a surprise anniversary cruise, but we have both pretty much maintained that.
I’m guessing your wife has demonstrated spending issues at other times prior to this, yeah?
Wish I would’ve learned that lesson before my wife got us in massive debt.
NTA.
I can’t analyze this situation without knowing the “windfall”.
Meaning, if you won $20,000–then yea YTA for not letting your wife splurge on $800 of clothes. But if you won $1000–then you are absolutely NTA for not paying for an absurd amount of clothes.
It’s astounding how people feel entitled to spend others money.
Is “paying on delivery” even a thing anymore?
NTA – it isn’t even about the money, it is the part they failed to tell you or just expected you to pay for it and be okay with it.
YTA …. Because you told her about your windfall
They still due pay on delivery orders? Who does that these days?
NTA. You’re not wrong for refusing to pay for an $800 surprise order—spending that kind of money without a heads-up, especially when you had plans for the windfall, is a big deal. Your wife’s reaction seems more about embarrassment than you being stingy. Maybe try talking it out calmly, acknowledge her excitement, but explain why the lack of communication felt off? That could help clear the air without escalating things.
Where in the world do you live that COD orders are still a thing?
INFO: Where did you stash the time machine you took here from 1987 when Cash On Delivery still existed?
Did you tell your wife your plans for the new money? She is totally in the wrong for what she did but I suspect you were making plans without talking to her either. I suspect you two need to learn to talk to each other.
clothes, the one thing humans don’t need anymore of, landfills full of clothes we throw away.
I don’t even see any company doing the ole C.O.D. route anymore.
Me, see with my own eyes, I’m not saying it doesn’t happen anymore.
Totally NTA!
My husband and I have an agreement that anything over a certain amount is considered a “major” expense and requires a discussion. I can’t imagine spending $800 on ANYTHING without talking it over first. It would have a major impact on our household finances.
NTA, this is why I don’t tell anybody any time I get lucky at the casino or anything else.
If people don’t know about it (your winnings), they can’t plot on ways to spend it.
She did that shit to herself, she can pay for it.
I wouldn’t dream of doing this without discussing it with my partner! That’s a lot of money, especially for clothes imo. Something tells me she went ahead and did this because she knew you’d object. As I would’ve. NTA
A bit of fun(without context of full amount) I feel like is $100-200 max DeF NTA
$800 doesn’t even go that far these days. You’re in the right here. Sock it away in savings and let it grow as your emergency fund cushion. Don’t put her on the account, she seems irresponsible.
is she good with her money?, she’s not good with your money
NTA – I could see spending $800 on something fun for the both of you. Maybe a new bike or piece of furniture but not on clothing that she never mentioned and certainly not $800!
You have a selfish wife problem. An incredibly selfish wife problem. Did I mention that she is incredibly selfish?
Absolutely NTA…to spend that kind of money without even mentioning it to your partner is tantamount to financial infidelity imo. She needs a serious reality check.
If she felt spending that money was ok she would’ve said something to you beforehand.
You should leave her
NTA. She has a shopping problem. $800 for clothes is INSANE. Especially without telling or consulting you.
NTA! It’s one thing is she herself earned the money but YOU DID. I also didn’t agree on how she didn’t even talk to you about it and expect you to pay for it automatically. OP you need to have a serious conversation with her about how uncomfortable it made u feel. I’m not saying to yell at her but make her understand. If she doesn’t understand that’s another major red flag for me.
Regardless if you had the money or not, your wife made a decision behind your back that only benefitted her and not the “family” as she might claim. My laptop is on it’s last legs and I was able to buy everything I need to build a new PC for the amount your wife spent on clothes. I have BPD and I had to file bankruptcy due to impulsive spending and I’ve been able to control myself for the most part. If this is a common behavior pattern your wife has, could be a more serious problem than you thought.
$800 in this economy?!
Completely depends how much the windfall is
Partners should discuss major purchases and arrive at a comfortable consensus. $800 is major in my book.
One thing we do is budget an “allowance” for each of us for personal stuff. It’s flexible depending on the circumstances, but a conversation is always involved in any change. Our bigger goals are shared, but we’re not anal about it. I keep in mind that my wife never questioned the tools I bought for the most part, and that’s a fun thing for me, even if necessary, so I’m willing to cut her slack more often than not. When things got tight we both knuckled down.
NTA.
You know how a decent windfall gets you ahead? But not wasting it on an entirely new wardrobe.
And with the amount of scammers out there of course you’re going to refuse a cash on delivery that you had no idea about!
My partner and I have separate finances however our rule is if it’s a non essential purchase (want to have rather than legitimate need to have) and over $100 we discuss it as a couple. Even if it’s a need to have, we still drop a line with each other of “hey I’ve got a specialist appointment coming up and it’s going to cost $500, but I’ll be getting about half of that back from Medicare.” Just so we know what’s going on with each others finances.
We find this system works for us because it keeps us honest about the things we really need and from falling into bad spending habits. It’s not about asking permission or shaming each other, it’s about honesty and transparency. Sometimes we will disagree and it will be a civil discussion of “that’s a lot of money for right now, can it wait till a sale?” “Are you sure we really need that?” Or most commonly “you know we have something similar to that in our collection/storage/etc right?”
How much was the windfall? 🤔
YTA for yet another fake I came into money post
What would Ike Turner have done?
NTA. Clearly there is a divide on how people spend there. You’re not in alignment. Have a talk or enjoy suffering.
It never ceases to amaze me how people want to marry and have kids etc but don’t do the work to build a good foundation. Le sigh.
NTA
Numerous em dashes means this is probably a fake post.
Hmm, depends – more info needed.
$800 out of $8,000? That’s a 10% chunk chopped right off. NTAH.
$800 out of $80,000? That’s 1%. YWBTAH.
Nta.
What she did is not cool. Thrn trying to gaslight you.
Red flags. She is telling you about her character. Are you listening?
nta she should have discussed it with you
Fifth bucks is my limit with a partner spending my personal money without prior conversation. NTA $800 is way too much
My husband has done this to me many times, not with clothes but with hand blown glass, not delivered to the house but racking up store credits that need to be paid anywhere from $800-2500. Being a single income family it’s up to me to pay it off and we then scrape by for a few months and just start getting ahead when he does it again. It is never ending and I’ve come to resent him for this among other stuff, don’t let yourself get to that point!
Honestly, my opinion on this depends on a ton of things.
How much do you guys make?
How much was the windfall?
How do you guys handle finances?
I can see from the responses that to a lot of people posting here $800 is a LOT of money. And a CRAZY amount to spend on clothes.
For me, what is crazy is that you guys are married and you are talking about “YOUR money.”
In my marriage it is ALL “our money.”
And for us, spending $800 on clothes wouldn’t be crazy.
Ooh more incel rage bait, how exciting.
I’d have trouble trusting her now….she didn’t even have the courtesy to say anything, let alone ask.
I’d be fkn furious.
Not the AH, $800 for clothes? In this economy being fiscally responsible should be the priority for both of you. $800 on clothes is not fun, it’s frivolous spending. If you are not careful she’s going to blow that windfall with that mindset. The fact that she didn’t even let you know is disrespectful to you and the relationship. Where’s the communication? There should have been a discussion about using up $800 of marital funds. I can tell you this from experience, she is going to resent you for being responsible with this money. That is what usually happens with folks who are not good with money and decision making when it comes to money. Good luck.
Why doesn’t she go get a job or a second job and EARN the 800 and then buy it herself.
This needs to be voted down. Brand new account. This is the only post. Details dont add up. In other words, made up story.
..how did she order the clothes without paying for them first..? I’ve never seen that happen in my life
Nope.
Do you live in America? Who’s allowing anything besides pizza and maybe door dash as a COD?
Oh no no no the whole order would have gone back
$800 for her part but what was the windfall amount? That part seems to be forgotten so automatically you are steering or swaying the opinion your way. Was it $100 $1000 $10000 or more? Being that it’s your wife one can only assume she is aware of your finances and wouldn’t have necessarily broken the bank… you mention house repairs and not telling many people of the situation so I am going with definitely the AH get her her clothes back and stop controlling all the money and what you think she needs.
We have an agreement.. anything over a couple of hundred should be discussed. And that works just fine when you both respect and love each other.
That’s pretty irresponsible on her part.
Tell wife the money is for house projects. Then tell her she would be upset if you spent 800 bucks on a whim. NTA.
We’re fairly high income and several times I’ve bought $5-600 worth of clothes, etc at once. We can absolutely afford it but I always check with him. Even if it’s a random text “hey, hon, I found these awesome boots but they’re $650–do they look good enough to grab or should I wait?” He does the same thing.
NTA. Money, especially suddenly getting or winning it, makes people show their true colors. Your wife showed her true colors by assuming right away that she has ownership of your windfall and can do whatever she wants to do with it. Don’t let her gaslight you by making you think you are a killjoy. Ignore her. Let her pout. She lost her right to make any input about how that money is spent when she pulled a stunt like that.
How old is she?
Yah, NGL, I’d be livid if my partner pulled that stunt (expected you to pay) and behaved like that afterward. NTA
Has your actual income increased or was this a one time payment? Did you discuss fun money budget? Lots of specifics needed to really say, but if the windfall was something meaningful like $200k then sure, YTA. If it was a small amount like $10-20k then absolutely you did the right thing.
NTA.
NTA. That type of money doesn’t get spent without a conversation first.
NTA that is financial infedelity.
NTA. I’m sorry but that’s just under half my damn rent payment. $800 in clothing is ridiculous and not a small bit of fun.
I don’t need to ask my husband for permission to make purchases, but I always let him know that I’m thinking of buying something and ask his opinion. Usually he doesn’t even care enough to see what I’m talking about and just tells me to do it. And I’m talking about something fairly small like a new pair of doc martens. I know he would say just do it but it makes me feel better letting him know in advance. This seems less about the money being spent and more about the disrespect of not getting a heads up on the purchase. So regardless of how much money you came into, respect should still be on the table. NTA
No, you are not the AH.
NTA.
I would probably be screaming.
This type of entitlement is probably my biggest pet peeve.
I have a feeling she’s probably often like this when she doesn’t get her way?
She’s a big baby brat taking advantage of you – or trying to. All she had to do was discuss her purchase idea with you first and ask like a respectful adult. But nope, she was worried you’d say no and snuck it thru (or tried to). Something tells me this isn’t the first time she operated like that
My favorite store had a $20 sale and I felt bad for budgeting $350 for a complete new wardrobe. So yeah NTA
Another new account where their first post is them coming into some money and the female partner has unreasonable expectations for said money.
I live paycheck to 2 days before paycheck. My husband is sitting on tens of thousands in the bank. I wouldn’t even order a pizza and expect him to pay for it without running it by him first. Absolutely NTA. Your wife is though, with that sense of entitlement.
This is fake. I read this same story a year ago.
NTA. It’s called financial infidelity. My wife and I have a rule. Any purchase over $200 requires discussion.
NTA. If she wants to drop $800 on clothes, she can pay for it herself. Her attitude of “You’ve got the money, what’s the big deal” makes me think this isn’t the first time she’s taken advantage of you financially.
Your wife is selfish. Next time keep any winfalls to yourself
NTA that’s wild and shows the beginning of the intended spending.
No wonder you’re behind on things and in financial stress with that sort of spending.
If she wants to be irresponsible with money that’s an issue you need to talk about. Take your windfall out of it and do a budget.
$800 isn’t outrageous for clothes.
In these situations just flip it. How would she react if you did the EXACT same thing. $800 without a conversation is crazy to me.
I see two issues here
“you” got lucky and hit a decent windfall when it should be you and your wife hit a decent windfall.
You and your wife both need to be making decisions when it comes to budgeting and spending.
Stingy is good. Stingy is how you go ahead. Stingy is how you prepare for tomorrow. Tell her she’s wrong.
Want something nice from the windfall? Buy something in 100, at most 200 range. Not 800. That’s just reasonable
This is not about the money or the surprise delivery. This is about an arrogant expectation
I would ask her: Really what’s the real reason you didn’t consult this purchases with me? It’s not like she bought new jeans and forgot to tell you about it. She purposefully hide it from you. That’s the real issue.
NTA. Huge red flag
NTA, i was in a similar pickle when I came up for 3k, my wife “assumed you got it so what’s the problem”.
Sit down and explain to you lady what it is you’re planing on doing with it so she knows where you’re coming from also see her point of view.
All it takes is a conversation understanding where both yall coming from
Best of luck
No, if you offered or got it for her ok but for it to get sprung on you like that it feels a bit trappy. Nta
Can’t really answer for sure without knowing how much you came into. That being said 800$ isn’t a ton of money. I wouldn’t think twice to spend that without talking to my wife. 🤷🏼♂️
Geez and I’m afraid to order an $18 birthday present just because we’re on the verge of retirement and have to watch every penny because orange man is screwing every hard working American!!
$800 is a large amount. Where do you live that you can pay for clothes on delivery?
Tell her she can do what she wants when she receives her windfall.
NEVER TELL ANYONE YOU HAVE WON EVEN A DOLLAR. THEY’LL WANT SOME OF IT. IT’S NOBODY’S BUSINESS BUT YOURS.
NTA. If she wants to drop 800 dollars on feathers and finery, she can save up her discretionary budget.
Nta , she literally lost her mind 😭😭
My wife and I always discuss and agree before spending so much time. OP should have had a talk with her and settled their priorities.
This smells like another bot karma farming AI generated post.
“We have the money. So what’s the big deal?”
This is exactly why people never get out of debt.
NTA. And WTF? Neither me nor my wife would ever dream of doing that and we make really good money.
You fucked up
What a disrespectful, crappy excuse of a partner. She does not respect or care about you. She only cares about your money. This is a crappy thing to do from the get go, but then her double down and silent treatment after? She sounds insufferable.
NTA.
If I have a large win on an investment my partner thinks it’s spending money. I have to remind her that no one asks her to put her hand in her wages when I lose money – there’s winners and losers. Also, the money has to last forever.
I thought COD was a thing of the past.
Time to get a new wife, bud.
This is fake. No clothing site does cash on delivery. This is not 1960.
The only thing that expensive I pay without “discussing” it first is the damn house payment.
She can pay for her own order.
Nta
Yeah that’s a lot and not saying anything is sneaky. She’s not mad about you saying no she’s mad she got caught
Is POD a thing these days?
There is no way to properly answer this question without knowing:
$800 may be a lot of money, but for some, it’s chump change.
Depending on the answers to these two questions you may very well be TA.
Been with my wife for almost 10 years. When she’s paying bills she’ll give me change down to the coins. Also calls me asking if it’s okay to spend $50-$100
fake
Well if it’s your money that’s one thing but she is your wife so it’s the both of your money.
On clothes? Come one now. Priorities got mixed up after the Casino
NTA