I know Christmas is a while away but I was here thinking of how it’s looming and remembered last year my MIL mailed a package to my kids (we live in different states) that I intercepted when they weren’t in the room and I saw was an Elf on the Shelf which I was NOT prepared to start last year. My kids are 5 and almost 3 at the time for reference. It was sent during the season and I was already stressed out and didn’t want to have to come up with new ideas every day and deal with tantrums if the elf didn’t get moved or if my youngest touched it (they are supposed to lose their magic if they are touched) but he would DEFINITELY be touching it.
I put it away in the basement crawl space promptly where he still sits today…. My husband was upset last year that I didn’t want to do it and says I should just do it because the kids will love it. I have so many friends who complain on their socials plus other people (who I don’t know – influencers I guess) that always complain about starting the elf and wishing they hadn’t and my kids’ school does some so I kind of feel like I still don’t want/need to and because my kids are so young I feel like it’s a commitment for like 10 years. I also think my MIL feelings are hurt that I didn’t want to do it and I do feel that it will come up again this year.
Should I suck it up and start doing it this year? Maybe wait another year or two? Or stand strong? And if I do AITAH? 😆
Comments
NTA. Elf on a shelf is creepy. Your MIL doesn’t get to impose her traditions on you.
Your husband can do it if it’s such a good idea 🙄 why does everyone have ideas of what YOU should do???
Oof, the Elf on the Shelf. We didn’t do it for our kids as it felt like too much to remember every single night, during an already busy time of year. My oldest didn’t care but eventually my youngest began to feel left out as all her friends had one. I finally caved and got one.
If you do decide, what I did was set an alarm every night at 9 so I wouldn’t forget to move it. I had my husband and oldest help out with it, because it doesn’t sound like it but it gets hard to think of where to move the fucking thing every night lol By then my oldest was old enough to help, past the Santa age. We didn’t do anything elaborate like set up scenarios, but just moved her around (we got a girl elf that was called Rosemary by our youngest).
As it was a pain, our youngest did love it and it only lasted 2 years for us. Now she’s 14 and I’ll still bring it out now and then for nostalgia, she loves it when I randomly put Rosemary out somewhere when she least expects it.
Let your husband do it since he was the one upset about not doing it. Let him be responsible for all of it.
I think people go way overboard with it. The elf is only supposed to go “visit Santa” at night and come back in the morning that’s why in a new spot. Doing all the elaborate mischief and stuff is a bit crazy to me. Just casually move the elf around the home to new places. Out of reach for the little one and you should be good. There should be a book that goes with it that explains the magic to the kids too. Good luck!
Tell husband and MIL that you want to wait until your youngest gets a bit older; perhaps in a couple of years they will forget or won’t care anymore. Unlikely but anyway ultimately your husband should take responsibility for it’s care and handling if he is so insistent that you use it. NTA.
NTA If your husband feels it needs to be done then he should do it.
Your husband can go right ahead and do it.
The older I get, the more intolerance I have for husbands, suggesting that their wives take on something family related that they can do themselves.
Why isn’t your husband doing it?
NTA. Of course your husband thinks YOU should put this on YOUR plate because HIS mother bought it. Not only is it more work for you but I never understood the point of this shit. Isn’t it enough that you have to pretend that SANTA bought the gifts you shopped for & paid for,now you have to make messes around your house & pretend an elf did it? We weren’t allowed to celebrate holidays when I was younger so I’m all for letting kids be kids & have a little fun in their lives but this is too much. Tell your husband no one is stopping his ass from doing it.
I also remember the scathing editorial the mom of the kids I used to nanny left on behalf of the EOTS when the kids were acting up…they completely ignored it,kept acting up & still had a fabulous Christmas which taught them they can act up & still get gifts lol
It is a pain in the butt if I’m honest. The children do love it though. If your husband wants to do it, make it his special thing. He’s the one getting up at 1am because he suddenly remembered it had to do something. He’s the one coming up with the ‘fun’ activities. He’s the one cleaning up after the elf.
Promise to play along and keep the magic going as long as he promises never to involve you. Hopefully its a win for everyone.
But if he misses one, stay firm and decline to help.
If your husband thinks your kids will live it, tell him HE is free to do it. Why should it be solely on you – because he and his mom think so? Nope. NTA.
It seems the husband is the one upset about it. He can do it.
NTA. Are your husband’s arms broken? If not, and if EOTS is so important to him, he can do it himself.
My kids absolutely loved it and then we went on to buy it for many other kids who also loved it. We forgot to move the elf so many times and we would just say Santa must be busy.
NTA. That thing is stupid and didn’t even exist when my kids were minors
Why haven’t you told your husband to do it himself if he wants it so bad? I mean seriously!! Why haven’t you??
NTA but if you’re letting them believe in Santa, many of their friends may have elves and they’ll wonder why they don’t. We had one and yes, it was a pain in the butt to remember to move and on the mornings it didn’t, oof….the stories I’d spin. But, I’m on board with the comments that if your husband is upset about it, he’s just taken on the responsibility of it.
Ours just moved. Never did any of the funny things you’d see on Pinterest. It was fine. Now that they’re older, every Christmas season they come out and hang with Snoop on a Stoop. And I say “they” because one year we couldn’t find it so had to buy a new one and then it turned up. Argh.
Geez. I just used the one I got as a holiday decoration, literally sitting a a shelf looking festive. 🤷♀️
NTA . Don’t let your MIL dictate your holidays. And do make your husband put up or shut up.
We did/do EoS. And it definitely can be a pain in the ass. It was originally just the Elf moving about every night and hey, sometimes he’s just chosen a good perch to watch everybody.
Then the mommy influencers happened.
And there’s always that one family whose Elf does all the shit and is into everything and sO CreATivE.
Ours only ever just sat there. Best year was 2021 when he quarantined in a jar for 2 whole weeks. Plus, my kids were already pretty old when we started. Only one was really caught up in the idea of the Elf.
Anyway, sorry for the rant. Elf is really a personal choice, though I think lots of people do it now as it’s expected.
Just some thoughts if you want to do it.
Elf goes up high: curtain rods, light fixtures, shelves, in the tree. Places where little people have a hard time reaching.
“Why doesn’t our Elf play pranks?” Because Mommy told Santa to send her a respectful Elf who will model good behavior for you all. If the Elf caused messes, he would not be allowed into Mommy’s house.
“Why doesn’t he move around more?” Well, his job is to watch you to report your behavior back to Santa, that must be a good spot to watch what’s going on. (Also, if hubby wants it, hubby can be in charge of moving it).
This may also be a good time to sit down and talk about the traditions you do want to start with your kids. Advent calendars, movies to watch, gingerbread houses, caroling, looking at Christmas lights, baking cookies. What do you want your Christmas season look like? Because the things you do now are the traditions your kids will remember. And the Elf is ok but not nearly as awesome as some of the others.
Absolutely NTA, you do what works for you.
Give it to your husband and tell him he’s in charge of it. He has to plan it on his own.
NTA. I don’t buy into the whole “if you are bad” stuff. When my child was born, I told my Mom that she could not say, “What a good/bad child you are.” She was allowed to praise behaviour, actions, words, etc, but never to say good or bad child. So many children live with the scars of negativity and guilt.
My physiotherapist has three young children who have very much bought into the Elf On A Shelf experience. The parents gave in last year and bought one. However, rather than catch the children be naughty, their Elf has suggestions for kindness activities. For example, shovel an elderly neighbour’s driveway, make cookies for neighbours or a nearby seniors residence, gift a toy to the Angel Tree … Activities that embody kindness and are minimally expensive on the parents. I absolutely love that idea. Hope you do, too.
NTA. Tell your husband where it is and have him sort it out.
Never start it. My sister did one year then a week in she was out of ideas and it went in the bin. She told the kids it had run off with a closet goblin.
Your husband is the AH. What the hell does he do to make Christmas happen? He needs to get off his ass and do it himself. It’s his mother who started this bs.
On a side note, if you think you will eventually do it, why not send a postcard to your house letting the kids know he’s coming on the 21st of Christmas. Your kids can write to it. Make pictures. That way they can have fun with it and you don’t do anything until 3 days before.
Regardless, your husband should be doing it and I’d die on that hill.
Edit: NTA
NTA That is a pain to keep up with. If husband likes the idea tell him he can be fully in charge of it.
NTA
Your husband just volunteered to do the job! And that’s what it is, another task to be completed daily in the midst of everyday and holiday chaos. Yes, it can be fun for the kids, but why is it YOUR job to do? He loves the idea so much, he needs to step up. What else does he just delegate to you??
Elf on the Shelf is a good way to make your child neurotic. Why on earth would you even consider it?
NTA if your husband is upset that you didn’t do it, why couldn’t he do it with the kids instead? I’m guessing because it would be too much hastle for him 🤦🏻♀️
I didn’t do elf on the shelf, it’s pointless and annoying and just one more thing that everybody expects Mom to take care of. If it’s important to your husband he can be in charge of it and he can deal with the tears and the tantrums that it causes. NTA.
Why doesn’t your husband do it? Or would he do it twice and then ‘forget’ and expect you to magically pick it up so the kids are not disappointed?
So whats the big deal? Dont you just move it around the house each night?
Let your husband do it. And make sure he doesn’t do things with it that make more work for you. If elf makes a mess, he cleans it up.
NTA. Your husband can do it if he wants it so badly.
Uhhh husband can do it.
Edit: if you do do it, maybe only do it 5 days before Xmas or limit it (elf has to go make toys or whatever)
Husband can take charge of the elf.
My mom gifted us one year our first was born. She wanted to get it as she was worried someone else would give it to us. It sits in the attic until one of the kids asks where he is. That could be a week before Christmas or could be 2 weeks before. I move him room to room. That’s it. If I forget to move him then I say oh he must have been tired thought this spot was comfy etc. Low effort elf. I can’t stand the stupid thing.
We’re not scrooges. House inside and out is decorated for the holidays with tree, lights, wreaths, nativity, wall decor, candles, etc.
Look plan it for your level of commitment. You don’t have to go nuts. Elf hung out on tree at my house. His only job was to tell Santa everything Christmas night when Santa dropped toys. Like weddings and reveals people just had to take it up a notch . A much easier one is 12 days of Christmas. Buy or make a 12 pocket wall hanging. One treat a night till the big night. Lord it doesn’t have to be crazy. Especially at your ages. Hang him high in tree . Tell hubby anything he starts with the darn thing, he cleans up and he continues it. Not you.
Please remember, if you do it one year… you have to continue doing it EVERY YEAR
So please remind your husband of this when he is the one setting it up on the December 1st….
Tell you husband he does it EVERY day during the holidays himself, or not at all. This thing becomes a life time commitment for almost a month. I was very vocal about not doing that ever, even before I had kids.
Nta
Honestly, if it’s such a big deal to the husband, he can take on the elf.
And if you do decide to do it yourself, change the rules. Your elf told you that it’s okay for the youngest to touch him because he has special magic from Santa to be touched sometimes, and that sometimes he stays in the same spot because he wants to think of a really good thing to do, and make sure it’s done right.
NTA and your husband can do it, since it was his mom who sent it and all that, those are his kids too and he sounds like an adult whiner…
NTA. The words you’re looking are mental load. “The holidays are enough pressure as is without doing Elf on the Shelf. You’re welcome to take on the responsibility.”
That doll is creepy.
If your husband is upset that it wasn’t done last year, and it came from his mother, if it means that much to him, tell him he can take on the challenge himself. To me it just sounds like a new layer of self imposed hell.
NTA tell hubby if he wants to do HE can do but you will not be participating in Elf on a damn shelf.
Ummmm NTA if he’s concerned, he can do it. I have way too much on my plate with 2 kids to even consider it
Don’t blame you a bit and I never started that insanity myself… but I have seen the script flipped. Give it to the kids. Tell them it’s so they can play pranks on their parents… but you can never see it move or you’ll take it away. Give them a couple of easy youtube ideas for the damned thing and then hand it over for a few weeks. Act suprized to see it every so often in it’s new location and call it good.
Parents complain about it yes but they actually really love it though cause their babies get excited and also it’s a good behaviour trick too
You are right not to do this. It’s endless and tiresome. It requires something new every day.
I have no idea what you guys are even talking about, but I am really thrilled that I never got into this whole elf on the shelf thing. 😵💫😖
I wasn’t necessarily opposed, but not a fan. Don’t know where we got ours, but started it about the age your kids are now. We DO NOT go to extremes; it just gets moved here or there nightly. There has been a few times when it didn’t get done the night before, the kids don’t seem to care. NTA but I think you are overly worried/stressed about making the holidays perfect
NTA and I regret starting it. But my husband will help move it. I do not do anything extra except I downloaded an Elf letter from Etsy that I be put out at the beginning and during the time if they need a reminder of behavior. I never do any of the “pranks” bc that’s insane to me.
I’m with you. Whatever you start now – Elf on the shelf, tooth fairy, Santa… those can be lifelong commitments.
NTA. We have a strict no Elf on the Shelf rule in this house. My daughter asked why we didn’t have one last year because her cousins had one and I told her the truth about the parents moving the damn thing. (She is sworn to secrecy. We don’t ruin other kids’ Christmas spirit.) Luckily my son couldn’t care less about it so I think we’re in the clear.
Don’t start it! It is just one more thing that the parent who is primarily responsible for the holiday preparations and magic does not need on their plates. This should never have been bought by anyone unless a conversation is had with the parents. (I can’t help but wonder if dad secretly gave the ok) Don’t automatically dismiss it, but put the choice and work in his hands. This way he won’t resent you and he can intercede with MIL.
“Husband, I understand you and MIL are excited about the Elf on the Shelf. I believe the holidays can be just as magical without it. I’m not sure if you realize how much I already have on my plate. For the holidays, I already have to buy and wrap presents for X number of people. I have to buy and wrap stocking stuffers for people. That amounts to around presents. I have to clean the entire house before and after the holiday, as well as small pick ups as the family moves and lives in the house. I have to decorate. I have to grocery shop for the holiday meal for _ people and batches of cookies. I have to make ____ cookies. I have to make the holiday meals. This is all on top of working full time and the day to day care of our home and family. (Make sure to include any missed tasks- work potluck? Secret Santa?)
I don’t have time to add one more thing. You have a choice-
You take full responsibility for the Elf. You move it daily. You make sure the children do not touch it. You handle all child related Elf tantrums.
You take something else off my plate and assume full responsibility
We don’t do the Elf.
Your choice, but know that whatever your choice, I will be honoring it. I will not assist with whichever task you assume responsibility for.”
Give him the choice and stick with it.
Good grief no. But I hate that thing for exactly why you said. Who needs more stress and work?
If husband is so upset by it – he can do it, and clean up any messes that it makes as well.
My goodness.
IT’S NOT A GIFT IF THE RECIPIENT HAS TO DO WORK!
Tell your husband if he wants to start it, that’s on him, 100%.
We have one. My kids love it. And so do I! But, seriously, it’s a labor of love and if you’re already thinking about how it’s too much, let him do it.
oh, hon, when the daycare had a classroom elf and my daughter asked why *we* didn’t have an elf at home, I told her that the anti-fae wards I put up at Halloween were too strong for it to work properly.
We were babysitting the grandkids last year (7f, 3m) at the beginning of December, and were asked to do the Elf on the Shelf each night. We found a FB community, and other online sites to help with ideas. We had a great time doing it, as non-stressed, retired grandparents. The kids had a great time every morning looking for the Elf, and seeing what he got up to overnight. When the younger child touched the Elf, the Elf needed to go into the fridge to ‘heal’. We put the kids to bed and I pulled the Elf out of the fridge to get him setup for the next morning.
The HUSBAND needs to be in charge of the Elf, if he wants it to happen. He should start in November and come up with ideas, and purchase any props that he wants to use. If the husband allows himself, he can have fun and start a fun holiday tradition for him and the kids. This should not put any added pressure on OP, as long as Dad doesn’t ‘forget’ and leave mom to do it. Good luck OP.
“My husband was upset last year that I didn’t want to do it and says I should just do it because the kids will love it.”
Awesome! Husband just volunteered himself.
Don’t do it
We went many years without it. Then my oldest started school and wanted it 😭. We got ones from the dollar tree because I think the original one is creepy. Mine never did anything but move and sometimes leave notes (like when we couldn’t find it one year they sent in substitute elves 🤣).
Donate it to charity and play dumb when he asks where it is. Or tell him “I guess the elf returned to the North Pole” and shrug
NTA. If your husband loves it so much, he can do it?
My husband and I agreed years ago to never do it. We plan on telling our kids something like “Santa only sends them to kids who are in danger of slipping into the naughty list.” Or “We told Santa you didn’t need an elf to make you behave.” Or “Santa didn’t send an elf for you but he did fill your red truck with a little mission every day” (we plan to have a little red truck with fun tasks in them. Ranging from “sing a song” to “Line up all your red toys” to “draw a Christmas tree.” Just silly stuff but Santa asks them to do it and then he leaves a letter for boxing day saying which task he enjoyed watching them do the most.).
I refuse to have an elf. Nope.
Is your 5 year old in school, do they see peers during christmas time?
Right now you sound just like me a few years back, and I don’t want you to be me.
Years ago in January my then 5 year old asked why everyone had an elf but her. With tears in her eyes, she begged me to tell her what she did wrong. Why didnt an elf want to visit her, was she not good enough? It absolutely broke my heart, she was beyond devastated. Not all kids in her kindergarten class had elves, but the ones that did were so vocal about their exploits that it felt like everyone in the world had an elf but her. She never shared it because part of the elf shtick is secrecy, so she didn’t want to get in more trouble.
Next thing you know I’m having to concoct a plot line where she has had an elf all along, he got stuck in a chest which by unlucky coincidence was magic proof! He couldn’t get out and was then packed away with Christmas decorations. There were letters from Santa in search of him, missing elf noticies, and a elf hunt to locate him and set him free.
I had to put in so much more work to make up for not wanting to deal with the rediculous elf and find a new spot a day. I hate to say it but the elf has won, just like valentines day. It is a totally rediculous, contrived premise, with lots of cost and little benefit…except joy, and every kid needs joy. Oh the exploits ours will be having this Christmas, shenanigans at their finest for sure.
Social media and ai are your friends, between you and your husband you can search enough doable ideas to get you through the season. You really don’t want to have to look down into your 5 year olds devastated face and explain why everyone has an elf but them, trust me.
Ugh, I hate elf on the shelf. I was willing to try it when my eldest was little. Never again. It becomes a battle at school. If someone else’s elf did something cooler or funnier, then it becomes an issue. He would ask why his elf didn’t do XYZ. I don’t have time to set up something or make a mess every day for an elf doll. I refuse to do it again with my youngest. My personal suggestion is to not do it at all. Give them the doll to play with if you want.
If your husband wants to do it it is fine. He can be in charge of the Elf on the Shelf. Nothing says that you have to be in charge of it. Tell him that he can be 100% in charge of the Elf this year and that you are excited to see what he does and the children’s reactions. You can cheer him on and tell him that if you touch it it will ruin the magic and peace in the house.
Hey kids there’s a weirdo sent here to watch your every move. … Elf on the shelf is creepy as fk. By the time they hit 7 they are starting to question it , I’m not sure getting kids used to be monitored by old men is an awesome thing really.I wonder if they had elf on the shelf on Epstein island?
Don’t do it if you don’t want to. It’s a lot of work just to trick/lie to your children. Not my thing. The magic of Christmas isn’t about that!
This pisses me off so fucking much 😡😡😡
Is your husband incapable of dealing with a fucking elf move???
Back in the day, if mine dared to say that to me (he wouldn’t, because he’s not stupid)
I would have burned the elf alongside his food!!!!
NO. How dare anyone buy something for YOU to do without asking you. Yes, it’s a doll. But having to move it every day to a new and fun location isn’t much different than someone buying you a pet that you didn’t ask for. MIL can feel whatever she wants, but she shouldn’t have sent it without ASKING, and HER SON should tell her that.
NTA
NTAH
Tell hubby he’s free to do it, but it’s soley his responsibility.
Dolls creep me THE F OUT especially when they ‘move on their own’. My mom thought Elf on the Shelf would be fun for the kids (I’m too old to have had one thank God!) so she bought one for them.
I won’t even bring it in the house. I don’t know what she was thinking.
Anywho – I agree with most of the comments: if other people want it done, they can do it. Otherwise tell them to take a hike.
I was against Elf on the Shelf and did not want to do it either because of the commitment it would take all December long. Unfortunately my parents didn’t care what I had to say as the parent and bought one and started it then dumped it on me to do. It definitely caused frustration with my parents for going against my wishes… well here we are, we’re about 3Yrs in now and it’s actually not too bad. Sometimes it’s even fun to do mischievous things around the house and to blame it on the elf, my kid gets such a kick out of it! I’d say if you’re able to move it just once a day, and to do something fun/creative with it, the kids will absolutely love it. Just be strict with them about “no touching”. Our Elf goes back to the North Pole on Santa’s sleigh Christmas Eve and doesn’t return until December 1st.
All day every day therapist mother maid nymph then a virgin nurse then a servant 24hour baby machine so HE can live out his picket fence dreams…
Tell hubs he and Elf are gonna be best friends.
We had fun with it for a while, then it got old. We had two, my daughter named one Star and my son named the other Sippy Jr. When he grew out of it, I asked him why he chose that name and said, “How should I know, I was 4!”
I hate those little CreepElves. I wouldn’t do it. You shouldn’t be forced into an annoying activity. The gift of that Elf was more of a burden..
Why didn’t your husband take it on?
Here’s the thing. She gifted your kids responsibility for the rest of their childhood and potentially into adulthood/ when they have children with an obligation. It is no light choice to take on said thing because it becomes this beautiful childhood tradition that has a lot of emotional meaning for children. If you want to do it, it should be your choice because it is a huge responsibility to undertake, at least if you don’t want to shatter your little kids dreams.
She could do the Elf on the shelf at her house, and then send pictures. Said Elf on the shelf could give Little gifts to your kids, by mailing them. I would be mailing it back to her and let her know that if she wanted to do the Elf on the shelf she should do it from her house, as it’s a fairly big responsibility and a lot of time.
NTA. I warn people in December I will block you for the month of you even post about it. My sister called my bluff. Blocked. I don’t play around, that thing is creepy as fuck.
Sounds like your husband should do it. We never did the Elf thing because the season is exhausting enough. NTA.
Cuz it’s a pain in the ass. It’s the equivalent of starting and maintaining a sourdough starter 😉
NTA. The rule in our house is whoever cares more about something is the one who takes the lead. If the husband does it twice and flakes and the kids have a meltdown, then that’s on him. Even if she is a SAHM, that doesn’t mean people are allowed to add to her workload or dictate mandatory fun. She’s not anyone’s employee.
Here’s a better idea: the elf lives at MIL’s house, and she sends pictures to the grandkids everyday of all the shenanigans that crazy elf is up to. After all, it’s likely that grandma has waaay more time on her hands than her DIL or son. Could be a nice bonding experience with grandkids as well, given that they are not close. I suspect that’s the reason she was trying to implement a familiar tradition to begin with.
Elf on the shelf is an awful lesson for kids! Don’t even do it.
Mail it back with a note, “You’re it!” And a smiley face.
Because a smiley face always makes it okay!
NTA by any stretch.
Let it be 100% your husband’s job. My husband wakes up super early for work and is usually the one to take care of ours so it’s possible for someone other than you to do it. I think it’s crappy he pouted vs taking the initiative to do it himself.
We have a white board and would write in code so we’d remember to check. We only forgot 3-4xs since 2018
I’m so thankful this wasn’t a thing when my kids were little. Seems like a form of torture to me. If your husband wants it so badly, he can manage it. Just remind him that once he opens the Pandora’s box, he OWNS it FOREVER. NTA.
Let your husband do it. He obviously has an interest in the idea, it was a gift from his mother and he can let his creativity shine. NTA
NTA, if OP’s husband wants his kids to experience this Christmas hassle, he can be responsible for it.
I did it with my daughter with each of us taking turns to set him. It was more about the creativity of funny spots to put him in. I don’t like villainizing Santa. I never used Santa threats to get my children to behave. I’m not comfortable with that. All this is to say you can use the Elf in whatever way you want in your house. Let him take turns sleeping with your children. Or the Elf can remind them to call grandma once a week over the holiday season. Or they can get selfies with the Elf to send grandma. I wouldn’t stick it in a basement. At minimum use him as a decoration. There’s no actual law that you have to follow other people’s made up rules for Elf on a Shelf. There are societal norms about being kind to our elders- so use the gift. Don’t be the grinch.
Your HUSBAND can do it! His mom sent it, he wants it, then it will be his responsibility.
What, you just move it every day – that’s it? I was gifted a giant felt advent calendar by my mother & had to come up with little gifts for 24 days straight!!!
Don’t do it. It’s garbage. Maybe you lost it. If anyone is doing it, it should be Dad. Watch how fast he’ll scramble for a reason not to. It’s a burden and a dumb one at that.
They’re so creepy, thank goodness my kids were just a bit older when that thing came out!
Nuts absolutely the fuck not.
I never heard of this weird tradition until a few years ago, and I don’t get it AT ALL. Leave that fucker in the crawl space.
NTA. It’s such a horrible trend when you stop and think about it. Sure, you can have some fun with it and I’ve seen some very creative ways to move the elf around and whatnot that the kids would surely enjoy. But I don’t think that’s worth the creep factor to tell the kids that “this elf is here to spy on you in your own private spaces to make sure you don’t do anything wrong for the next couple of weeks.” Talk about “big brother” on steroids! It’s a cutesy activity for parents, but it’s teaching the kids a very bad lesson in the long run.
We did it for a couple of years with our kids when they were younger but between the hassle of moving it around all the time, and the “ick” factor of normalizing the concept of them being under surveillance the whole time, we went away from doing it and I regret ever doing it in the first place.
Maybe use the doll but don’t use the same story. I don’t remember exactly what we did, but I think the year we quit we used a stuffed reindeer (I think) and changed the story that he was “here to report back to Santa all the love and cuddles that you give him while you tell him stories about your day” or something like that. You could use the elf doll with a similar “wholesome” story, and could still have fun with the elf pulling pranks overnight once in a while if you want to.
DON’T DO IT! You’ll regret it by day 3
The elf on the shelf is like Big Brother in a weird hat. If your husband thinks it’s such a brilliant idea, he can do it.
He’s welcome to do it if he wants to.
Elf on the shelf is awful. It’s manipulative and skeezy. We informed all relatives not to gift us one because it would go straight to the donation bin. Threatening children is a terrible way to treat them.
Make husband do it then lol. That sounds like hell if he likes putting himself through that then fine, just make sure he commits to it
Maybe it’s just me, I’m a grandmother too. I really hate the idea of installing a spy camera to watch little kids play and sending data to big business is just creepy to me. The ”holidays” have become such a stressful time, for the parents but so much more stressful for the little ones. We didn’t do the Santa thing when my kid was little, they were terrified of the store santas and would run away from them. (same reaction to clowns, guess they didn’t like creatures who hid behind disguises). My grandkids have a similar response to animatronics. Some of us just don’t share the “magical” part about a construct who sneaks into my house to leave either presents or lumps of coal depending on a judgement of a child.
I told my kid that we don’t have one because our cats would kill it and I didn’t want that to happen. Best decision ever. My child is a born skeptic so I only had to improvise that ridiculous answer because kid’s BFF (whom absolutely believed) was standing right there— my kid would have been very satisfied with the truth. I know so many parents who are still stuck doing that and are so over it. Kids love presents and cookies and Christmas trees, there is plenty of fun without giving yourself a daily chore too.
My kids loved it. It’s a cherished part of Christmas. Your husband should do it.
If your husband wants the kids to do this, then he can take on that task. Or offer to do all the holiday cooking or cleaning. He is just dumping one more task on you, and a silly one at that.
Do it the way it’s supposed to be done. Just placed in different spots of the home. When you put the kids to bed, move it from cabinet to the kitchen. Don’t do all this bs where the elf is harassing your family
We don’t even do Santa.
NTA but unlike many respilonders, we did Elf on the Shelf for years with our kids, and it was really fun. It takes two minutes to move the elf each night. And, no, it didn’t make our kids neurotic or sress us out in any way. It just added a bit of excitement to the season.
NTA- i am so glad this came along after my son was too old for it. If your husband is upset by not using it, then let him take on that responsibility.
It’s a little presumptuous of MIL to send a project like that to them. She thinks it’s a fun idea because she doesn’t have to do any input. She also won’t see the fallout when her son forgets to move it one night. If I was OP and my MIL sent it to me I would tell them it’s fake. Call me mean or cruel but who has time for that? And no, I never did it for my kids. They survived.
My opinion is do it but not do what everyone else does. Just move it around after they go to bed. Like from a stocking to the Christmas tree. People make it such a chore. I’m one of them & I hate it! But my daughter just moves it around and maybe once or twice a month the elf will bring a treat or get into trouble. You can use a dry erase marker to draw mustaches on the kids pictures & it wipes right off. We also made rules to the touch rule. We sprinkle a little cinnamon on Snowball Bubblegum (1st & last name). She loses her magic for one night but the cinnamon brings it back after a night. Make it fun but EASY! Your 5 year old will love it and that makes it worth it! Sorry it’s long but had to be to explain!
NTA. This is akin to giving someone puppies as a gift. Not cool at all! I have my hands full managing the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, The Boogeyman, and Santa… DO NOT try to throw in another staff member to oversee!
If your husband wants to do it, let him do it. Make it clear that you are not helping. This is not your responsibility. That this is all on him because wants to do it.
Have grandma do it and text where it is every day at her house.
Tell your husband to get busy if he wants Elf on the Shelf. The holidays are exhausting.
If your husband wants it, HE should do it. Why does this labor have to fall on you?
She didn’t give you a gift. She gave you a chore. We have a sensei from the North Pole Ninjas. I’ve been doing this for 9 years now. It’s a lot of effort. Seriously I’ve already started planning for this Christmas. Yes. 5 months in advance. It’s a whole set of traditions.
Christmas tree goes up the Saturday after Thanksgiving with us leaving sensei some Christmas tree brownies and milk in his own personal mini mug. He always gifts us with an “I’m back” gift. A lovely note and maybe some candy Cristina’s trees made out of kisses, rolos, and mini Reese cups. (I may get what day is what activity out of order but you get the idea.)
Sunday nights are family movie nights.
Mondays are make an ornament day. (It’s one that will last a lifetime if taken care of. Not paper things.)
Tuesdays are a day of service to others.
Wednesdays are “tradition boxes”. So we have the Tomte book set (we are a gluten free house so gingerbread houses are too expensive. This is a cake pan set with 3d house molds so we make cakes to decorate instead of the boxed houses.). We have a set I made which are gingerbread pirates. (I bought the book and ordered pirate cookie cutters.) We also have the Star from Afar (we do that the week leading up to Christmas so the wise men get to Jesus on Christmas morning.).
Thursdays are a food activity.
Fridays are game days. (Yes I keep special Christmas games to play one day a year lol. Christmasopoly, Elf the board game, one year I got 3d wooden snowmen and painted them to make a hide and seek game, bingo, and a Christmas card game)
And Saturdays are family activities. (These could involve painting, a game daddy will be able to be home to play, or driving around and doing a Christmas scavenger hunt.)
Christmas Eve sensei leaves the kids new pjs and a book. He also leaves out a hot chocolate bar with chocolate candies and special Christmas Eve mugs for the kids.
One of those days they will mail special letters in sensei’s special mailbox that he brings. The letters magically disappear before the day is up. To accomplish the letter coming from Santa I have to mail it in November so his letters to the kids can reach North Pole Alaska and be returned. This can take 4-5 weeks.
I plan it all out. Start buying things up here and there, and sort it all into boxes for the separate weeks.
These elves are not for the faint of heart. If your husband wants the elf on the shelf done and you don’t…he can be in charge of that blasted thing.
If it’s important to your husband, he can do it.
Your husband needs to do it if he wants otherwise don’t. Never have a never will.
Let husband do it. I’d also suggest framing it as a game and not as Christmas magic – that gives you an easier out when you don’t want to put up with it anymore.
Just give the gift to your hubbo to supervise. No need to get involved. In that way, unfortunately, YTA. MIL’s gift should be given if it’s age appropriate.
NTA.
My mom made little elves when I was kid with large wood beads and little outfits she hand sewed. She painted the faces on them and they were about an inch tall. She’d put them up on top of door frames and cupboards where we could see them but couldn’t reach. She’d move them every few days and us kids thought it was real magic.
Elf on a shelf is not only huge, but it’s so saturated into social media, memes, etc. That I believe it’s killed the magic, kids are not dumb. I really think they’ll figure out Santa isn’t real much sooner because of elf on a shelf’s over exposure.
Congratulations! Your husband just volunteered to do this! His mom sent it to his kids and it is now HIS responsibility. You can’t meet send him ideas, but this is 100% on him since you weren’t consulted and you are at your capacity for what you can take on. He is in charge of tantrums if it gets touched, nightly mischief AND the cleanup of the mischief.
NTA.
NTA
I refused to do the elf on the shelf and we started a different tradition using a gnome called a Tomten. He appears after Thanksgiving whenever we decorate for Christmas and he doesn’t make messes or narc on my kid. He gives out Kindness Quests somewhere between 3-5 times throughout the season. It could be as simple as “Surprise your parents by cleaning up a room without being asked” to “Call your grandma and tell her how much you love her” to bigger things like “Choose 5 toys to donate to another kid who needs some” “bake cookies for the neighbors” or “invite a kid who looks lonely to play with you at recess”.
I have ADHD and chronic illnesses. I’m not making more messes for myself to clean up and I’m not committing to a project like that for an entire month.
We introduced the Tomten (ours is named Clover) when our child was in kindergarten at age 5. They are now almost 13 and in 7th grade. They know that it’s all folklore and fairytales now (The Tomten is originally a Scandinavian folktale about little gnomes who come out at night to help take care of the household and farm animals etc) but they still love getting their Kindness Quests and doing nice things for others during the holiday season. They also say “snitches get stitches” about the elves 🤣
I hate that Elf
Nta
We dont do elf on a shelf and never plan to. My plan is to just tell my kids we dont need a narc around the house, santa knows if they are good or bad. Also the rules create stress. Cant touch it or it looses it’s magic…yeah i wouldnt be sticking with that rule lol
If anything i once jokes about getting the grinch that looks like elf on a shelf and playing with that. But kids are aware that the elf isnt alive it’s more about creating magic at Christmas.
NTA
If your husband wants to do it, he can. It’s not your job to participate in this weird “tradition”. I personally found it creepy, intrusive, & normalizing constant surveillance which is not healthy behavior.
Fuck that elf. I dont even have small kids anymore. They are early 20’s now. Best ideas Ive ever seen for them was the elf had a broke leg in a “cast” and couldnt move for like 10 days. And an elf that got covid and had to go back to the north pole 2 weeks early.
Develop a different tradition around the elf. To the 5 YO: “This week it’s your turn to put the elf where you’d like and send a picture to Nana”. Etc. if they forget, its not on you and you don’t need to uphold any stories about magic elves moving by themselves and spying on the kids.
I don’t want a narc in my house spying on my kid. That’s not a precedent I want to set.
Do it only to teach your kids reverse espionage tactics. I expect monitoring stations throughout the house.
I hate that narc.
Why would you introduce a spy into your household?
I find it creepy, that Santa, an imaginary being that brings presents to good children (can’t be naughty), has an elf that’s supposed to CCTV the child 24/7 for 24 days in December and grass the child up in case they’re being ….. erm…”a child”?
Sorry, there’s enough voyeurism in this modern life, I can’t bring an effing elf into it too.
Perhaps grandma and dad should go play Roblox pretending to be a 12yo to learn about grooming…..
Let’s just get children desensitised to being constantly watched.
Horrible IMHO.
Or tell kids it is pretend and have everyone take turns hiding it.
NTA.
If hubby feels so strongly about it, let him do all of the moving a d mess cleanup associated with the thing. Otherwise, leave it in the crawlspace.
My daughters just move the elf. He doesn’t pull pranks at their house. Much easier
Our kids love the excitement the Elf brings, once you get into it, it’s fun. You don’t have to go crazy though. Tell your husband and MIL to each submit 15 days of simple Elf scenarios. That’s 30 ideas. Then merge the list and add a few of your own for good will. Lastly, split the list equally between the two of you (MIL not included) and commit. This way you can concentrate on being consistent and it’s only for a few weeks. I know you work and have two kids but think about only having 5-7 holiday seasons, how quickly it passes is clearer. Set a daily alarm on both your phones to go off every night, we do it after the kiddos go to bed. IDK it’s a great way to start the day for us and no arguing or bs. lol
Nope. No. NTA.
I refuse to do elf on the shelf. I don’t have time for that sh*t. If your husband wants to do it, it’s on him.
Personally I tell my kid that the elf doesn’t know where our house is.
NTA!!! I had the same thing happen to me but luckily my daughter found the whole idea incredibly creepy so I just straight up told her he’s not real because she was in tears worried about what the elf was gonna do while she was sleeping lol! I did tell her not to spoil it for other kids though.
NTA
The elf is only as complicated as you make it. It definitely is still fun if it only moves around the house. That being said, not your problem because husband will be the one handling it.
ETA our elf doesn’t watch or report back to Santa. That’s something elves used to do
Play Elf on the Shelf with your husband.
He had to find it because it has magically disappeared with Christmas magic!
You could get some photos photoshopped pics of the darn elf around the world and put a different one each day.
Your elf happens to be an extreme wandering one!
Tell your husband to do it.
We have an elf…Got it when my daughter was three or four. I can’t count the number of times we were comfy in bed and realized WE DIDN’T MOVE THE ELF. And then, for some unknown reason, hubs decided THE ELF NEEDS FRIENDS. So, he brought home a reindeer and a St. Bernard. Neither of which stand well on their own. It’s like having a drunken barnyard in the dining room. This exponentially increases the difficulty level of placing them all together, in a place that can’t be reached by small humans. Fortunately, she’s old enough now that we don’t have to move them. It is adorable, you will do a lot of cursing, but for the love of all that is good and holy, DO NOT BUY HIM HOMIES. Best of luck to you!
I’m a mother of an eight year old who started elf on the shelf when he was four.
Do.
Not.
Do.
It.
Here’s how it’ll play out: every night of December.
I think i’ll go to bed.
Oh FFS the Fn elf
Half asses an elf situation where you end up with toothpaste in a shoe.
Don’t give yourself the hassle.
Santa is where it’s at.
“DH, if you think they are ready this year then have fun! I am sure you can search the internet for ideas. It’s not something I want to add to my plate in addition to everything else I do for Xmas.”
Why cant your husband do it?
Let your husband do it but don’t go crazy, they’re little and you don’t have to go over the top. I never brought it out on the 1st, our elf showed up whenever it felt like it. I also bought a cheap Barbie sized bed on amazon and some days the elf just needed a nap and was sleeping comfortably in the bed. Ours usually makes an entrance by hanging an ornament on the tree.
Elf on a shelf is a pain in the 🫏. Don’t do it.
NTA. I’m old and grouchy but I don’t care. Elf on the shelf is such a time consuming waste of time that produces more unhappiness than coal in a stocking. It’s funny because when I ask mothers who have done it if their kids really liked it. They all said that after the first few days, it was either forgotten, or the elf had to go back to the North Pole to help Santa. So happy, it didn’t exist when mine were young. I wouldn’t have time for that nonsense. The answer is No or your husband handles it and the children every day.
Husband can do it.
DON’T START IT.
Instead tell your husband that you’re not really agaisnt and since he’s very enthusiastic about it you’re okay with him doing it, and you hope he’ll have fun watching the kids reaction this year.
If he asks you to do it next year, tell him you’d rather not and that he was the one who insisted on “elf on the shelf” instead of listening to you, and he can carry that responsability until the kids grow up.