So I’m 50f my husband is a 62m we have been married for only 6 years. Last year he was layed off and I told him to enjoy his time off. After 6 months of doing not much of anything I told him it was time to go back to work. He never went back to work turns out the doctor found damage to his back and that his working days are over. He was an auto body worker. I am very ok with being the one working. This is where it got all messed up. I asked him to help around the house. Empty an ashtray take something out for dinner turn the dishwasher on. He acted like that was asking to much. I got angry and told him if he can’t contribute to the home I dint know why he was here. So he grabbed his smokes and walked out the door. That was 7 weeks ago. He refused to help in the simplest ways and he thinks I’m out of control. He actually believes I’m the problem. I have asked him to come home over and over again and he would rather stay at a homeless shelter. Now he gets a disability cheque every month refuses to help pay down any of our bills that where out standing from before he left but he expects me to keep his stuff here. Storing his things for free. We have a storage unit full of our belongings that I pay for every month. This weekend I am removing my things from the unit and putting all of his stuff in. He told me he’s broke and can’t pay so I’m a miserable bitch. Am I being the a hole in this? He won’t communicate and he’s made no attempt to reconsile so what do you think.
AITAH for not storing my husband’s stuff after he ran away?
r/AITAH
Comments
NTA. Putting his stuff in storage is a reasonable thing to do. If, after some time has passed, you decide that the relationship is over, you can remind him where his stuff is and file for divorce.
There are 33 at-fault divorce states, and abandonment is a suitable reason in most of them. Talk to a lawyer and find out the next moves. If he would rather live in a homeless shelter than do some dishes, the marriage is over.
NTA, If you’re for real, move your stuff out of the storage unit, move his stuff in, pay for 1 month only, give him the key/code and tell him his stuff will be auctioned off it he doesn’t pay the bill after 1 month.
Definitely NTA it is understandable if he can’t work he can’t work but not helping around the house and refusing to help and expecting you to hold his stuff like a storage centre is ridiculous.
I don’t like that age gap. 50F is way too young to be getting married :p
Seriously, this guy needs to be trivorced. It’s 1/5x times as hard. NTA
Oh honey, I feel you. If he won’t help out at home or pay for his share, seems like he’s not considering your feelings. You tried to talk, but maybe he needs a nudge? NTA
Time to realise he’s not worth it. Go and live your life for you.
NTA. Just make sure it’s legal to do so. Is his name on the house? Since you’re married, it might be community property, and the fact that he left might factor in.
Just get a quick consult from a lawyer first. Most will do a consult for free.
NTA, like, at all, you were merely asking him to help around the house for a bit and he threw a tantrum worthy of a five year old, if he rather stay at the shelter rather than act like an adult and work on your marriage and help out, then he doesn’t get to blame you for his own actions, and expect you to be his free storage.
NTA. His lack of respect for you by shutting down communication while leaving behind bills after 6 years of marriage? Why even question if you owe him respect back. He literally created this moment so let him have his moment, maybe he will learn something about karma if nothing else.
Nope. File for divorce while you’re at it.
The marriage is over. Consult with a lawyer first to be sure this is legal, but I would tell him his things will be set outside on X date, he can get them or they will be discarded. Why should you pay for a storage facility?
No, NTAH. This is his choice.
NTA he is being a baby about this. He doesn’t want to do “woman’s work” which in this day and age is absolutely not appropriate. He should contribute to the house in some way, either financially or by doing simple household tasks. He is choosing to make his life harder. Store his stuff, and as another commenter suggested, give him the key and code and pay for one more month. His stuff is not your responsibility if he is going to go to neverland and not contribute to your life in any meaningful way.
I have a friend whose partner went off into the wilderness to find himself. He is an experienced survivalist. After a year she paid one month on a storage facility. After three years he came back angry that his things were gone. Some people just seem unable to think things through.
Don’t waste anymore time on his childish behavior! You’re better than me because I wouldn’t even put it in storage….it’d be in the front yard
NTA. Forget him and go live your best life
NTA, but you will be if you let him move back in. It’s time for a divorce. He seems to think that you should be working full-time and also doing all of the house work and taking care of him like you’re his damn mother.
He’s got a mental condition that you shouldn’t have to deal with. Trash took itself out!
NTA. He gets a check and can pay from it.
NTA but you need to file for divorce and document everything.
Your husband is a whiner and a lazy AH.
I say File for divorce, and I’d give him X amount of days to get his stuff based on the laws where you are, or it;s being tossed. Get rid of this Millstone. Change your locks at home as well, STAT
NTA… but maybe he’s got some mental illness going on? Depression at a minimum
NTA. He said he would rather stay at a homeless shelter? You are giving him his chance to live his dreams.
Gross. Sounds like my mom’s ex. Had back issues and sat around drinking gin and watching tv while being abusive. NTA He is being emotionally abusive to you. Rather stay in a homeless shelter than do a chore? His stuff is now homeless too!
This is awful. Would he agree to therapy/joint counseling? He sounds like he is severely depressed. Not excusing his behavior at this point, but may there be underlying issues for his weird behavior?
Whose name is on the house?
I don’t think we have the whole story. So you might be TAH. lol Sorry but he’s going through a LOT right now. I’m sure he’s been a working guy his whole life and then he got laid off. That really hits a person self-esteem. And then he’s disabled. Another blow. And maybe he’s kind of a traditional guy and feels emasculated that he can’t be a provider and you want him to do what he considers “woman’s work” because he’s from that generation.
Yes he should definitely help out. And maybe you sat down with him nicely and told him it would help out if he could do some things around the house? Or did you nag him and belittle him?
I’m not sure it’s legal to do that remove his things. He lives there and has rights. And it would just be one more nail in the coffin to him that not only is he now disabled, not wanted at his job anyway, and now his wife told him he’s worthless and why is he even there? Yeah maybe.YTAH
Besides what the others have said so well, consider downsizing asap so your income will match or better yet be less than your debt. You don’t need to end up in the red for his actions. Get your papers in order, bank statements, tax records, social security, take all that stuff and get a safety deposit box at your bank. If he can’t even turn a knob or hit a button to help out he really doesn’t care anymore and you’re better off on your own than struggling day by day with a man/child. good luck to you.
NTA, text him be clear “All your things will be in the storage unit, and since you have made it clear you will not be returning I will be changing the locks. The payment for the unit is XX You will need get your own, I have given up the rental it is paid up to xx date”
OP consider if you can sell what you were storing…And find a lawyer
File for divorce. Move your things out of the unit and his in.
NTA but file for divorce. Find out what you can about if the court will force him to contribute to the bills. Pull your stuff out of storage, put his in and tell him you’re not paying for it. He has 1 month. Change the locks on your house. Make sure he’s put through a change of address, do not allow his mail to continue to come to your house.