I (f33) got married back in 2013. My sister (27) was a bridesmaid and a big part of my special day. It was a perfect experience, albeit HOT. In fact, it was the hottest day of the year. But, while our event was indoor/outdoor, our venue was air-conditioned, and everyone stayed perfectly comfortable.
The next few years were absolute torture. We tragically lost one of our siblings and then a year later, our mother. That tore a lot of the family apart, except for us sisters. We bonded even more, me being the oldest and only mother in the group; I became a large voice of reason for my sisters. They called me all the time looking to dish, sob, or ask advice, and I was always there for them.
The youngest of us was married last year. For a whole year before that, I was helping plan with her. She wanted her wedding to happen right after she got her MD, and so that weekend would, surprisingly, be exactly mine and my husband’s wedding anniversary.
After going through so much sh*t with the family deaths and the following family chaos, I learned there were some things that just didn’t matter. So when she told me the date, I supported it, and didn’t mention that it was my anniversary date. Why should it be just my day? If she wanted it, she could have it. Especially if she was trying to do this in a specific time window.
So a whole year goes by, and we make the journey north to the venue. I met at an airbnb my step-dad was renting, where sister was staying, to drop off some table decorations.
Sister runs out, we hug, she grabs my shoulders and very seriously and almost sadly says, “Is this weekend your anniversary?”
I sheepishly said “yeah”
“Why didn’t you tell me??”
“It’s just a day. I’ve had it for 11 years, I don’t mind sharing.”
She made me swear a few more times that I didn’t mind, and then together we left for the Bachelorette party.
The wedding was great. Except for the caterer dropping the ball (which was very quickly picked up by our coordinator because she’s a total boss bitch), the day went off without a hitch.
As for me and my husband, after all the traditional wedding things had happened, we snuck outside to the bonfire, so not to steal the spotlight, and had a little toast just to ourselves.
It seems everything went great, so why, a year later do I suddenly feel guilty. I know this was a specific window she was trying to get for her magical day, and it just happened to be on my anniversary, but I also feel like I trapped her and her husband to always share their special day with us. That wasn’t my intention at all. Am I being silly or am I an asshole?
Edit: Obviously, when I say “always share their special day with us,” I don’t mean physically. Just the idea that they’d be out celebrating and in the back of their mind, knowing it’s my special day too.
Ad on: you guys are all so freaking sweet. I will admit that I have been working on my self value; I used to be a lot worse about that.
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Backup of the post’s body: I (f33) got married back in 2013. My sister (27) was a bridesmaid and a big part of my special day. It was a perfect experience albeit, HOT. In fact it was the hottest day of the year. But, while our event was indoor/outdoor, our venue was air-conditioned and everyone stayed perfectly comfortable.
The next few years were absolute torture. We tragically lost one of our siblings and then a year later, our mother. That tore a lot of the family apart, except for us sisters. We bonded even more, me being the oldest, and only mother in the group; Ibecame a large voice of reason for my sisters. They called me all the time looking to dish, sob, or ask advice, and I was always there for them.
The youngest of us was married last year. For a whole year before that, I was helping plan with her. She wanted her wedding to happen right after she got her MD and so that weekend would, surprisingly be exactly mine and my husband’s wedding anniversary.
After going through so much sh*t with the family deaths and the following family chaos, I learned there were some things that just didn’t matter. So when she told me the date, I supported it, and didn’t mention that it was my anniversary date. Why should it be just my day? If she wanted it, she could have it. Especially if she was trying to do this in a specific time window.
So a whole year goes by, and we make the journey north to the venue. I met at an airbnb my step-dad was renting, where sister was staying, to drop off some table decorations.
Sister runs out, we hug, she grabs my shoulders and very seriously and almost sadly says “is this weekend your anniversary?”
I sheepishly said “yeah”
“Why didn’t you tell me??”
“It’s just a day. I’ve had it for 11 years, I don’t mind sharing.”
She made me swear a few more times that I didn’t mind, and then together we left for the Bachelorette party.
The wedding was great. Except for the caterer dropping the ball (which was very quickly picked up by our coordinator because she’s a totally boss bitch), the day went off without a hitch.
As for me and my husband, after all the traditional wedding things had happened, we snuck outside to the bonfire, so not to steal the spotlight, and had a little toast just to ourselves.
It seems everything went great, so why, a year later do I suddenly feel guilty. I know this was a specific window she was trying to get for her magical day, and it just happened to be on my anniversary, but I also feel like I trapped her and her husband to always share their special day with us. That wasn’t my intention at all. Am I being silly or am I an asshole?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
NTA
You don’t have to share in the sense that you have to get together every year and do a group celebration.
Send her a card and that’s plenty.
You are a good sister.
I understand I am the type to overthink and feel guilty also but you are fine! Anniversaries are something between you and your significant other, unless it is like your 50th and people want to throw you all a big party! It can be something special you all also share as sisters but really unless someone runs out of small talk at a function and brings it up as a funny thing to get the conversation going it should not be a big deal going forward!
You are a wonderful sister for not throwing a fit and acting like you have ownership over that day for all of eternity!
NTA however, get some counseling. You are not her mother; you are not responsible for making her life perfect. You’re her sister and her friend. The day was perfect and your anniversary was perfect. Quit overthinking it and trying to make up for loses in your life.
Enjoy your shared anniversary together, or don’t. It is what it is and she clearly took you at your word that all was well.
Now, get some counseling to get over the grief and need to make everyone around you happy all the time.
I think you are over thinking this. It isn’t a big deal. You actually acted very appropriately and kindly. Nobody owns a date.
This happened with my sister and I from the other side.
She got married 12 years before me, and yes I was in the wedding.
When my wife and I were picking dates we initially picked a specific date due to proximity to when my school started. However as we found out that date was a nice sequential date (9/10/11) and apparently even though we were booking places a year out, they had all already been booked for a year or more.
So we backed up our date by a couple of weeks and landed on my sisters anniversary weekend.
I had no idea.
We politely asked her if she minded, she said no, and now sometimes we have anniversary dinners together.
I think you’re a great person, nothing to feel guilty about, you didn’t jump up and down, you didn’t try to claim a day as your own, you acted selflessly and I think that’s pretty damn special. You haven’t trapped her into anything, it’s not like you celebrate your anniversary with anyone other than your partner anyway, so I don’t think you’ve done anything other than be an awesome person who cares about her sisters happiness 🥰
My bestie got married on my second wedding anniversary. I was her officiant. We didn’t realize until I was riding with her to drop off the venue contract and was reading through it and saw the date. She offered to change the date after everything had basically been planned. I told her absolutely not. I love sharing the day with her. We live hours apart, so we rarely spend that day together as couples, but it’s a nice layer to our friendship.
YTA. Not everything is about you.
Aw man the world doesn’t deserve you. You’re an amazing sister and an amazing person. You should feel guilt and should feel pride in the family you’ve kept together after tremendous loss. So much love and peace to you!
Stop it!!! There’s nothing wrong with what you did. Your whole post was so beautiful. I loved how you and your hubby had a moment for just you. When your sister and her husband are celebrating, their going to be thinking about the magical year they just had together and while you both might acknowledge the other couple every year, the rest of the day will be your own.
Weeding anniversaries are personal. You guys can each do your own thing for your anniversaries. I know people who have birthdays close to or in one case, same day as mine. We are not forced to share celebration.
It’s saying something, that you care so much about this, you must be a wonderful sister. Wedding anniversaries are usually a little more private celebration kind of situation (except the big ones like 25 or 50).
NTA I don’t think she’ll mind at all. It’s just a family fun fact!
Anniversaries are just for the couple to celebrate. So it’s pretty immaterial to share one. Clearly, your sister didn’t remember it was your anniversary and if you didn’t mind it doesn’t matter. When you are all old folks you can celebrate both your anniversaries by going out to dinner together. I think it’s kinda nice.
NTA. You don’t have to share the date with them. It’s not as if you’ll be having joint celebrations, if anything this would should another thing to bond with each other and enjoy.
NAH
I guarantee that there are a lot of other couples that you and your sister share the date with.
It sounds like your sister isn’t upset with you. She just really wanted to be sure that you were okay with it. That’s kind on her part.
You mention at the end that you have trapped her and her husband to share the day. No you haven’t. Anniversaries are generally celebrated by the couple alone, not as family events. So you and your husband can do your thing and she and her husband can do their thing. You actually have the advantage of knowing it’s probably not going to conflict with a family barbecue.
No guilt needed at all. You did great!
NTA, you’re being silly! In my experience (1) no one, not even friends/family, really cares about other couples’ anniversaries, (2) each couple celebrates their own anniversary on their own. So, I don’t see why you and your sister would be expected to celebrate your anniversaries together—each couple doing its own thing would be expected/normal 🤷🏽
“which was very quickly picked up by our coordinator because she’s a totally boss bitch” — “our”?
My husband and I got married on the same date as my parents in law, and my sister in law. It’s also his birthday! As his father had passed away and his mother was in a nursing home and couldn’t attend, it was a way to include them, and as his sister had already set the precedent it seemed too good an opportunity to miss!
If there were more sisters like you, there would be a lot less Reddit complaints.
You are one in a million. I wish both couples happy anniversary.
This post is beautiful.
NTA. It’s not like you have to have a joint anniversary celebration. You and your husband can do your thing and she and her husband can do their thing.
NTA. You don’t have to celebrate anniversaries together. Unless it’s a big milestone year it’s usually just the couple celebrating anyway
My dad’s brother and his wife have the same anniversary as my parents (my parents were married 10+ years first). I’ve never heard anyone complaining about it. If anything, it ensures they always remember each other’s anniversaries. lol
Not exactly the same, but my sister got married within a couple days of my anniversary, so her wedding was on the weekend we would have celebrated our second. Nobody cares it’s fine!
Also we got married on the 20th anniversary of our best man, with their blessing. As he put it, it was a lucky date! We made sure to toast him and his lovely wife.
Truth is nobody really cares about your anniversary other than you. You’re not sharing it with anyone other than your spouse.
I have 2 members of my wedding party that got married on my anniversary. It’s not a big deal to me and at least I never forget their anniversaries 😁
I actually think it’s kind of cool you guys sharing the same wedding date years apart.
I’d take it as a sign that your sister happened to be gravitated towards the same date not knowing. That’s just me though lol. I’d find it as a special bonding date sent by your loved ones 🥹❤️
It’s just a day. It’s most meaningful to the couple who gets married. It’s also 11 years apart so you won’t be having milestones at the same time (no 10 yr / 20 yr conflict).
My youngest sister got married in my 37th birthday. It’s a neat coincidence. They wish me happy birthday, I wish them happy anniversary.
You’re good.
NTA Sounds like you had a warm loving response and she believed you and went on to have a wonderful day! Do you think you still are on alert, looking out for your siblings? Maybe it will take practice to relax and shift from protector to peer now. There’s a lot of love in your post.
NTA. My brother is getting married on my 15th anniversary this year, and I have not mentioned the coincidence to him yet. I joked with my mom that he’s just copying my wedding, since they are even using the same color scheme, and sunflowers… she told me NOT to tell me brothers fiancé. lol!
Over thinking nta.
We married in 2012, our friends who came to the wedding married the same day a year later and messaged us first to check and it was like so what?? We had a romantic love filled day on our first anniversary.
It might actually work out better for you because of this. Wedding anniversaries are usually only celebrated by the couple, except maybe the big milestone ones (25 & 50). And since you have the same anniversary, you know at least one of your siblings won’t plan something for that day and expect you to be there. Which means you can each celebrate with your spouses.
The only issue might be if you share evening childcare providers and have to compete for who gets the night out.
You’re being silly. Those of us that matriarch for our families do this to ourselves quite often. Your sister had a beautiful wedding. She was more concerned about taking your day than she was about you being ok with sharing it.
You’re doing g a good job. Really. You are. ❤️
It seems as though your sister was much more concerned about your feelings. I wouldn’t worry about it. It sounds like you guys have a great relationship.
NTA, I think this was completely appropriate in how you handled it because it is just another day. You celebrate the way you want and they celebrate the way they want. If you ever decide to celebrate together, then you have that option now too. Like you said, you learned what’s important and what’s not and a wedding date isn’t a big deal.
Exaggerate yourself, continue to love yourself, it’s all just a happy coincidence.
What a wonderful human being you are. All the best to you and yours.💖
Oh honey. This whole mothering gig is so full of doubt and regret. No matter how old the people we help to mother are, it’s still tricky.
No, you are definitely NAH. You are the absolutely opposite.
You didn’t trap them, honey. Now there is simply more to celebrate. Love expands. It fills the spaces and you filled your sister’s day with love and generosity and you allowed the day to be about them.
Set the weight down. It’s ok to put it behind you and walk away. It doesn’t serve you – or your sister.
N
T
A
You are a fantastic sister!
It was great to read your predicament and how you, sensibly, dealt with it. Please keep up the good work!
NTA
You are being “silly”, as you put in. Nobody else cares about the dates being the same. Do you normally take your family out on anniversary dinners? No? So, why does it matter? And if you did.. cool! You get to double anniversary date!
You’re being silly. Celebrating your anniversary is never going to interfere with your sister celebrating hers.
My sister and I shared a wedding anniversary 11 years apart. Same hotel,same band. It never mattered.
Anniversaries are just a private celebration for the couple. Not like you got married on the same day of the same year. Any big anniversary celebrations would not fall in the same year. Sharing a date should be no big deal. Not sure why you feel guilty. This is a nonissue in my opinion.
>After going through so much sh*t with the family deaths and the following family chaos, I learned there were some things that just didn’t matter. So when she told me the date, I supported it, and didn’t mention that it was my anniversary date. Why should it be just my day? If she wanted it, she could have it. Especially if she was trying to do this in a specific time window.
I think you handled it really well, and don’t have anything to feel guilty about. I’ll be honest though, how do you not even mention in passing like “Oh that’s cool we’ll have the same wedding anniversary!”
We got married on my parents 30th wedding anniversary. My mom didn’t tell me until I was well into planning (because- like you- she didnt think she owned the day.) She loves that we share it, actually. It makes it special for us both and I’m the only person (besides my dad) to tell her happy anniversary.
Your sister isn’t upset. Don’t be upset either. Embrace it.
Whattttttttttttt?????
Why does it matter? My siblings and I are close, but their anniversaries do not impact my life. I text them happy anniversary or ask if they have special plans for the day, but other than that life goes on as normal.
My wedding day happened to the same as two of our guests. I prepared anniversary cards for them, and thanked them for sharing “their” day with us. They were happy and absolutely okay with it. It’s a cool thing we have in common now. You can look at it that way, too 😊
You’re totally overthinking this. NTA.
Someone asked me if they cared if they got married on the same day as my wife and I’s anniversary. So confused. I told them it’s been a beautiful day for 15 years, and it’s a perfect day for a wedding, lol.
My parents got married on the same day as my grandparents. It’s lovely that the two of you will be able to share this special day together. Don’t sweat it for a minute. Be happy.
NTA. How could it possibly even matter?
I have two anniversary twins. Both my husband’s step-sister and my mom got married on our first anniversary. They both asked us if we minded and our response was basically, we don’t own a date. Only downside was we had to miss the step-sister’s wedding to go to my mom’s. Anyway, now I just wish a happy anniversary to our twins each year. Sometimes we’ll celebrate with another couple, sometimes we go by ourselves.
Anyway, don’t feel guilty about it. It’s a fun quirk. 🙂
“I’ve had the day for 11 years, I don’t mind sharing.”
Grown ass guy tearing up here. Ngl. May nothing but good things happen to both of you.
I think you’re thinking about this backwards… your sister was worried she was “stealing” your anniversary day and you were very gracious… I say just go out together on your anniversaries and have a good time
NTA but I think you should have told her. You made the choice based on your feelings not hers. She may not have been ok with it and changed the date… or not. But you took that choice away from her
Personally I think you are overthinking this. My wife and I share the same date as my aunt and her husband. We just randomly picked the day and later found out it was the same as theirs.
Honestly it could just be me but their isn’t much importance placed on the exact date outside of the couple doing something special for each other. I suppose if you have a major milestone there could be a party, however other then that you are just sharing the date. Along with millions of other couples.
It’s just a date after on the calendar in my eyes. None of the family will have to choose who to spend time with etc. Just send a card to her each year and keep on living
WHOLESOME AF!
My wife’s grandmother got married on a certain date for her first husband and that marriage didn’t work out for a good number of reasons, and she later married another man, that marriage lasted for the long haul but different anniversary date. My wife and I ended up getting married on the same date as the grandmother’s first anniversary and we have been married for a long time. My mother in law decided to marry her current husband on that date a few years after our wedding. We didn’t mind sharing the date but the irritation was when our kids were small, we couldn’t get her to babysit on our anniversary because she would say sorry: that’s my anniversary I got plans.
Both sets of my grandparents and my parents had the same anniversary- my mom was sad when ours didn’t fit that timeline. I think embracing it as fun especially since she doesn’t sound upset is the way to go. It can be a fun thing to share.
We accidently got married on my sister in law’s birthday. It doesn’t really matter afterwards, all other years the birthday is the winner.
And we will never mistake the date of her birthday again.
My sister innocently picked the date of our mother’s death for her wedding. My dad and I realized, and made eye contact, and in that moment tacitly agreed to not mention it. The only other person who might have registered the date was Grandma, and she chose to keep it to herself, too.
Sister’s wedding was everything that she and her husband wanted. I’m not sorry.
Actually seems like quite a nice tradition in the making.
My parents got married on the same exact day as one of my dad’s close first cousins. Parents wedding was in Texas, the cousin’s wedding was in California. There were no hard feelings towards family members that chose to be at one wedding verses the other. They joke about it all the time and we are now planning a big family cruise to celebrate their 50th anniversaries in a couple years!
I know cousins aren’t the same as siblings but I think later on, you will both love that you share the special day
Have you asked her if she feels this way? Has there been even a scrap of evidence of it?
NTA – you’re a good sister is what you are 🤗
She didn’t remember the day you got married? Maybe I just have a better memory, but I feel like that isn’t something you just forget.
Ive been married for 11 years. We have a whole group that share 6/7 anniversary. A few of us couples all got married on the exact same day. My sister and brother in law are part of that group. We all think it’s pretty cool and send happy anniversary messages to everyone. Don’t feel guilty. Since you are close with your sister it will end up being a special day for both of you and it makes it really nice to go out and celebrate with friends and family.
Why would it matter if it is also your wedding anniversary. You celebrate with your partner. It has no impact on each other. Am I missing why this would even be an issue?
throw a joint anniversary party together next year. this could bring the family together for years to come. good for you.
Aren’t you a lovely sister 💞?
NTA at all, the complete opposite.
NTA. Great matriarch vibes 💕
NTA – it’s just a day, and it doesn’t affect the value of either of your wedding dates.
You and your sister are reasonable, grounded, and practical people who don’t get hung up on these things – which is refreshing.
Personally, I accidentally scheduled my wedding on the date of my grandfather’s death 1 year to the day later. (In my defence, I didn’t know the actual date at the time.) Anyway, I asked my Grandma if I should reschedule and she said no – it would make the day better for her. So we went with it. Got married in the same chapel as my grandparents, in tribute to them.
NTA. She did not intentionally pick the same date, and you determined you don’t own the date. You cleared the air at the wedding and moved on – had a great time, even!
You should figure out why you haven’t remained confident in your choice, through self-reflection and maybe even professional guidance. You haven’t shared that any animosity between you has occurred since or specifically about your shared anniversary, so nothing seems to have changed since her wedding.
Perhaps a way the trauma you experienced through your losses manifests in worry about hurting or offending loved ones to the point of losing them or in case of losing them? We all suffer from hindsight, but this seems a little deeper than that. Aside from causing unnecessary anxiety or worry, you should figure it out to avoid developing people-pleasing and avoidant behaviors that will become detrimental to your happiness, well-being, and potentially your safety. These will also eventually damage your relationships.
When planning my wedding, the best date happened to be my Dad’s birthday. He loved sharing the day with us. He always joked that he could never forget our anniversary 😊 It’s become bittersweet for me now that he’s passed away, but it does continue to be a happy memory of him.
Maybe over the years, it will give you and your sister special bonding opportunities to celebrate your marriages together?
I’m sorry but you are being ridiculous. “Trapped into sharing a special day”? Do you typically spend your anniversary with your siblings? I would assume not so why does it matter?
Talk to her. Maybe it’s something she actually cherishes. My best friend, her sister and their parents all have the same wedding anniversary.
you both sound insane: why couldn’t you respect her day? your request sound so off, you needed help.
then you have your sister with a request on your special day.
Both had to be spoiled, rotten siblings your parents failed miserable.
You are sharing your anniversary with thousands of other couples, what does it matter if one is your sister?
You’re being silly. There really is no problem here, so don’t invent one.
My brother and his wife married 40 years. My husband and I 30 years. Same date. We are close, not estranged. Never once been a problem.
Hey, it happens during wedding season. I did the same thing to my brother. Seriously had no idea and don’t even remember when I found out. So my wife and I surprised them.
After our first dance and some other things I told the DJ to set up their wedding song as it was their 5 yr anniversary. Wife and I took the mic and said we were going to honor a very special couple. We told them we hoped our marriage would be as amazing as theirs. We played their song for just them while we went and mingled. They had another first dance at our wedding on their 5yr. They loved it so much!!
NTA. Why feel guilty? Your anniversary is likely shared by millions of couples worldwide. I think it’s sweet that you get to share a special date with your sis – even more so because you were generous in not making a big deal out of it.
Try and remember that you’re allowed to take up space in the world.
My niece had her son on our anniversary. It simply makes the day more special. Enjoy in the way that makes you happiest!
NTA Honestly it’s a good excuse not to forget each others anniversaries plus there are plenty other people in the world with that wedding anniversary you’re sharing it anyway.
The softest of a gentle YTA that I can possibly give, and it might be more of a “no one is an” I say this for two reasons. Firstly to yourself, for only framing the possibility of sharing an anniversary with your sister as a negative thing. Which might be what caused the second thing. I think you removed her agency to make her own decision by neglecting to inform her that it was your anniversary.
I honestly think she would have jumped at the chance to share an anniversary with you, which is testament to how good of a sister you are, but she wasn’t given the choice.
Sarcastic-YTA. Anniversary dates need to be unique, that’s why there are only 366 married couples in the world.
I have 4 sisters. I WISH I had one like you! That was so kind and considerate. Don’t think of it as spoiling her day, think of it as something the two of you will always share. One day, maybe the four of you can even double up on an anniversary vacation. I don’t think you did anything wrong at all!
NTA, especially it doesn’t sound like she cares! She came and made sure it was OKAY with you!!! I think it would have been smart to tell her and let her know how much you’d support her having it because some people might HATE that but since she doesn’t mind you have no reason to feel guilty. Honestly so many people share a same day. People usually celebrate as a couple on their anniversary’s and not often with others so it’s not like it was on a birthday where someone might need to choose between things. I wouldn’t care if I shared an anniversary with my siblings
>Just the idea that they’d be out celebrating and in the back of their mind, knowing it’s my special day too.
Do you feel the same way about the thousands of other couples who also got married on the same date you did?
No?
Then, to be blunt: get over it. You and your husband will do your thing. Your sis and BIL will do their thing. Never the twain shall meet.
You’re picking up burdens that don’t even live in your area code. Knock it off.
Get a grip, this is first world fucking problems🤦🏻♀️
NTA
In my family, we made it a tradition to marry at the same date. My late grandparents, my parents and my sister share the same aniversary date. We congratulate each other, go for dinner together and we all think it is really funny. Let‘s see if the kids will continue this tradition. 😀
This is the most wholesome AITAH post I’ve ever read.
TL;DR You’re overthinking it and you are being silly, but it shows how much you care for your sister. If anything, sharing an anniversary date only strengthens your bond IMO.
There’s even a natural little game to play — one of you calls the other to wish them a happy anniversary and the other wishes them one right back. 🙂
That’s not even logical. Sounds like you thought you did some noble thing and you came on here to have praise heaped on you.
NTA! When we were looking for wedding dates, we found one that was the same date as one of my husband’s best friends had got married the year before. We messaged to ask if they minded if we got married on their first anniversary, and they said of course not. We acknowledge it every year and it’s sweet and makes no difference. Honestly I’d say it would be lovely to share a date with a sibling! You are very sweet.
Oh my gosh. I don’t have a sister but always wanted one. Will you be mine?
My parents and my aunt and uncle (dad’s sister and her husband) share an anniversary, and my husband and I got married four days after their anniversary. I promise it’s not a huge deal. Besides your actual wedding day, the only people who should really care about your anniversary that much are you and your spouse. Enjoy your celebration!
A cousin of my family got married on my grandparents’ wedding anniversary, when they initially picked the date the couple had no clue, their parents or grand parents told them. So they found out that my grands would be the longest married couple at the event. Instead of tossing the bouquet, they did a dance and slowly called off time frame of being married until it was just the new couple and my grands. The bride then with tears gave the bouquet to my grams and told her that she and my grandpa were couple goals (which they were for way other reasons).
So no, your NTA, as someone else said life overlaps, look at it as an honor that you and your sis get to separately share an amazing day full of love.
Maybe even make a thing where every 5 years or something you 4 go do some amazing trip. The rest of the time it is just each couple doing their own thing.
My brothers anniversary is my birthday. We just laugh about it. I actually like that on my birthday I can think of them. (Super ironically my partners ex wedding anniversary from his last marriage is my mom’s birthday.) These things are not a big deal as long as no one involved is a narcissist. Sounds like your family is happy and there’s nothing for you to feel guilty about. 😊
Does the sister have any problems with it? If not, why the issue.
I randomly picked a wedding date which turned out to be my in-laws anniversary . Seventeen years later my husbands brother got married on the same date.
NTA! I think it was nice of you to let her have it too. I think its also very nice that she cared about it to make sure you were still good with it too. That’s love. <3
NTA. I probably would have told her, but I don’t think it was an asshole move not to. PLUS this is the perfect excuse to have two fancy dinners in a row since you can always go out with your sister a few days later or something and celebrate the four of you then!
One that will be easy to remember- like combo Dad birthday/ son anniversary.
Bright side… you will NEVER forget your sisters anniversary. Cheers!
I think it was wonderful of you to not steal your sisters day from her. I think it was also kind of her to make sure you didn’t hold a grudge that she stole your day from her.
Family is too important to have hurt feelings when something is important to another person.
No problem. Send each other cards. Heck, send photos the next day of what each of you guys did on your anniversary. There is only 52 weeks in a year. Millions of people get married each year. It’s bound to happen. Smile. Celebrate. Enjoy life.
My mother and father in law and my sister in law and her hubby have the same anniversary date in June. Coincidentally my parents had the same date too.
We share our anniversary with my grandparents and then our niece chose the same date so there were 3 couples in one family who lovingly shared an anniversary. Our grandparents are now gone but the memory of sharing our day with them will last a life time.
Absolutely NTA. My husband and I got married on Memorial Day weekend in 1995. Turned out to also be my Aunt and Uncle’s 50th wedding anniversary. We honored them at our reception. Sharing a date is totally not a big deal.
NTA. The only reason I absolutely wouldn’t get married on the same day as a sibling is because I don’t have any. Which tends to make such a feat difficult.
Most days are just days. Unless there’s some actual drama or pain that’s going to be stirred up, which in your case OP there isn’t, then I don’t see any issues.
Things might change if one of you divorce, but you may both have long, healthy marriages too. Why invent trouble? Enjoy your anniversaries, enjoy your family, be happy xx
This is one of the most wholesome Reddit posts I’ve read in a long time!
It’s so sweet that you’ve stepped in to fill the “mother hen” role for your sisters after the loss of your mother. The bond you have is beautiful.
The way you handled everything is so damn impressive! You have been effortlessly mature and empathetic in ways that so many people struggle to be.
The brain is weird. Sometimes it brings up a situation that you handled perfectly and still tries to find something to worry over. It seems the “sharing the date” is what your brain found to worry you about. Don’t worry though, it’s just your brain being silly and we’ve all been there. It never hurts to see a counselor to get that third party reassurance though. Sometimes my brain likes to hang on to things and the opportunity to get all my thoughts out and in front of someone else can help me get over it when I’m doing similar.
Don’t doubt yourself in this though! You handled the situation like a boss. It sounds like your sister loves you to the moon and back, and is completely content with the situation. If she’s anything like me, she probably enjoys having another thing for you to bond over. Plus on the bright side, now it’s one less day to get mixed up on in the family calendar.
There’s only 365 days of the year, everyone shares their anniversary with other people I think it’s cute you share yours with your sister!
Ironically my mom married my 3rd stepdad on the same day she married my dad 23 years earlier.
If it were a random date pick that just happened to be your day, I’d say you would be remiss to not pepper in that that day was also your anniversary. however, she wanted specifically the weekend after she got her MD, not just a random day. So pointing it out when she had hoped and planned the special timing of two amazing life events (while not an AH move), would have probably disappointed her to some degree because she would feel like she couldn’t take that day and wouldn’t have had that amazing meshing of two achievements in a magical moment. You were being empathetic, knowing she probably would have moved it but wanting to give her that ‘stars aligned, getting the special two amazing life events in one week’ moment. That was a selfless act.
NTA – I also didn’t tell my friend that it was our anniversary when she told me her planned wedding date initially. I knew she really wanted to have it on that specific day for a reason, and I wasn’t about to potentially ruin it by making it about me/my wedding years ago. The next time I saw her in person and the wedding planning came up I casually mentioned that my husband and I were going to stay in a nice hotel so we could celebrate our anniversary a little too. Then it clicked and she was like “omg that’s your anniversary!” And I said “yeah I’m so happy to share that date with you! I think it’s good luck!” And that was that 😊 the stories on here about women fighting over their anniversary/wedding dates are so ridiculous, no one should care that much.
NTA
Actually this is sweet! Also I picked my wedding date as the same day as my friend who had been married 27 years and counting. She didn’t mind at all!
I think it’s incredibly sweet. Your sister clearly didn’t mind enough to change the date, so she doesn’t mind sharing it with you. And you were a mature adult and didn’t raise a fuss. Now you can celebrate two happy days and happy memories, all together as family
She was at your wedding and didn’t remember the date of your wedding/anniversary. It’s pretty common imo to not remember the exact date for anniversaries for a lot of family or friends, but hey, the 4 of you will never forget the others anniversary date! Sounds like a win to me
Our really good friends ended up getting married one week after us, and we love it-
We even had an overlap with our Honeymoon and now years later still text each other Happy Anniversary- lol
NTA- if anything it will be more fun
Well at least You should never forget to wish each other a Happy Anniversary. Honestly, if she did not freak out why the heck are you? Would you be upset if she had a baby on your birthday, or would it be some sweet connection? I think you should call each other every year and have a Mimosa together over the phone for your anniversaries. You being silly.
My boyfriend and I have been together for fifteen years my parents anniversary and my mother’s birthday is on the same day. When my mom was still alive I would make them a cake that said Happy Annirthday and then head off on our Anniversary dinner with boyfriend.
They never cared and loved the cakes so win win.
If she doesn’t mind (and hasn’t brought it up), why should you feel bad?
You just simply sibling’d so hard you even have matching anniversaries.
You could look at it as something special both you and your sister share. It’s cute, but the anniversaries are your own and are individual because they’re still different. But it does give you a little bond. And you’re NTA for feeling like you do, we’re all entitled to our feeling, especially when it comes to something so personal. But it doesn’t sound like she didn’t really think about it, and you were super gracious about it. That’s all that matters.
My parents and my dad’s cousin shared a wedding anniversary, too. I always thought it was cool.
After the wedding it’s just separate couples celebrating their anniversaries. That was a very mature call you made, you could have easily been one of those nuts who freak out but you were just a normal loving sister. As far as the date now. Every date is many people’s special day, it’s also many people’s worst day, so just focus on yours and congratulate them too and keep being how you have been.