I (32M) have been dating my girlfriend (30F) for about 6 months now. We get along great, we have a lot of fun together, we have deep conversations and honestly I see potential long term, maybe even marriage and kids.
For background, my mom is a professional chef, she worked in fancy restaurants her whole life and at home I’d always help her out in the kitchen. I grew up eating and making all kinds of dishes Indian, Asian, Middle Eastern, American etc… I enjoy exploring different cuisines and experimenting with flavors.
My girlfriend however eats like a 7 year old on a chicken nugget diet. She doesn’t eat beef, pork, or fish only chicken. She doesn’t eat most greens unless they’re in a burger and the texture isn’t noticeable. No mushrooms, no beans etc.., no sauces with “weird stuff” (like anything with visible onions, garlic, etc). No spicy food, no creamy textures, no stews, nothing “too chewy,” “too saucy,” or might have a “funky smells.” You get the idea.
So for the past 6 months, I’ve been cooking almost exclusively chicken every time she comes over. And even then, she might not eat it. I once made a creamy chicken dish with asparagus in the sauce and she raised her eyebrows in disgust. Honestly, this is killing my love for cooking. I’m sick of eating chicken all the time, I swear I’m gonna start clucking soon and lay an egg.
I’ve tried to compromise, I asked her if she’d be open to trying new stuff slowly, or letting me make a dish where I can put her version and try to sneak in some small extra ingredients just to make her get used to other kinds of flavors but nope she refused the idea.
So I finally told her that if she’s not willing to budge, I’m not going to keep cooking meals that only she enjoys. I’ll still make something we can both eat every now and then, sure, but most days I’m going to cook what I actually enjoy. And if that doesn’t work for her, she’s welcome to bring her own groceries and I can guide her to cook her own meal or she can order takeout.
That’s where she got really upset, she went off saying, “You knew I was don’t eat most things from the start, so why drag this relationship on for 6 months if it was such a burden?” I said, ” I knew you were picky, but I didn’t realize how much, your list of no keeps getting bigger.” I told her it’s not the end of the world, and we can make separate meals, but I just won’t be cooking a separate meal just for her.
She said she doesn’t like to cook and that I’m being inconsiderate and a bad boyfriend for not doing cooking a separate meal for her because I am some what of a chef and I enjoy it. I said no I don’t want it to become a norm that I always cook two separate meals because that’s just extra work and unfair for me.
Now she’s upset, saying I’m selfish and uncaring, and that if I really loved her I wouldn’t make a fuss about this.
Also, don’t even get me started on picking restaurants that’s a whole other rant I won’t get into. Just know it’s a nightmare.
So AITAH?
Comments
Tell her there is a compromise. You make your meal for you and then throw some dinosaur nuggs in the microwave (or air fryer) for her.
NTA
She says you are selfish and uncaring. So is she if she won’t try any new food or get professional help.
NTA. You’re not a short order cook, and love isn’t measured in chicken nuggets. If she won’t budge, this isn’t about food it’s about control. Time to ask Is this the only area where she refuses to compromise, or just the first one you’ve noticed?
you’re not compatible
You’ve been patient, but it’s fair to cook what you enjoy. If she won’t try new foods, she can make her own meals. It’s about balance, not doing all the work.
When someone plays the “if you really loved me” card, that’s when I realize I don’t. So long. Bye. See ya.
childish partner…. the hardest.
easy to say; break up. she doesn’t wanna eat, she doesn’t wanna cook. and saying that your selfish? dont even one step back, continue with this attitude. cook for yourself, enjoy it. and never cook for her, keep saying that you can guide if she wants to cook for herself
if you are in a relationship, you must be able to change. and she’s definitely can’t.
breakup, or make her breakup
Dude, NTA. Cooking’s your jam and her nugget life is killin’ your vibe. She gotta meet you halfway or cook for herself. Love ain’t about becoming a short order chef. Stick to your spatulas! 💪🍳👨🍳
NTA- I understand not wanting to cook a separate meal. And her response was a bit emotionally immature. Nevertheless, it possible your gf has ARFID? Sometimes people get labeled as picky eaters but it could be more than that.
People with ARFID get repulsed by certain tastes/textures. It can be hard for someone with ARFID to force feed themselves a food they have an aversion to. To the point their body rejects it by loosing appetite or straight up yakking.
Kick her to the kerb. Move on to some one who will enjoy your cooking. It will only get worse.
You tried to meet her needs, but it’s not fair to always cook separate meals.
I’ve had to cook for picky people before and it’s so annoying, now I just refuse. I cook what I want to eat and if they don’t like it then too bad. NTA, but this seems like a big deal for both of you. The compromises you suggested seem fair, if she isn’t willing to compromise on something that is clearly very important to you it may be time to re-evaluate this relationship.
You’ve been way more accommodating than most people would be. It’s totally fair to set that boundary—relationships are a two-way street, not a private chicken restaurant.
NTA. You offered some reasonable alternatives and found a spoiled brat child, not a woman. I would not put up with the attitude
Ewww she isn’t the one. NTA
damn why is it so difficult for her to put frozen food in the microwave for dinner? sounds like it’s the only stuff she eats 💀 NTA, it’s been only 6months, find yourself someone more compatible, being 30 and eating like a kid is kinda crazy
NTA. But why are you hanging in there? Your relationship will never work. You are wasting your time, honestly. She’s not able or not willing to change her diet, and you’re losing so much quality of life by that. Find someone who fits better. Sorry to say that but you’re incompatible obviously.
Keep a jumbo sized bag of cheap frozen chicken nuggets and fries in your freezer.
Every time you cook up a delicious meal for yourself, chuck some of her stuff in the microwave or air fryer and be done with it. Make sure it’s a simple one and done cook method, nothing more nothing less. It will be annoying at first but so easy long term that it might alleviate the burden for you both.
She can have the same thing every time she is at your house or start bringing her own.
(I already think this is way above and beyond but it would be the least amount of tension/arguing)
Nope. You aren’t. Her mindset is stuck at age 10.
You are ready to compromise. She is not.
A relationship is about compromise. Make of that what you will.
Nta
Wait, the only meat she’ll eat is chicken, but she’ll only eat greens if they’re on… a burger?
NTA. Funny how you are selfish and uncaring, but her making her out food like a functioning adult and not being entitled to your effort isn’t.
This doesn’t need to be a big deal, but she is acting like a baby. I am a pretty picky eater (not to the extent she is though), so either my husband eats what I cook, or we eat separately. My daughter would eat what I cooked when she was a little kid, then went through a stage of eating only some kind of chicken in breadcrumbs for a few years as a teenager, so cooked herself. There is no reason she can’t cook for herself and you cook for yourself. It doesn’t have to be a deal breaker.
You can either decide to stick with the toddler diet forever, but completely ignore it. She gets no attention, you don’t cook for her, and you cost restaurants based on your tastes even if she throws a tantrum.
Or you can ask yourself if you really want the next decade to look like this.
“She doesn’t like to cook” and expects you to cook her baby food every time? Come on, fuck that. She can cater to herself. It’ll be a lot less fun for her when she’s the only one paying attention to it.
Experience : it doesn’t get better with time, your frustration will only grow, because food is important, as someone who perceive that, it will eventually suck out the pleasure to spend time together, even holidays and nice events. Sorry man, but long term will be difficult even if the rest is great. She has to grow up.
You are not compatible. It’s not just the at home cooking. It’s every restaurant, every travel adventure, staycation- you eat 3x a day- if you are a person who finds joy in new foods and flavors and she is not, you need a new GF.
Nope… NTA.
Otherwise you’re signing up for a lifetime of basically cooking only chicken nugget type stuff for her. She might have some sort of food issues, and that’s not her fault. expecting you to be her constant personal chef? That is.
u tried to be kind and flexible, but it’s fair to want to cook food u actually enjoy. relationships go both ways 💛
As someone with a lot of miserable dietary restrictions that make me hard to cook for, I have a ton of sympathy for your girlfriend. I love being cooked for, but a lot of people decide it’s too much trouble, and it stings. It doesn’t sound to me like she’s “picky,” whatever that means, it sounds like she has sensory issues that make flavors and textures that would be fine for most people unpleasant for her. That doesn’t deserve your contempt.
However, her entitlement is WILD. At six months, I’d be questioning if this relationship is going in a direction you’re happy with or not.
NTA. I honestly could not see a long term future with someone like this. I had one boyfriend who also ate like a toddler but he at least was open to try new things and by the end had really expanded his palate. I love cooking and eating way too much. My family and I have all been in the food world in different capacities – restaurants, food product companies, hospitality, farming. People may think it’s shallow but if someone could not deal with one of the main areas of your lifestyle, you would also be incompatible.
sounds like she’s picky and never learned to cook.
she’s happy for you to eat meals you don’t like or cook her separate meals. she refuses to try anything new or cook for herself sounds like she just wants a personal chef
but even if you ignore all that. you enjoy cooking new things and experimenting. you also enjoy trying new food. can you really spend the rest of your life with someone who only likes chicken nuggets. if picking a restaurant is hard imagine having to do it every couple of weeks for 30 years. imagine going on holiday to Italy or China or Prague and having to find restaurants that serve chicken nuggets and chips cause thats all she’ll eat. if you enjoy food then its not worth the hassle
NTA and seriously, she’s 30 and still using Mean Girl adolescent language to a man who is happy to cook for her. Please, for the sake of any children you might have, move along and find a grown-up to be your partner. You don’t want to risk them having her i.q. or temperament.
Get out get out now. Food is a big part of your life and she is rude and entitled fuck her right off. What else is she afraid of and is she the same when she has to deal with challenges in life. You don’t want to live with a No No person- can’t adapt can’t or won’t learn or change or grow. So I know it’s off tangent but these kind of people are hiding all kinds of issues.
NTA but I also don’t actually think she is a picky eater in the sense that you believe. I have autism and have big sensory issues with food to the point certain texture and tastes make me feel ill or are difficult to swallow, so it’s not actually out of the question that she might be autistic or have a food sensory disorder like arfid. Have this conversation with her, but also she needs to be considerate of your feelings too and be willing to talk things out without there being animosity
NTA. She needs to look up “selfish”
You’re ‘somewhat of a chef’? The response is ‘Yes, and chefs cook meals, not crap. I don’t work in a McDonalds.’
What would she do if you’re not dating? Starve? What did she do six months ago?
Although YTA for saying you were trying to get her to try new foods and you gave her something with asparagus in it – that is a very strong flavour and will only put off someone who is into very bland foods.
Honestly I’d say break up. It’s only been 6 months and what seems like an okay compromise now will feel like a burden later on. Plus if you are thinking kids her diet will have an impact and make it harder for you to expand your child’s diet as they will see mum with the simple foods and may only want that too
YTA for wasting both of y’all’s time. Leave her and find someone who is an actual adult.
What does “raised her eyebrows in disgust” even mean
She asked a legit question, why did you drag this on for 6 months? So you could change her? She’s not changing.
She can always grab her mc nuggets on her way to home lol
NTA, two meals is too much to expect you to do. I agree with the suggestion above to just have packs of frozen foods at your house to chuck in the oven (you or her, depending on what works as a couple).
But I wanted to ask, have you heard of ARFID? It really seems like she may have it. It stands for Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. It looks like a severely limited diet, sensory issues with foods, inability to eat/try new foods, sometimes inability to eat anything that isn’t exactly the same every time. There’s a couple of causes, namely autism and food trauma when young. I have the disorder and it sucks like hell. I want to eat different, but often foods just start sending off signals in my body like “this is wrong, don’t eat!!”, almost the same as you would feel if you sat down and saw a moldy meal – the brain and body fully reject it out of safety. If you want more information, I’m happy to share.
She acts like a child, you may not have noticed it yet but she probably acts like a child with many other things too. Bet she struggles with how to clean. If you stay in this relationship you’re mad, YTA.
NTA. Is she neurodivergent? Also, there is a condition where a person has issue with tastes and textures, but the name of it escapes me at the moment. I’d say she can cook her own food and you cook yours.
I’m sorry but this is going to be a much bigger issue the longer you are together and I can guarantee if you have kids they will use mums attitude towards food to their advantage and only eat nuggets.
If food is your thing then this is not the girl for you. It’s six months and you already can’t deal.
I on the other hand would totally sit at your table and try anything you want to cook.
NTA
NTA is you make your girlfriend your ex-girlfriend.
YTA if you keep dating this woman. It sounds like she has the mindset of a literal child. How can you even contemplate taking this girl seriously for marriage and possible kids if she can’t even give them sound nutricianal guidance? Eating is so much of our identity. You know this being the son of a chef. I agree with her. Why did you let this relationship go this far; You can’t change people. They just develop at their own speed or not. If you try to make this work, she will do the same type of thing with other issues. Instead of trying to fix broken, you should leave and find a woman who WANTS to get on your program. This woman will lose respect for you if you try to mold in to hers. The fact that it is 6 months in and you’re turning to Reddit for help means this is not a viable situation long term.
NTA she’s behaving like a child
As someone who entered a relationship as a “picky eater” it frustrated my partner when I struggled with trying new food. I was the chicken nugget, Mac and cheese and potatoes girl. (if I’m honest I still am but I’ve expanded). She loves to try everything and has learnt to understand what my maybes and absolute no’s are. In your girlfrneds viewpoint, I understand what it feels like to be stressed, uncomfortable or feel physically unwell when trying new foods. Textures stress me out and for a bit I thought I had afrid. I was wrong and my girlfriend was so right to encourage me to try new things. I now know I love raw fish, many other cheeses more than brie (it was the only “fancy” cheese I would eat) PEPPER (love pepper now) and embarrassingly, vegetables. I think she does need to compromise. You have such a wonderful relationship with food and I believe you could transform her world into curiosity, enjoyment and positive outlooks on trying new food. 6 months isn’t a long relationship but pushing back on food and refusing it for 6 months is a long time. You can always find someone who loves to try and experiment with food at the same level.
For me, I am so glad my partner opened me up to trying new food and I hope that she can see what she’s missing out on cause fuck I wish I’d been eating this food so much earlier.
Tell her, that if her really loved you, she would be open to taste new things. And tell her, that with that with her diet she will be pretty unhealthy pretty soon.
NTA. My life moral is we get 3 meals/day- I want to enjoy them all. You’ve been generous so far to accommodate her for this long. Sounds like she’s gotten used to it now and is too lazy to cook for herself. What did she do for food before she met you??
I don’t think you’re compatible. Food is a huge part of a relationship. You’re only six months in.
NTA. I have picky kids to cook for and it’s taken away any joy I ever felt for cooking, I could not do that for a grown ass adult, day in and day out. It’s super childish and petulant of her to expect you to cook her baby meals for her in addition to what you want to eat, not to mention refusing to even consider trying anything new.
OP I think you’re wasting time if you stay in this relationship. You’re looking at a future without the enjoyment of adventurous cooking, and I’m assuming restaurant dates are out too if she’ll only eat a few basic things. She’s asking you to give up a big part of your life and be limited by what she will and won’t eat, and she is telling you she isn’t willing to even try to cook her own food. And she’s trying to make you the bad guy for getting fed up with her unwillingness to budge on any of this. She may be great in many ways but this is a pretty major incompatibility rearing its head.
You are dating someone with ARFID. It is a relatively newly recognised eating disorder. My kid with autism has it and so do I to some extent. Dino nuggets in the air fryer is your friend.
Honestly, if food is this important to you (and I’m not being dismissive, it is to me), you should break up. My partner used to be an “eat whatever I served” type of guy. One day his food habits changed. Things have essentially sucked since then. We were already married with kids at this point, so I wasn’t leaving over his picky eating. But it sucked bc it ruined something I loved. Don’t stay with someone who ruins something you love.
OP, food is your passion and your love language. She will never fully appreciate you and is a selfish AH.
You’re not compatible and you’re arguing regularly only six months into a relationship. That’s a bad sign. She’s already entitled, manipulative, and not capable of gratitude or self reflection.
What else will she ruin for you? What else will she refuse to try?
Please dump her for your own sanity.
If she had food allergies or intolerances, I’d understand. She has to eat a certain way or she’ll get ill. But nah she’s just incredibly fussy and dull when it comes to food and has no ability to compromise or cook for herself. It’s all very immature and more like a spoiled, bratty kid, to be honest.
Almost makes me wonder if there’s some psychological pathology or disordered eating at work. Some folks with OCD, for example, can’t handle their food touching on a plate. No idea if this runs that deep.
Does her unwillingness to explore new things extend to travel, hobbies, sex? If so, this sounds like a very boring and challenging life. And her approach of “make me boring meals indefinitely or you don’t love me” seems very inappropriate and manipulative.
Gotta say, she’s not looking great here.
I hope nobody else with ARFID is reading these comments to see how much the world hates us
Definitely NTA
Have you tried talking to her about why she might be so picky?
NTA. You love to cook; she hates everything. What should be your strength in the relationship is totally negated by her unwillingness to go beyond her narrow taste palette. Unless she’s hopelessly wonderful in every other way, I think you should move on from this relationship.
Why is she throwing a tantram? What did she do for sustanance before you? Sometime in the evening I have no drive to cook so I do a small charcutery board it only needs asembling (nothing fancy just a tomato and some chese some salami, etc) through a n airfryer meal in for here.