My mom hardly ever throws parties for her birthday, but this year for her 50th birthday she wanted to do something special and we were all excited to do it, but I found out that my youngest sister would be attending. And I refuse to go.
My sister said a little over a year in prison for her part and some pretty aggressive bullying of a young girl that went to her high school. This ended with a young girl taking her own life. My sister was 18 at the time so she was charged as an adult still getting a pretty small charge. Only serving about 1 1/2 years of it. She’s just got out and is doing probation.
She’s staying with her dad for most of this so I didn’t expect her to come to the birthday party, but after finding out that she would be invited I quickly canceled. Stating outright that I would not come if she came.
Legitimately I’ve always seen my younger sister as a mean girl. She’s always been mean she’s just always been a bad person in my view. Since about middle school, we’ve had issues with her bullying girls. She doesn’t get along with other girls. She’s extremely pretty so she’s been able to easily attract boys that she really just used, and had already started cheating when she was 15. She’s just never treated another human with respect.
after I decided I wasn’t going to come my mom tried to guilt trip me saying that my younger sister had had a hard time and that she miss me. I told her I really didn’t care and that I was disgusted with how she had behaved so my mom went into a rant about how my younger sister had a horrible time, locked up and had suffered a lot of abuse ranging from being attacked by other inmates to being SA’d. I told her that no one deserve to be treated that way, but I have no empathy for my sister. The way she had treated other human beings and especially that young girl were so inhuman that I had no empathy to spare for her.
My mom feels like I’m being too harsh on her and that it’s not right for me to not feel bad for her to not come, but honestly, I don’t know if I can hold my temper there, especially if she’s trying to victimize herself.
Am I the A hole?
Comments
Protect your peace
Mom i am only showing her the same empathy she has always shown me and every other living soul she has encountered. Sorry she had a rough time lightly paying for her horrific crime. She is welcome to return to prison if being mildly disappointed i dont want her in my life is to painful. Feel free to keep enabling and downplaying who she really is.
YATAH if you miss your mom’s birthday party. It’s a big day for her, and that is who you are there to celebrate. I completely understand not wanting to associate with your little sister, but it’s only for this one day. Act cordial, don’t allow her to distract you away from why you are there. You’re not the a AH for lacking sympathy for what sis went through during her time in prison, either. NTAH for feeling all the feelings that you feel towards your sister. It’s all very valid.
But your mom’s 50th, hun!?! In my experience, I think you will feel a lot of regret if you don’t go to the party.
NTA. OP your mum sounds like narcissist who doesn’t seem to care or take any form of responsibility for her youngest daughter who turned out to be a bully and murder.
I would never allow or continue to have a relationship with one of my siblings or children if they done something like this to another person for no reason.
OP I would suggest that you go full No contact with your mum and sister for your peace of mind and also for your own safety 🫂
This is one of those situations where boundaries are important.
Your mom can invite whomever she wants to her birthday.
You are free to not go if you don’t like it.
Maybe your sister is still an AH.
Maybe serving her time changed her?🤷♀️
NTA, only because your mom trying to guilt you makes her TA.
NTA. Sounds like it’s time to let both of them go.
NTA
The courts allowing her such a short sentence are absolutely AHs.
YTA- Your sister is a bad person so you punish your mom for it by skipping her 50th birthday party? Make it make sense.
NTA
You know the party is your mother’s way to give your younger sister a clean slate, right? Everyone who attends is going to be expected to just forget what your sister did and her punishment.
If you do go and then refuse to see your sister in the future, it will be held against you.
Sucks for your mother, but your boundaries are healthy and need to be respected.
NTA. Tell your mother that you’ll be happy to take her out to celebrate the big five oh another time.
NTA – Reddit is out here making me a villain today because I’d go to the party, if your sister started any of her crap looking to get something riled up I’d just flat voice ask her “You’ve already killed one kid, why are you trying to work on your second? Most people learn from their jail time, not speed run back into a cage”
Dude just go and ignore your sister. It’s your mom’s 50th. You will regret this in the future.
Stand strong. NTA
NTA, and maybe instead offer to take your mom out 1:1 for a celebration dinner in the near future.
As for your mom’s stance on your sister…ask her if she thinks the family of your sister’s victim has forgiven her yet. If they haven’t, why would you?
Updateme!