So to preface this I’m (37 F) childfree (CF) by choice. I’m not a baby person. I don’t really like the stage from newborn to 6-9 months. And even though I feel more comfortable around children when they get around the 1 year mark, I still don’t completely like dealing with them until they are 2-3 years old. Once they can start using the toilet, wiping themselves, and actually voicing what they want is about the time I’m actually fully comfortable being around them. I’m not trying to be mean or anything but I hate crying, it’s like nails on a chalkboard to me (and not like in the motherly way of aww a baby is crying I have to try to make it better and that’s why I don’t like it [I say this because I’ve heard before it’s just “my natural womanly instincts” trying to get me to soothe it], but in a please shut it the fuck up I want to puncture my eardrum so I don’t have to hear it kind of way.) I understand that crying is the only way that newborns can communicate, but that doesn’t mean I want to be around for it.
I have a friend group that goes on vacation together several times a year. There’s a milestone trip for one of my friends (We will call them Diva) and we were discussing that we need to get on booking something. Basically, I’m like the travel planner for our group. I told Diva that the reason I haven’t been as on top of this trip as I usually am is because I don’t know what type of housing to look for. See we were told 2 months ago that our friend Betty’s daughter (Abby) was pregnant and her due date was a month before our vacation date. I was told through Diva that Abby still planned on going with us. I said that we need to make sure because our other friend Rose, also CF, and I would want to get a different place if that was the case. There was also a car situation that needed to be discussed because of room for car seats etc. Rose and I wouldn’t be riding with them so that part didn’t really matter to us, but it was kinda the more pressing issue at the time so that was what was initially brought up (I wasn’t there for this). The car issue was seemingly worked out for the time being but a lot has went on personally with Betty the last two months, so no one has really brought any of it back up to her because we didn’t want to add to her chaos at the time.
So last night when it was brought up to me about finding a place, and I told Diva I didn’t know what to look for, I got asked what does that mean. I explained that I had already told them that if Abby and the baby are coming that Rose and I would stay at a different Airbnb. Diva said that I was going to be the one to tell them that. And of course I was like okay that’s fine, I didn’t say I wouldn’t. Then Diva got really mad and was like damn it this is going to cause problems. I responded calmly with why would it? I’m not saying fuck her that she can’t go, I’m not saying I won’t go if they are going, I’m not saying I would never want to go stay under the same roof as them ever again on vacation because she’s having a child. What I am saying is that I don’t want to spend all this money to go on a vacation that I’m going to be miserable on. I go on vacation to relax, to catch up on sleep, to peacefully look at the ocean and hear the waves crashing and the seagulls chirping in the warm breeze….. not to be kept up by a crying newborn or to have to listen to one all day. We would obviously meet up to do activities and to hang out, but staying at a vacation home with a newborn is not my idea of fun or relaxing. I then got told again that it’s going to cause a promise, and Diva did what they always do and shut down and didn’t say another word. Diva is closer to Betty so I’m guessing maybe it’s been casually mentioned or something and that’s why Diva is so adamant it would cause problems in the group.
I spoke to Rose last night about it and we decided for the harmony of the group and to not add stress to Betty, we would just suck it up and deal with staying with them. But honestly, the more I’ve thought about the more pissed I’ve gotten and have a problem that they have a problem that we would want to stay somewhere else. It’s not affecting them in the sense of the vacation would cost them more not to all stay together. It’s more likely it would be cheaper for them to stay together and us separate (it may be a bit more expensive for me and Rose but we don’t mind that) than all of us because of stipulations that Rose and I have about a room. So the only conclusion I’ve come to is that the problem is the reason why I want to stay somewhere different, and I don’t get why it should be a problem at all.
And I know being CF I don’t know what it’s like to have a baby…. But I couldn’t imagine that I would want to go on 13 – 14 hour drive 1 month post partum (don’t know yet if she will deliver natural or by c-section). Also I wouldn’t want to drag a baby out for that long of a drive. And Idk how well newborns do in a tropical climate and the sun but it just doesn’t seem like a good idea to me. But again, I’m not saying Abby and her new baby shouldn’t come, just that I don’t want to stay under the same roof. So AITAH or is Betty and her people for taking it too personally.
Also sorry this turned out to be a rather long post.
Comments
[deleted]
I don’t see the issue. You’re paying for your own accommodations and just want some peace and quiet. It’s not like you’re saying they can’t bring the baby. A vacation with a newborn sounds exhausting for everyone involved tbh
You should prioritize your comfort and relaxation on vacation, especially when you’ve been clear about your preferences. Being childfree is a valid choice, and it’s important for others to respect your boundaries. While it’s tough for Betty’s family, finding a balance that works for everyone without compromising your peace is key. Have you considered suggesting an open conversation with Betty about how to make the vacation enjoyable for both families?
I’d drop out of this trip or stay elsewhere, rather than suck it up and stay with them.
It’s kind of wild to me that she’s entertaining the idea of taking this kind of trip with a brand new baby when she’s not even going to be cleared by her doctor post partum yet, either, and the baby has not been seen by its pediatrician.
Honestly, it sounds like everyone there is going to be taking care of her as a new mom, and helping her recover from her pregnancy.
V A C A T I O N should be just that.
To VACATE.
Get your own room, and don’t you dare feel guilty about that! (And this is posted by someone with a child.)
Nope. I wouldn’t wanna stay with a newborn baby on vacation either. Totally fair for you and Rose to get your own place. Tbh, I’m having a hard time understanding why anyone would have a problem with that.
I’m on the same page as you as far as taking the baby on vacation as well. It seems kinda strange to me to take such a newborn baby on a vacation like that. I wouldn’t be surprised if Abby changes her mind and decides to stay home after having the baby. Seems like that would be best for everyone.
Wow, I can’t believe Abby is still planning to go on the trip one month after giving birth! The baby could be late- or even early and need to spend time in the NICU. Mom may need a C-section and that is a longer recovery. And who knows the baby’s tempermant? My baby #1 would have been a perfect traveler at one-month old. But even then, he was up every few hours to eat and slept a lot. My second one? Hell no! Poor kid suffered from undiagnosed acid reflux and cried A LOT. He never slept and was very fussy.
Even if baby was older, not everyone wants to vacation with a baby so you are not the AH.
Should that baby even be going on a trip?? I get since your CF you might not know it but newborns shouldn’t be in a car seat for more than a couple hours. 12-14hr roadtrip is NOT a good plan for an infant!
Nope, not at all. The only small children I want to deal with are my 4 grands. Of COURSE I am biased 😍, but my daughter is pretty firm with them so we generally don’t have issues with them being disruptive.
ESH, I feel like your actions fed into this drama. Why would you just not give the option of the 2 airbnbs and say it’s for Abby when she travels to have a quiet place for the kid. You framed it as a “baby’s the problem” instead of “I am the problem because I will be loud” you also could have sprinkled in that Abby and the baby might want alone time and it’s easier with less people.
You should be able to do what makes you comfortable and you shouldn’t have to get permission for it. Especially when you are planning the trip
NTA. Just please get your own Airbnb and enjoy your vacation. Life is too short to put up with a screaming newborn on a vacation you paid good money for.
NTA No one should be taking a 1 month old baby on a vacation with lots of other people.
New borns should only be in a car seat for 2 hours without a break out of the car seat. A 12-14 hour drive is ridiculous.
New borns don’t get their first series of shots until 2 months.
Has the new mother even asked if everyone on the trip has a current DTAP vaccine?
There’s a measles outbreak now. Babies don’t get the vaccine until 12 months.
Don’t go on the vacation because you’ll be right back here upset that the vacation revolved around the baby.
Find a condo building and get 2 units. This shouldn’t piss anyone off.
NTA. I don’t understand why separate accommodations is a problem.
NTA – I like babies- I have kids myself. I would never EVER want to have a relaxing vacation with them. It is never relaxing. You are spot on- there will be crying and the whole vibe will be different. It will then become “they are a baby …. You just have to understand”. No. No you do not. Get your own accommodation. I cannot imagine going even half an hour away that soon after giving birth. Not to mention babies that little aren’t fully vaccinated nor would a doctor recommend either a newborn or he postpartum mother to travel . I would consider maybe vacationing separately- the rift is already there for this year.
NTA
But this is ridiculous.
It’s not even your friend’s baby, it’s her grandchild? Why is Betty dragging her daughter and a newborn on holiday? If she is the only support Abby has, Betty should stay home with her. If Abby has somebody else, Betty can go alone.
I’m a mother.
If one of the grandmothers had suggested taking us on holiday with her friends when my baby was a month old, I would have called her crazy and obsessed.
If somebody tried to tell me now a newborn wouldn’t affect my holiday, I’d call them crazy, too. And I don’t party, at all, but you can’t even get enough sleep with a newborn. That’s normal for them, which is why the baby needs to stay at home.
NTAH. I have a child and I don’t want to have children around on an adult girls trip. If any of my friends had tried to bring a baby on an adult trip, I would have not gone.
Such a long drive with a newborn could be very hard. Vacationing with a newborn sounds like not a lot of fun, but I guess it’s Abby’s choice? The problem is Diva shutting you down when you explained your predicament. The solution is not to agree to all stay together but to go ahead and get those separate reservations; or alternatively you can opt out and let Rose decide what she wants to do.
100% NTA.
NTA but I seriously think the others should rethink bringing a month old baby on vacation. They’re not vaccinated yet, are hopefully just settling into a routine (that would be upended on vacation) and there are a ton of things to concern themselves with.
Frankly, if they choose to go, a separate accommodation seems like a reasonable request. I have kids but would still want to join you in the other place. Your friend won’t be able to do as much while juggling nap and feeding times as well as ensuring they’re protected from the elements, etc. not to mention tons of stuff to lug around. I remember being a month out and didn’t want to leave the house due to all the stuff I needed to bring. We didn’t go on vacation until he was 2.
I bet that the issue is, if you are staying elsewhere, you can’t be used as a babysitter.
NTA
Mom here. The last thing I wanted to do one month after giving birth is go on vacation. This is not a realistic plan.
NTA. I wouldn’t stay with a newborn on vacation and I’m a baby person.
NTA, as a parent I’m unsure as to why they’re choosing to go somewhere that far away when they’ll only be one month old. Babies aren’t supposed to be in direct sunlight at that age, shouldn’t be in car seat past 2 hours and even if they have no complications in the birth with baby being exactly on time (not common for a 1st baby if it is hers) then they’ll be exhausted and still getting in the swing of things. So yes stick to the separate accommodation as Abby may well realise she has to cancel when babies here.
I’m thinking it is too early to be taking a baby on such a vacation and around a bunch of people. If everybody else is leaving kids at home, there should be no exception. Kids can be disruptive of any age. NTA. And I wouldn’t want to be trapped in a vehicle with a baby that will require stops as needed. Diaper changing for starters. If on formula, running out, having to heat bottles up. Once at the place, having to sterilize bottles, make formula. Carrying all needed for a baby can fill a car up. I say if Betty and baby goes, don’t be their uber. And do get a separate place to stay at. Others who stick it out probably be wanting to go where you are staying and let Betty have the whole place to tend to baby.
I’ve taken my newborn (now a 9 month old) on a few car journeys. As few as possible, but there were journeys we couldn’t avoid. I cannot imagine going more than 4 hours with him *now*, and I’d never have done more than 1 when he was under 3 months. You need to stop for a significant period every hour or so as the seat isn’t good for them.
On crying – I’d say I used to feel the same as you, but I now kinda understand different screams. Proximity to a scream generator has basically changed my brain. Now I can endure the screaming, particularly if it’s the “I’m hungry” scream or the “I need a change” scream, because I recognise it and can do something about it. Maybe it’s like death metal, like the first time you hear it, it’s just noise, but if you listen to it a few hundred times you start to hear the melodies? IDK, but non-parents just hear the worst noise in the world and have no way to do anything about it, which is definitely torture.
Insisting that other people have to share an AirB&B with a baby feels asshole-y to me. Organising a nearby second baby-free place feels like a perfectly reasonable compromise, and I’d be okay with that for all sorts of reasons than just babies. Kosher food, peanut free food, late risers, early risers, whatever. When we start to invest in other people doing the same as us even when they don’t want to, I think we slip into assholery.
NTA, you pay for what you want and you want to relax on vacation. It’s normal and you should not feel guilty about finding other solutions to enjoy yourself. Nobody can predict how they gonna react after giving birth. I couldn’t even attend my cousin’s wedding a month after having my baby. I know a friend who was perfectly fine going out 2 weeks after but without her baby. Some babies cry a lot, others are super calm, you never know. It’s because of this uncertainty, amongst other things that you are entitled to get a separate place.
IF True?
I think it’s time to find some new friends. Some who RESPECT your choices.
I have children, but COMPLETELY understand you not wanting to be around them 24/7. I, too, do not want to be around other people’s children 24/7.
NTA
I don’t see a problem for your reasons either. However before anything is booked – I would make sure to ask everyone if the rules are the same as they are when no kids are involved- I.e are they going to try to I institute restrictions of outings? Quiet hours? Etc because if you don’t get to appreciate your vacation in the same way – that is a problem for you and would also be solved by you getting your own place
Get two condos in the same building.
NTA
I have kids but don’t expect other to want to be around them 24/7. And I would completely understand a newborn.
You pay good money for vacations and you should be able to enjoy it as you’d like. I don’t see the big deal with getting two places.
UpdateMe!
NTA I’d bet she ends up backing out of the trip once the reality of recovering from birth and dealing with a newborn sets in. 4 weeks out from her due date could be two weeks out from a c-section depending on how things go. She’ll still be bleeding and trying to figure out how to breastfeed.
I’d get your own place just in case. I had one baby with colic and I would never subject anyone to that if I could avoid it.
NTA. As a parent, I think Abby is making a very poor decision. I assume she’s probably a clueless first time mom who has no idea what she’s getting into, but if I were Betty, I’d be pretty firmly telling her that she is not going to have a good time on this trip, and also planning on skipping it myself to help her out. I barely even wanted to go grocery shopping for the first few weeks postpartum, going on a trip is nuts. Kid should be at least 6-8 weeks old before something like that would be feasible.
NTA. No way I would stay with a 1 month old on vacay. Never mind they should never be taking a 1 month old and if that baby’s pediatrician finds out about Mom’s plans, they will probably tell her she’s nuts.
NTA
And my bet is the others don’t want to stay with a baby neither but feel forced now because otherwise the new mother would be in an accommodation on her own.
Stay strong.
Your position is completely reasonable. I would say that staying in two separate locations does change the nature of the trip, and that might explain your friend’s reaction. But you know what else changes the nature of a trip? Bringing a 1 month year old baby!
I think you should hold the line on this. This is the first time. If you give in to keep the peace, from now on, every vacation will be “you did it before and it was fine” (it won’t be fine. You will be cast in the bad guy role of saying it wasn’t fine or having to lie and pretend it was okay and you will never enjoy vacation again).
If I’m getting this right, it’s not even your friend who is having the baby, right? It’s your friend’s adult daughter.
I’d go back to the group, say “Looking forward to seeing everyone!! Rose and I are getting a separate place close to the main location. Makes the most sense as we add to our vacation crew, needs change and we spread out. Here is where we are going to book. Letting you know so you don’t need to consider our special housing requests as you book :)”
I absolutely love babies. However, I’m thinking about some of the logistics. That car trip is gonna be way longer because you have to pull over and stop every time the mother needs to nurse the baby. We’re not in the Dark Ages of my youth when it wasn’t optional, and I can’t imagine anyone wanting to do that much traveling when you can only wear external protection. Also, all of the activities are going to revolve around the baby. We can’t go to place X right now because the baby finally fell asleep, is about to fall asleep, is too fussy to fall asleep, etc. some of your activities, especially alcohol related ones, would result in somebody have to stay behind, so the mother doesn’t feel left out. This isn’t a family reunion where everybody has a loving vested interest in this baby and they can’t wait to hold her and pass her around etc. which is still dangerous because of the whole immunization issue. Separate housing gives everybody the same chance to enjoy their holiday that they pay for..
NTA how are there only two people who don’t want to spend a vacation with a newborn?
Four weeks post birth – she will still be bleeding. Why on earth would she go on vacation with a four week old?? The baby wouldn’t even have their vaccinations. The baby might be overdue and only be two weeks old.
This is crazy!
NTA.
I don’t get how this new mom thinks travelling this distance, or vacationing with friends, with her newborn going to work. With both of my babies I was on a 3hour feeding schedule for the first 6 weeks minimum. Wake up, change, feed, snuggle and play for 15-20 mins, nap. Overnight it was dream feeds every 3 hours. I was lucky and have two kids that don’t cry almost at all, and are good sleepers, but that newborn phase is BUSY. I didn’t get out of my sweatpants that entire period, and any visiting went on in my home or on my deck. I would not have travelled. The earliest I travelled with either kid was 3mos.
NTA. It’s totally understandable to not want to stay with a newborn, or even with a small child. It’s not just the crying – they always need to be on their schedule which is totally different from yours. As far as the drive, that schedule includes stopping the car frequently for feedings and changings. I think at that age, you’re not supposed to let them stay in the car seat for more than like 30 minutes, and you’re not supposed to feed a baby in a moving car because it’s not in the carseat.
I’ve also never had a baby, but I wouldn’t bet too big on Abby actually making it. I’ve seen trips that were planned before baby came get canceled once the parents learned what it’s really like to live with a baby. If the baby is incredibly calm and easy, Abby is still spending a third of her time feeding and not sleeping at night. If the baby is not easy, she’s probably not leaving the house because it’s crying all the time and she’d be disturbing everyone in any public place if she took it out.
NTA what kind of crazy person travels one month postpartum by choice? Yes, if you’re fleeing war or famine, not a beach vacay
You’re going on vacation to relax I love children, and I have them, but when I go on vacation, especially now that they’re older I would want peace and quiet. Why would she want to bring a newborn on a vacation traveling with a newborn is gonna be an issue anyhow with no vaccinations and they’re too young if anybody has an issue with it, it’s their issue to have. I don’t understand what the problem is unless they are gonna try to press you to babysit.
Stick to your original plan. You are under no obligation to be held hostage to other people’s chaos. Instead of being angry and stressed you presented a great solution.
Don’t book and AirBnB. Book hotel rooms. You are making it far too difficult.
I think it’s weird anyone wants to go on a vacay with a 1 month old baby. Not fun for mom at all.
As a mom myself the only reason two of the women staying in separate accommodations could be problematic is if they wanted to make the baby everyone else’s problem so new mom gets a real vacation and because if the other women on the trip get tired of hearing or dealing with a newborn they will be a little jealous of you two and start doing separate airbnbs for future trips too, meaning less women on hand to handle the baby for the vacationing mom. I love visiting my inlaws because it really is a vacation for me, because they WANT to handle my munchkin for me.
Don’t waste your money and time off from work on a trip where you won’t be happy. Getting your own accommodation and car should not be a dealbreaker.
I’m not CF, but I would not want to stay in the same place as a one month old on vacation even if it’s my own kid. We did not travel when the kid was that age, never mind subjecting others to the situation. One month olds wake up every few hours especially if it’s a growth spurt. I wonder if there are others in your travel group outside yourself and Rose who would wish to stay elsewhere.
I don’t have a problem with babies but I wouldn’t share an airbnb with someone else’s newborn. Why is this such an issue? The only problem I see here is that if you and Rose get your own place, the rest of the group will want to stay with you and away from the crying infant.
I’m guessing that the new mother and grandmother are planning to force the rest of the group into taking care of the baby, so that mother and grandmother can enjoy a “break”. Speaking as an aunt, whose sisters procreated wildly, don’t fall into the trap.
1 month old is too young to travel imo. I didn’t do my first trip overseas until mine was 8 months. Mom should be traveling imo.
If the baby was 6 months plus, then yeah, just get an Airbnb with different wings, so you can isolate the baby when it is crying or needs a nap.
Then you just get two cars so one can be on baby time. That’s what I did, I went out with everyone, but nah time, I came home while everyone else enjoyed their time.
No one really sucks here, but everyone does seem to be a tad dramatic.
NTA I see this causing a problem in 2 ways one less people to pass baby off 2
And two if your in a separate air b&b it’s harder to get you and everyone else to stick to only baby friendly schedules and activities
I have kids.. my youngest is just over 1… I would not want to be on the road for 13-14 hrs with a newborn.. you also have to factor in stops to give baby a break because they cannot sit in a car seat for that long. And by breaks I mean 30 minute breaks minimum!!!! so extend that drive by another 10 hrs 😅 I don’t like other peoples kids… if your kid is whiny and crying I get over stimulated to the point that I need to puncture my ears too.. I can handle mine just not others.. I’d get a different airb&b. You deserve to enjoy your vacation just like everyone else. I don’t understand why your friends are all defensive about you being very firm with your boundaries and wants for your trip…
OP – NTA
I suspect the problem is that Diva’s intent is for everyone to pitch in caring for the baby so Abby and Betty get some rest.
If it is a beach house, air bnb situation – we sometimes found accomodations for family trips where there was one family suite or something a good way apart from the rest of the bedrooms or living situations… and that was for the people with the BABY.
That way, the baby could nap and the rest of us could still hang out and not have to tiptoe around (I think they put the travel crib in the walk in closet for darkness and an added buffer. There was a baby monitor.
My point is that THEY may want separate accomodations so that if the kid is tired or over stimulated – or hell, the mom wants to nap with baby – they get peace and quiet and aren’t woken up by everyone else talking and or playing cards, etc.
I’d throw the whole thing in Diva’s lap, and Rose and you go on a totally different vacation to a different location, just the two of you. Don’t be bullied into wasting your money and time, and having a rotten vacation, screaming baby, shitty diapers, vomit, all while being bullied. It sounds miserable to me.
NTA I’m a mother and I would not want to spend my vacation with someone else’s newborn, it has nothing to do with being childless and all to do with wanting to relax while on vacation with adults only.
Diva is being very inconsiderate here by forcing the issue and I don’t think you should give in, you have no way of knowing if this baby is fussy or colicky which would be miserable for you, plus at that age they rarely sleep through the night so you may end up losing sleep.
NTA
I am also CF by choice, and I think you need to stand your ground on this issue and stay in separate accommodations. And not just because of the potential noise. Newborns require 24-hour care. And, it has been my personal experience (more than once) that if you are living in the same place with mom and baby (even if it’s temporary), you WILL be expected to participate in that care! They will say you won’t, but you absolutely will. Because it is always the expectation of women who either have children or wish to have children that all women love babies and want to participate in their care. If you don’t, you are “selfish” or a “child hater.” The way they are already treating you is a perfect example.
Plus, just so you know, even if you stay in a separate accommodation, any time you are anywhere with mother and baby, the same expectations will apply. It’s actually worse if you are honest and tell them that you don’t like babies, because this will cause them to try and prove you wrong by foisting baby on you as much as possible.
Your friend elected to have a child. You did not.
In your shoes, I would have something come up and not go on the trip at all and, instead, go on a nice vacation with a friend or friends who are childless.
NTA
As others have mentioned, it’s not appropriate to take such a young child, who isn’t completely vaccinated, on unnecessary travel.
Even if this baby is born without any complications and is healthy, the baby will be crying often, and will need lots of feedings and diaper changes. That’s not what you want to be around on your vacation.
I recommend you drop the rope and don’t do the planning for this trip at all. Let someone else do the work on this one.
Due dates are not set in stone. Abby, could could deliver 2 weeks before her due date,or 2 weeks after. So, her baby could be anywhere between 2- 6 weeks old. And, until she delivers, she has no idea if she or baby will be cleared for such a long drive. To say nothing of exposing an infant to strangers. Your group isn’t thinking with the best interest of the baby in mind. I would list all the reasons a trip with a newborn is not a good plan. If they all still insist on going, get separate accommodations for you and Rose.
NTA the birth mother is crazy selfish to go and bring a new baby. She really thinking of herself and don’t want to miss the trip..
I really don’t see why anyone would disagree with you and Rose..hell I’m a grandma and sometimes I don’t have the patience….enjoy your vacation tell Rose hello and enjoy
I’m a mom of 5 and I sure as hell wouldn’t want to share a place with a newborn. My kids are older now. I’ve done that. I have no desire to do it again with someone else’s kid. Also, they’re going to expect you to pitch in and help with the baby. It’s kind of natural I think for a lot of people to think everyone loves babies and obviously wants to hold them and help. Well, no. A lot of us don’t. Again. Love my kids to the moon and back, but i have zero desire to play mom with someone else’s kid on vacation. So, it’s really not just you being child free. I think the vast majority of people wouldn’t be happy with that situation. NTA at all. This is why I didn’t vacation with my babies when they were little. It’s not a vacation. It’s parenting somewhere else. It’s going to be a not vacation for everyone.
While I don’t empathize with the stridency of your feelings on this issue, I think it’s important to acknowledge that, given the stridency of your feelings on this issue, you are being accommodating, and I would argue, very accommodating. Your solution is reasonable and logical, and it’s ridiculous that a) they wouldn’t be on board and b) that none of them anticipated or even suggested it themselves, knowing your feelings. NTA
NTA. It’s not just THEIR trip. It’s all of y’all’s! Honestly I wouldn’t want to pay a good chunk of money to be kept up at night from a crying baby. Maybe y’all’s other friends are just butthurt they can’t do what you & your friend are wanting to do & get a room away from the baby lol.
Newborns should be in a car seat for max 30 minutes for the first 6 weeks where I am for safety reasons (babies blood oxygen level drops after this and they can asphyxiate/die) and then 2 hours max after 6 weeks. Can you imagine how long it would take to drive a baby 12-14 hours in half hour blocks?! Getting the baby out every half hour, having a break, then resettling them. And how unsafe and upsetting for the baby? Even more dangerous and life threatening if they ignore the guidelines. Plus, Abby will be absolutely shattered and the baby will be feeding every 3-4 hours if formula fed, or twice as often or more if breastfed. This seems so dumb. Betty had a child surely she knows how silly this plan is?!
I can’t see Abby going on this break. But even if she does, you’re NTA. Even if you liked children, living with a newborn is exhausting (wonderful and beautiful imo but absolutely exhausting). EVERYTHING is around the newborns feeding and sleep needs, as it should be, but it limits everyone else in the house severely.