I’ve heard this app is good for judgement so please help with opinions and advice. Please be kind, even if you don’t agree with my decisions.
Myself and my boyfriend (T) are both 26 and have been together for 1.5 years. My bestfriend (E) got married just over 1 week ago. Me and E have been friends since we were 5 and in preschool. I was her maid of honour and my boyfriend was invited, he’s friendly with E’s husband, not so much E but they do get along fine. The ceremony was perfect and the reception was going absolutely great.
Like halfway through the reception, me and my boyfriend had obviously had a few drinks. We were dancing and singing with E, her husband and others when my boyfriend got down on one knee, pulled out what looked like a ring box and started to say my full name in a serious voice. Obviously my heart absolutely dropped, E’s face dropped, literally everyone was looking over at us. I laughed and pulled him up and carried on dancing. He looked confused but put away the box.
E looked like she was about to cry and when I say I have never been more embarrassed, I mean I have never been so fucking embarrassed in my life. E’s whole family saw, some of my family were there and saw, all of our friends saw. If we disregard how completely tacky it is to propose at someone else’s wedding and steal their day, it was so obvious that he hadn’t even asked permission from the bride or groom before hand!!!
After about 5 mins of awkward dancing, T took me outside and basically asked “what the fuck was that”. I went off at him for the above reasons but he just doesn’t seem to comprehend why it’s wrong to propose at someone else’s wedding. Why the fuck would you gate crash someone else’s party? Why steal someone else’s special day? Why steal their thunder? We hadn’t even discussed marriage!! He took a taxi to his parents after we argued for about 15/20 mins and I went home when the reception ended.
Obviously I apologised profusely to E. She is understandably upset and has asked for space which I’m obviously devastated about. I feel like I lost my bestfriend and boyfriend in one night and neither of them have really spoken to me much in the past week. T is saying i completely humiliated him. AITAH here? I feel like I couldn’t have done much different in the moment but I’ve now lost the 2 most important people in my life due to my decisions. Any advice is so so much appreciated right now. Thank you
Comments
Quite frankly – what the fuck?
If he’s not emotionally developed enough to understand how rude it is to propose at someone else’s wedding, he’s not the one for you. I’m so sorry he embarrassed you like that. NTA
YTA- You should have sucked it up and said yes. Now you probably lost a friend and a spouse because you felt awkward? I don’t buy it hun if you are cheating on him just say it otherwise move on.
Dude sounds solid. Best timing maybe not. Got the ring without you paying for it too.
NTA.
This is wild. He needs to understand that you don’t propose without conversations first. Period.
AND you never propose at someone else’s event without true permission. Period.
He needs to grow up and take accountability. There is no compromising here. He owes the bride an apology. And you.
NTA – Honey you didn’t make the decisions, your (hopefully now) ex made the decision and he’s proven that he wants to be the centre of attention. If you want any chance of salvaging your friendship with E, you need to dump T and have him gone.
As for E. Write her a message along the lines of “T and I are done, I had no idea he was going to do something so idiotically stupid and I’m sorry it is a tarnish on your day. I love you, but after this message I will wait for you to message me, take as much time as you need” and then stick by that. Let her come back to you. You cannot force her forgiveness even though you were not and are not to blame. She will see that eventually. It might take time.
Best friend should come around once emotions have calmed down and realizes you don’t support BFs actions. I think you and BF are over, though. NTA for rejecting the proposal.
NTA – it’s highly inappropriate to use someone else’s day like this, and he should have known better. Social media has ruined people’s understanding of what’s appropriate. Most people don’t want someone else stealing their thunder. You did nothing wrong here. He just showed he’s not ready to be a supportive partner.
this is so embarrassing and cringe. If he doesn’t get that proposing at someone’s wedding without their permission beforehand is tacky af then yikes. and that’s not even taking into account if you ever WANTED a public proposal. I would’ve left him on his knees right there.
Apologize to your friend again after her honeymoon and reiterate that you had zero idea
NTA. Proposing publicly without even discussing marriage beforehand is stupid enough on its own, but to do it at someone else’s wedding without getting permission from the bride and groom is beyond stupid.
I hope your best friend comes around, you didn’t ask for this.
Asshole ex-boyfriend should feel humiliated, not because of what you did, but because of his stupid actions.
honestly if E “needs space” from you over something you didn’t initiate and even rather tactfully shut down, she is kind of meh as well. only true AH is T though.
Your hopefully soon to be ex bf is the obvious asshole here but I’m kinda mad at E blaming you for it. Like what else did she want you to do here?
He humiliated BOTH of you.
Your friend absolutely is crushed and he owes EVERYONE an apology.
NTA
NTA- girlllll for him to say you humiliated him is crazyyyy, what about you???? he’s so weird for not thinking that proposing at someone else’s wedding AND not even asking the bride and groom is not rude. you honestly dodged a bullet because this man is so incompetent is hilarious. i really hope that you and your best friend rekindle after everything is settled over and processed. wishing you the best going forward!
public proposals SUCK and they suck even harder at weddings. i wouldn’t want to say yes to someone who lacks foresight like that. NTA.
NTA, biggest red flags from hopefully ex boyfriend. Not respectful to you or your friend. Getting married is a two person choice that comes after a conversation. Not just when one person decides they’re ready. Yeah and obviously not at someone else’s wedding. Don’t feel obligated to apologize to this guy at all. He’s in his feelings right now about it and the fact that his first response is anger and saying you’re the one who embarrassed him? Nah man. A year and a half isn’t even that long in my purely personal opinion. Hope you and your friend get back together. I’m so sorry you had to deal with this shit that was explicitly NOT YOUR FAULT. xo
God he’s so insanely stupid.
NTA, you have to be pretty dense not to see how inappropriate it is to propose at someone’s wedding
T needs to get kicked to the C, as in curb.
Classless move by T. He needs to stop watching reels that promote proposing at other people’s weddings and be more original. Very few people are ok with this. You did your best stopping it and trying to play it off. Your friend should be praising you for acting so quickly once you saw what was going on.
Updateme
This is almost verbatim a post I read a couple of weeks ago or so.
NTA. He didn’t even discuss marriage with you and didn’t ask for the brides blessing. That’s two strikes too many. Why is he rushing to such a public proposal?
1.5 years and he proposed at a wedding??? Noooo, you are nta and he is 100% still a complete stranger to you, not even talking about only being together 1.5 years, but just the fact he thinks that kind of thing is ok at a friends wedding that he’s known for even less time. Absolute selfish man, I’m so sorry hun
NTA. Proposing at someone else’s event is tacky as fuck and awful. Proposing when you’ve not even discussed marriage before is reckless and dumb, and doing it publicly just sets you and your intended up for public humiliation.
NTA. There is no reason for E to be mad at you. I think it is so ridiculous when brides claim “x ruined my entire wedding”. It was a few seconds of a wonderful day. If she lets T’s actions spoil everything, then she really isn’t that great of a friend or person, TBH.
It sounds like you handled everything great and didn’t make a big production. You got him up, kept dancing and then took it outside. You were a pro!!!!
It is a shame that T was so clueless. You never propose or make big announcements at someone else’s wedding or party. If you consider doing that, you had better have permission.
Stop messaging E. Let her have this honeymoon and then once she is back home for a few days, ask to meet her for coffee or drinks. Hoping for the best 🙂
Does E think you were in on this?
She must, there is no other explanation.
People please stop reposting someone else’s posts. If you have no post to share, just stick to commenting or even just reading.
Why do you want to speak with him? You really want to keep dating this guy?
NTA. Very tacky to propose that somebody’s wedding and clearly you were surprised. Not your fault. Doesn’t sound like it was meant to be and I hope your friends can understand what happened.
he humiliated himself with his bs idea
Men can be dumb arses, I get the feeling he was completely ignorant to the whole ” not the done thing to propose at someone else’s wedding” I think he genuinely proposed because he’s ready to put “a ring on it” you can’t cure stupid, but you can love him, that’s allowed. However, the fact you haven’t gone to have a conversation with him about it is cold, and I bet he’s broken hearted, while you’re just embarrassed that he did the right thing, in the wrong time and place.
A public engagement, especially as a surprise, is such a bad idea.
And at someone else’s wedding? You were in for a lifetime with someone who has no cultural reference points, can’t read the room, pick up on context, etc. So, a lifetime of embarrassment.
NTA
Updateme
NTA
Tell T you will forgive him after he paid half of the wedding reception costs to bride and groom.
And then break up.
We’re gunna need an update on this one! lol
They both sound like ignorant foolish assholes. She clearly watched you stop the situation, which you had no idea was even going to happen.she blamed you for something you had knowledge about. It’s obvious why he’s an aasshole for doing what he did. They both blame you for what HE did. Why do you want either person in your life?
NTA.
NTA. you stopped an unwanted, show-stealing proposal at your best friend’s wedding
Bro wtf?
Nta. He is very obviously lacking maturity for marriage.
Drop the boyfriend. The reason isn’t that he’s a bad person per sé but the fact that he put your friendship with your best friend in jeopardy lile that without having half the brain to consult anyone is a fucking moronic. Your friendship will most likely not recover if you keep him so choose wisely.
NTA. The boy doesn’t have the class for you if he was stupid enough to do this
Wtf he ruined her wedding. You better dump him. NTA. Feel bad for your friend. Give her space. Dump the loser
NTA
I believe E will come around once the initial shock of not just the proposal, but the simple fact that she is now married, and all that planning is done.
She needs to take a deep breath and breathe for the first time as a newly married wife.
It will wear off… I am assuming she may also be in her honeymoon phase whether they went away or not.
Reach out with a text or email detailing what happened from your POV, that you did not know about this and how tacky you think it was.
You are sorry that brief moment caused a rippled effect of shock, confusion and humiliation.
Give her time.
As for your bf.
Ooof, he has really screwed up.
The fact that you have yet to even discuss marriage and he proposed is a red flag.
Then to be drunk/tipsy at a wedding and about to try to make a huge life choice… red flag.
With mutual friends and your family there, who unbeknownst to them, this was about to happen… red flag.
And then to propose, or at least try, at a wedding where the bride isn’t really a friend of his and he didn’t ask her or the groom permission?!
Yikes, a HUGE red flag.
You did your best to stop what was happening.
You now have a choice to make OP, will your bf stay or go.
You need to have that conversation with him, he bought a ring and to not have discussed anything with you… this needs to be a conversation now.
If he refuses to be an adult and have a sit down face to face conversation without storming off into another mantrum, then it is not meant to be and you need to stop wasting your time.
If he can handle a conversation, acknowledge that everything went wrong because of his choices, you might have a fighting chance.
As long as he never holds this moment over you in the future…
I am sorry you were humiliated.
That you feel you lost two important people in one night because one of them made a very dumb choice.
I hope the outcome is that you and E can laugh about this later.
Wishing you the best OP.
NTA. Not only that, you should really consider dumping your boyfriend. What he did was objectively wrong and tacky. Okay, fine. However, his inability to understand why what he did is wrong should be a huge red flag.
Sorry this happened to you, girl. Good luck.
Edit – NTA. Autocorrect changed it lol
Dump him and work on your relationship with your friend. Understand where she is coming from and let her know that he won’t have a chance to pull such rude shit again, because you dumped him. NTA
I think you did an excellent job of shutting down the whole situation down as best you could. Your boyfriend was an idiot. Maybe he’s young and just doesn’t know wedding etiquette or proposal etiquette, but you did a great job of stopping him as quickly as you could. I’m sorry this all happened. I’m sorry he was an idiot. And I’m sorry your dear friend is hurt. I hope she is mature enough to understand you had no part in this and are not to blame. Hopefully, she will forgive you soon.
NTA. Dump his ass.
You NTA but I don’t understand what is so wrong about it. Was the wedding and reception so fragile that a moment between two people who weren’t involved in the festivities ruined it as everyone here is saying? The flower girl shat in the isle, my wife’s grandma passed out, there was a literal fist fight, and one couple announced their divorce at mine and my wife’s wedding and everyone still had a hell of a good time. When did we become so fragile that this ruined a wedding that was over and reception that had already started.
Nta.
I’m sincerely hoping BF is going to be Ex-BF because that’s one of the most disrespectful and selfish things he could’ve possibly done at the wedding.
It’s a 1.5 year old relationship and you haven’t even discussed marriage yet, what was going through his troglodyte brain to come to the conclusion of “proposing at this couple’s wedding is the greatest idea in human history” and then to not even understand how he ruined their day?
He’s shown how selfish he is and he’s certainly shown how immature he is, he isn’t owed an apology for embarrassing himself with a proposal that was unwanted by literally everyone who was there barring him.
This has been posted before.
You reacted perfectly.
Stealing someone else’s special day because he was too cheap to bother taking you out somewhere special (a picnic at my favorite park worked for me) is a big red flag. Will you ever be special enough for him to plan a birthday celebration for you, or will he want to steal someone else’s party and give you a card?
NTA
Let him know that he humiliated himself.
No, NTA. Your best friend E should be more understanding given you had no idea what T had in mind. T needs to grow up. Best you move on from all this drama.