I am 24 years old and My wife is 25. She is pregnant and due later this year, I start med school next year, everything is already set and I have been admitted to school, however some of my wife’s family has openly stated that it’s selfish to go to med school because I have a kid on the way and they need my time, I decided to become a doctor before my wife was pregnant, and I postponed starting so I can be here with her throughout the whole pregnancy. I am a veteran and the GI Bill will help a lot plus i also receive VA disability, with my income alone we will be fine and I will try my best to be home and with my kid as much as I can, I am not going to med school because I want to be away but because I am working towards our future and my career. They keep telling me that school is too long and that It’s not a good choice. My wife has been supportive, I care more about my wife’s input than her family but I am just trying to see if I am being selfish from someone else’s perspective. So, AITAH for still choosing to go to med school?
AITAH for pursuing medicine even though my wife is pregnant?
r/AITAH
Comments
Being a dad and a med student? That’s multitasking on expert mode. You’re basically training to save lives while preparing for diaper duty. If that’s not dedication, I don’t know what is.
NTA. You’re investing in your family’s future, not just yours. It’ll be tough, but worth it in the long run. Hang in there!
NTA as long as you don’t neglect your familial responsibilities. In the long run what you’re doing is good for everyone. Congrats on both the baby and med school! Good luck op
Go to med school!
NTA. My fiancé is currently in school and about to be a dad. I support him 100%. In this economy you need the best job you can get especially to support a child.
NTA, helluva juggling act ahead with med school and baby, but hey at least you’ll be an expert diaper changer AND doctor by the time this kid’s in college.
NTA. Especially with your wife’s support and a plan in place to provide for your family. You’re building a stable and meaningful future, and that’s something to be proud of.
Your not married to them.
Your wife is supportive – that’s matters the most. Without that life would be difficult.
Do not give up med school! It’s in the best interest of your family and child. I was accepted to dental school and my fiance now husband didn’t want me to go so we can start a family. Granted he is a successful dentist and business owner and my education and income would be a drop in the bucket compared to where he already is, it was a very hard decision to make. If he was not in the position he is in, there would not even be a consideration to not go. What was hardest was thinking about how I had spent my entire life to that point to get that acceptance and opportunity. You will put your kids and family in a position in the future to have a foot in the door of opportunities they wouldn’t otherwise have. Absolutely do not listen to family who obviously do not understand the sacrifices you’ve already made or what you will be sacrificing for your family’s future if you don’t go.
No, you NTA. Your wife is lucky to have a spouse and father-to-be that’s willing to put in this very hard work bow to make your family’s future better and more secure.
Go to med school…don’t ever let anyone crush your dreams of bettering yourself!
What kind of family do you marry into to get shit for wanting to become a doctor? Yeah ur wife is pregnant so what. Do these people think life stops when ur having kids?
As long as you and your wife understand the challenges and are prepared for them and she supports you, who cares what other people say (even her family)?
INFO: is it long distance med school? Will you be away from your family for any amount of time? If not, I don’t see how this is different from being a new father with a very demanding job
NTA
My husband is soon to retire from the military but has taken full advantage of his military career and benefits to build a better life for us and our kids during his military diration and after retirement. Sometimes that means traveling and being away from us for a period of time. But it has and will continue to be beneficial in the long
Your wife sees the bigger picture you both are striving for. Mute out her families opinions and keep working to do better for you AND them.
NTA – just make sure you and your wife remember you are a team. You’ll both feel burnt out at some point, so have plans in place, so you’re not taking out frustration on each other. This is in the best interest of you and YOUR family. Kick butt in med school!
NTA
However what does going to med school involve.
Are you going to live away from your family?
I work, went to college at night plus have kids. It’s called adulting. It’s hard work and good for you but your in-laws commenting on this is wild. You kids need to be minded and provided for. Someone needs to work and make an income. You becoming a dr will be good for your family
NTA
Go and learn for your family’s future.
Or is the extended family offering to support your family and you for the next couple of decades? No? Thought so.
There’s never a “good time” to have a baby. You can plot and plan around schooling, but ultimately, the healthiest time to have kids is often in the middle of graduate school.
If I were you, I would go to med school. Your wife is supportive of it. Sometimes families like to be dramatic and stick their noses in places where they do not belong. This is one of those places. What you do with your career and wife’s support is not their business. Perhaps they are struggling with boundaries that get drawn when people move from being immediate family to extended. It is a transition. 🙂
That said, you will be stressed because of school, and she’s likely to take on a disproportionate amount of the child care. I think that it is easy to underestimate just how draining taking care of children can be. So do understand when you come home after having adult interaction (even if it is school) and she’s in need of empathy and time to do exciting things like go to the bathroom uninterrupted or take a shower.
Congratulations on medical school and the baby! Wishing you success in both career and family life!
NTA. My dad decided to make career switch to medicine while my mom was pregnant with me….from violin. She also had 3 kids after me, all while he was in school…So undergrad, residency, fellowship. I’m sure things were tight growing up, but I didn’t really notice. The caveat is that from my understanding, a lot of people with young families had a difficult time, so it’s important to find balance. My mom also was the primary income for our family during that time so didn’t get much maternity leave. I think it’s a situation where you have to acknowledge that you may be sacrificing short term comfort for long term stability….as long as you go in not assuming it will be easy, I think things can work out.
NTA I know people who were in med school pregnant. I’m sure it’s very hard, but if they can do it, you can.
Do not listen to them and GO to med school. If she starts acting psycho put it into perspective. Either you both grow together as a family or separately. It would be cheaper and convenient to pay child support and see the baby every other weekend. Women nowadays treat motherhood as a disability. Geez!! Also, let her know that if she decides not to support you, she will be watching someone else who will be from afar.
I don’t think anyone is an asshole here really. I did let out a bit of a sad sigh at this story, because I’ve seen it so many times over. Woman gives birth and puts her life on hold to be the primary caretaker while husband expands and enriches his own life. And yes, I know, it’s for the family in the long run, you are the provider, yes yes yes. It’s just the same story every time and I do prefer to hear of the rare instance where the roles are reversed. How nice it is to be able to chase your own dreams and in the process automatically fulfill your obligation to your family.
But again, you’re not an asshole for wanting to grow your career and you have your wife’s full support. And you clearly have the means to pay for school and after a few years your income will overtake your loans so financially it’s also fine. It will be fine and you’re not the first or last to make this decision–not by far. You’re in good company. The judgmental family will just have to deal with it.
Best of luck with med school.
Make sure that the family is not expressing a concern your wife actually has and is afraid to tell you. If she definitely all for it and you’re both on the same page then ignore the fam. Its what’s important to you and your wife
What kind of weirdo family doesn’t want a son-in-law who’s a doctor? NTA. It is not going to be easy. Maybe they’re whiny because they will need to help in your absence.
How dare they. What kind of backwards ass thinking are they doing? As long as your wife understands her family can shut up. They make no sense! Good luck to you in Medical School, you will not be the first or last parent to be in medical school.
NTA. You already said its your wife’s opinion that matters no one else’s, now stand by that and ignore the haters
You’re planning for your future which is, by proxy, your kids future and your wife’s. Med school will be stressful but can also set up your whole family for a good financial future. The key is to not lose sight of the family through the stress and fatigue that school will inevitably bring. You’re NTA
Not the AH. Tell you wife’s family to mind their business. You both knew about med school before she got pregnant so both of you clearly were ok with having a child and going to med school.
NTA at all, but they may be afraid that she will do the hard work of helping you get through med school, only to for you to leave her high and dry once you finish and start earning the big bucks. It’s not uncommon.
I’m not saying that it’s a rational fear in your particular marriage, but it could be at the root of their objections (even if they aren’t fully aware that’s what it is).
You’re in for a few very hard years…but the payoff will be huge.
NTA if they feel you will be too busy, they can step up to help. That’s what family does, right?
I have a feeling there would never be a good time for you to do it, according to them. It would turn into “the kid’s a toddler, you can’t be gone so much” and then “when are you having a second kid” and then “you can’t leave her with 2 kids all day!”
This is what you want and your wife supports it. Do your best, and you’ll get through it. Best of luck to you.
This is a decision for you and your wife, no one else. You shouldn’t feel like you have to explain yourself to anyone other than her.
NTA. They are not living your life. Your wife should tell them to back off. This is a wonderful time in your marriage and they are souring it.
Your wife’s opinions matters more than there’s. Do med school
NTA. I used to work in a teaching hospital, and it wasn’t unusual for students and interns to have babies as they moved through med school, internship, residency, and fellowship. One intern I worked with had five young children by the time he completed his residency. He now runs a very successful clinic that he founded with a couple of colleagues. He was also a devoted father to his kids. You can do it!
NTA, stop involving her family in your decisions
The risk is high… but the reward is even better. NTA
NTA. The only opinions that matter are you and your wife.
NTA. Why aren’t they stepping in to help while you are trying to secure a very promising income to, oh I don’t know, planning for a future that will enable you to provide for HER and YOUR CHILD!
But please go to med school. Doctors are needed!!!!
NTA. Get med school done. We had our first child six weeks into her residency.
Just a reminder: It’s not just four years of med school. It’s then at least three years of residency, possibly a fellowship if you’re subspecializing, and maybe more. It’s a long slog.
Youv3 chosen to become a dad and now your pushing your child aside. I have a high 6 figure career and it took my daughter reaching 1 n half to realise there isn’t a career or dollar value worth more than my time with her. I’m saying this as I’m in sales and frequently travel for work. I’ve decided to go a different route to be more Involved in my daughter’s life. You chose to be a dad, you’ve got to be around to raise em.
It’s going to be a very tough road for the mid-term, but you and your family will benefit in the long run.
Sometime family holds you back. They think they’ve got the right priorities, but their fears and mindsets about the immediate difficulties are just holding others back from a better future.
If your wife is supportive, then do what’s best for you and your family’s future.
You’re going to need to be organised both personally and professionally… and by that, I mean be prepared for things to get rough, for unexpected problems, and for Murphy’s Law to hit you sideways. I don’t say this to discourage you but to say… keep your mind as flexible as you can. It might be the only thing that keeps you going when life turns upside-down and the peanut gallery tries to pull an “I told you so”. It won’t mean you’re failing or that you made the wrong decision. It just means s*it happens and sometimes you’ve just got to hold your nose and wade through it.
Good luck!
Jokes aside, NTA. But it will be tough for both you and your wife, so be as prepared as you can be and when things do get tough, schedule little breathers for yourselves. Taking 5 minutes just to breathe when everything is crazy is worth its weight in gold.
Something odd happens when family become concerned that a family member will need help- they seem to suddenly judge all your choices. If they think she’ll need help, why don’t they offer help? My friend’s husband went away for a training course that would dramatically increase his earning potential. We all chipped in with child care and grocery pick ups to help her get through his absences.
Pull your support network in. What you’re doing isn’t for you, it’s for your collective future. If you put this off you’d might as well wait until kiddo is in kindergarten because all those first years are hard.
Nope. They are dumb.
I’ve known women who were pregnant during med school and they managed it, so I think the non-pregnant partner can probably figure it out if they try. Honestly, you need to learn some boundaries with your in-laws. The only opinions that matter are yours and your wife’s.
Ummm. NTA and tell them you promise not to affect them with the outcomes of your choices now or in the future. Then you, your wife, and the kiddo can laugh all the way to the bank. When you take your first family vacation to Hawaii, remind the family you can’t bring them or buy them gifts because you understand their objection to your career choices.
NTA – you and your wife’s opinion are all that matters here as long as you won’t be financially dependent on anyone else.
My one note is – what are your wife’s dream and career goals? She is supportive and that’s wonderful but be very careful that what she wants doesn’t take a backseat. There is no way you are going to be able to be the primary parent while in medical school, it’s just not possible. And even once you graduate and become an intern and resident you will still be extremely busy. That’s a decade where she might have to put her dreams on hold. Be mindful that you are pulling weight when your child when you can.
Go to med school. Yes, it will be tough for a few years but it will be worth it. There are so many doctors who have had kids during med school and residency. You’re not the only one. If you don’t go you’ll always regret it.
NTA. It won’t be easy, but if your wife is on board, you need to do it! My goodness, how does your wife’s family think soldier’s wives make things work? We all sacrifice for things, and while we don’t always have to, this is a dream for you and your family.
Focusing and preparing for the future is what a responsible, parent-to-be is supposed to do. Tell your in-laws to kick rocks and keep pushing on. A very heavy NTA. Best of luck in your career!
Most families would be thrilled to have a doctor in the family.
Based on close observation, in 4 years, residency will be harder on you.
My MIL was pregnant with my husband when FIL was in med school. She told tales😂
School is always a good choice. You won’t be the only parent in medical school. For goodness sake go get the degree, having a kid doesn’t stop all plans!
As long as your wife is supportive then go ahead. Her family is probably worried about how you’ll both cope with such an intense schedule and about the level of commitment required for you to achieve your goal of becoming a doctor and her having all parental responsibilities laid at her feet.
I know a lot of relationships fail when one partner takes the other for granted so make sure she knows that you appreciate her support over these years and how much she will be doing for your family while you’re doing it. Also remember that her dreams are important too so while your career progresses, don’t forget about what she wants and to be a present and engaged partner.
NTA
There is never a perfect time to have a baby.
Going to med school is an investment in your family and their future and your long term earning potential. This will mean a better life for your wife and your child.
NTAH. It’s gonna be rough, but you’re doing what you’ve always wanted to do and your wife signed on for it, I’m assuming before she got pregnant. Everyone else can mind their own business – unless they’re trying to help out, they can butt out.
Guess who will be around with their hands out when you start making money? Shut them down right now. Calmly tell them they are entitled to their own opinions but you don’t want to hear them anymore. Your future isn’t up for discussion and if they persist you will limit their access to your family. Stressing your wife out like this is extremely selfish of them.
Go to med school. Love your wife and children. When you are with her and with your child, be there 100%. Your wife will need to put up with the life of a med school student’s wife with you being what amounts to be an absentee dad. Others have done it before you. (Husbands overseas in the military, for example.) I am not being facetious. Think of it this way. Do not give up your dream or you will resent your wife forever. She’s pregnant. Her hormones are raging and it’ll only get worse post partum. But, this too shall pass. If you can just hold it together in the short term, the long term will be worth it. Hold on.
Being a dedicated family man, trying to make a better life for your family? NTA
It will be hard. You will not be as “present” a dad as you could be, even when you are no longer in school. The medical field has crazy hours.
However, it sounds as if you can afford to hire help for your wife. The first year is hard as the baby needs to eat at crazy intervals in the first few months (every hour to two hours) and will likely not sleep through the night reliably until closer to his first birthday. Mom will be tired. Baby will be extremely needy.
You will miss invaluable moments.
However, with a background in medicine, you are more likely to find high-paying work which will allow you to provide for your family in ways many can’t. You will be able to secure a stable future for your child[ren]. You will work hard, and your family will be better off for your hard work.
I say go for it, especially if your wife supports your decision. Work hard. Make sure to take care of yourself when you can so that you can give your best self to your family when you are able. Check in with your wife often to make sure she is okay.
Don’t listen to them. This is between you and your wife. No one else gets a vote.
NO! You are not being selfish. Continue with your medical education. I’ve lived a while and have known men who put their career desires aside for other duties and have lived to regret it. You cannot imagine how ‘under control’ by wife and/or family these men felt. And, by the way, it destroyed their relationship with, especially, their wives. You and your wife, since she is on your side, should stop listening to the nay-sayers. She knows what will make each of you happy and in the long run, how much better off you and your wife and child will be. You’re young and strong with a good moral ethic, you’ll make it through. Yes. It’s going to be work and, to be honest, you have no idea how rewarding it will be. I’m on your side, Sweetheart. Soldier on.
People are always going to have some shitty opinion. If I listened to half the people in my life I’d be living under a rock. Follow YOUR Dreams
Unless you’re going to the Caribbean and leaving her behind with the newborn, you’re NTA. The first two years are generally didactic and if you treat class and studying as a full time job, you’ll do fine. Clinical rotations will certainly be more challenging since it’s common to need to go away for rotations, but if you work with your school you may be able to keep more of them near home. Residency will be the biggest time commitment, so you will need to consider how you want to balance lifestyle with speciality. Your child will be preschool/school aged by then which will help in the home front, but your wife should not count on lots of additional support during that time. There are some residencies (family med) that allow for split time for parents (in turn for a longer residency).
If her family cares so much, I’m sure they’ll volunteer to help out (that’s sarcasm)
God: 1st, yourself: 2nd, wife: 3rd: f_ck them kids… I’m glad you’re wife supports you! Root for her as she does for you. Babies want whoever feeds them lol Pour into your family/work/life-balance with her. You have a dream and goal. You both chose to keep the baby together. People forget that there are couples who support each other on decisions of abortions and beginning a family later on. Family members will not know your business if you both agree to keep your business between yourself and your spouse. Move together in silence and pop out later! Many blessings!!!
OP, thank you for your service!
Some of your wife’s family are idiots. You have clearly laid out the reasons for your career choices in the post. Please don’t waste your time on understanding perspective of every idiot you encounter.
Good luck!
NTA, my parents managed when my dad was in residency. Get prepared to nap with your kid when you are home and not studying, as well as frantic calls about the kid doing stupid things (I clubbed my little bro with Good Night Moon as a toddler), and playing games with kids when you get home in the evenings but are exhausted. Me and my dad have an awesome relationship because while he may not have had a lot of time (even when he became a doctor), you can bet every second of his free time was spent with my family. Just maybe see if there is any family/friends around your medical school (yours or hers) as my parents being able to drop me off at the grandparents or an uncle/aunt every now and again was invaluable for my mom when my dad was off the walls busy.
Dollars to doughnuts, the only knowledge they have about being a medical student comes from TV shows.
You and your wife have talked about it. She’s good. You’re good. That’s all that matters.
Understand that your in-laws will try to get your wife to change her mind. It could be a rough time for her.
I have a cousin who was pregnant while in medical school. It’s difficult but can be done. If your wife supports you, that’s all that matters!
There is no such thing as “the perfect time”. If you postpone, there will be something else that comes up.
NTA
Good luck and congratulations!
NTA, Med school’s tough, but so is parenting. You’re signing up for both? Hell yeah, go you!
NTA at all, especially with your wife’s full support, she is the only one whose opinion matters. I do think it would be interesting to see this post with the genders swapped, because I’m pretty sure there would be A LOT of judgment that a mom is an asshole for even wanting to do something as time-intensive and exhausting as medical school with an infant. But those people are wrong—you are NTA and neither would be your wife if she were the one starting med school instead!
NTA, go to med school. It’s 4 years and the 4 years residency. The time will pass either way. Ignore the other people. Your wife is supportive. Tell everyone else that you will not have the discussion with them since they are not your wife. Then walk away. You are thinking long term and they are thinking short term.
I’ve read a lot of nonsense on here, but this is a first. Why would anyone want to put a stop to someone becoming a doctor!? Most doctors are parents too. You can do both. You’re going to be tired af, but you can be tired from having a newborn and no school, or tired from having a newborn and being in school. Those years are going to pass regardless. Do you want a diploma at the end of that time or not?
NTA?? Is her family going to support your wife and kid? lol plus there’s tons of resources out there on having kids while doing med school
Of course you are not the asshole!you are laying a guilt trip on yourself,when you should feel confident in your decision to move forward and most definitely improving yourself and your future and importantly a Secure and promising future for your family
Be proud.
You are able to see your baby when you can and I’m positive from reading your post OP.Your free time will help form a strong bond with your child. Best luck in med school.
Your going to med school is not a surprise. She knew your intention, she supports your intention, she knew the sacrifices she’d have to make having a doctor husband, much like having a soldier husband. Don’t let people dissuade you from doing what you want to do after making the sacrifice to serve our country.
NTA – plenty of people are busy. And better now than when you are in residency as the first few years in med school will be the easiest with a newborn. Sometimes families are our worst enemies when it comes to progress. I am glad you and your wife are on the same page and I think as long as you remember to prioritize your relationship as well as being a dad and a doctor you all will be great.
Good luck and congratulations on being a dad! And congratulations on getting into med school.
I bet these are the same family members that will be first in line with their hands out once you graduate and start making doctor money. Don’t engage with them, and don’t give them anything once you’re graduated, successful, and making doctor money. The only opinion that matters is your wife’s
How do they suggest that you support your family? The next few years will be tough, but eventually you’ll be in such a great position to support your family. They should be proud- but some people just have to drag others down to their level
NTA – Child rearing is hard though. You can’t skimp on those responsibilities just because you’re in med school. It will be a tough, stressful couple of years for your family.
Nta your wife is supportive that all that matters. Just remember to save time to spend with your child otherwise building a future for them would be for nothing like in the famous song Cats in the Cradle
Absolutely go to med school. I’m sure you have the backing of your wife and that’s all that matters. Good luck!
NTA. I mean, you are going to school to better you and your family’s future. I mean, the same people who are telling you not to go to school aren’t going to be there helping you 10 years down the line when you are looking for a job because you took their advice. I would just let them know that you appreciate their concern, but you have made your decision on the matter.
Who cares what extended family thinks? If you’re happy and your wife is happy that’s all that matters. They’re probably worried that you will start to “look down on them” if you become an MD, or some other weird shit. Don’t absorb their negativity. NTA.
FAKE! Who would discourage someone from attending school to better their future?
School isn’t forever also you just “get into med school” last minute on a whim. If this were real the girlfriend would have already known that OP was planning/work towards this for a long time
I’ve know students in other medical programs parenting 3-4 kids. Sometimes you have to sacrifice to build a solid future for your family. And you have a right to pursue your dreams especially since you are already accepted which is not easy.
Med school is all in or nothing.
Don’t have another baby. It will be hard enough with one kid.
This is a discussion between you and your wife.
Go to med school.
Her family can go and kick rocks.
Stop discussing your marriage with family, especially those who are linear thinking.
Alot of people probably won’t like what I’m about to say. But here goes. I’m 60 and when I and my friends had our kids we didn’t rely on the dads to be there. The dads had enough to do in going to work/ school to support the family. It didn’t take anyone else but mom to do what was needed daily for the kids.
So you definitely are not the ah! I applaud you as you are doing this for your growing family.
NTA, regardless of your current financial status, having a doctor as a parent secures your child’s future. As long as you can handle the schedule, I don’t see the problem. Definitely be wary of your wife’s feelings, check in often to make sure she isn’t drowning. But yeah there’s literally no problem except jealousy. They’re probably jealous that you’re doing so well and taking such good care of your wife.
Nope. NTA. You and your wife are on the same page. Ignore her family.
Med school, bring home the money!
NTA. If your wife is ok with it then you’re good. You just have to be sure you’re both attentive to each other’s needs. You can’t use being in med school as an excuse to check out of helping with the home and baby. And she can’t use the baby as a means to pull you away from your studies. It may be an extra challenge to find that balance and you will both probably have to adjust things along the way. But you wouldn’t be the first or the last couple to start a family under these circumstances.
NTA. Whatever you do, continue going to school. Your wife isn’t worth throwing away medical school.
NTA.
Since your wife supports your decision she needs to tell her family to shut it.
NTA
Go to med school. Yer wife’s family are being stupid.
NAH. You’re not an asshole for pursuing medicine but it’s a huge commitment. Anyone who knows doctors know they aren’t around much. It’s a lifestyle much like marrying a cop or someone from the military. It isn’t inherently bad but you have to know what you’re getting into. I think your wife’s family is concerned that you’re going to miss a great deal of your child’s life to set up a future they may not even be a part of. All you can do is your best 🙂
Are you an AH for bettering yourself to provide a better life for you, your wife and your child….? Does her family not like you? You start school NEXT YEAR. The child will be almost 1, maybe…and it’s not like you’re going halfway across the world for a deployment.
I’m not sure if your wife was with you while you were in….but if you want money, and I mean GOOD money, you’re going to have to work and be away. Imagine what they would say if you were still in….
NTA. These people have obviously no idea what it takes to get into med school.
This is an opportunity that you should not pass up. And their future and yours will be much better for it.
And you might want to mention that having a doctor in the family can really benefit the entire family. You’ll be there for a second opinion, and in some cases, you might be the first person who tells a family member to get treatment that could be life-saving pack. You might even save one of their lives in an emergency.
All that matters is what you and your wife think.
This can’t be real. What in laws don’t want a doctor in the family?
Go be the Doctor please. We need good doctors. Your babies will accommodate. You will still get time with them, you are making the pathway for a better life for them. This is the responsible thing to do for them. It will be difficult but you are doing the right thing for them. I have worked with many doctors over the years. This is an investment into their futures. They may end up taking the same path. Thank you for your service.
NTA if true, but frankly , i smell fake. No one AND I MEAN NO ONE, who has planned for a medical career for the years of preparation and study required, considers setting it aside because a pregnancy requires dedicated parenthood to the exclusion of a career. And particularly at the urging of in-laws.
Definitely not the best time to start a family but it’s done now. Make the most of the limited time you will have and support your wife’s dreams when you’re done. She should also be able to access government monies for school right?
No. Don’t stop your career. It’s better in the long term for your little family. Your wife has family to help. She’ll be fine. She obviously understood this. Tell the family to kick rocks.
NTA. Keep other people out of your family’s business. If your wife is supportive, that is what is important. Havebabsitbdownbwithbher and tell her what you think your needs will be and have her tell youbwhatbshebthinksnhers will be. Agree to support one another and have each bothers ambacks. Build a wall of unity as a defense against the noise of other people’s opinions. When you are a successful doctor, they will he the same one’s praising you firbgoing to school and asking you for money. Talk to other doctors and ask for advice on the best ways to be a supportive spouse. Make sure your wife doesn’t feel alone. Carve out family time and commit to it. One day a week, even if for a few hours, make sure she has a self-care day where she can get a break. Ask her to really cherish the time you setbaside to study so that you can actually get yourbwirk done and don’t have to feel conflicted. There are so many possible ways to make this work outdoor you and your wife, but it needs to be a conversation and decision for the two of you, not everybody else and their mother.
Go to school. Ignore her family. You have a bright future ahead of you, it will be work but if you think you can handle it, do it.
GI Bill and VA disability? Youll be fine. Does her family not realize that you will basically start salary at $300,000? Im going to med school this fall and i even have friends already in school with kids. Its absolutely doable. And you already deferred your start date a year for her? NTA.
It’s your dream. It was in process before marriage and baby. You will want to have those talks with your son or daughter to not give up the spark but to go after their dreams, too!!
NTA. I went to dental school with a 14 month old and had another baby second year. I think the need for self discipline made me both a better student and better mom because I didn’t have time to screw around so I got my shit done.
NTA you’re investing in yourself and your family’s future. Tell the family to stop sharing the opinions with you. They sound jealous by how driven you are or what a good partner you are. You might be making someone look bad by comparison.
That is between you and your wife. If it was the plan before, I don’t know why it would change. You all may have to make some sacrifices to get through it, but it will for sure be worth it in my opinion.
Go to med school. If they are so concerned, they should think of ways to help your wife and be supportive rather than criticizing you for making an excellent career choice.
NTA … pursue your dreams. My husband and I were married when we were teenagers and he was in his first year of college. It would have been so easy for him to quit school and get a job. We could have used the money … we were poor … just barely surviving with no help. We had a baby too. I worked full time, he worked part-time. He stayed in school and graduated. Then I went to school part-time, by this time we had two children. We both ended up going to grad school … he got a masters in finance and I got a law degree. You can do anything as long as you are both in it together and both committed to achieving the goals you set. Your future self will thank you for the sacrifices you are making today.
NTA wtf is wrong with them
No one’s opinion matters except for your wife’s. NTA
After your Bachlors of Medical Science you can become a pharmacist quicker than a MD
With a very good salary. You do not have to go full time while working towards the BMS.
JFC!! Who the hell would tell someone not to be a doctor??!! Hell, it’s millions of parents’ dream for their kid to become a doc or a lawyer!!
If that’s you’re passion, go for it!! You will find a way to make it work. Plenty of people go to med school and have kids.
If you don’t, you will forever resent both your wife and your in-laws. Guaranteed!!!!
NTA.
Go to med school. Ignore your in-laws when they come asking for free medical advice and treatment.
Good luck.
Is it that they don’t know your family will also need your money, or what?
You get income AND med school from benefits, AND you’re in your mid 20s? The family is not really articulating whatever their real complaint, from the sounds of it.
You are in one of the best possible positions to go to med school.
My BFF birthed TWO children while in medical school. You’ve got this!
We need more doctors, don’t let them change your mind.
Don’t ever let anyone talk you out of pursuing your dream! ESPECIALLY since your wife is supporting this! Look, my parents always had this “It’s us against the world” mentality and I think that’s why they stayed married until they passed away! It’s you and your wife against the world! As long as the two of you are in agreement, screw what anyone else thinks! I wish you all the best in your studies and future career, and a happy healthy baby to be born! Congrats!
Become a doctor.
Not at all. Will it be easy, no. But you have to do it. When will it be OK to start? After the kid is 1? 2? 3? Your circle starts with just the two of you, soon to be three. Good luck by the way. You agree together that this is the path to take going forward. From that point forward you just hack away at it. You’ll find a lot of people in your life have strong opinions on how your life should go. LOL, I do realize the irony as I type this…
Go to med school.
NTA. This is just the consequences of marrying too young
NTA. We need more young doctors. You sound like a thoughtful, caring guy. Best of luck to you all!
NTA Family needs to mind their business and keep their opinions to themselves.
NTA: Go to med school. Her family is short-sighted. Yes, it will be hard, but, the result will be worth the effort.
With your wife on board that’s half the battle. Good luck.
If she’s supportive why would you let anyone convince you otherwise? Hard work for you both but hopefully also a good payout in the end for you both, as well as any children you might have.
NTA. There’s a lot of give right now, but it will be worth it in the end when your family is financially stable.
Not the asshole for still wanting to pursue your dreams, getting into med school isn’t exactly something that just happens for most BUT babies and toddlers are A LOT. Some do not sleep well, some hate being set down, they need you when they need you which feels like always. Your wife will need a break and if you two are on the same page with making that happen, great! If you two have family support even better. I don’t have a lot so most days my husband walks in and I’m like take the children I must spend 10-15 minutes in my garden alone not being touched (but I do have 2 under 2) or I might lose my sanity.
If you care about your wife’s input though, really just talk to her about it! But seriously I would make a plan with her so after the baby comes she can have time outside the home without baby and also date nights for the two of you. I don’t know much about med school or the hours but I’m guessing it’s a lot and you should do the best to plan those things ahead of time because in baby mode months go by in a blink of an eye. Best of luck with everything.
Uh, it’s not 1962. There are pregnant women in med school, there are lactation rooms in med schools, and there are both mothers and fathers of young children in med school. There are even single parents in med school. Your wife needs to tell her family to back off or they will be seeing a lot less of both of you. NTA.
Don’t listen to them. Be a doctor and live your best life. Nothing good is easy. You’re already on your way. best wishes and good luck, we need more doctors.
Tune out her family and follow your dreams. You can definitely do this.
Does your wife have an issue with it or is all of this coming from her family? As long as the two of you are happy and prepared, that’s all that matters.
Look, this is going to be hard for a while.
For you AND your wife.
But it is an investment in your family’s future.
Can you afford to hire a postpartum doula to help out during the newborn stage and later a housekeeper once or twice a week to take over what would normally be your share of the household duties? Is your wife willing to accept that she is going to be both mom and dad for a while so you can concentrate on succeeding in school?
There is nothing at all wrong with the two of you together making the decision to sacrifice now so you can secure your future.
Bruh. Your kids will be very well taken care of if you go to med school. Do it for them
As long as you and your wife are ok with it, don’t worry about anyone else! You are working towards a better future for your family!
NTA. This happens all the time. Schedules don’t line up perfectly and people power through. My bestie and her physician husband made it through med school just fine. Very similar situation.
NTA
My husband’s mom went into nursing school while pregnant, and his dad went into medical school to become a surgeon at the same time. It’s work and it’s hard, but it’s doable.
I’m 5ish months pregnant right now and would be ecstatic if my husband came home & said he’d decided to start med school 😂
NTA. Don’t let other family members meddle in your aspirations. Your wife is OK with your plans and money doesn’t seem to be an issue either. You will be there for the entire pregnancy, which is great. Best wishes on your medical career!
Your in-laws are idiots. Who in their right mind thinks going to medical school (which results in a great career and ability to support your family) is a bad idea? You are not selfish. It does take a lot of time but is worth it. GO TO SCHOOL.
Then, down the road when they are asking for your help, you can tell them no because they didn’t want to be a doctor and should not share in your results.
Do it now! It’s better to get school done while he or she won’t remember. Your wife is an adult, she can tell you when she needs something. It’s not easier once the baby is born. Don’t delay but I would talk this out with your wife to make sure these aren’t her fears. Talk about what delaying would look like, what would that cost your future cause all it’s doing is kicking the can. Get her on your side and shut down relatives together as a team.
NTA, just tell your wife’s family who is going to pay for your kids college and who’s going to pay for your future home without making over 6 figures these days? College and medical expenses will only increase.
As long as your wife is supportive forget about them. It is going to be a tough road ahead but just make sure you and wife continue to communicate well, without attitude and are on the same page.
Tell her family she could always just get an abortion and wait til you finish school of thats what they prefer 😂
NTA. I’m a doctor, and had many classmates who had babies at various stages throughout med school and residency. It’s totally normal – especially if the student is the father (less common/doable for women to be pregnant during school/residency, although that does happen too more and more).
It’s not selfish to pursue your dreams professionally and personally, as long as your wife is on board and understands that she’s going to be the primary parent for many years. Unless your in-laws are funding your life, they don’t get a say. And ten bucks says four years from now, they’re strutting around bragging about their doctor son-in-law.
NTA. You’re putting in the good work not just for your future but also for your kid. You can be both, a present dad and husband and at the same time, thriving in your career.
NTA. But be sure to regularly acknowledge the work it takes to care for a kid essentially alone while someone is in med school. You will not be as available as you think, and your availability will get worse and worse as you reach the end of schooling and then residency. So just dont forget to show her gratitude for holding down the fort while you get to pursue your career goals.
It’s much easier for OP to be in medical school with an infant than wife. I know several women who were in medical school while pregnant, nursing, parenting a toddler.
Give up your dreams and chance of making a lot of money to support her and the child That sounds dumb to me.
So you aren’t even going to start school until months after the baby is born?
I’m confused as to what the problem is. If you were just working, and applied for paternity leave, the most you’d get is 12 weeks.
Do not put off your dream. You can do and success at both!
YOU ARE BEING THE OPPOSITE OF SELFISH. They have no idea how hard medical school is and how much you’ll help both your family and the public once you are finished. NTA. I hope your wife supports you.
No lie, it WILL suck for her, but it will also pass. And in the end, you’ll have a wife, child, and a career. Also, my doctor only works three days a week to spend more time with her kids and husband now and she makes BANK just doing that.
If not now, when? It’s hard now, but it will be impossible later.