I know it sounds awful š£ my partner of 13 years works away and works very hard ! I donāt see him during the week and was going to see him the day after my birthday. He had arranged to go and see a boat race On a little viewing boat with a bar and I was totally up for it. Sailing is his thing but I was just happy to spend my birthday with him and grateful he would organise something nice for me. Last minute ( day before trip) the race was cancelled due to the weather and so I was left with no birthday plans. I wasnāt feeling well ( on my birthday I was vomiting and feeling weird) so wasnāt too bothered about celebrating and was happy with a movie and just spending time with those I loved. He suddenly said he would organise a trip to the same place as the race but for a meal and then we could stay at someoneās house. I was all up for it and to be fair to him said yes as long as it was organised properly and we werenāt intruding so he arranged it. It turned out later in the evening my partner told me we were staying with someone who was house sitting in a house nearby the lake and had only ever met my partner vaguely once. He was very eccentric and had different plans so would turn up later in the evening. Iād never met the guy and just felt unsure. Mainly because I was still poorly and also because I didnāt know him and was worried about my partner commenting on how it would be a big drinking session. My partner is not ok on alcohol and struggles with bipolar. I feel torn because heās tried to organise something but it also feels more for him and I have said how unsure I am only to have a major argument about it as he feels Iām ungrateful and I am now sleeping on the settee on my birthday. Am I being too worried and should just try and enjoy it or should I tell him i want to just chill ! Hmmm š¤
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I know it sounds awful š£ my partner of 13 years works away and works very hard ! I donāt see him during the week and was going to see him the day after my birthday. He had arranged to go and see a boat race On a little viewing boat with a bar and I was totally up for it. Sailing is his thing but I was just happy to spend my birthday with him and grateful he would organise something nice for me. Last minute ( day before trip) the race was cancelled due to the weather and so I was left with no birthday plans. I wasnāt feeling well ( on my birthday I was vomiting and feeling weird) so wasnāt too bothered about celebrating and was happy with a movie and just spending time with those I loved. He suddenly said he would organise a trip to the same place as the race but for a meal and then we could stay at someoneās house. I was all up for it and to be fair to him said yes as long as it was organised properly and we werenāt intruding so he arranged it. It turned out later in the evening my partner told me we were staying with someone who was house sitting in a house nearby the lake and had only ever met my partner vaguely once. He was very eccentric and had different plans so would turn up later in the evening. Iād never met the guy and just felt unsure. Mainly because I was still poorly and also because I didnāt know him and was worried about my partner commenting on how it would be a big drinking session. My partner is not ok on alcohol and struggles with bipolar. I feel torn because heās tried to organise something but it also feels more for him and I have said how unsure I am only to have a major argument about it as he feels Iām ungrateful and I am now sleeping on the settee on my birthday. Am I being too worried and should just try and enjoy it or should I tell him i want to just chill ! Hmmm š¤
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I was told I am the asshole because I was being ungrateful for turning down my partners birthday plans for me . I reacted by saying I did not want to attend his plans after originally saying I did because It turned out he did not know the man whoās house he had organised to stay at
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
My plans for your birthday fell through, so letās do something I want to do instead, without taking your feelings into account.
Yeah, nah.
I would revert back to plan movie, itās your birthday after all, you call the shots
I’m gonna be real, it doesn’t sound like he likes you, everything he plans for “you” Is actually for him.
He planned an outing for himself under the guise of it being for you. This was a kind gesture to himself. It reminds me of the time my ex-husband booked a restaurant with a menu dedicated to a food I hate, in a location that he could see by physically poking his head out of his office. It was some of the laziest, most insulting bollocks I have ever experienced.
There is no real effort to be recognised, nor is there any consideration being given. Don’t let him gaslight you into believing otherwise.
NTA
NAH
Oh
Why would you travel and expose others to whatever you have?
Your B’Day, your desires.
NTA. While you are vomiting he arranged a drinking session with a stranger in another stranger’s house for your birthday. You can see this isn’t about you at all right?
NTA. Raise the bar, hon. You deserve better.
NTA. Your so-called boyfriend sure is, though.
Always listen to your instincts as you have them for a reason. Also, don’t inflict your ill-feeling self on unsuspecting others. Stay home with your germs.
NAH, but your bf sucks.
This guy seems like a real tool. He’s disguising his desire for a trip to this place as “hey it’s your birthday, let’s do something fun!”. He doesn’t seem to care about your wants or needs.
NAH. Please dump this guy. You can do much better.
NTA. Booze party plans for himself, cloaked as āfor your birthdayā. ānot ok on alcohol and struggles with birpolarā – Why are you even still with this dude?
Are you enjoying being in this relationship?Ā
Nta. “Let’s go to this random place with strangers and get drunk” is the start of a teen horror movie, not an adult birthday celebration.
We get one day a year. Out of 365. If your partner makes your birthday about anyone but you on the one day a year you get is a prick. NTA.Ā
Simply tell him itās your birthday and you want to stay in. Plus youāre not feeling well.Ā
As a nice gesture(even tho heās not worthy), Iād tell him to make the arrangements for his birthday now and youāll be happy to join him then.Ā
If he canāt be pleasant or civil on your birthday, just do it without him and ask him to leave and come back when heās in a better mood so you can eat your cake in peace.Ā
Good luckĀ