My (30F) sister is a single mom with a 7-year-old daughter. I used to babysit her every weekend so my sister could work extra shifts or have a break.
I love my niece, but she’s… a lot. Like, demanding, throws tantrums if she doesn’t get her way, and once locked herself in the bathroom because I wouldn’t let her eat candy at midnight.
The last straw was last weekend. She was mad I wouldn’t let her watch a PG-13 horror movie and screamed, “You’re not my real mom! You’re just a stupid babysitter!” I calmly said, “You’re right, I’m not your mom. And after tonight, I won’t be your babysitter either.”
She cried and called my sister, who then called me crying. She begged me to reconsider, saying her daughter was “just upset” and didn’t mean it. I told her I was done, I’m not free childcare, and I don’t have to tolerate verbal abuse from a child.
Now my whole family is acting like I abandoned them.
AITAH?
Comments
NTA
Point out the troubles and efforts you have been making
As for the family that wants to shit talk you
Tell them to step up and help your sister or shut the fuck up, on blast to all of them, because if they think they get a say, make them pay
Someone who isn’t your child said you aren’t their mom so you’re not going to baby sit anymore?
That makes zero sense. YTA but maybe the kid would be better off with someone who has some common sense
Woo booy you think that is verbal abuse? Is this just rage bait? (Probably)
Youre the one doing them a favor. 7 is old enough to learn how to behave and not throw tantrums. Yeah you need to understand they arent perfect and are still kids but overall shouldn’t be horrible to watch.
Let the flying monkeys take turns volunteering their weekends
NTA
It sounds like she needs some discipline. I wouldn’t be able to deal with that.
I don’t think you need to babysit her if it’s stressing you out and ya sister needs to be checking her daughter not you she can’t act a donkey and then think it’s ok. arguing back with her may have been wrong but me personally I argue with kids so in my opinion no your not TAH
I don’t really understand why this would be the last straw. A seven year old calling you stupid is hardly verbal abuse lol. But no one in this sub is gonna say you’re an asshole for not providing free childcare
NTA. Your sister needs to educate her daughter and teach her basic respect. You’re also right — you don’t need to tolerate verbal abuse from anyone and it’s your sister’s responsibility to teach her daughter the correct behaviours. So, no, you don’t need to babysit anymore if you’re not comfortable.
But, because you’re also her aunt, I would personally say also talk to your niece and at least let her know what she did was wildly disrespectful. It’s good for her to see the impact of her action and how they affect people.
You can also try to seek a compromise with your sister, but it’s up to what you’re comfortable with. You’re entitled to your peace.
First of all, this is not your child, not your responsibility, you are not a parent yet, do not yet have those parental instincts yet, and should NOT be babysitting regularly and late at night without being paid!
Second, the kid is only 7 years old. When she is disregulated and throwing tantrums, it is because her emotional needs are not being met by her mother. You are doing all you can, it is not your fault. But her mother is literally not there for her. That is very predictably going to cause a young kid emotional trauma, separation anxiety, that could come out in crying, withdrawal, and/or tantrums and other very unpleasant behavior.
The solution is for your sister to spend more quality time with her daughter, talking and playing and reassuring her. There really is no substitute for that. You can be the BEST babysitter in the world, but you can’t be expected to be a stand-in for her mother. It is unfair to you and to your niece for you to be put in this position.
NTA
NTA. I’d step away for a bit .
Tell the family that you have served your time and it’s time for them to step up!!!
Your whole family can step up and babysit
If your whole family thought the earth was flat, does that make them right?
Nta your sister needs to teach the kid manners and at 7, she is rebelling but if it’s a continual issue, it sounds like she needs to parent her kid.
NTA
NTA for not wanting to babysit someone else’s kid for free … but she’s literally 7… and your niece… what you did isn’t inherently wrong. But a bit of an overreaction to 7y/o saying something in anger. So, soft yta
NTA, but you’re hung up on the wrong things. She is a stupid kid acting out, but that’s her job. You’re letting the kid get under your skin.
You dont owe it to anyone to babysit, period. If your sister wants free childcare, then she needs to teach her kid how to behave for the sitter. But seeing as your sister just went crying to family to guilt you, i think you know exactly why your neice is difficult. Be mad at your sister for being and raising a brat.
NTA………….kid has got a major troubling behavior pattern. Needs help. Don’t put yourself out to get more abuse n drama.
Not your kid = not your problem
NTA – you are giving her free child care EVERY WEEKEND? And that is how they expect you to be treated? They are upset because if you stop, someone else in the family will have to pick up the slack and they don’t want to. Your family will say anything it takes to get you to keep doing – for FREE – what they don’t want to. Yeah, NTA and hard pass on ever doing it again, if it were me. Stick to your guns, just say no.
You’re not the AH 😂😂😂 do YOURSELF a favor and separate yourself from them a bit.
NTA. When you babysit, you’re responsible for her wellbeing, she needs to stop being a snot, and her parents need to back you.
Edited for a bit of clarity lol
Where was your sister in saying to her daughter that even though you aren’t mom, she had to still listen to you while you were looking after her? That would have been part of the early solution when the niece was resisting your boundaries.
NTA. You are doing your sister a favor and obviously you love your niece but her parenting skills are lacking. This kid needs boundaries, to be corrected and taught how to begin to control herself. You didn’t sign up for all of that
NTA for choosing to not babysit. But the behavior doesn’t seem super left field for an acting out 7 yr old.
NTA. Sounds like it’s time for ‘my whole family’ to take over babysitting.
NTA. She’s acting like a brat & your sister is letting her. A good swat on the tail should have happened a long time ago.
NTA. but please don’t take it to heart. That’s one of the less original burns. LOL
Bratzilla needs manners. I wouldn’t put up with diva behavior from a child.
NTA. The only thing you did wrong here was doing too much. Your sister took advantage of your generosity and your niece learned to do the same by watching her. It’s clear niece learned no respect for you from your sister. Your family is only mad as they know they will now be called on more often to babysit.
NTA. She exhibits those behaviors because they probably work on her mother, and it’s not your problem.
NTA You did the right thing. Now stick to it and don’t cave in
NTA. It’s amazing that when people get free babysitting they act like they are wronged when you have to deal with their untrained child. My friends children knew how to behave and were always welcome. It’s time for someone else to watch problem child.
NTA, and God help those that are defending a seven year old who needs to learn serious boundaries. If the mother allows her to have candy at midnight, that’s her problem. But OP has the girl in her home, her rules. She’s old enough to respect that.
NTA. Tell the whole family to take turns babysitting hell child.
NTA
Your sister needs to teach this kid how to behave. Tantrums after age 4 is unacceptable for kid without developmental delays
NTA. The whole family is just mad that they’ll have to pitch in more.
NTA
You’re sister is not educating her own child. My niece would never even dream about saying it, even if it’s the true and she’s upset, because my brother educated her better than this.
If the other family members are that worried, they can take care of the spoiled kid.
NTA. You’re babysitting because you’re trying to be the good sister. You’re being taken advantage by your sister and her child requires discipline for her bad behavior. Tell family they are more than welcome to take your place. Peace out
NTA if she’s not going to enforce discipline then she’s not ready for a babysitter. Respect starts from parenting and obviously your sister is not doing so and it’s not your responsibility to teach her then go home and it not be reinforced. Everyone who’s giving you a hard time can step and kindly take her on don’t give in and stand your ground and if you return to babysitting and she’s the same now you can’t complain. Good luck!
Tantrums and some defiant behavior is typical of kids this age. That being said NTA for not wanting to babysit anymore. It sounds like she needs more firm boundaries or therapy depending on what goes on at home and your sister needs to be more appreciative of the free help. If other family members want to step in and care for her, they’re welcome to do so.
Sounds like the family needs to step up and help mom out more instead of heaping it all on you. This isn’t your child so it isn’t your responsibility. Tell the family members that think YOU are the bad guy that they can step up and help her out because you need a nice long break.
Nta. She sounds like a brat. Full stop! You are not a unpaid slave.
She’s right, you’re not her mom. And while you’re babysitting her, you can set up rules and boundaries. She knows rules and boundaries from school, even if her mother struggles with that.
Let her have her temper tantrums. Let her scream or do whatever else she does to express her anger.
And then say “I can see you’re really angry at me right now. That’s ok. And you’re still not going to watch this movie.”
NTA
>She cried and called my sister, who then called me crying. She begged me to reconsider, saying her daughter was “just upset” and didn’t mean it. I told her I was done, I’m not free childcare, and I don’t have to tolerate verbal abuse from a child.
You don’t, and you shouldn’t. Where the heck is this child’s father? He should be stepping up to care for his own kid.
>Now my whole family is acting like I abandoned them.
Hah! Well, they ALL need to step up and babysit. Tell them that you’ve done your time, and they can ALL make sure to help out your sister with babysitting. I have no clue why they think it should fall on you. It’s not your kid.
Tell your whole family to start watching your niece for free on the weekends…
Nta
Let your other family members help out. Maybe they have better skills at managing a 7yo temper tantrums.
NAH (at least between you, your sister and niece – I’m not sure why the rest of your family is butting in). Sounds like you’ve done at lot to help your sister and it’s not working for you anymore. It also sounds like your sister and niece are both having a difficult go at it right now. That doesn’t mean that you should be forced into babysitting but it is doubtful that your niece went out of her way to be verbally abusive or even knows what that really is. My son is 6 and even Dad just being on a business trip is emotionally difficult for him, sounds like your sister working a lot and being a single parent is difficult on your niece.
NTA. Not circus not your monkeys
It seems you don’t want to babysit because the kid pitches tantrums. The saying you are not their mom is accurate. The reply should have been, “I am not your mom, but you are in my home. In my home, my rules are what are followed. If you don’t follow the rules there are consequences.”
You are NTA, because you don’t owe anyone childcare unless it is your kid.
NTA. You just opened up a spot for them to fill and show be example that family helps family. They won’t, because chances are, they don’t even like dealing with your niece, and were glad you were doing the babysitting so they didn’t have to.
NTA, ask who will be taking your shifts to help out then.
NTA, stand your ground.
Your niece sees and understands more than you may realize.
Stand your ground, auntie!
You gave up your weekends to be abused by a child. No thank you. Tell anyone that says you abandoned them that at least you tried to help whereas they didn’t.
Definitely NTA….
But if your sister continues upholding poor behavior and NOT modeling respect for other people, in the long run, both her and her daughter likely will be TAHs.
How did your niece call your sister? Does she have a phone? Cuz if she does that’s pretty strange, unless she used the home phone. NTA but do keep in mind that kids say stupid things they don’t mean.
Nta, a lot of people don’t have nieces or nephews/children. Both of my (younger) nieces are more behaved and well-mannered.
Yep you were doing them a favor, and after that I would stop…..Let them figure it out.
NTA that kid is becoming a raging brat and the fact that she said that to you means you’re going to lose all influence on her. Your sister can find another solution. Besides, you shouldn’t be giving up all your weekends.
No one needs to babysit for someone else unless it is an emergency. I would suggest going down to one weekend per month or a couple of Saturdays per month only. A 7 year old is not really in control of herself and your sister needs to discipline her more.
The best way to say “No” is to say “Yes, but only under these conditions…” and make those really, really difficult for them to accept.
NTA, some of yall are hating on the kid too much. That kid is literally being abandoned by its bio mom. Ofc they gonna fucking act out.
NTA. How will they ever learn otherwise?
Your sister created her own circumstances; her babysitting needs and woes aren’t your problem to solve.
“Verbal abuse” is a stretch. What a 7-year old who yes, is old enough to know better, is doing is hurtful. But she’s 7. They ARE still learning how to behave. You’re NTA, she’s not your kid and you don’t need to put up with it if you don’t want to, but this could really be a teaching moment. You’ve taken this position to be involved in her life, you’re an important person to her. You should have a conversation with her (while her mom is present) about how what she said made you feel, and how the way she treats people can have real consequences. IF you’re up to it, you can even say “Maybe we can try it again in the future” or something.
But no, NTA. Actions have consequences.
So…for context, is this kid dealing with recently separated/divorced parents?
It sounds like you’re the one adult who makes this kid see any consequences so good for you – someone needs to show her that she can’t be insulting and awful to people and expect them to take it and do what she wants. NTA
Where is the father in all this? Let HIM babysit on weekends.
I think the statement “you aren’t my real mom” is fairly typical for an upset kid around that age. Also, if you are almost coparenting the kid, they’re going to get comfortable and treat you like they do a parent so part of it is, she’s very comfortable with you. So if it was just her saying that the one time when she was upset and you were refusing, I’d say yeah YTAH but it sounds like it’s a lot more than that. If she’s really challenging, I don’t blame you for not wanting to babysit every weekend. Every weekend is a lot no matter how the child is! To me, it sounds like you should scale back and just babysit occasionally and consider it helping her mom out AND spending time with your niece. If you choose to scale back or even not watch her at all because her behavior is so challenging, then no YNTAH.
Not the asshole for choosing not to babysit, but…
“A 7 year old said I was stupid! Verbal abuse!”
See how dumb that sounds?
The 7-year-old is being an age-appropriate asshole. That being said, your sister needs to step up and rein it in. You are doing her a favor, but that doesn’t mean you get to be screamed at by a small child.
Every weekend is a lot to ask anyone. If your family is okay with her bad behavior, they can step up. Sounds like you need a break too. Good for you for settling boundaries. NTA
Ntah. You didn’t sign up for this. She can pay someone to babysit or the family saying you abandoned them can take turns.
Did ChatGPT get confused? It makes no sense for a 7yr old niece to say “you’re not my real mom you’re just a stupid baby sitter” to their aunt- who has presumably been around them all their life. Maybe saying to like a stepmom or their dad’s girlfriend or something would make more sense. I can see a kid getting frustrated and saying something like “I don’t have to listen to you you’re not my mom just my aunt” or if “I don’t have to listens to you, you’re just a stupid babysitter” to some random sitter that’s not OP.. but the word for word conversation posted in the context of this story makes no sense.
So I am going to call you an Ah for calling what the seven year said “verbal abuse”. That is what all seven year olds do. They push boundaries. They say a lot of stuff out of anger and not realize what they are saying. Do you have to deal with it? No but you need to be mindful of the words you use.
Now, i wouldn’t refuse to watch a kid because of that. I would refuse to watch the kid if the parent of said Child didn’t step in and deal with the child. To me, it depends on the parent and how they handle/treat you.
However, if you don’t want to watch a child, then there is nothing wrong with that. You do a lot for your sister.
Esh.
“Well duh, I’m not your mom. That’s why you & everyone else calls me Aunt OP. I am the adult in charge and you can either tone it down right now & act right, or you’re going to bed cause you are 7 and I am the Aunt in charge.”
Then to sister “Get her attitude under control or I am not watching her again till she learns manner & how to listen.”
NTA
“$80 per hour is the current babysitting rate. Offer to pay and I’ll think about the possibility. “
NTA – but it sounds like something is going on with your niece if she’s acting out this severely. She may be desperate for more attention from her mom, or may have some other struggles going on.
That’s not your responsibility. It’s a really shit situation. You absolutely don’t have to take that kind of treatment.
INFO
It seems like you’ve been taking on a LOT of loving responsibility for your sister in providing this childcare, while unfortunately also building up significant resentment about it. How much of that is due to the child’s bad attitude and how much is due to feeling unappreciated and burdened by the work is unclear, though I expect all of these factor in.
While your feelings and needs absolutely need to be taken into account, it seems like a 0-100 transition to snap and suddenly stop providing this care based on the words and actions of a 7 year old without further discussion with her mother beforehand. Especially if this impacts her ability to work and to provide for her child.
Have you had conversations with your sister about her child’s terrible behavior, and has she worked to mitigate it? It seems like there should have been some acknowledgement of and attempt to fix this problem before it got to this point.
My almost 16 year old does everything she can to not swear. My stepson is autistic and didn’t call names even when he used to throw tantrums at that age. He couldn’t emotionally regulate himself sometimes but that wasn’t his fault. Niece here knows exactly how to press buttons and has learned this behavior from her mother or the internet and she hasn’t been disciplined for it.
NTA
You’ve given your sister a lot of free babysitting.
She can ask other family members for help or hire someone.
NOA but kinda YTA because instead of not babysit her anymore, you should learn how to make boundarys. She is 7 and tantrums are normal. If she say “you are not my real mother” you could have said ” that’s true but currently I am responsible for you, and when I say no it’s not because I want you to make you angry but because I care about you and love you” and then let her tantrum space and later talk to her again and say that just because you aren’t her mom it doesn’t mean you don’t love her or don’t care about her and then you ask if she wants to do something else. It seems that you don’t have much experience with kids. Also before you take her to babysit you could speak together about rules, what you do or can’t do, so you can always say “we agreed that after xx hours we don’t eat candy anymore” etc. If you don’t want to take responsibility and are offender by normal child behaviour and can’t make boundarys or react adequately you should not babysit
Man oh man, the people of Reddit have a very low bar for what they consider abusive.
My nieces never said anything like that to me. Not that they didn’t have tantrums but that is awful.
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NTA and tell your sister that she needs to do a better job of showing her daughter manners and that actions have consequences. It’s not your fault she is rude and not your fault that she decided to have a child with a deadbeat.
Where’s the father? Do other members on your family’s side help? Or you’re just the only one willing to this.
I would stop if i were you. If that girl is already like this at 7 i can only imagine it will get worst when she reach her teens.
Ehhhh, I have a controversial take. Youre not her mom, you’re her aunt, so that shouldn’t be the sticking point. The stupid babysitter thing might hurt you, but does she mean babysitter to mean an insult when it’s, well, accurate? A kid calling you stupid is worth telling their parent, but not worth taking it seriously. I have nieces too and those lovely little brats call me names and I play mom and we talk about respecting elders and name calling. Not my responsibility, but their my nieces and I want them to learn these things.
That said, you’re doing them a favor and refusing to continue is within your right. But I think you’re overreacting a bit to what the kid said.
It sounds like your real issue is with the childcare part?
Basic human psychology
Giving has less emotional value than taking away.
Fellows in behavioral economics did some studies. Basically giving someone $50 and taking $50 from them don’t cancel each other. Taking is twice powerful hence $50 taken can be countered with $100 given.
And since you have been providing the service for free for so long it became baseline in their perception. So you are basically taking away child care for nothing in return just for a tantrum in their mind.
Nothing you say can unfortunately fix this.
“Ask them to pay for the service”
They will assume this was always about the money and will treat you worse than paid external help.
“I have been doing this for free”
But you get to spend quality time with your niece. Now you won’t anymore. Probably permanently.
“I can help pay for childcare”
When that ends you’ll be subject to similar conditions. It is just kicking the can down the road.
This is called “endowment effect”. They feel like they own the right to your services.
Try to reframe this as again there is no solution.
“I’ve realized I’m exhausted too much and for my own health, I need to pull back.” This makes it about your limitations, not their entitlement.
A gradual tapering off (“I can still do every other weekend for the next two months, which should give you time to find a great alternative”) can soften the blow.
Collaborating on the Solution. “Let’s make sure she behaves. Any other episode like this you have to pick the kid immediately even if it is mid shift.”
Your family will experience a psychological loss, and that will likely strain the relationship, at least for the time.
Good luck. And God bless for the good you have done so far.
She’s 7.
You’re not being verbally abused. As you demonstrated the power is all on your side. Because she is 7.
If you do not want to babysit her because you find her demanding and rude, that’s completely fair.
But blame the adults who are not helping her learn how to handle conflict in an age appropriate way.
And include yourself in that list as a regular caregiver.
ESH but the 7 year old.
Would your sister let her eat candy at midnight? Does your sister even let her stay up until midnight or later? Would your sister let her watch a PG-13 horror movie? Does your niece throw tantrums when her mom is home? Does your niece call her mom stupid? Does your sister believe gentle parenting?
It sounds like sister is making Excuses for her SEVEN Yr Old daughter. This SEVEN Yr Old CHILD sounds spoiled.
It is her mother’s responsibility to teach her daughter to be responsible and how to behave. This CHILD needs something called Consequences!
It’s should Never be Common for a SEVEN Yr Old to call an adult, or a teenager Stupid. It’s not “emotional trauma” for mom to be working her butt off to make a more secure life for her daughter.
Your Sister needs to tell her child you ARE In Charge while she is working. Making it clear what the consequence will be if Her Child does not behave and stick to it.
NTAH for not putting up with a Spoiled Child.
These YTA answers are crazy.
I mean, you’re NTA, but overreaction much? Kids that age can say some wild stuff like that, doesn’t mean you should take it to heart. Better to have a word with your niece or sister about your niece so that there are some acceptable disciplinary protocols in place. Not babysitting your niece is a bigger problem for your sister who is probably working extra shifts to make ends meet, as she would need to pay for someone to do that, which means her extra shifts are redundant.
That 7-year-old has you dancing like a puppet.
Maybe work on not having your whole self-image turned upside down by a mouthy 2nd grader.
Obviously mom needs to learn how to parent and set limits and have firm consequences.
You are auntie not babysitter … and you are not obligated to be a babysitter even though you would like to help them out.
You should not be subjected to this level of disrespect and expected to accept it.
Kids need structure & boundaries and sounds like mom isn’t providing that or backing you up.
Give her an opportunity to write you an “I’m sorry” note and for her to give written examples how she likes your time together. If she won’t she doesn’t come back for a while.
This kid sounds like a handful. If her mom expects free childcare, she needs to teach her kid manners. And those family members criticizing you can get their names on the schedule to do their share of babysitting as well.
NTA and not a doormat.
NTA 7yo knows exactly how to inflict pain verbally & manipulate you. She probably got away with alot before and tries it with you. Its NOT your sister’s fault, some children are just ALOT. Your probably needs therapy to address her anger issues.. you need a break too. The family can of course step up 🤷🏻♀️
This sounds like a last straw situation. OP must have begun to resent giving up all her weekends some time ago. Did OP give her sister any prior warning, like putting the kid on a PIP (Performance Improvement Plan) within the past month so that sister was forewarned that babysitting every weekend was becoming an intolerable situation for OP and alternate childcare arrangements would need to be made? Does sister have the kind of job where she will simply take fewer shifts or will she be at risk of being fired? Do you all live together in parents home or might sister get evicted from her apartment if she can’t make rent? Has OP been putting off romance and a career of her own to be available to babysit or is everyone fine here?
NTA. Sounds like the perfect opportunity for the rest of the family to step up. After all, family is soooooo important.
Then tell the rest of your family that they can babysit. Unless your sister was paying you to babysit, you are doing her a favor by sacrificing Your time to help her out. Also, sounds like that kid needs to be taught to respect.
YTA she’s 7.
You are not the AH for lacking the patience to manage a dysregulated child who is testing boundaries, but you would be TA for trying to frame it as the child being awful for developmentally typical behaviors.
Kids are not easy. The parts of their brains that regulate emotions and impulse control are nowhere near developed. You don’t have the patience to handle these moments and that’s valid, but don’t frame it as your neice being “too bad” and you are dropping her as a punishment; that’s the kind of nonsense that damages a child’s self worth and creates abandonment behavioral problems.
It sounds like you’re answering a tantrum by exiting the relationship but you are contributing to making the behaviors worse because kids who act out and experience abandonment will often develop maladaptive behaviors where they continue to test how reliable others are. It not being your personal responsibility to raise your niece does not mean how you handle this will not impact what she learns.
NTA. You’re not being paid to put up with this. You’ve more than done your bit to help. Remind your sister of just how much you have done for her, to help her.
Of course you are not your niece’s mom, but she was lashing out at you because she is not terribly familiar with the word ‘no’. At seven she is already in school and knows how to behave. She chose not to, and this is the consequence. Your sister can either pay for a babysitter or every family member criticising you can step up and do their bit.
I’m baffled by the YTA comments. No one–not even a sister–is REQUIRED to be a free babysitter. Do what is right for you and don’t let others’ opinions sway you. If the 7-year-old’s tantrums are unacceptable to you then that’s it.
NTA
You babysit her EVERY weekend? That’s more than generous.
nta
Fake karma farming horseshit!!
NTA, but I’m not focusing on the last straw. What the kid said is pretty normal for a 7 year old who’s learning how to push boundaries (and she crossed yours, so that’s the consequence). But the brief description before that sounds like you’ve been putting up with a lot of bad behavior for a while all in the name of helping out your sister.
Your family is upset because your sister clearly needs help. The thing is if her kid is really that much to deal with, she needs more intervention than a babysitter who helps out on the weekends. This would be the only compromise I’d suggest here- sister gets help with daughter’s behavior and maybe you can start babysitting again as your niece starts to do better.
Omg, my kids are young adults and still absolutely love spending time with their Aunties. I just couldn’t imagine. I’m also an auntie, my nephews, who are now adults, are a delight. I just couldn’t imagine.
NTA great the whole family can now watch her.
And now she’s learning actions have consequences. 7 year olds know how to speak to adults caring for them. Sister just lost a good thing because she chose not to parent properly.
Family, who are chirping, are more than welcome to make up the loss in free babysitting.
You may feel guilt over this. You have no reason to. NTA
NTA. Free child care, and you have to put up with this abuse? Wow.
Sounds like gram and pap just volunteered to me
Last time a kid tried you aren’t my mom line. I looked her straight in the face and in my best cold growl voice I said that’s right. So I don’t give two hoots about CPS. Just try me again and find out. The look on her face was priceless. It was hard to keep my scowl going because I wanted to laugh so hard at her Pikachu face. See I already knew every time her parents tried to discipline her she would threaten to call CPS.
NTA
But if you have babysat this child every weekend, you have had the opportunity for behavior modeling five days out of seven , and on days when the child is not in school.
Was this tantrum unusual or unexpected? Kids that age get oppositional.
Sounds to me like both you and your niece burned out.
You are absolutely not obligated to help your sister with childcare. And your niece should be able to behave better.
But seven year olds can be brats. And I imagine your niece may be dealing with a lot of other not great feelings that are causing her to lash out. So I wouldn’t take what your niece says personally.
I think how you move forward is up to you. I don’t think you’re the AH for not babysitting anymore, but if you want to help your sister you could try again with different ground rules. Maybe babysit less frequently or agree that you don’t have to be the enforcer.
7 year old is spoiled and not receiving enough corrective parenting. This is all on your sister. She is turning your niece into a problem child. She defends/excuses her bad behavior rather than correcting and punishing her. If your sister keeps it up, her daughter will most certainly be on the wrong end of a butt whooping by another girl her age.
Your family knowing the entire story, and surely has seen the 7 yr old flip out or misbehave at one time or another, are wrong.
NTA for not wanting to do unpaid babysitting anymore. I would suggest not taking anything a 7 year old says to heart though. They can be jerks occasionally. Especially if she’s missing her mom and going between houses etc. But your sister was asking a lot of you and it’s ok to be done with that now.
I would have said .You are right and when I am watching you my rules.
I would also work with your sister to set up a set of rules together.
Maybe with a little working together should would learn respect.
And on a different vein,maybe she is acting out for attention? She might perceive that ” she is in the way”
I’m not commenting on these adults apparently being incapable of putting a 7-year-old to bed. OP asked if she was an AH for refusing to babysit her niece “after she said ‘you’re not my real mom’” and my answer is that that is a lame and AH-ly reason to refuse to babysit a kid. If OP had asked “is it ok to be expected to never have a Saturday because I’m expected to babysit for free every week, and no one else in the family has to” I’d have said absolutely not, that’s super unfair. If OP had asked “should I keep babysitting my niece if my feeling get hurt when she acts like a child” my answer would have been that OP should admit to her sister that she (OP) is just not capable of taking on that responsibility, even if I personally find it bizarre/surprising/sad that an adult is not able to deal with the basic behaviour of a child. She asjed is she was an AH because of refusing to babysit for a soecific reason (which was bot related to money or feeling taken advantage of) and I said what I think of refusing to babysit for that reason.🤷
no guilt-time you had your weekends back. hopefully this child will get better parenting and you can have a good relationship later.
NTA. I’m big on community support and everyone needing to be the village if they want one someday. It sounds like you’ve been an integral part of their support system thanklessly. You’re allowed to have limits.
My only question is if you’ve discussed your nieces extreme behavior with your sister in the past? If not then I would say soft y t a just because she could understandably feel blindsided and confused. But other wise NTA
Verbal abuse bc she told you that you’re not her mom? Seems very dramatic. Seems like everyone in ur family is very dramatic lmao
NTA – You have every right to draw boundaries anywhere in your life you choose.
But I will make one counter-point for you to consider: your niece is a child, you are an adult. Your sister could really use the help, even if your niece is too stupid to understand it. If you wanted to, you could choose to be a bigger person than a 7-year-old. But you’re under no compulsion to, and I mean that.
NTA
You’re providing free childcare out of the goodness of your heart and the child is an unruly brat. 7 is old enough to have rules, regulations and consequences. Is her mother setting rules? Have you spoken to the mother about her behavior? What steps has she taken to mitigate the behavior?
The reality is any paid babysitter or childcare facility will drop an unruly, disrespectful child if they have tried to set boundaries and implement rules and get no support from the parent and see no improvement. Your family that thinks you are wrong can volunteer to be the babysitter if they think they can do better.
NTA for not wanting to keep babysitting your niece. Kids that age are hard to take care of, and you are probably resenting all you have to do while the kid is misbehaving. But she’s 7 yrs old, she’s learning and can’t really control that type of emotions. and it probably isn’t easy for her either to be without mom every weekend. Time for your sister to look for another solution before this gets even worse between the 3 of you.
It sounds like your burnt out from babysitting every weekend. Maybe switch to every other weekend, give yourself a break.
You bratty niece needs to learn about boundaries. Your sister needs to step-up and start raising her kid.
NTA.
they can keep the brat
NTA
If your sister wants free childcare from you, she needs to teach her daughter how to behave.
My aunt would have removed the taste from my mouth with the back of her hand.
I quit a PAYING babysitting job when I was younger, because the kids were shitty little assholes, just like their parents. I bet if I look them up, they’ve been to prison.
NTA
NTA, Do not tolerate that behavior. A seven year old should already know how to communicate without pitching a tantrum. If a child that age spoke to me like that, I probably would have sat there looking at without a word for a bit, then I would have informed them that they are right I’m not your mom, I’m your Aunt. Now go sit in time out. However, I’m getting old, and I have no time for that behavior.
Nta for refusing, but a MASSIVE YTA for the way you did it. It sounds like this has been a long time coming – what did your sister say when you talked to her? Did you tell her you were getting frustrated and would need a break? Or did you decide to be cruel to a child without saying anything to her mother first? Frankly, it doesn’t matter that you said it “calmly” – telling someone going into 2nd grade that you’re done putting up with them is asshole territory.
For heavens sake God forbid you choose to have a life of your own and decide to actually go out with friends instead of getting verbally abused by what sounds like a BRAT
NTA. Time for your family to babysit instead.
She’s 7. So I’m going to go with ESH (except the kid because she’s 7). At 7 years old, the kid should be more accustomed to boundaries and that’s why your sister is part of the ESH determination IMO. Clearly, there’s not been adequate boundary setting and setting expectations about appropriate behavior (assuming there’s not a developmental disability here). And your sister should be empowering you and reinforcing what you are telling the kid so as to have a consistent message to the kid about what is and is not acceptable behavior. That’s clearly not happening.
You’re a bit of an AH because you took your frustration out on the kid instead of dealing with the kid’s mother.
NTA
“You’re not my real mom!”
And? So? I’m still the adult in charge and you will listen to me or you will be punished and sent home.
That you took on babysitting duties without being granted permission to correct misbehavior is insane to me. I would never watch kids like that. NTA.
NTA, free child care for a brat. Did your sister free range her kid, that gentle parenting? SMH she needs to feel consequences for her behavior and your sister needs to raise her to be proper.
NTA, this is where your sister needs to realize she has created a monster to include finding someone else to babysit her.
NTA at all for wanting to stop providing free childcare.
A slight YTA for putting the seven year old in the middle of what should be grown-up’s business. You definitely could have had this conversation with your sister first.
“Hey, sis, the whole family wants to take care of babysitting as “family helps family.” Call them and see what days they will babysit <niece>”
You’ve done your time.
NTA. But maybe this is a way of helping your niece. Tell your sister you’ll continue as long as she allows you to punish/time out etc your niece for bad behavior.
NTA
Age 7 is hella fkn whiny anyway. And they’re little sassholes too. But what they are not, is permitted to speak to me the way your niece spoke to you. I would have had the same response as you, and with the sister whinging & brigading from relatives, I would say to put everyone on a favor diet. Nobody gets freebies out of you anymore if they’re defending sis & her sassholian kid.
Let your parents, her grandparents shoulder the burden. What a brat.
So glad family has volunteered to take over every weekend!
NTA Yes kids will be kids and act out every now and then but your niece is old enough to know right from wrong, and if she does have her moments where she’s throwing a tantrum/misbehaving it shouldn’t be a battle to correct her.
Your sister needs to put her foot down and get her behavior under control, she shouldn’t expect anyone even you to have to deal with her child being a little terror. As for the rest of your family if they feel like you’ve “wronged” your sister and niece then they can volunteer to watch her and see what you have been dealing with.
The mother is responsible for that child’s behavior. Her mother did not teach her to behave appropriately. She pulls that nonsense you’ve been babysitting for free as a favor and you’re going to put up with verbal abuse. People are saying well, it’s family and you should know him because the child needs an example. Child has mother to be an example and if the mother can’t be a decent example, she has no right to expect other people to put up with the abuse from her child. It’s her responsibility to correct the child and to expect somebody for nothing to tolerate that and let it go because she’s only a child okay. She’s only a child at a year old okay she’s only a child at two. She’s one She’s only a child at 2 And at 3 and at 4 and at 5 So at what age does she stop being just a child who’s allowed to behave that way or miraculously when she hits? 10. Is she going to suddenly be a well-behaved person? Maybe it’s 13 that we have to stop making allowances for her being just a child? What about 15 or 16 or at 18? Does she stop being just a child and we have to tolerate her abuse? What if she starts with physical abuse somewhere along that line? How old before the problem is evident to everyone that the parent failed. A parent is supposed to teach your child how to behave properly and to expect anyone to put up with verbal abuse and what then if it becomes physical abuse are you supposed to tolerate that too for no money just to try and be nice to your sister
Ignore people that tell you it’s only a child and she needs you. No. Her mother is ruining her and at some point she’s going to do something that the phrase she’s only a child won’t fix.
Walk away. Go no contact.
They don’t deserve you and you’re trying to be a decent human being and yet they feel that not only do you have to babysit for free but you have to take being verbally and at some point maybe physically abused.
Enough is enough. Family doesn’t treat family that way and if she can’t teach her child, it’s not your place to do it walk away
-Now my whole family is acting like I abandoned them
buck up or shut up is a legit response
You need to have boundaries
She’s seven…. If you don’t want to babysit anymore, okay, but this is how seven year olds behave.
Nta. The whole family doesn’t even want to be free babysitting. They can suck an egg.
Nothing lasts forever. Even this chapter has come to an end.
That’s not really verbal abuse. That’s a small child acting out under stressful circumstances. If mom is working that much, daughter is stressed. You’re an adult who provides stability and structure to her, which you took away because she hurt your feelings? Granted, you’re not obligated to be free childcare, but family often does those things out of love for each other.
However, it does sound like you and your sister need to work some things out: 1 – when does daughter get to spend downtime with mom? 2 – when do you get a break? 3 – what changes need to be made so the child can be in bed asleep long before candy at midnight is an option? 4 – what can you both do to help the child learn to regulate her emotions? 5 – if you’re unpaid, what other compensation can sister offer you?
NTA. Stop wasting your free time. Live your life.
NTA, after how your sister reacted it is clear who the kid gets that attitude from and why that attitude is not being corrected.
Let your family that is acting like you abandoned her babysit the kid and you go enjoy your weekends.
Did your niece apologize to you? If she apologized and was genuinely sorry, then you refusing to babysit her anymore seems like you are punishing your sister. If you don’t want to watch your niece every weekend, tell your sister. Maybe your parents could take some turns. Maybe she could stay at her home some weekends, which is probably what she wants, time with her real mother. But to cut your niece off completely sounds punitive.
If your niece didn’t apologize, and your sister didn’t apologize, and they just expect you to take her verbal abuse and ignore it, then no, you are NTA. What your niece needs is discipline. If she is going to keep coming to your house, your sister has to allow you to discipline her as if you are her parent, and she needs to tell your niece that. Then, you can talk to her about the rules at your house, and what will happen if she breaks them. But if you remain just the babysitter with no real power, tell your sister that won’t work for you.
NTA. “No, I’m not your mom. I’m your REAL AUNT whose been coming out to look after you and spend time with you as a favor to you and your mom!” The whole family in the peanut gallery? Time to get off their butts and step up.
NTA. We learned the Golden Rule in kindergarten and would have never dreamed of calling a babysitter (relative or not) “stupid.” It sounds like your sister is letting her daughter get away with bad behavior on the regular if a 7yo is having tantrums because she can’t have candy at midnight.
Incidentally, why is a 7yo up that late? If that’s a common occurrence, she probably desperately needs some structure in her life with set bedtimes and the like. Kids NEED rules. Your sister is doing her daughter no favors by letting her behave this way.