AITAH for refusing to bring my little sister with me places?

r/

So, I (M17), and I have a (F14) sister and a (F18) Girlfriend. My girlfriend and I work long hours and don’t usually get to spend entire days together due to our work schedules and school commitments. We’re currently on spring break, and I took a chance and requested time off on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I hoped our work schedules would align, and they did. Yesterday, I worked from 7:50 am to 5 pm and went straight to bed to prepare for our hangout day. My mom then entered my room and asked if I could please bring my little sister along. I replied, “I was only given three days, and I don’t want to babysit.” When I texted my girlfriend about it, she said, “Ugh, I don’t have enough money for everyone.” (She mentioned that she’d pay for Monday and Wednesday’s outing because I spent a significant amount on her last Friday and Saturday for her birthday.) My mother noticed the “ughh” but didn’t read the part where she mentioned being broke and abruptly left my room while muttering something. Now, apparently, I’m the one at fault. I’ve repeatedly tried to take my little sister out with us, but she consistently finds ways to embarrass me, ignore me, or completely ruin our hangouts, making us want to end them immediately. I’ve tried to tell her to stop doing these things, but she refuses to listen. Just last week, when my girlfriend was over, I was building my PC when my sister barged into the room and started chatting. For context, my girlfriend is fully aware that I prefer silence when I’m working on my PCs or fixing electronics, so she was lying on my bed, watching me. I politely asked my sister to be quiet so i can focus, but she refused and kept talking. In response, I dropped a screw that I couldn’t find, so I stood up and told her, “I’ve asked you before, please leave my room.” She stomped out and called me a homophobic slur.

I shouldn’t have to babysit someone who can’t follow basic instructions repeatedly, but if I start talking to her less, she’ll throw a sob story to my mom and make it seem like I don’t acknowledge her or want a relationship with her. All I ask is that she listens the first time and gives me and my girlfriend some space when we have limited time to hang out.

Comments

  1. PlayfulAd1543 Avatar

    NTA. You’re not obligated to bring your sister along, especially if she’s been repeatedly disrespectful and disruptive when you’ve tried. You’ve made efforts to include her, and it sounds like you’ve tried to communicate boundaries that should be respected. Asking for space to enjoy time with your girlfriend isn’t unreasonable—it’s about balance and respecting each other’s needs, especially when you’ve limited time together.

    That being said, maybe it would have been better to approach your mom more diplomatically rather than outright saying, “I don’t want to babysit.” But that doesn’t change the fact that your sister’s actions and your mom’s failure to respect your request are the core issue here. You’ve made it clear you’re not trying to exclude her, just to have some peaceful time, and you’re entitled to that.

  2. Salty_Thing3144 Avatar

    NTA. You are not your mom’s free parent and a fourteen-year-old does not need a babysitter. Say no and move out as soon as  you can. 

  3. jayhendo79 Avatar

    Your Mum is the ultimate AH here. It’s not your job to babysit your sister. You Mum is breeding sibling resentment and it’s wrong on so many levels, and she’s likely doing it for her own selfish peace.

    Stand your ground and protect your boundaries OP

  4. Spoedi-Probes Avatar

    NTA

    You are allowed some YOU time.

  5. IsoldeFawn Avatar

    NTA.

    It’s not unreasonable to want your own time with your girlfriend, especially when your sister’s behavior makes it difficult. You’re not being unfair; you’re setting boundaries that are important for your relationship and personal space.

  6. Anniebelle1020 Avatar

    Why does a 14yo need a babysitter???

  7. Careless-Image-885 Avatar

    Get up very early and walk out the door. Or stay with a friend the night before the day off. Don’t say a word. Put your phone on mute.

    NTA but your mother is. Your sister is 14. She should be hanging out with her own friends. Your mother wants you to babysit so she doesn’t have to deal with the brat she created.

  8. heavenlyasiann Avatar

    NTA. It sounds like you’re trying to set reasonable boundaries, and your sister is deliberately pushing them. At 14, she’s old enough to understand basic respect—especially if she’s throwing around slurs when she doesn’t get her way. Your mom might be reacting emotionally because she sees it as sibling bonding, but if your sister consistently ruins outings and ignores requests for space, you’re not obligated to include her.

    That said, have you tried having a calm sit-down with your sister (and maybe your mom) to explain how her behavior affects you? Not in the heat of the moment, but when things are neutral? If she’s acting out for attention, maybe there’s a compromise—like shorter, low-pressure hangouts where she gets one-on-one time with you (without your GF) so she doesn’t feel sidelined. But if she refuses to change, you’re not wrong for prioritizing your limited free time with your girlfriend.

    Also, your GF’s reaction was understandable—she’s not your sister’s babysitter or wallet. Maybe next time, frame it to your mom as “We already made plans just the two of us, but I’ll take [sister] out for ice cream another day.” That way, you’re not outright rejecting the idea of spending time with her, just keeping the boundaries clear.

  9. SerenaaBliss Avatar

    NTA. A 14 year old doesn’t need a babysitter and you need personal time. Does mom need a personal informant from your dates?

  10. ELShaw1112 Avatar

    NTA. Your sister is not your responsibility. And I’m going to assume your mom condones her BS behavior and expects everyone else to as well. Stand your ground, there’s nothing worse than a parent that thinks as an older sibling you’re now responsible for the younger siblings therefore you’re a live-in nanny. I hope you got to enjoy your days off and stop letting your sister’s behavior slide, shut her down every damn time and do not feel guilty about it.

  11. Mother_Search3350 Avatar

    You are not the parent to your sister.
    You are not responsible for her or anything to do with her after working long hours and dealing with school. 

    Your mother needs to parent her own daughter and stop palming her off on you. 

    NTAH 

    Enjoy your time  and the last days of summer with your GF. 

    You are about to get into the hard grind of working towards HS graduation and college applications and a whole lot of things. 

    Dragging a rude, unruly and disrespectful 14 year old teenaged girl with you everywhere isn’t your responsibility.

    You are not your mothers Co parent and she doesn’t get to escape her little hellion by palming her off on you

    If her daughter wasn’t such a little shit she would have friends of her own to spend time with at 14 years old

  12. Ok_Childhood_9774 Avatar

    NTA. Your sister is 14. She should have her own friends and be arranging her own activities. Mom is just being a lazy parent.

  13. k23_k23 Avatar

    NTA

    your mom is the AH for not accepting your NO.

  14. camilasmommy Avatar

    Nta !! Im pretty sure your mom just wants a free baby sitter because i have 3 siblings and my mom neeeever made us hang out

  15. LittleUnicorn89 Avatar

    NTA. Tell your sister and your Mum there are consequences to her poor behaviour on past outings. If your Mum refuses to teach your sister boundaries, that is not your problem. You and your gf do not deserve to have your days ruined. Also invest on a lock for your bedroom door.

    A 14 year old doesn’t need a babysitter anyway. Surely she has friends she wants to hang out with, or she can just hang out by herself.

  16. EstimateEffective220 Avatar

    She’s not your child she’s your mother’s child. Your mother is doing it for her own peace to have the house alone. You tell your mom you are not your sister’s parent. She needs to figure out what to do with her child not put her on you. You do your own thing and don’t even worry about it. Your mother will get over it

  17. Mike102072 Avatar

    Your mom and sister need to understand that you and your GF want to spend time together without your sister. Every couple needs that time regardless of age. My sister and brother in law had an arrangement with another couple where once a month the other couple would watch their daughter for a night so they could have time together, just the 2 of them. Then another weekend my sister and brother in law would return the favor by watching their kid. Just like my sister and brother in law, you need kid free time together.

  18. -tacostacostacos Avatar

    You and your girlfriend shouldn’t have to pay for your sister. Mom should be putting a wad of cash in your hand before sister tags along

  19. Glinda-The-Witch Avatar

    When your mother isn’t asking you to take your sister with you and when you’re not arguing with her ask if you can sit down and have a conversation. Put together some bullet points you want to make and make the conversation about you. Say things like “ I get frustrated when sister accompanies us because she repeatedly interrupts our conversation and tries to embarrass me in public” “I get upset when sister refuses to listen and does XYZ. Her lack of courtesy is causing stress in my relationship.” “ I understand that four years doesn’t seem like a big age difference, but me and girlfriend are at different stages of our life and we don’t have a lot in common with sister. I personally think she feels like a third wheel when she’s with us and that’s what’s causing her disruptive behavior. She would probably be happier if she hung out with one of her friends.”

    Good luck. NTA

  20. Candycandzy Avatar

    NTA — it’s not selfish to want a few rare days with your girlfriend without being turned into the family Uber driver. You’re not refusing to be a brother, you’re just setting boundaries so your free time doesn’t turn into a part-time chaperone job with bonus guilt trips.

  21. FairyFartDaydreams Avatar

    NTA she is 14 if your parents had done their job correctly she would e independent enough to take care of herself for a few hours. This is not on you

  22. FunctionIcy4562 Avatar

    Nta. She’s old enough to stay by herself.

  23. NaturesVividPictures Avatar

    NTA. At 14 your sisters old enough to be home alone or her mom is so desperate for her to be hanging with somebody doesn’t she have any friends? I used to go over to my friend’s house is all the time or they’d come to our house. Heck will my kids were younger we had many of their friends over here a lot. So tell your mom no she’s old enough to take care of herself and you have a life and a job and a girlfriend. At 14 your little sister’s going to be annoying no way around that. Do the best you can when you do have to deal with her

  24. Ok-Listen-8519 Avatar

    Why are you responsible for her? You dont get paid for this & your gf have to pay for all of your outings? If your mom cannot care for her own child perhaps ask your dad? You are NOT your sister‘s parent. NTA you deserve to spend time with your gf without caring for your sister‘s needs. Talk to your mom about boundaries

  25. Ok-Listen-8519 Avatar

    Why are you responsible for her? You dont get paid for this & your gf have to pay for all of your outings? If your mom cannot care for her own child perhaps ask your dad? You are NOT your sister‘s parent. NTA you deserve to spend time with your gf without caring for your sister‘s needs. Talk to your mom about boundaries

  26. Ok-Listen-8519 Avatar

    Why are you responsible for her? You dont get paid for this?? She‘s 14yo she can be on her own & your gf have to pay for all of your outings, why? If your mom cannot care for her own child perhaps ask your dad? You are NOT your sister‘s parent. NTA you deserve to spend time with your gf without caring for your sister‘s needs. Talk to your mom about boundaries

  27. Gullible_Fun_1410 Avatar

    Do you see how these out of touch people are calling your mother a n Asshole? There is nothing wrong with her asking you to take your sister with you and nothing wrong with you saying not this time mom. One person said you should hurry up and move out and another one suggested that you cut your phone off and stay with at a friends house. It’s okay to feel the way you do but these comments are trash🤦🏽‍♂️🤦🏽‍♂️

  28. RevolutionaryGuess82 Avatar

    If Mom wants you to take little sister, does Mom offer to pay for little sister? She should. You need to set ground rule with Mom and little sister. Both need to agree.

  29. NaturesVividPictures Avatar

    NTA. At 14 your sisters old enough to be home alone or her mom is so desperate for her to be hanging with somebody doesn’t she have any friends? I used to go over to my friend’s house is all the time or they’d come to our house. Heck will my kids were younger we had many of their friends over here a lot. So tell your mom no she’s old enough to take care of herself and you have a life and a job and a girlfriend. At 14 your little sister’s going to be annoying no way around that. Do the best you can when you do have to deal with her.

    Your mom’s probably trying to kill two birds with one stone. This way your 14 year old sister stays out of trouble and so do you cuz you can’t be alone with your girlfriend. So basically your sister’s birth control.

  30. RevolutionaryGuess82 Avatar

    If Mom wants you to take little sister, does Mom offer to pay for little sister? She should. You need to set ground rule with Mom and little sister. Both need to agree.

  31. phylbert57 Avatar

    She’s 14. Doesn’t need a babysitter. She should be babysitting other kids herself at this age unless she is disabled on some way.

  32. Variable_Cost Avatar

    You’ll just have to level with your mom and tell her that you and your girlfriend need alone time and your sister is a third wheel. This is a perfect opportunity for your mom to do a mother daughter activity.

  33. WhiteKnightPrimal Avatar

    NTA. You and your gf are 17 and 18, and your sister is 14. That’s a huge difference in life stages. Nothing you and your gf actually want to do is going to interest your sister and nothing your sister wants to do is going to interest you guys, especially considering the whole point is to go on a long date with your gf. You and your gf shouldn’t be paying for your sister, either, but that’s clearly an expectation given your gf’s initial reaction was to immediately say she couldn’t afford to pay for all 3 of you.

    Plus, your sister is 14, she’s not a little kid who needs a babysitter. Why would she even want to hang with you and your gf while you’re on a date when she could be hanging with her own friends? She’s perfectly capable of arranging a hangout for her and her friends at either her own or a friends house, or even going out with her friends. She’s too old for a babysitter.

    Your mum is doing neither of you any favours, here. She’s interfering in your relationship with your gf, making it impossible for you to want to spend time with your sister by not stopping the refusal to listen to you, and making your sister seem like a baby to kids her own age, which will impact her ability to make and keep friends. She’s also turning your sister into a brat whose going to fail at maintaining relationships or do well in school or keep a job, because she thinks she doesn’t have to listen to anybody and can just do what she wants, when she wants, while putting her own responsibilities as a parent onto her minor child.

    If your mum is lucky, you’ll stay in phone contact and visit once or twice a year once you turn 18 and move out. If she’s not, you’ll completely cut contact. The way things are going, you’re going to end up hating both your mother and your sister, though.

  34. survivor0000 Avatar

    Everybody is answering your direct question, you need to ask some indirect ones. Why the heck does a 14yr old girl want to hang out with her 17yr old brother? And his girlfriend? Why the heck has a 14yr old girl not got her own friends? Ask your mother those. Don’t let your sister into your room, period. NTA

  35. rktyes Avatar

    Depends, on when the last time you hung with your sister, how often, and the situation. Demanding, hanging with you all week, yup NTA. Me time is okay! However, if you haven’t hung with your sister in a while, and always go with just GF, (and you have limited time always picking GF), leaving family/sis behind, you are not a great sibling. Kid sis loves you, and loves being with you the way you want to be with the GF. AH maybe not, but I would guess based on your commend about the sob story, the 14 year old looks up to you, and wants to be with you, and hang with you, and if you are always working, and with GF, she might miss you, and mom may see this. I don’t think babysitting is the right work, she is 14, it is spending time together. But if you keep making it seem like your sister is a chore, and isn’t fun to be around, she will 1 day wake up, realize you choose someone over her, and she will lose the look up to you she has now. If you have 3 days off, I would bring her on 1 of them, and realize once you are about 20 the time you see her is far and fewer in between. GF is around today, possibly for ever.. but realistically, probably not. Sis will be around forever, if you treat her right, but you don’t get too many shots to be the person the 14 year old thinks you are, before she wakes up and sees you think she is a chore.

  36. Bluejay416crazy1 Avatar

    Your mom getting upset is wild.

    “Hey! On your time off and the only time you and your girlfriend can spend real time together, can you take your younger sibling?”

    💯 NTA!

  37. CallingThatBS Avatar

    NTA

    She makes it so you don’t want her around, she doesn’t act appropriately in public. She is old enough to know how to behave.

  38. Squibit314 Avatar

    Show your mom the full text. Then tell her that the going rates for babysitters is $25 an hour but you’ll give her a family discount of $20 an hour. 😉

    I mean if you don’t mind her going then ask your mom for the money to cover the expense. If you do mind taking her then tell her that it’s not age appropriate and you’re not going to any kind of raging sex party.

  39. mocha_lattes_ Avatar

    As an annoying little sister, NTA. There’s a time and place to be the annoying younger sibling and she doesn’t get it. I used to hang out with my brother and his best friend all the time. I would tag along but sometimes I didn’t even when I wanted to go because I knew my brother needed time to just spend with his friends without me around. 

  40. Zealousideal_Fail946 Avatar

    Exactly. Keep working – work extra if you can and move out as soon as you turn 18.

  41. RevolutionaryGuess82 Avatar

    If your mom wants you to take your sister, your mom needs to pay the extra expense.

    Your sister needs to learn boundaries and respect.