I remarried two years ago. Things were good at first. Calm. Easy. He treated me better than my ex ever did. That’s what I kept telling myself. Over and over. Even when the little things started to pile up. It started with comments. Subtle, but they stuck with me. Like, “She’s getting too old to need you all the time,” or “She’s with her dad this week, just relax and enjoy your new life.” My daughter is 10. I’ve had full custody most of her life. Her dad has her every other weekend. I’ve always done my best to balance things, even when it meant missing out on stuff with my new husband. Then last month, it got worse. He sat me down and said flat out, “You need to let go. It’s not healthy. You’re building a new family now.” Let go of what? Of who? My child? He thinks I’m too emotionally tied to her. That I’m making him feel like an outsider. That I should treat our marriage as a fresh start. Blank slate. No baggage. And apparently, my daughter is the baggage. I told him no. Immediately. I said he needed to respect that I’m a mother before anything else.
That I’m not going to abandon my kid so he can feel like the center of the universe. And now he’s cold. Distant. He barely talks to me. Sleeps on the couch. Says I “chose my past” over him. But like… what kind of man asks you to erase your child just to make him feel secure? Still, I can’t shake it. There’s a voice in my head whispering, maybe you’re clinging too hard. Maybe I’m making it hard for him to be part of this family. I don’t know. I’m trying. I really am. So… AITAH for refusing to cut ties with my daughter just because it makes my second husband uncomfortable?
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Your child’s well being should come first; he’s showing red flags with his demands.
This has to be fake. Are you wondering what you should do? If you are, then yes, give up your daughter and move on to your new life. Good lord.
NTA
This is why most men should never marry a single mother. She will and SHOULD always choose her kid over you. This can be very alienating for many men.
NTA and you need to get rid of this guy. He is trying to isolate you from everyone but him. Men like this can get very dangerous when denied, so leave now.
He’s realizing that no self respecting man would EVER play stepdaddy. Recreational use only.
You aren’t clinging too hard. This is a huge huge huge red flag. HUGE.
This is controlling behavior. It starts small. And then it escalates.
He’s worse than your ex. I dont even know what your ex did and I still think this dude is worse. Get rid of him.
You can not build a family with a man who can and will discard your children.
He shows you that everyone can be disposable if they don’t align to his vision of life.
He will be a bad father.
He is a bad partner.
He will leave you when you served your purpose or he has a change of heart because hu deserves a better, younger, wealthier spouse, or as he sees it more devoted wife.
One without distractions or an independent being outside of him.
Cut him loose.
You deserve better.
Nta
Your past??? She’s a child, she’s 10 years old. Your new husband while he might treat you better than your ex, is not a good person at all. You can tell so much from people with how the treat any child. NTA but you will be if you keep him around because your daughter will start to feel the tension.
NTA time to let go of the real baggage- the husband
Your 10yo daughter shouldn’t make a grown man insecure, he is a POS that can ask for attention from someone who is childless not a mother
Your child needs you. She is 10. He is jealous of a TEN YEAR OLD.
Listening to the little voice in your head that thinks he might be right now will lead to you making another Reddit post in (at most) 8 years time saying “my daughter has gone NC and I don’t know what to do!!”. And none of us will have pity for it. She is your child. Love shouldn’t be an either / or choice, but if he’s going to make it one, you have to choose her.
NTA.
Get a divorce and start looking at why you can’t be on your own. I hope you don’t make more money or own your home. He’s not a good guy and until your 10 year old is out of the house, no more men around your daughter
NTA. Once you become a mother that child is your top priority. I’m sorry but I think your new husband and you need to divorce. He probably thought that once you were married your ex would take your daughter with him.
You could ask him to go to couples therapy with you but I don’t think he is ready to be a step dad.
i don’t know how your ex treated you, but your new husband is treating you awful, you should get a divorce ASAP ( and who know which kind of treat might give to your daughter…)
NTA. The only A here your husband.
This is coercive control. Manipulating. Trying to isolate you from your family, in this case a dependent daughter who relies on you as her primary carer.
I wouldn’t be shocked if he has also been isolating you from friends, going out without him, etc.
Things like, it’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s them. Or, your family is quite odd, codependent, it is unhealthy.
Or maybe financial control? Like all the money decisions need to go through him.
I would be seriously worried, and definitely recommend you get some therapy with a therapist to help you figure out if there any other flags and decide whether it is a relationship worth staying in. Also, please, please, please check in with your daughter and make sure that she is not picking up on his comments and that she knows you mean everything to her.
I doubt this would be a one sided manipulation.
Minor child trumps man with major ego. Every time.
He knew you were a mother when he met and married you. Hes the one who has suddenly decided to flip the script. He needs to either get on board or get out.
My skin crawled reading that, OP.
And now I’m worried about your and your little daughter’s safety. This man is grooming you for abuse. What else is he trying to control in your life?
Please be careful when you leave him as he could turn dangerous. Get hold of your important documents in advance if you can.
Good luck and Updateme
Divorce this guy.
You can’t be serious about keeping him around.
NTA, huh? he knew you were mother when he met you. So he wants you to be deadbeat mother?. I find it odd and disturbing when a grown man wants to compete with the mother-and-child relationship. Protect your child, she may not be safe around him
What kind of person wants u to cut ties with your family? 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
This guy is dangerous to you and your child. Get this guy away from your child immediately!!
NTA 🚩
Definitely NTA. That’s your child. Your focus should be on her. She’s only 10. It’s not like she’s an adult. Any person that would ask you to “let go” of her is an asshole. A parent’s job is to provide for, protect, care for, and guide their children. If he doesn’t understand that, then you should reconsider starting any new family with him.
NTA!!! You said it yourself. You’re a mother first. He knew you had a child when he married you. Only AH here is the husband. Hope you get everything sorted out.
Divorce this idiot.
NTA. Yeah, your new hubby needs to get his sh*t sorted out. He thinks he’s competing with a 10-year-old, FFS. Ugh! (Now I need to go scrub my brain so I can forget again that these sorts of insecure nitwits are everywhere…)
What are you trying to save? Why are you “trying”? I’d divorce and run for the hills, lest an “accident” happen!!!
He’s trying to cut off your CHILD. Absolutely tf not, and honestly that alone should be enough to file for divorce. Your child will be permanently impacted if you continue your marriage to this person…how you decide to proceed will shape how she sees you forever. If you’re standing up for her and making sure she knows she’s your priority, she’ll be able to know she can trust her mom to have her back no matter what. But sadly, if you choose to stay with this man, even if he backs down from his absolutely insane demands, she’s going to feel the iciness in the place that used to feel safe, and it will definitely affect her. Please dump the baggage that is your second husband. You’re absolutely NTA for refusing to prioritize a dude who’s jealous of a literal child.