I (27F) am pregnant with my second child. When I was pregnant with my first, my mom begged me to let her throw a gender reveal. I agreed, under the condition that it be small, just immediate family, backyard vibes.
Instead, she turned it into an event with over 40 people (some I didn’t even know), hired a photographer, had pink and blue smoke cannons, and made herself the center of attention by pretending she accidentally spoiled the gender (she didn’t, it was staged for photos).
It was stressful and honestly humiliating.
Now that I’m pregnant again, I’ve told everyone, including her, that we’re not doing a reveal. Just a quiet announcement later on. My mom LOST it. She said I was “depriving my family” and accused me of “punishing her for being excited.” She even told my husband that I was “cruel and hormonal.”
She’s now posting vague things online like “Some people don’t want their babies loved.”
I’m standing my ground, but now other relatives are pressuring me too, saying I should “be the bigger person.”
AITAH for refusing to let my mom throw another reveal and going low contact until the baby is born?
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NTA.. if you don’t want a party then do a gender reveal over FB and enjoy your pregnancy.
Congratulations for the 2nd one
NTA – Your mother has some deeper issues that a pink smoke cannon will not fix.
Definitely NTA. Your mom doesn’t care about celebrating you and your pregnancy, she cares about putting on a show to make herself feel good.
I dont understand as an European the concept of a gender reveal Party 😅
But youre NTA. Your Mom has some serious Issues..
“Mom, no one is saying you can’t have a party for yourself, since that’s what you want. I just won’t be there.”
I’m a 1957 boomer. I don’t know how this “gender reveal” stuff began. Admittedly, I’m a product of my time. The 1st time I saw a portable hair dryer in a men’s locker room, I found it unusual. I don’t understand adults taking time off to celebrate their birthdays. But “gender reveal” parties are weird. “We’re having a baby boy/girl.” “How nice.” That’s what I understand. Families have enough to fight about. Maybe getting along is better than folks up in everyone else’s business. Mind, I’m obsolete but families should love each other. Take it from someone who has no family left.
NTA it might work out better if you sit down and explain to her that you know she is excited and all she wants is celebrate the baby, however she is pushing you away with her behavior.
NTA. Don’t let extended family guilt you into doing something you don’t want and know you’ll regret.
Tell your mom you’re doing a gender reveal…when you decide to announce it.
You do you.
Narcissists ned to be the center of attention and you aren’t giving it to her. She’s going to make your life hell until you give in. My preferred method would be to tell her no is my final answer. IF she feels the need to bring it up again I’ll go NC til the kid is here and she’ll be the last to know when the baby is born. Then tell her if she starts making posts about this and circling the flying monkeys that she won’t see the kid til its first birthday. And neither will the monkeys
NTA…what is wrong with mothers thinking the grandchild is all about THEM?
I am a mother of 6 and a grandmother of 10, and I would NEVER act like this!!!! This is not about loving your child, this is about power and attention seeking.
Your mom is the AH here.
NTA. Is your mom in social media? Most boomers do these type of things to brag on facebook.
NTA.
Her saying some people don’t want their babies loved ? Not okay at all- so she is saying the baby can only be loved when you know the gender? So she is only going to love her grandchild a certain amount based on what gender it is? Yeah she needs more help then whatever this party can give her.
If you want to be petty though and if you and your partner don’t mind the wait you could tell the whole family you’re waiting for the birth to be surprised this time! I’m sure that would really piss off your mom.
Honestly you guys could find out and just lie and tell them all you’re waiting for the birth.
NTA.
But if you want peace… smile and nod and play along… and then reveal the gender on FB before she can actually organise anything. Then say ‘whoops… oh well…. no reveal party’ and be done with the stupidity.
You’re literally carrying a child, how much bigger they want you to be?
NTA your mother is a selfish git trying to steal the limelight before she gets too old & wrinkly & senile. You do what you want & she can kicks rocks in Coventry. Any of her flying monkeys who back her can join her in Coventry with their own rock supply. Keep children away from toxic relatives.
Mom: I’ve already scheduled a gender reveal party. It’ll be a few days after the birth, when we’ll post the only pics you’ll ever see.
I am no longer willing to keep the peace if it means fighting a war with myself…
NTA- This event is about your partner, you, and your future baby. The only reason she cares so much is because she would get attention from it.
Nta.. Gender reveal parties are stupid anyway.
NTA. I don’t understand how giving in to your mother’s tantrum counts as being the bigger person. She’s already making your child’s gender about her.
If you want, you can counter with humor –
I’m heavily pregnant, I’m already the bigger person.
I’m not giving in to a toddler tantrum, I already have one at home, I’m not catering to a second one.
I like to be loved QUIETLY, no cannons or circus necessary.
Shhhhhh. All this stress/drama is bad for the baby! Tell her to hush!
Don’t budge
Your Mum is an egg
Gender reveal parties should be reserved for Marine horses, NTA.
You are being the bigger person! You’re being the damn grown up.
I bet there’s a shit ton more than this that she’s done over the years… what was your wedding like?
Not at all, your boundaries are valid, especially after she completely ignored them the first time. A baby announcement isn’t a performance, and you’re not obligated to entertain anyone. Let her throw a party for herself if she wants the attention so bad.
NTA. She wants the attention.
She’s not doing this for the baby or the family. NTA
Whoa, that’s some toxic behavior right there. NTA. I’d be like, you’re not allowed at the hospital. I’m telling them not to let you in.
This was exhausting just to read. NTA. I’m sorry. I hope you have other genuine support in your life.
First and foremost congratulations… Second you don’t need to be stressing especially not about a big parade where you’re going to feel pushed to the side not valued definitely not celebrated…. There is nothing wrong with doing things the way you want to especially seeing if they’re way less stressful than what your families are putting you through… It’s your baby…
Screw your mother. She’s a very silly person who will be lonely in her old age
Girl, just go ahead now and tell everybody on FB and Instagram and the family chat before your mom can get a head of steam. Or just don’t go.
Don’t be guilted or bullied by the flying family monkeys or your mom into doing something that you don’t want to.
Learn to say NO and stick to it‼️. Learn to set firm uncrossable boundaries that have consequences when they are crossed‼️
VERDICT: NTA
NTA. It is your baby and your choice. You dont have to do a gender reveal. She sounds overbearing and likes to be in control. If you do decide you want to do something small, you dont have to tell her. Id make it simple.
Id just invite her and a few friends round for dinner, dont mention it a gender reveal event (no balloons or decorations). Then for dessert I would have a nice decorated cake but nothing that is baby related. The inside would be pink or blue and you can then announce the babies gender once you cut the cake.
She wouldn’t like it as she won’t be the centre of attention and in charge.
Universal answer is: when you get to organize your gender reveal party, you’ll do it your way. It’s my pregnancy, not my mom’s, not yours. So I will decide how to carry on.
NTA
Gender reveals are fucking stupid anyway lol
She can wait like they did in the old days. No one was ever irreparably harmed from waiting until birth to find out baby’s gender. NTA
Ugh. NTA. Gender reveals are stupid and gross. Stick to your guns and tell your mum she can throw you a baby shower instead – but this time you get control of the guest list.
NTA. What ever happened to privacy intimacy space, private time. I dont care much for G.R its pretentious. Stand your ground
> Some people don’t want their babies to be loved.
Make your own unrelated, a picture of you and your first baby looking SUPER happy and showing your belly and write something like “xyz’s favorite book is now ‘I’m a big sister now’, I think she’s excited!” or other super happy zero-negative thing.
Your mom will go nuts because you’re showing everyone you and your family are super happy.
NTA and for any relative saying you should be the bigger person just respond “Why? Why should I make myself uncomfortable to make someone else comfortable. It is literally me that is pregnant not her and this is t about Mums love for the baby it is about Mums need to feel important and validated and your pregnancy and as yet unborn child is not a pacifier for a mother who should be an adult and take NO as a final answer.” And copy and paste and send to anyone that messages you
Nope! Be different and let it be a surprise for everyone!
“Some people don’t want their babies loved”
I would be asking her if she genuinely is incapable of loving a grandchild if she didn’t get to throw a gender reveal party during the pregnancy. What a ridiculous, dramatic thing to say. If her love is that fleeting, she doesn’t need to be part of the kids life…
NTA. You don’t want a party, especially a party that is this huge event where your family isn’t even the focus but your mother.
I’m a bit concerned about how she’s reacting to this, that’s not normal.
Nta. Your moms a piece of work. She ruined your first one. Dont go to the circus again. People dont change
We just told people the gender. Didn’t do a big reveal. You really don’t need especially since you don’t want to. I would go low contact if I had a mother like yours. Hugs.
If you haven’t already found out or told them you found out, just tell them you are letting it be a surprise in the delivery room. Or even let it be a surprise in the delivery room, and don’t find out yourself. I’ve witnessed a lot of deliveries throughout my career, and there is something so special about the parents finding out right there as they hear babies first cries there on mom’s chest.
NTA. Those parties are stupid anyway. Just tell people.
Your mum needs either a hobby or she needs to feel needed. She overcompensating for some reason. Find the reason, solve the problem. She needs an outlet to direct her energy away from this situation.
.
NTA.
Gender reveals….🤢🤮
Why the fuck are the kids consistently being asked to be the bigger person? No, she’s a grown ass grandma, let her be bigger! NTA.
IMO the best gender reveal will always be the moment the baby is born!
Having a backbone, saying no, and protecting your mental health IS being the bigger person. It’s too bad no one values your mental health. Your mother is a drama queen who gets off on creating situations like this and doesn’t care who she hurts in the process. We didn’t have gender reveals for my kids, I honestly think the idea is messed up. What’s wrong with hoping for a happy birth? That’s what should be valued.
NTA. THE Pregnant ones get to cancel all parties because, yk, pregnant.
NTA. Just reveal the gender in FB or any other way. This way she will have no cards to play. She is already angry, so who cares?
NTA. You are well advised to keep things low key. Being the bigger person often means not doing what everyone else wants you to, because it is not the right thing to do.
NTA.
None of this is up to your mum. She had her chance last time and focused on what SHE wanted rather than what you’d asked for.
You’re not a prop for her parties.
I would not even tell them the gender till bubs is born
NTA. Gender reveal parties suck.
Honestly? Bake some cupcakes – put the blue or pink frosting in the center (like a home made Hostess cupcake) and take a pic holding one cut in half while you & hubby are kissing. OR have your current kiddo hold it up and post the pics to social media!
Ta-da! It’s a gender celebration! No dumb party required!
Boundaries are a lovely thing.
Mommy dearest can have her pity party in the opposite internet corner by herself and whatever relative wants to be supportive of her shenanigans.
Gray rock her and shoo her flying monkeys away with a broom!