So I (22F) have been ride-or-die for my brother Liam (28M) and his whole rushed engagement to Charlotte (26F). I helped pick out the ring, listened to him freak out over every dumb little detail, even sat through Charlotte’s meltdown over napkin colors. Like, I’ve been in it. I was supposed to be a bridesmaid. Had the dress, the shoes, was in the group chat with all the Pinterest links and “bride vibes” spam.
Then outta nowhere, last week, Charlotte calls me crying and says I’m out of the wedding party. I’m like… what? Why? She gets all awkward and then drops the bomb: “Liam said you’ve got too much mental health stuff going on and he’s worried you’ll cause drama.”
For context, yeah, I had a rough year. Breakup, therapy, got diagnosed with anxiety and depression. But I’ve been doing the work. I’ve never flipped out at family stuff, never made anything about me. I’ve been chill. So I just stayed quiet. I didn’t want to start something. Then yesterday, Liam hits me up all casual, like “Hey, best man’s sick, can you drive me to the venue?” I texted back, “Nah, I’m too unstable to drive. Wouldn’t want to cause a scene.” Now everyone’s calling me petty. Mom says I’m being immature and should “be the bigger person” for his big day. Whole fam group chat is basically guilt-tripping me.
But like… why is it always me who’s supposed to eat the disrespect and still show up with a smile?
AITAH?
Comments
Honestly, I think you just gave the best wedding gift ever: a dramatic plot twist! Who needs a soap opera when you have family dynamics like this.
NTA. It absolutely grips my shit when the one who is wronged is asked to be the better person.
Petty side of me would agree to drive your brother then on the morning say you’re having a ‘mental episode’ and are in no fit state to drive. Your brother shouldn’t be surprised considering he was expecting this from you, hence dropping you from being a bridesmaid.
NTA. I wouldn’t have even gone to the wedding after that.
I bet your phone is blowing up too
NTA!
He wants you to drive him to his own wedding that he does not even want you at and you’re the one who’s unstable? Odd how not one person who is calling you could drive him. Not doing it is a lot nicer than picking him up and getting lost ten miles away like I would have done, pointing out that it turns out he was correct all along.
NTA, here’s a response, add or subtract whatever you’d like.
“Why are none of you standing up for me? He lied. He called me unstable after everything I’ve done and money I’ve spent to be a part of the wedding. With one lie he kicked me out for no reason.
I owe him nothing as he’s shown I’m nothing to him.
You all know the year I’ve had, the work I’ve done and how much I love my brother.
This isn’t about me being the bigger person.
This is about me treating him the way he treated me.”
Take them to small claims court for reimbursement of the bridesmaid stuff. You spent the money and they kicked you out. You deserve to be made whole.
NTA. Honestly, I wish more people thought like you. Never tolerate disrespect of that level. Don’t feel guilty or be guilt tripped for doing what you consider right. You’re not a saint so don’t worry about being bigger person. Focus on your peace of mind. Block anyone that threatens it.
Absolutely NTA. The audacity of some people
Things that never happened …AI garbage
NTA. So much is just so wrong with this. Your brother could not discuss his concerns with you instead of going scorched earth and abruptly cutting you from the bridal party? What an AH! Then, he asks you to play chauffeur, despite your supposed instability? What an AH! Now, he’s whining to the family that the sister he treated so cruelly does not want to be his taxi? What an AH!
Tell everyone who is calling you “petty” that they can drive Liam. Problem solved.
NTA – absolutely ducking not. He kicked you out of his wedding and now wants you to drive him? Get a taxi.
NTA. You put so much into their wedding and got dumped on for your efforts.
And yes, you should be the bigger person. Sometimes that means teaching others that there are consequences for their actions. You happen to be teaching him one such lesson. These people that are blowing up your phone need to step up and help him out since it’s so important to them.
Not the AH. If you’re ‘too unstable’ to stand by his side as a bridesmaid, then you’re definitely too unstable to chauffeur him to the biggest day of his life. Funny how your mental health was only a problem when it came to the part that celebrated you, but not when he needed a favor. Actions have consequences he made his choice, now he can figure out his own ride.
NTA. Tell mom you aren’t interested in being “big” do you can be walked all over, but your glad she’ll be driving your brother.
NTA and a great response!
Nta. He shouldn’t have done you dirty like that
You acted better than staying silent like he did when he had her tell you instead of him. Sucks that you’re working on you and your family is holding onto that past version of you.
I guess being ‘unstable’ means you can’t wear a dress but can definitely handle driving through the chaos of wedding traffic! What’s next? Are they going to hire a bouncer for the reception.
Fuck no. You are 100% in the right.
Why are you even going to the wedding?!
NTA
NTA because “being the bigger person” often means giving somebody a pass for causing stress and anxiety due to the absolute fuckery that same somebody is responsible for. Stand your ground.
NTA
I honestly loved your response.
NTA. This really sucks because it shows you don’t have a good support system around you. Also the fact that his fiancee was the one who told you because your brother didn’t have the guts to tell you himself? That’s beyond disrespectful. If my family did that to me it would break me. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this.
Personally, I’d refuse to even attend. Let him explain to all of his friends where his sister is. He’ll inevitably lie about it, and when the lie eventually comes back to you, tell them “Oh, no, that’s not true at all. What actually happened is that I was supposed to be a bridesmaid, and she threw me out of the bridal party at the last minute because he said I’m too unstable. I didn’t attend because I am too offended. I am now much, much more offended that he lied about it.” Word will get around that he lied.
Also every time he or his wife or the parental units start going on about the wedding, open your mouth and immediately say “I don’t want to hear about the f-ing wedding since he was so incredibly rude to me.” Refuse to hear about it, refuse to look at pictures, you’re done. They made their bed.
Goddess I worship you!! He FAFOed. And by the way what a flipping pussy to have the bride tell you instead of just talking to you himself.
Tell the bride she deserves better and you’ll be happy to be a bridesmaid at her next one.
He can get an Uber OR……..mom can drive
I’m just wondering when all these boomers were bigger people. Because it always seems to be their advice and they’re petty AF. I guess at this point it could be Gen X parents but this feels like boomer energy. The last several AITA posts I’ve seen have ended with the parents demanding the “victim” be the bigger person. Wtf?
NTA. I wouldn’t even go to the wedding at this point.
I’d skip the entire wedding.
I don’t even need to read the post just the title says NTA. If he thinks you are too unstable to be a bridesmaid then you definitely shouldn’t be driving his sorry @$$ anywhere.
Wow NTA
Why is it the person shat on has to be the bigger person? Why don’t the morons who act like swine act like “the bigger person”.
Fuck everyone who tells you this or calls you petty. Let his simple ass uber to his stupid wedding
Updateme
Yet another bull shit story.
You didn’t go to the wedding.
Your brother called yesterday. Wednesday. For a ride to his wedding.
Cause soooooo many weddings happen on a Wednesday.
Whatever. Get a life fake poster.
Many, many people have depression and anxiety and are still working, living their lives, and going to weddings. Your brother could have asked you if you needed any support for bridesmaid duty before deciding you were too messed up to do it. Surely he has other “rides” he can call on.
NTA
Liam should owed you a one on one in person chat to discuss any concerns he may have had, the date you invested your time and $$ (dress shoes) and she’s the one crying and apologizing is crap, sorry but definitely NTA
I’d say “I am being the bigger person. I’m not planning on causing a scene or drama at their wedding. I’m not dragging family members to guilt trip people for me. I was silent and dealt with this myself. And I don’t need to prove that I’m being the bigger person beyond that. If people want me to be bigger, they must admit Liam and Charlotte are smaller, petty, hurtful people. And until I get that admission from EVERYONE, this conversation is done.”
Did you ask Liam about what she said?
NTA
Bro spawned his own drama by having you excluded.
Self fulfilling prophecy if I ever saw one.
Petty? Yes. NTA though.
Make them beg on blended knee before you even consider driving.
NTA Send him a link to Uber.
NTA
He wanted help from your “unstable” ass, and then had the audacity to disrespect you like that. AND THEN ask for your help afterwards. Pathetic and trashy, just like all the family telling you to be the bigger person.
Just curious why no one in the judgy family chat including mom has stepped up to offer Liam a ride?
Does uber not exist ?
NTA. And I hope you wear the bridesmaid dress to the wedding as ‘just’ a guest.
NTA. You took it relatively well and didn’t cause drama, and then when he asked for you to go out of your way (again) you said no and explained why.
That, in my book, is mature and bigger. If your family is so concerned about one of their children getting treated badly by a sibling, the time for them to have said something about that has already passed.
I’ve been there. Stick it out. If they’re worth anything they’ll realize what’s going on; if not, then you’re better off finding out now than later. I had to walk away from my own family for a while too, and that’s when I built my own life on my own terms, for the first time. I don’t know if the same thing will happen for you, and it still took a few painful years for me, but often the anxiety and depression gets fueled by trying to do too much for other people.
The way I explain it now is like the airplane emergency procedure warning. When the oxygen mask drops, you put it on yourself first before assisting anyone else, because if you pass out then you can’t help anyone. Well, if you’re spending so much time helping others that you’re neglecting yourself out of a sense of duty, then you get the same issue. Get your own oxygen going before you help others. It’s not selfish; it means you’ll be able to help out better down the line.
NTA
Dude can call himself an uber
NTA
I wouldn’t drive him or attend. Let the Peanut Gallery take him if they think it’s so important.
NTAH. And return the wedding gift too. And tell everyone else to go fuck themselves. Liam was an asshole to you. Tell your family that you have invoked the “no asshole” policy.
Time for a family group chat, and if you’re feeling extra petty, make it on social media
“ hey everyone… I needed to explain your situation that is going on because I’m tired of being harassed by my family members.
As you know, I had a rough year last year. Had a break up. Therapy. Diagnosed with depression. I’ve been putting the work in. Been doing my best to keep a stiff upper lip as they say and I’ll make my difficulties something everyone is having to deal with for me.
As many as you know, I have been helping my brother Liam and his fiancé with a lot of things with the wedding. In fact, I was supposed to bea bridesmaid…
Until my FSIL called me crying to tell me that I was no longer in the wedding because my brother said that I was too unstable and might cost drama. Again, I can’t think of any drama I have for the family in spite of everything that has gone. I’m certainly wouldn’t call me unstable…
But that was the end of that. I was out after everything I have done. And rightfully, I am hurt. This is not something my brother even bothered to talk to me about himself. He literally had his fiancé do his history work if that’s how he felt.
But suddenly, now that his best man has bail on him my brother thinks I should pick him up and take him to his wedding. And I told him no. If I’m too unstable to be involved, I’m too unstable to be involved.
But apparently, many of you think I should just suck it up. I’m a hidden insult me. Let him hurt me. Let him shit all over me as though I haven’t had enough of that in the last year. Why? I don’t really know.
Because the fact is we all know that was shitty behavior on his part. The least he could’ve done that if he had a problem with talk to me directly. But he never has.
So family, I don’t know if you’re just afraid that if I don’t put up with his crap, he’s gonna turn on you the way he did on me… So you’re encouraging me to just let it go.
But all of us know that just let shitty behavior goal is code for… If you don’t let him crap all over you, he might pick on somebody else in the family, and we don’t want that. So it will all of our lives easier if you just STF you and put up with it and take one for the team.
That’s not happening. I don’t want to hear from any of you again that I should’ve done this. Because every single one of you is perfectly capable of driving him. I see no reason for me to go out of my way anywhere anywhere for somebody who has zero respect for me. Certainly no empathy. Who literally talks behind my back.
This is why I will not be taking my brother to his wedding. Any or all of you can step right up now since you figure it’s not a big deal. Otherwise you will need to STF you understand I will not put up with this bullying from my own family.”
Because OP, what you need to understand is at this point, everybody is expecting you to just sit back and take it. It is going to make some of them mad. It is going to surprise some others. And you really, as far as I’m concerned, should do this on social media so that all the friends of your family see this as well.
You need to absolutely tag your family members who are getting on your case. Because they deserve it. If you don’t want you want to know about your shitty behavior, then don’t partake in shitty behavior. If you do, and you get called out on it, then you get what you deserve.
> Whole fam group chat is basically guilt-tripping me.
“If y’all got time to guilt trip me, then y’all also have time to drive Liam to his wedding.”
NTA.
what shit family who do not recognize the fact that you went through a tough time and stabbing you in back for going through a tough time
NTA.
Like not at all.
Your response was perfect.
Honestly, if your brother thinks you’re ‘too unstable’ to be a bridesmaid, he should probably reconsider who he’s trusting to drive him to his wedding! What’s next? A ‘no drama’ clause in the marriage vows.
NTA. I don’t think you should go and when people ask why tell them you were removed from the wedding party after months of helping them plan the wedding. Give examples of what you did, even buying the bridesmaid dress etc.
Nope Fk them , they dropped you from the wedding with no discussion at all . I wouldn’t even attend
NTA Why do they assume you’re still going? If you’re unstable – you’re unstable.
I’d send the middle finger emoji,
leave the chat and block them all. You’re unstable after all but at least you won’t have to deal with that trash.
NTA. Tell your mother that the victim should never have to be the bigger person. And she better keep herself in her lane or you will start avoiding her and her crap.
Nnnnnneeeeeedddd update
NTA not at all. I would not show up at this point.
Fuck that noise….love the clap back “I’m too unstable to drive” and just let the whole family know what your asshole brother is telling people about which is fucked up on so many levels
NTA. Protect your peace. Your bro is an AH and those family members guilt tripping you can give him a ride.
Great comeback!
If your family is soooo concerned then one of them can drive him. They are only giving you crap because they don’t want to drive your jerk of a brother.
I’d be so petty If be of on a mini vacation on their wedding weekend, posting the feck out of it on my socials
NTA. Fuck that noise
Why can’t the rest of the family give him a ride?
Your brother thought you’d pull an Annie Walker on them? 🥴🥴🥴🤣🤣🤣
NTA. My petty ass would have said yes and then never actually showed up to drive him, lol.
NTA.
Congratulations to you on making it through this year! And one of those things is a lot. And you can tell that you’ve done and are doing the work! And those things can be really hard and challenging. But you’ve done it and you’re doing it!
It’s so easy for others to say, “you need to be the bigger person”. I think that’s right up there with, “we need to talk”. If someone is hearing “you need to be the bigger person”, that to me almost automatically means the other involved, absolutely effed up.
I love your reply to your brother too. Quick witted is a fun characteristic in a person.
If you don’t go to the wedding, have a really fun self-care day. Wear the dress to lunch then go play in a park. And for reals, very excellent job and getting through everything!
Are you sure he said that to her? Or did she perhaps make him the bad guy but it’s really her call?
Alternatively you could have said (still can actually) “nah, I’m not going.” Or you could give him a lift but turn up in scruffy clothes, and when he questions you about it just tell him you’re just being his taxi as a wedding gift and you’re not staying. I wouldn’t put up with such disrespect from him. Find something else to do on the day. NTA.
UpdateMe! RemindMe! 7 days
What he did was mean. You don’t owe him. He should have been the bigger person. He even got his fiance to tell you instead of telling you himself.
Just ignore the others guilt tripping you. One of them can drive him or he can take a uber. .
Agree to drive him then go to the wrong church. Hell, drive to another religion’s house of worship, leave him there.