I live with my girlfriend and we split rent and bills 50/50. This includes the grocery shopping. My girlfriend goes grocery shopping with her mum every two weeks. I’ve offered to go instead but she likes going and spending time with her mum.
She’ll go shopping and then tell me how much it was and I’ll transfer her half of the money. This has worked fine but I’ve started noticing she’s coming back with things that are just for her and not groceries.
An example of this is a few weeks ago she came back with some new trousers and shirts for work. The time after that was a lot of food specifically for her to take to work and then this weekend she came back with a jacket.
The bill this week was a lot higher than usual so I asked if it was because of the jacket and she said yeah. I told her that I’m meant to be paying for groceries not for her clothes.
I said my half should be including the groceries only. I said from now on I think we should either go together or she should show me the receipt when she gets back.
She said I was being unreasonable but I pointed out I shouldn’t be buying her clothes and she shouldn’t be expecting me to pay for stuff she decides she wants. I said I’m paying for groceries and that’s it.
She again said I wasn’t being fair and that it’s not like she’s getting a lot but I just refused to pay for half going forward unless I’m there when the shopping is being done or she shows me a receipt so I know I’m only paying for groceries.
AITAH for refusing to keep paying for half of the grocery shopping?
Comments
That is CRAZY work. NTA. Run, don’t walk. Fuck. That. Shit. Homie.
NTA
At that point she’s basically just deciding on what you’re buying for her. I’d get a cheap something here and there as long as she picked up some stuff for you now and then as well to keep things more or less equal, but in this situation, I’d be asking for receipts too.
Well, seeing as she got away with getting you to pay for her mom’s food for quite a while, it’s not surprising that she now decided to take it a step further.
Okay, I can’t back that up with facts, but I would be suspicious as fuck in your shoes right now.
NTA, insist on paying an even share on groceries that are for the two of you, everything that she gets in excess (be it clothes, food to take to work, or whatever else the fuck) is on her.
She doesn’t like being called out on these extra purchases or believes they are minor enough that you should just split the costs still.
The sad thing though is you did trust, but that trust has been broken and now you need to verify.
Really, she should have deducted her clothing purchases from the total and you split the rest. She’s the unreasonable one here. NTA.
She’s mentally too young for you… and her mother sucks for condoning the behavior.
NTA
Itemized receipt moving forward to split 50/50 or moving forward you do your own shopping
NTA. What you are asking is not unreasonable. Your agreement is to split the cost of groceries, not all items that are purchased from that trip to the store. If you bought a new video game or clothing from said store, would she agree to pay for half just because you bought it from the same place that you buy bread and milk?
NTA
That she can’t see how unreasonable her expectations are is a 🚩
You are right. You shouldn’t pay for the stuff that is specifically for her usage. Follow this rule for everything in the house. Electricity bill, water bill (if any). Do ratio analysis of the stuff used by her & you, then split the bill.
Suppose she bought 5 sausages. You ate 2, she ate 3. You pay for the 2.
Suppose she is charging 5 electrical appliances & you 3.
Split the bill like =electricity bill *5/8 etc.
Pay for your half only. If you are not good at math, join a class.
Hope this helps!🙂
Run. Because if not you’re going to see a true 50/50 in the divorce where she takes half your stuff
NTA for refusing to buy her clothing that’s part of the grocery bill. You need to see the receipt.
YWBTA if you stop paying for food she buys and you eat more than what you paid for.
I’m now wondering whether her mother is paying for some or all of the groceries, and GF is pocketing what you pay. . .
I don’t know why this sound weird but I have just one question for OP. You don’t feel obliged buying stuff for your girlfriend?
Her mother shouldn’t be a part of your relationship. You shouldn’t be funding her lifestyle or clothes. She needs a better job, more hours, or her mommy to cover it.
If she’s been paying for her moms groceries and making you pay half – that’s f’d
If you can’t trust someone with groceries you can’t keep staying in the relationship
Petty me would go grocery shopping but my favorite items and things I need and then send her half of the bill.
Maybe she considers that as a tip for doing the grocery shopping
It can be a pain! I’m female and I hate it.
You made the mistake of just giving her money after grocery shopping instead of checking what she actually bought and she clocked it and decided to chance it by slipping in a few personal items.
I’d recommend checking all previous receipts if she still has it.
She should have purchased her non essentials separately.
NTA. Next time she goes shopping with her mom, you go grocery shop on your own, for YOURSELF. When she comes home and asks for half the money you can just say no, you got your groceries already. That bill is hers.
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No your are not
Thats why she only wants to shop with mom 🙄
Today it’s about groceries & stuff, tomorrow it’ll be the amount of food she ate v/s he ate. Then the girl uses a hair dryer to dry her hair & the boy just stands under the sun to save electricity. Either both should stand under the sun or both should go bald.
Nope!!! The man needs to learn ratio analysis to split the bill.
NTA. You have an agreement to split mutual costs. Not to supplement her wardrobe. She also did it on the sly. That’s a pretty good indicator she knew she wasn’t honoring your agreement.
Stick to your guns. Just because someone gets more upset than you doesn’t make them right. I find that the wrongdoer is often the most furious
What makes you think she is actually buying the groceries? Her mother may be paying for all of it & she’s just getting money out of you. Her mother may also be paying for the clothing too. NTA. I would insist on a receipt every time.
Double check that her mom isn’t paying for the groceries while they’re out. You might be getting played more than you realize.
She doesn’t seem to grasp the meaning of “fair” or “reasonable”.
Go halfsies on a dictionary.
NTA.
The petty part of me says you could always go out and buy a few items of food and get some clothes, then tell her – you owe me 50%. Oh you didn’t want to pay for my pants or shoes? Thats unfair! It’s not like they cost much.
But pettiness has never been super productive in solving problems like this lol
Buy your own groceries and get locking food containers for the refrigerator and the cupboard.
Financial incompatibility is one of the fundamental reasons for divorce.
You have to settle this before you continue living together as opponents and not partners.
Therapy, financial literacy, whatever it takes.
But you need trust and honesty for this to work.
NTA
Just time to do your own shopping
Food shopping is separate from now on. Get brightly-colored 1/2” tape and put a little piece on all your food items and stuff including toiletries, dish soap, laundry soap, shampoo, toothpaste, and toilet paper. This worked out well for me in a roommate situation where we had grocery issues.
Figure out how much you overpaid and bill her . Hound her endlessly about it until she reimburses you. If you catch her eating your marked food or using your supplies, let her know she is risking losing a roommate. The reimbursement price for stolen food is DOUBLE, payable immediately. Keep your receipts
With the money you save, you will be able to get yourself some special treats.
If she expects half payment, you should expect receipts
NTA, There is no reason to subsidize her bills,
What a miserable way to ‘love’. It is pathetic honestly, nickel and diming relationships NEVER work, you may break up right away as well.
NTA. She knew exactly what she was doing. Think long and hard about whether you want to share a life with her.
This would not be my girlfriend cause ther would be no trust. She’s been selfishly deceiving you into paying for her clothes and things for her workplace. She’s selfish and inconsiderate.
NTA for refusing to pay half of what she spends but you still need to pay half of the food. I would ask her to send a picture of the receipt every time, subtract all the clothing and non shared items like toiletries (specifically hers) and PayPal or Venmo your share.
My boyfriend and I send each other PayPal requests all the time but it’s not for the whole grocery bill. We subtract the special foods just for me (gluten free) and his meals that are just for him (microwave lunch or protein shakes) and then split the shared food expenses. I don’t ask to see the receipt I just trust him not to charge me for the stuff he buys just for himself. But I don’t think you can trust her to do that so you be the one with the receipts.
Or! You could be the one doing the grocery shopping and asking her for half the bill. But make sure you don’t charge her for your razor blades or some special snack that you plan to eat at work and not share.
No, you should not have to pay for half her personal items from the store. Or half of the lunches she buys just for work. But you two have to figure out a fair practical way to share food expenses and if you are more involved in the process it will help.
Ya this is a real post. Its happening as we speak
She tried to milk the system and realised she was caught.
NTAH.
My SO and I grocery shop separately for similar-ish reasons.. my weekly food bill is half that of hers.. Spoke to her about it, and being a calm and rational adult, she agreed it made sense.
I’d break up over this. She isn’t trustworthy. There’s nothing left here for you except to get pilfered and grifted further. NTA.
Nta. Separate shopping. Imo I’d just break it off. If she feels entitled to this then who knows where it will stop
NTA, she can eat her clothes if she wants to split 50/50
Mate you’ve 100% been paying for her mum’s groceries.
No, you are not.
No money until you get the receipt. You are not being an ass.
Did you and your gf get in an argument over this and she tried to walk away and you grabbed her arm to try and get her attention and then she went to her sister’s and is calling you grabbing her arm abuse because it left a bruise? Just wondering if this is the other half of the story from last week?
She’s stealing from you.
To solve this, say you will go shopping one time a month and pay for the whole amount, then she can goes one time a month and pay the whole amount. If you didn’t convince her it was unfair, she’ll never see it and will keep buying clothes. I will point out that this is a window into your future–she seems like she’s not good with money and fairness, and it’s only going to be amplified if you get married.
What are the chances you have also been paying for things for her mum?
NTA. Your girlfriend is entitled, if not deliberately deceptive.
NTA. This is what happens when you play house. Some women will expect wife treatment although they’re not wives. Hopefully she’ll learn to operate within the boundaries.
PS Make sure she doesn’t get pregnant. This will not get any better.
NTA. She’s taking advantage of you.
NTA
How hard is it to pay for the groceries in one transaction and the rest in another? This way they see the receipt and split it. The clothes or whatever is for GF to pay for. If it’s not that big a deal then pay for it separately.
NTA
YTA. If you are building a life together, this is too nitpicky.
Hmm I am wondering if mum is buying all the groceries and she is pocketing the money that she says you owe her for ?! Why don’t she want you to go shopping or show you receipts? Is that why she can’t show them receipts 🧐
The plot twists 🤔🤔😂😂
Go to the grocery store and buy your own food. Problem solved. Let her foot the bill for her food and whatever else she asks for money for.
Here’s a solution. U do ur own grocery shopping and she does her own. That way, she can do her thing with her mama and u can get JUST GROCERIES. Idk what she’s on about u buying things that u don’t use or eat but just because ur in a relationship/roommates doesn’t mean u have 2 do everything 2gether.🙄 NTA
NTA
NTA. Reimburse by receipt, go shopping with her, or do the shopping yourself. Is it possible that she is also purchasing her mothers groceries?
Stick to your original arrangement. She sees a good thing and is using it.
Welcome to being a husband.
I do this ALL the time, but I also don’t include my own purchases when I tell him how much it came to. 1. Cos I’m not a chancing bastard, and 2. I can pay for my own clothes.
Are we talking about $2,000 Moncler or a $35 Carhart? Do you make $40,000 a year, or $140,000?
Does she contribute to the household in ways that you don’t?
I don’t have the full pictures. So it’s difficult to make an accurate assessment.
Based on almost 30 years of experience living together and sharing expenses with my gal… my advice would be
Don’t be petty
Otherwise, perhaps eventually, some other guy will be happy to pay for her coat.
Ima share something. I only had $200 in my bank and I was in-between paydays, adopted sister asks to see my card so we could split the shopping bill, I said OK, I told her i had $100, any more and it would decline.
She and her boyfriend went off to the store.
I had a notification of a $90 charge from a shoe store, I called the bank and had them freeze the card, this was before you could do it on apps, they did. Half an hour after I froze the card, I got a call from her frantic because my card was declining. She tried to say it was only $60 worth of stuff, I said I looked on my card and there was a charge taking my money and she denied going to the shoe store next door. So I hung up my phone.
So no, nta. The people that buy shit for themselves and expect you to pay part of it are the assholes.
NTA
Take over the grocery shopping, still split the bill.
Anything she buys when she’s out with mum from then on is a -her- bill unless you specifically ask her to pick it up.
Frame it as ‘You can help your mum shop, without having to worry about your household stuff, and enjoy it more.’ Make it sound like you’re doing her a favor.
Probably should have been going over the receipts from the beginning. You should not have to help pay for her clothes or items she buys for herself without any consideration of you.
NTA
Look at the receipt from the market and pay for what you are eating.
NTAH it’s a💯 present time to dump her
Reading all these comments and realise how much I love my bf. I always ask him before anything though. Most of the time it’s a yes. I never use anything without asking and he has told me if it’s absolutely worth it then it’s okay. Literally linked his card to my Apple Pay and gave me his physical card including his credit card for months on end respectively, even when I was in a different country in case I have emergencies. He has paid for a lot of personal things that don’t even include him. I will never break his trust with money. He trusts me so much and it would hurt like hell if someone did that to me.
Groceries wise, I told him I wanted to learn how to balance finance the way he does. He’s so good at it and I’m so bad at spending.
So he told me our budget and I paid attention to what he likes to eat so I fill up the kitchen with stuff we both eat and enjoy throughout the week. I’m getting better at keeping the budget each week since I started 9 months ago!! The goal is to be like him.
NTA – she did break your trust.
Tell her you budget is $50 a week. Tell what you want to see in the fridge for your $50
Well it sounds like she’s taking advantage of the situation. She could very easily have any clothing items rung up separately. It’s not at all hard to do.
Go buy a new suit and ask her to split that with you
It’s not unfair because it wasn’t a lot?
That’s insane.
I’d ask her again about that statement and if she stands by it. That’s a very specific type of person who will say “you should let me take advantage of you because it’s only a little bit”. And by that, I mean it’s somebody who feels not just comfortable, but justified in doing so.
Only because you asked. No, not an asshole. Just a cheap fuck; literally! It’s just astonishing how you can be living with someone, which would indicate a mutually loving relationship, and you’re bitching about a shirt and jacket. What kind of long term relationship can you guys have if your nickel and diming each other to death. If this woman is good enough to share ass, she’s good enough to share assets.
The more I thought about it. The sadder it got. I just can’t see how this can work out. She’s been scamming you and doesn’t seem to care. I cant imagine spending my life with someone like that.
The only way would be to talk to her and if she gets it that this was really not ok.
The expenses are occasional and minor enough for you to not argue about them, but not occasional and minor enough for her to cover them on her own. Of course NTA.
Yes you are the idiot. What’s a few dollars to make the woman you love happy?
There is some fundamental dishonesty in her along with a healthy dose of entitlement.
Is this really who you want to spend your time with?
NTA however you should insist you go shopping together. She adds in extra thing for her, you add in an extra thing for you. As a couple you should be shopping together and cooking together (& yes even cleaning together.) Do not put her in the mom role.
I bet mom got stuff too. Buy your own groceries and when she asks to split the bill let her know you got your own stuff
Pics of mum not loading.
Take over the grocery chopping and have her pay half. Then it will be “fair”.
Ask for the receipt receipts and then pay half of the food making sure that all the food has come to your house
Wtf would you be paying for her clothes?!
nta
She is stealing from you and wants you to accept the fact and not complain.
A bit outrageous.
She’s only acting this way because she knew she was wrong and on top of that got caught for it. If it had been a simple slip up, that’s one thing, but she knows she’s made this a habit.
She easily could have just split up the transactions. First transaction, house groceries only. Second transaction, non-food items and miscellaneous. Also it doesn’t hurt to keep an eye on the fluctuation of the grocery budget anyway by checking out receipts. It might help with managing food cost in the long run.
Not enough info to comment. Are your incomes similar or does one of you make more than the other? How long have you been together and is there any talk of marriage? Does she need clothes? Do either of you have credit card debt? Is she a compulsive shopper?
Oh buddy, just wait till you get married to her.
Ever see money get wings? Well you will then. 😆
She’s calculated and conniving…pay attention.