I (22F) am moving out of my parents home in a few weeks to live with my boyfriend. He just bought an apartment, and my parents have been supportive of me moving in with him. I’m super grateful because they’ve been buying us things for the apartment and helping us out a lot. I know that will get used against me, even though I’ve never asked them to do that. It was them trying to help us out.
I’ve worked full-time since I was 16 and have saved over $35k in cash (I work less once I resume going to school). I don’t keep it in a bank because I wasn’t born in the U.S. and I don’t have a Social Security number. I don’t want to raise questions about where it came from, so I’ve always kept it in cash (because I know someone will wonder why it’s not in a bank).
My parents want me to leave all my money with them in a safe at their house. They’ve even gone safe shopping together, even though I never agreed to it. They say it’s because it’s “safer” there and that an apartment is more likely to get robbed. They’ve borrowed money from me in the past, sometimes without telling me first. Anytime there is a big purchase on their end they come to me to borrow money. They bought my sister a car last year and asked me to borrow a few thousand dollars. I said no and “You’re so unhelpful, I’m never going to ask you for anything ever again” is what I got in return. My mom still owes me $5.5k from three years ago. They have their own savings account and cash at home, so I don’t know why they need to borrow from me.
When I was 17–18, they made me hand over all my money because I was “irresponsible.” I don’t think I was. I bought some clothes, went out with friends, and just bought normal things. I wasn’t marking enough money to be blowing it like crazy. Any time I wanted to buy something, I had to ask for my own money back, and they tracked every single expense. After the $5.5k incident, I took my money back and kept it hidden in my room, but my mom found it. She now regularly counts it without asking, and if the amount changes, I get asked about it. The apartment we’re moving into is safe. 2nd floor, nice area, cameras, multiple locked doors, and nightly police patrols. My boyfriend is buying a safe for both of us.
I’m not reckless, I’m an adult, and I don’t want to be monitored every time I buy groceries or hang out with friends. But I still feel guilty for saying no. I know that if I refuse it’ll turn into a big fight and I’ll be made out to be the bad guy “for not trusting them” or they’ll think “I’m hiding something”. So… AITAH for refusing to leave my savings with my parents?
TL;DR: I have $35k in cash savings and my parents want me to leave it with them when I move out, claiming it’s “safer.” They’ve borrowed thousands from me in the past without repaying, but they also have their own savings. My new apartment is secure, and I want to keep my money there instead. AITAH?
Comments
NTA do not ever give them your money especially cash
There’s an old saying… Take the money and run. But put it in a bank that only you have access to it.
Op YOU are an adult.
Stop relying on other people. Your bf shouldn’t be involved in this money in any way. Take some money and YOU buy a safe that only YOU have access to.
Damn I hope you have that money locked up somewhere they can’t access it.
Please take your cash with you. Also please follow up with your country’s immigration policies so you can get proper documentation.
How are your working full time jobs without a social security number? How are you enrolled in school without a social security number?
You know the right answer. They 100% are planning to steal from you. Let them be angry – don’t engage when they start yelling. Just leave. It’ll be easier if you get the money out of the house without them knowing, so they can’t physically prevent you from taking it.
NTA, get a social security number and open a bank account in your name only! Why not? Don’t you need one for working? If your parents “borrow” with it asking it is stealing, not borrowing.
Many major banks in USA do not require SSN to open an account. Chase, BoA, TD Bank and others. See: https://www.crediful.com/banks-that-dont-require-social-security-numbers/
Open an account with say $9K. Get a safe deposit box, put the rest in there. DO NOT give family access to the account or safe deposit box!! You are not their piggy bank!
Get a safe deposit box at a bank and store the majority of the money there.Don not put your parents on the box.
NTA. You should move it to a different location now because it’s likely to be gone when you go to move out.
Your money doesn’t exist anymore maybe half of it is still there
You’re NTA here, but you’re giving your BF access to all that money, and if he weren’t to decide to leave, he can clean out the safe, and you would be shit out of luck. Get your own safe that no one but you has access to or a better plan is get your money deposited somewhere like a safety deposit box. Even if it is across multiple places. This plan with the BF or parents is absolutely not safe and a terrible idea. Don’t leave the money with your parents, who will steal it, or vulnerable to a BF who could steal it.
Neither your BF or your parents should have access to all your savings. Be smarter and be the adult you are.
They want easy access to keep taking cash from you.
This has nothing to do with them wanting it safe for you, they want easy access to withdraw from it when they want.
NTA
Put the money in a bank account that only YOU have access to. Do NOT leave it with your parents. Something WILL happen to it. They will “borrow” some it, eventually of it. And they’ve proven that you shouldn’t trust them. It’s OK to tell them that.
As for the guilt you are feeling? That’s a habit. It’s a habit that you need to break, today, tomorrow, next week…. But if you are going to move in with your love, the sooner you break it, the better for everybody.
NTA
How is it that they can have bank accounts but you can’t? That seems wrong. Look into getting an account and what the rules are for international customers. Your parents may have lied to you about what you can or can’t do regarding bank accounts.
Whatever you do, definitely don’t leave it with them. They’ve stolen from you before, they’ll do it again, especially without your supervision. Hopefully your boyfriend is more respectful than that. Look into getting your own safe just in case.
Parents believe your money is their money. No respect. If you leave the money with them, they will spend most of it. Suggest you take money……..put in bank safety deposit box. Then slowly move money into a savings account. Not more than $2k at a time….it will attract attention. Make amount different each time.
Dun tell anyone………..you parents have no respect for you.
NTA.
They’re upset because they won’t have access to your money anymore. Don’t sound like people you’d want with access to it anymore. You’ll find it’s “mysteriously” gone next time they have an unexpected maintenance expense.
Buy yourself a fireproof safe with a code, not a key. Keep it with you.
NTA. If they bought a safe for your money, then them for it and take it with you. That way, it cannot be stolen.
Girl you are an adult get yourself a damn account on your own and put the money there little by little at least
It’s your money. Your mom already proved she’s terrible with money because she owes you still.
You managed to save quite a bit of money and that’s not an easy thing to do as a young person in the current economy.
As others have said open an account in your name with a bank they have no access to.
Your parents are financially abusive of you.
Getting a safe they don’t have access to would be wise. Make sure they don’t have access to any of your personal information ( get all of your documents and put them in the safe as well) .
Do you really need a social security number to get a bank or credit union account? I wouldn’t think so. I just opened a High Yield savings account at Marcus Goldman Sachs online and I don’t remember needing one. You definitely need to get your cash somewhere safe. If you really can’t open an account, maybe get your own stand alone safe. It’s better than nothing. I definitely wouldn’t leave it with your parents since they’re not trustworthy.
Buy your own safe for your own home and don’t give anyone else the number.
How are you working without a social security number? How were you in school without a social security number?
Open a bank savings account.
Find a way to deposit it if tacos gestapo find it you will be treated like s criminal and you will never get that money back
Also your parents having that money could also sabotage them and the b**ches will still get your money
I hope everything goes OK for you especially in these troubling times
Trust no one. And family is the absolute worst when “borrowing”. You won’t see that 5.5 ever again
NTA. Even if they don’t touch it, the money is more secure in a safe than hidden in your room.
Did you/do you pay any rent at your parents’? Are you paying rent when you move in with your BF? You need to establish a pattern of paying your own way IMO. That’s part of being an adult.
You’re an adult and your parents are thieves who have already gotten away with stealing more than 5k. Do you honestly believe any of your money is safe with them?
Why does it matter if you are “hiding something” I have grown kids. They are not supposed to tell me every little detail. One does, cause he is an idiot and needs more help. But a normal 22 year old doesn’t need mom’s permission to move money.
Dear lord absolutely no! Gather all of your cash and rent a safe deposit box. DO NOT tell your parents anything about it. NTA
You have enough money to buy your own safe.
Don’t trust your parents or your BF with this cash. Take it to bank that doesn’t require an SSN or put it in a safe deposit box at the bank. Protect what is yours.
Open an account there you can with the max that won’t cause questions. Then make regular deposits. Theft is not your only fear. A fire is a big fear and fire proof safe probably won’t help you. If it gets hot enough, everything inside will be toast. Don’t leave it with your parents.
NTA. Buy your own safe for your new home!
It’ll be a great way to keep control of you, having your money with them. They’ll be able to tell you what to do, and how to do it and when. And if not, they’ll steal your money again. Do you want to live like that?
I’m sorry to inform you that some parents can be quite shitty people. Yours have proven to be already by stealing money from you before. Yes, they lied, and stole it. Doesn’t matter that they said it was just borrowing. By not paying it back, they stole it from you. Just like they will steal this $35k.
Keep it with you and go live your life as a truly independent adult away from their control.
Get a safety deposit box honestly.
Well they’re probably right about it being safer. But. It should be working for you at the least a savings account getting some interest
They know you can buy safes for apartments as well, right? Keep your money with you. NTA. And congrats on saving that much at 22!
NTA purchase your own safe to put in your apartment. This way you’ll know how much you have and it won’t go missing when someone needs it. Also get renters insurance so if someone breaks in you’ll be covered. It only costs around $20 a month.
If you leave the money in their safe they will dip into it without telling you because you’ve said no in the past. It’ll be an issue when you want to buy something with your money because they will want to know why and how much.
Open a CD or other account to save your money. If that’s not feasible then get a safety deposit box and put your money inside. Only OP should have access to the box. As an adult parents can’t force you to not have an account or safety deposit box. They can however spend all your money and you’ll have no recourse because it’s cash, in their safe, in their home. By law it’s their property. OP don’t leave it there you’ll never see any of it again.
NTA and get that money away from them immediately!
Keeping 35 large in a box anywhere at a home is just not a great idea. Yours, theirs, doesn’t matter.
You do need a safe, or if others are correct and you don’t actually need a ss# for a bank then open an account like u/puzzleheaded-golf418 stated.
Idk why people are convinced your parents want to steal from you, but 35k can make nice people terrible, so don’t trust anyone that can find it or stumble across it but you.
Sitting in a box in your home/apt is just a terrible idea.
I’m not sure but I would look into getting a prepaid credit card where you can put all your money or a cash app might be a viable solution
Just put it in a freakin bank, time to grow up. You gonna live your entire life without a bank account ?
NTA. Also be sure to charge your bf rent and get a contract drawn up. If you own the apartment. Cover your basis. Also it’s pretty dangerous to just having that much money sitting in your house. Do you have a FIN or EIN that you could use for getting a bank account? Keeping it in a bank is your best bet.
Buy your own safe. No offense to your boyfriend, tell him it’s so your parents won’t complain as much about not keeping it there. Also, maybe buy gold instead of just keeping it as cash.
Why the hell would you keep it in cash? Invest it. What’s wrong with you.
You will never see that money ever again if you let another soul hold it for you.
They stole from you. Why would you keep it there? They’re going to steal again. Do you not have access to a bank?
Something tells me they already spent it
Call ICE They can help secure your cash
Get the money out before your departure date. And yes get a safe of your own.
Take it with you.
NTA it is your money not theirs. Look into getting a savings account – you don’t have to deposit it all at once but could do a small amount over time
I don’t like how your Mom snoops and counts your money. I have kids and yes I helped clean my daughter’s room. If I found cash I handed it to her or put it in one spot saying hey I found $45 dollars and put it on your dresser (she has saved all her birthday and Christmas money for years).
NTA. It’s your money, you’re an adult, and your parents have a history of stealing that money and not paying it back. Your mother literally owes you thousands of dollars.
If it makes it easier, every time they bring it up, say you’ll think about it. And then just take the case with you. Preferably, move the cash over to the new apartments safe before you actually move out if that’s possible. It sounds like you’re moving to a pretty safe area, and are adding to that safety yourselves. The money is safer with you in your new place than with people that have a history of stealing your money.
I’d also look into options for it that don’t require a SSN, as well. I saw another comment that not all American banks require an SSN, so look into those. If you do open an account, don’t allow your parents access to it for any reason. Don’t allow your boyfriend, either, that makes it joint income if you marry and becomes both of your property either way, which could end up being an issue if things don’t work out, and hopefully they do. Also, once moved out, do not discuss your wages or savings with your parents. I understand you couldn’t hide this from them while living with them because of your parents actions, but once in your own place you can protect that money from them, and how much you earn and save is not their business, so refuse to discuss it at all.
Remember, this is your money, you’re an adult getting your own place, and your parents have a history of stealing from you and never paying you back. It makes zero sense to leave the money with them. They don’t want you to leave it there so they can protect it, they want it there so they can use it while still controlling you. Basically, if you leave the money there, it’ll become theirs to do with as they wish. You’ll have to start from scratch, and they’d expect you to keep adding to the stash at their place, as well. So take the lot with you, keep it safe, in your safe or in a bank, and stop discussing money with your parents at all. Don’t feel guilty about protecting your savings from controlling thieves that just happen to be your parents.
Also, don’t let them hold any help they’ve given over your head going forward. Everything they’ve done has been their choice, as a parental responsibility or a gift. You didn’t ask for any of it, so you owe them nothing in relation to it.
You don’t trust them and you absolutely should not.
If they start a fight, you don’t have to participate. Say I’ve given my answer and I will not discuss this again. And don’t.
Is there any path to legal status for you? What are you going to do as your savings grow? It becomes unwise to have huge amounts of money in a safe at home. If you must, get a fire proof, water proof safe that is so heavy it can’t be picked up. They exist. I inherited my dad’s.
First of all, your biggest problem isn’t having $35,000 of cash and worrying about leaving it in a safe at your parents house. Your biggest problem is that you are living in United States without a Social Security card and obviously don’t have your life in order. So you have to sneak around and can’t even have a bank account. Get your life in order. Get your birth certificate and apply for residency. Take the proper steps. I’d hate to feel like at any moment I could be deported. And your money is not going with you then.
…Op…girl…you can’t seriously be asking this…?
You’re an adult and thats YOUR money and your parents just want to steal it…
Let them buy the safe but not know the combination or have a key.
It will be safe at their house like they wanted and they will have no access to it.
Cash App, or something like it. No SSN needed, and paper money can be deposited at many many locations. My advice would be to not try to deposit each time at the same locations, but the break the entire amount up into smaller deposits at various locations over time so no one watching gets wise to how much money you have. Also, buy visa/amex, etc gift cards. They can me loaded with almost any amount.
Can’t you open an account somewhere? Yes $35k is a lot, but all you have to say is you’ve been saving for years since you were a teen. But please put it somewhere safe
Even just a safety deposit box so you don’t have that much cash lying around
It’s pretty wild keeping that much money in cash. You need a bank account or you’re going to lose it all eventually.
NTA. Buy a safe that only you have access to. Not one of those drawer type ones that can be easily carried away, but a heavy one that will require some serious effort to pick and up and run with. Make sure only you have access to the that safe and use it to store your money.
Also, if you’re in the US on a visa that allows you to work, you can apply for an SSN. Make sure you apply as soon as you’re eligible and open a bank account. Any amount of money kept at home, no matter how well protected, is never truly safe.
OP, you absolutely should not give the money to your parents. I realize you don’t want to deposit it into a bank account, but have you thought about getting a safety deposit box? That way you know your money is safe, and it isn’t tracked by the bank at all.
You’re asking for trouble – you’ll be tempting your bf, you’re already tempting your parents. In extreme case you’re setting yourself up for an act of violence to be committed against you by somebody w ill intent who’d overhear a comment made by someone who heard a comment (repeat as necessary) from someone in your circle, it spreads and before you know it you’re the 2025 version of the Clutter family.
Cash with nowhere to go and no way to realise it’s value or potential ceases to be an asset and becomes a millstone. Keep 10% of that money in cash and Find The Way the remainder can be washed and legitimised for you and that’s legally in Your name, Your asset – whether it’s buying bonds or stocks or whatever through a legit broker that you WU the money to for each purchase, whatever, Google your options. Heck ask ChatGPT if there’s a solution. Because there’s going to be one. I mean, I don’t live in the US, but I can buy US stocks through a UK based online broker so there are ways and means.
Put it in a money market account with only your name on it.
Open a bank account. Jesus.
You need to put your money in a bank like yesterday. You I y should never keep large amounts of cash.
Ya…..NO
You are an adult….time to act like it. I don’t get how you can’t have a bank account , but you need to figure that out. How about a safety deposit box.
Do NOT leave your money there….it will be gone in no time.
You’re an adult so act like it and take control over your own finances. It’s your money you don’t need their permission for anything. No guilt trips you’re just being an adult taking care of your own stuff
Put in in the bank in a money market acct in your name only
Take your money
Get a safe deposit box.
You don’t need a social security number to open an account. Info here.
Can you get a safety deposit box? If not, keep it in a safe. Do not give your parents or your boyfriend access. NTA
NTA. Leaving that kind of money with your parents is asking for all kinds of trouble. They would be free to do what they want with that money, and I fear that they would piss it away. I wouldn’t trust them.
OP you can get a tax ID number from the IRS to use on a bank account or a safety deposit box. If I were you I would get both and just more $3500 a month into the account.
Also never deposit over $9K at on time. The reason being that at $10K or more the bank has to report the deposit to the IRS and anything between $9K and $10K looks suspicious to the bank and if you do it more than once it can cause an investigation.
Get a safe deposit box and put it in there.
Do you have an ITIN? If you’re working you should have at least gotten that unless your lay has always been under the table cash.
If you have an ITIN open a bank account and slowly deposit.
NTA and they’re planning to steal it from you
Take the money and put it in a safety deposit box at the bank. Or explore other safe storage options. Do not leave it with your parents. They will take all of it. I wouldn’t trust your boyfriend either, it’s too much money to leave to chance. Stop excepting house gifts from your parents. They are setting you up to be guilt tripped later on.
You are the adult, and can keep it where you want to. DO NOT LET YOUR BOYFRIEND HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THAT MONEY. I have been fucked over several times over the years by men that I swore didn’t care about money.
NTA.
They want you to keep it there so that they can use it.
They have already shone to you that this is what they will do.
Do not leave anything of value behind.
If you want your $35k to still be $35k + whatever you add to it, you’d better take it with you and get a real safe to put it in. Not having a bank account is a real problem though; you’re always at risk of having it stolen.
Get your money to a bank or safety deposit box ASAP
Your an adult why do you not have control of your own money that makes zero sense take your money with you
Nope they will spend it. Put it in a bank they don’t have access too
If you keep acting like a child they will keep treating you like a child. Where is the money right now? Who had physical custody of it? I’m guessing that if it’s not YOU. If it is then just take it and don’t say anything else about it.
Buy your own safe (a good one, like >$300) and keep it at your parents’ house. Bolted to the foundation or a wall. Nobody gets a key or the code but you.
If your parents really want you to keep the money there to keep it safe, they won’t have a problem with this.
Or buy the safe and bring it to the apartment. Same rules though – don’t share the code or a key with anyone. Bolt it down. Breakups happen and people you trust can do very shitty things.
If you have $35,000 cash lying around it needs to be in a BANK. In your name….