My brother has asked me for money a few times now saying it’s for bills or essentials but every time I help him out he blows most of it on designer clothes. He’s honestly gotten pretty overweight from it too and I feel like I’m just funding his bad habits. The thing is I earn good money myself so technically I could help him out without hurting my own situation but this time when he asked, I told him no. I said I cant keep giving him money when I know exactly where it’s going. He got mad and said I was being cruel since I can afford it and now I feel a little guilty because he does struggle financially but at the same time I don’t want to keep enabling him. So AITAH for refusing to help when I know he’s just going to waste it?
AITAH for refusing to lend my brother money when he spends it on designer clothes?
r/AITAH
Comments
NTA
You’re refusing to supplement his income when he as champaign dreams and a bud light income.
Do as you see fit, he may be broke, chonk but thx to you he’s at least well dressed. NTA
NTA
He’s a grown man and can work and earn his own money to buy the shit he wants, not expect you to gift it to him
NTA. He creates all his own problems. And stop saying you’re “lending” him money.
NTA.
Bro is playing you for a sucker.
Don’t keep allowing it. No is a complete sentence.
Let him sell his clothes.
NTA. If he “… does struggle financially …” its about time to let him learn to deal with it.
Nta. He wants something he can get a side gig.
He’s your brother not your kid. Tell him to fuck off.
If he is spending the money on designer clothes, then that is not helping him. Just cause you have money doesn’t mean everyone is entitled to it. Does he have a job? If he needs the money for bills and you want to help. Have him pay the bills in front of you.
NTA.
He’s not struggling financially. He’s making poor financial choices. He wants to live a lifestyle more expensive than he can afford. That’s not on you. He can get a second job or a more lucrative career.
You do not owe him any money. That you have it is irrelevant. It’s not his. He is entitled, he makes poor financial choices, and you would be ENABLING him, not helping him.
Do not give him money.
NTA
Just because you are earning more than he is doesn’t mean you owe him anything.
Your choice to help In an emergency if he says he needs help with a bill (as in the eclectic, gas, water is about to be turned off), ask him for the bill and you can make a payment directly. Do not hand him cash for anything.
You’re cruel for not supporting his extravagance? No, you’re doing him a favor for making him face up to his own financial limitations. NTA
He does not struggle financially, he struggles with spending. Huge difference.
NTA. You’re not refusing to help — you’re refusing to be a personal ATM for someone who misrepresents their needs and misuses your generosity.
It’s one thing to support someone who’s genuinely struggling. It’s another to bankroll designer splurges disguised as “essentials.” You’ve already helped multiple times, and instead of gratitude or changed behavior, you got manipulation and entitlement. That’s not financial hardship — that’s poor decision-making.
The fact that you can afford it doesn’t mean you should. Boundaries aren’t cruel — they’re necessary, especially when someone’s habits are self-destructive. You’re not punishing him; you’re protecting yourself from being complicit in his cycle.
And let’s be honest: if he’s mad that the gravy train stopped, that’s not about need — it’s about access. You’re not the villain for saying, “I won’t fund this anymore.”
You’re allowed to care about your brother and still say no. That’s not cold. That’s responsible