I (27F) have been dating my boyfriend (29M) for 4 years, and lately he’s been dropping heavy hints about proposing. I’m excited about the idea of marrying him, don’t get me wrong, but yesterday he really crossed a line and now we’re fighting.
My younger sister (25F) is getting married next month. She and I are very close, and she asked me to be her maid of honor. Her wedding has been stressful to plan, our family dynamic is complicated, and she’s put her heart and soul (and most of her savings) into making it beautiful.
Well, last night my boyfriend casually mentioned that he was planning to “pop the question” to me during the wedding reception. He even showed me the ring, and while it’s beautiful, I was stunned. I immediately told him that was a terrible idea, the wedding is my sister’s special day and I refuse to let anything take attention away from her.
He got defensive, saying it would actually “add to the magic” and that everyone would already be in a romantic mood. He argued that we’d have family and friends there already, and it would be easier to celebrate. I told him in no uncertain terms that if he tries to propose at the wedding, I will say no on the spot and walk out.
Now he’s sulking, saying I’m overreacting and making him feel rejected. My sister doesn’t know any of this yet, and I really don’t want her day to be tainted by unnecessary drama. But now I feel bad that I might have crushed his excitement about proposing.
AITAH for shutting him down so harshly?
Comments
NTA – and your BF needs to get a clue
NTA.
Are you sure you want to marry this selfish baby?
NTA. I wouldn’t even let him attend. Proposing at someone else’s event is unbelievably rude.
NTA – He is an idiot if he thinks this is a good idea. I would reconsider his attendance at the wedding.
NTA. Proposing at someone else’s wedding is so ick. And it just seems like a take over because the person proposing doesn’t actually want to put in the effort to plan something.
It’s the same with announcing pregnancy or gender at someone’s wedding/babyshower/birthday dinner. Don’t hijack someone else’s moment cause you’re too lazy to put effort in to something.
NTA – so listen to this.
I’m a guy.
My absolute best friend. Best man at my wedding. He proposed at my rehearsal dinner the night before my wedding.
I was crying happy tears. I adore him and his now wife. I was so happy for them. I was so full of love that my heart was going to explode. I know my best man felt the same way…
We were the only happy people…
My fiance (now wife), HIS FIANCE (now wife), my parents, my in-laws, my closest friends, WERE ALL DISGUSTED.
They couldn’t believe that he took the focus and attention away from us on our wedding.
I still don’t understand it. I was so genuinely happy and excited for them. But I have come up realize that I am in the minority.
NTA. There is a special section in Hell reserved for the selfish assholes who do marriage proposals/pregnancy announcements at at other people’s weddings.
Take this a proof that your BF is a selfish narcissistic prick who shouldn’t be married to anyone but himself.
NTA, stealing the spotlight at someone else’s wedding is never a good thing to do, and your boyfriend needs to learn that.
Propose to him before the wedding, and make it social media official, or break up.
… Or, bring up the concept in front of your parents and see what happens.
Good luck. NTA.
Your boyfriend is a cheap asshole isn’t he? Cheap and lazy AF.
Rather than plan something special. He just wants to use an event that is celebrating someone else and on their dime.
Honestly, why the fuck does he need to propose at this point anyway? He told you the plan and showed you the ring. Sounds like you are already engaged here.
This is bordering on the unbelievable.
No. His idea is stupid and a chump idea. Why does he want to upstage your sister! Very jerk move on his part.
NTA – please don’t marry someone who is this clueless and lacks this much empathy. He sounds incredibly entitled and selfish. Okay – maybe he got excited and was thrilled that “any effort on his part” would be taken care of by all the hard work of your sister — but after you explained why you didn’t want that? And he double-downed on this situation and is sulking (throwing an adult tantrum to prove his point, make you feel bad and control your reaction.)
Sorry – WHY do you want to marry someone with this bad of judgement?
The only appropriate response from him, when he got checked for not being selfish and entitled at the cost of others he response that “you’re the issue? You killed his enthusiasm? His plan to hijack someone else’s party makes him feel rejected?
God – please don’t marry this guy. I’m begging you. This is a massive red flag. MASSIVE. It’s not the bad idea – it’s the fact that he STILL doesn’t understand why it’s a bad idea and is blaming you for that.
NTA. Also like it seems lazy. If he wants to make a magical moment for you with loved ones in audience, he should plan so all the people who care about you and him are there. Your sister’s wedding might have some overlap but that’s her and her husband’s audience.
NTA. Proposing at someone else’s wedding is a shit move unless you have the bride and grooms approval. If they think it’s ok, that’s fine. And the only way to know they are ok would be to have them be part of the proposal.
You are a wonderful sister to make sure she has this day just for her and her fiancé. If your boyfriend doesn’t want plan a special proposal and instead use a pre-existing event to his advantage, is he really the guy you want to marry?
I was newly pregnant with my first at a family wedding years ago. I informed the couple ahead of time (they were thrilled) and then waited until the next day when they had left on their honeymoon to announce the pregnancy to everyone else. It’s terribly rude to hijack someone’s special day. NTA.
NTA good on you protecting your sisters day. He’s just dumb.
NTA- and if I were you, I would instruct him to stay home that day. Since he clearly doesn’t care about ANYONE’s wishes, especially those of the woman he claims he loves and wants to marry.
no tell him to read the damn room and that it’s bride’s day not his wtf tell your sister as well in case he goes against your wishes
NTA. Weddings are for the people getting married. He has no manners or sense of what is socially acceptable. If he goes through with it despite you telling him not to, I would answer “NO” very plainly if he pops the question. Then stick with your choice and leave him because he doesnʻt deserve you.
NTA
Anyone who proposes at someone else’s wedding, without the explicit permission of the two getting married, is a bad human being.
If he’s upset about being told no, is he worth marrying?
NTA and personally I’d give my sister or the wedding coordinator the heads up not to give him a spot on any open mic/speech period.
Now he actually has to plan something, instead of stealing the thunder from your sister’s wedding.
NTA. And if he does, say “no” and walk out. permanently.
NTA
NTA but now you know he is not marriage material. He just saved you a lot of trouble.
He just lost his invite to the wedding if you care about your sister at all.
NTA But he’s an asshole if he goes through with it.
Nta, but why doesn’t he just propose at any time since you already know he plans to do it?
NTA! Your bf is an attention-seeking twit. You have the right idea for two reasons. Most importantly, your sister’s wedding is all about the happy couple – period. Second, an intimate moment like a proposal should not be a public spectacle. Whenever I hear about some asshole proposing in public, I secretly hope he’s rejected just to see him humiliated.
Piggy backing on someone else’s event is rude, selfish, and cheap. Your guy needs to grow up.
NTA. Besides how mortifying it would be for him to propose at your sister’s wedding, he showed you the ring and said he was going to propose! He should have proposed right then! I would be telling him that ship has sailed whenever he does propose.
NTA. BF is an idiot. Everyone damn well knows you don’t propose at a wedding. Like not wearing white dress to a wedding. Don’t take him to your sister’s wedding.
NTA but I would warn your sister in case he still decides to pull the stunt. Even if you say no and walk away, you don’t want her to end up mad at you
Proposing at someone else’s wedding just shows how lacking your bf is in the making effort and romance department. He’s taking someone else’s effort of organising an event as making out that he’s planned it. If a partner did this I’d say no just on principle because he’s made no effort himself and he’s hijacking someone else’s event. Imagine how much little effort he will make for each anniversary. The answer is zero.
NTA you’re a great sister and MOH for stopping him.
NTA.
“ I told him in no uncertain terms that if he tries to propose at the wedding, I will say no on the spot and walk out.”
I’m proud of you for this. This shows moral resolve and a strong backbone. A lot of people in this situation would just accept, sanctioning their partner’s selfish hijacking of someone else’s event and thus sharing in their partner’s guilt.
OP, if I were you, I wouldn’t bring my partner to my sibling’s wedding after this. There’s a chance he thinks you’re bluffing and proposes anyway, or otherwise makes a scene.
It would be better for him to stay home. You should also warn your sister just in case he tries to come anyway.
NTA. Good on you for standing up for your sister and HER event. Your boyfriend is an idiot and I would seriously be reconsidering his judgement and your relationship if he thought proposing AT YOUR SISTERS WEDDING was the “right” time and place 🙄🙄🙄🙄
Edit: ESPECIALLY since his stupid ass is 29!!
NTA. It’s not a terrible idea from him, but he certainly needs the bride’s (especially) and groom’s blessing.
That said, what if you catch the bouquet?
It’s your sister’s Big Day. She’s the Star. Your bf’s suggestion will steal the limelight from your sister. That is inconsiderate and selfish. Get a new bf if he still sulks like a big baby in diaper.
Don’t take him to the wedding.
Nta. Might be a good idea not to let him go to the wedding.
NTA, I don’t get why anyone thinks this would be a good idea. Let the newly weds have their day.
NTA but umm he just proposed when he showed you the ring. At least wear it and let everyone know you’re engaged. Not the most memorable proposal but it’s better than at OP’s sister’s wedding.
Why would someone tell you they plan to propose, doesn’t that kinda defeat the purpose?
You’re both AHs. You’re not planning anything as much as pretending you aren’t already essentially engaged. He told you the day he would ask you. He even showed you the ring! What’s the point? It’s an anticlimax from here.
He’s too cheap or lazy to plan his own event to propose with family and friends. Simple as that.
No! He’s 100 wrong.
So LAZY! plan your own pArty to propose BF!
Instaboi 😹 I’d say no.
NTA. Who does this nonsense? The ONLY time this is even remotely acceptable is if you are very close with and coordinate it with the bride — like they rig you catching the bouquet and he gets to do something like that. This is some random nonsense. Tell him not to be a baby. His idea literally is a big social faux pas.
Absolutely NTA. The wedding is not about him, and he should not fuck up the wedding by making it about him.
NTA. It’s your sister’s day, and this would be stealing the spotlight from her. You are making the right call.
NTA.
he’s the asshole for wanting to propose at her wedding.
Um.. isn’t the point of proposal supposed to be.. a surprise? Lol why do you already know and have already seen the ring?
And the fact that he’s being selfish in this decision, maybe you should rethink even marrying him. That’s a massive red flag. Does he normally behave this way?
NTA he’s a selfish AH
NTA at all! Bravo to you for standing up and saying “No way!” It’s just leeching onto someone else’s event. I’d even hesitate letting him attend.
NTA- why would he think a proposal that only shows he is disrespectful to your family and lacks any originality and effort on his part is a good idea?
NTA. If he proposes at your sister’s wedding, shout, “HELL NO!” and dump him. You have already explained it’s not what you want and that it will hurt your sister. If he won’t honor that or respect your “no,” he’s not your person.
NTA. And tell him his family will be so upset since they aren’t there for this while your whole family is.
NTA. If he’s showed you the ring, he’s basically already proposed. If he wants to make it a big public deal, having everyone look at him, he can pay for and throw his own proposal party instead of trying to hijack his future SIL’s wedding.
NTA in fact this is the least assholey situation on Reddit this week! It’s not a surprise because she showed you the rank and he should have picked something that was sentimental for just the two of you ceiling. Someone else’s spotlight is not magical.
NTA Warn your sister so that she can have security remove him if he tries. Your public rejection will spoil her day then same as his proposal would. It needs planning to be totally avoided.
Likely story smh.
He needs to respect your wishes and get over it
NTA
I have no idea why people think proposing at someone else’s wedding is okay. IT’S NOT AND NEVER WILL BE! That day belongs to the bride and groom, and pulling a stunt like this is a small ego move. You were right to shut him down. And you’re also right to not tell your sister before the wedding. She got enough on her plate right now. I dunno how close you two are, so if you want to tell her, after would be the way to go
I hope you were harsh enough to dissuade him from such an egregious faux pas. What a dumbass.
NTA. You do not steal someone’s spotlight or day for your own.
It is your sister’s special day. He can propose the ring after. Nta, in college had a classmate whose sister’s bf propose at a wedding. It was baddddddddddd. She broke up with him the next day
NTA.
Yeah, everyone would “already be in a romantic mood” because IT’S YOUR SISTER’S WEDDING.
If he pulled that, I would try to bill him for half the reception on principle.
NTA, but I would mention to your sister. While 90% of brides would probably have an issue with it, I do know of a couple of times where it happened with permission late in the reception and it went very well.
NTA. And you’re a good sister.