I (28M) run a small NGO focused on elder care and women’s empowerment. It’s my full-time passion project, and while it doesn’t make me rich, it’s deeply meaningful.
Last month, at a family gathering, my mom made several loud jokes about my work like “He plays savior with grandma aged feminists and Can’t believe you gave up a real job for that.” People laughed. I didn’t. She claimed it was all good fun, but I left early. A few days later, she called asking to move in with me temporarily, she’s being evicted and needs help “just for a few months.”
I told her I wasn’t comfortable with it. That her comments made me feel disrespected and I couldn’t offer her shelter while carrying that hurt. Now my siblings say I’m letting pride and pettiness override compassion. That I’m punishing her when she’s vulnerable.
But I genuinely feel like she made her priorities and opinions clear in front of everyone. She can equally move in with my siblings, and I’m tired of being the emotional punching bag just because I do advocacy work.
AITAH?
Comments
NTA, stay strong and be your own advocate. Time for mom to eat humble pie.
NTA, You’ve got siblings, they can put up with her a while. Maybe insulting passion projects isn’t that great or an idea, eh mum?
Someone else in the family can take care of her. Why should you when she doesn’t respect what you do?
The irony here is amazing, downright incredible. You work in NGO elder care and women’s empowerment, dedicating your life and career to helping older women, and your mom mocks it to your face, then asks you to take her, an elderly woman, into your house?
NTA IN ANY WAY. Your mom is TA, and obviously a level of entitled in which she thinks she can denigrate your and your profession while remaining entitled to receiving benefits from the work that you do?
Tell her to kick rocks and think about what she says about the people she may ask for help in the future. If she acts like that to you at a family gathering, can you even imagine what her moving into your house will be like? If she treats you this way, her moving into your house is either going to result in her taking over the house and never moving out, or a massive fight and nightmare situation.
Either way, you don’t want it, good on you for standing your ground.
She wants to be able to make fun of you AND have you house her indefinitely. Sorry! Stick up for yourself and let your siblings take care of Mom.
NTA, it’s really fine to stand up for yourself after being disrespected publicly… you deserve respect and space to work on your passion project without extra pressure, maybe talk to a family counselor about setting healthy boundaries so everyone can feel heard and supported.
Sounds very AI fake…
NTA Let one of your siblings move her in with them.
NTA. She mocked your work let her stay with someone who thought it was funny
You called it- she can live with the other children. Have to wonder how long that will last if she treats them as she treats you!
NTA. Tell your siblings they can be the compassionate ones and take her in.
Nah. she can move in with them
Let your siblings take her in.
NTA. Why don’t your siblings help, if it is so important to them?
NTA, did she even offer an apology?
Can this be true? You mother makes fun of you for playing savior to women her age and now wants to play savior for her.
Be sure to point out the irony to her.
NTA. Never take anyone in who is blatantly disrespectful towards you.
NTA. UpdateMe
I don’t know the history here, but she’s your mom.
Without more info—YTA
“siblings say…”
So mom has several places to camp out. End of issue.
So now she wants you to play saviour because she needs help? She truly can’t see that irony?
NTA.
“Siblings, since my job is just a joke to mom, one of you can let her move in with you. I will never help someone who deliberately and publicly disrespected me.”
NTA, Mom doesn’t believe in helping women or the elderly, anyways.
“See mom, I told you my job isn’t playing savior to grandma-aged women.” NTA.
NTA. If your job is so beneath her that she publicly shamed you for it, than she can’t turn around and expect you to financially support her. Perhaps she should ask someone with a “real” job.
If she can move in with your siblings, don’t give it a second thought. If she has a history of acting like this, she’s the AH.
NTA.
Why do I feel like your mother is verbally abusing you?
To all future AITA posters: When the family gets pissy at you about not letting a family member to move in with you, make sure you ask them why they can’t help if they’re so concerned so we can all read their replies
Your siblings are free to take her in. I mean, they don’t want to be prideful or petty now, do they?
NTA
So I guess the siblings are down with her moving in with them! #NTA
You are a dude and you work on women empowerment?
You are a dude and you use trigger warnings?
Also, where is the self harm in your story?
NTA
She can move in with the siblings.
NTA but if she speaks to the public it may make you look bad , taking care of other elderly women and not your own mom is a bad public look.
Still to your guns.
Older woman mocks you for helping older women, then asks for help and doesn’t get help. Sounds like she got what she wanted.
Tell her to hit up a nursing home
NTA FAFO. Words matter.
Nta.
Oh ?! I don’t hear sarcasm anymore ! So you only respect me when you need something?
Next meeting, I will joke about old entitled homeless.
The irony
Siblings can let her move in “temporarly”
She’s asking you to help her with what she’s making fun of you for. Hypocrite.
Haha… social work, shit wages, burn out work load, expectations far in excess of pay grade or job description…
If it was any of those, not mocking, warning. Amazing when you look into NGO/Non-profits how some are passion projects and burn out the peons expecting the same, or are set up to pay management the big bucks, made by the zealot fools working for crumbs…
Tell your siblings that since they are oozing with compassion they can help their entitled mother.
Siblings can take mom then. They obviously don’t want to, so that’s why they are mad at you.
Charity begins at home…
Perhaps your.mother should apply to your work for assistance
NTA, if your siblings are so worried, one of them can take her in temporarily. You don’t have to allow anyone into your home you dont feel comfortable with, even family, especially if they mock the job that pays your bills.
Oh, the irony. Your mum made the bed and is now lying in it. I love that you are following your passion and helping the elderly and women. That said, helping is one thing, but aiding toxic behaviour by forgiving it is another. These concerned siblings of yours can pick up the compassion they claim you are lacking, and house the hurtful, disrespectful woman. I am so sorry that you are going through this, lovie. Be true to you.
Why aren’t your siblings offering to let her stay with them?
NTA at all. Making fun of you and now needs your help…in the same place she made fun of? Nope ..She’s on her own. I wouldn’t help her with anything. No conversation needed.
It’s amusing that she mocks you for helping older women then asks for your assistance.
Do not let her move in. She won’t ever leave.
NTA.
And if your siblings are so concerned, every single time one of them says something, ask them why she can’t go live with them?
“You’re being cruel!” “Well, so are you for not letting mom live with you.”
“How could you not let her live with you!” “How could you not let her live with you?”
“She’s in a vulnerable position!” “Yes, and you can get her out of that position by letting her live with you.”
Just keep turning it back around. But based on her outright disrespect of you publicly in front of family makes me think she’s not going to be looking for a new place and just stay indefinitely until you have to use legal means to get her out. And your siblings probably think this too which is why they’re not rushing to offer her a room.
Let the siblings take her. She obviously doesn’t respect you
NTA and your siblings are saying that because they don’t want her moving in with them.
She should be proud of the work you do.
Your siblings can offer to take her.
Siblings. That’s what they’re there for.
Your siblings can take her in, then. She wants to be a bully and get free housing too, that’s not how it works.
Well ask your siblings why they can’t take care of her.
NTA. However, this is an opportunity for you to be the better person, take the high road, and advocate for her! Show her why you do what you do, and how great you are at it!
NTA.
She can move in with (and will probably never leave unless evicted) one of the people who laughed with her mocking you. You’re doing hard and righteous work and don’t need that kind of negativity and disrespect polluting your life. I’d go NC with anyone trying to guilt you into taking her in. Let them do it.
NTA, OP. It’s completely understandable you’re hurt and not ready to welcome her home yet. She needs to learn respect.
Tell your siblings you’ll inform your mom that she can stay with them. NTA.
NTA. Remind her that she doesn’t like for you to play savior.
NTA this incident was probably just the tip of the iceberg after years of belittling, and since she’s getting evicted I’d be suspect of her ability to move out eventually. Stand your ground you don’t owe toxic parents anything.
“He plays savior with grandma aged feminists”. A few days later, “Hey can you take care of me, a grandma aged woman?”
FAFO season is my favorite time of the year!
The Boomer generation is in for a rude awakening when their children use the “my house, my rules” phrase against them. It’s your house, and your rules are that those who disrespect your work can’t live there. She shouldn’t be asking for favors after insulting you and your siblings can step up in her time of need if they feel so strongly about it.
The work you do helps women like her, and she mocked it. One of your siblings can take her in.
NTA
Then perhaps your siblings could step up.
Tell her you would, but you don’t want to play savior to a grandma aged person
NTA. Why not tell her to inquire if her local cemetery had a spot left? ‘All in good fun,’ of course. Of course…
NTA — your mom should not publicly shame you, full stop. As your mother she should have your back. No matter how unusual your career may be. Is your dad in the picture? If anything then a male role model could advise you on your career. Obviously not by dragging it into the mud in front of others.
“Mom, you publicly attempted to humiliate me over a job that fulfills me and pays my bills. I’m still trying to figure out why you would do that. Was it to motivate me to make more money or because you are a self hating old woman and you can’t stand to see me help others like you?
Either way, I can’t believe you gave up our trusting relationship to deliver a really badly written one-liner at a family gathering. It went over like a fart in church, you never apologized, and now you think you’re going to LIVE with me?!
According to you, I don’t make enough money and I should stop helping old ladies. I’m starting with you.”
NTA
Another obvious AI written story.
Person gets disrespected. Person reacts to disrespect. Family say person is over-reacting. Phrases written in “quotation marks”
The situation may change but the style of writing stays exactly the same over & over again.
NTA she can move in with one of your siblings. You do not get to make fun of your child, disrespect them and the work they do, claim it was a joke and they ask for their help. Not begging forgiveness, not being sorry for being an AH parent but needing the same help you made fun of them providing and then being an AH when that child says NO.
She was hurtful and now it’s your chance to make her pay for it. /s
Given a chance to see what kind of work you actually do and how you help people, and you reject her because she hurt your feelings. ESH.
NTA: the ones that raise hell about you not letting your mom stay with you are the ones that don’t want to take her.
If the comments are the only reason then yaaa.. YTA
NTA.
She should have kept her mouth shut as it was rude, although I agree with her point. You sound like a disappointing fool as a son unless you’re working on women’s empowerment in Muslim countries.
So, she mocks you for running and “elder care “NGO, then demands “elder care”
Aren’t you helping the very ones in her shoes?
She sees no value in what you do. She doesn’t respect what you do, she doesn’t get to avail herself of those resources.
Nta
She insulted you and your choices of making a living, and then turns to you when she can’t handle her own basic adulting? You have every right to say no to this. Then push her back on on all the family members that are being critical of you for your decision after being deeply disrespected by her. They can take care of her.
NTA you did the right thing don’t let them abuse you
NTA
And she had more nerve than an abcessed tooth.
Why in the world would you want to share your home with someone who is so openly disrespectful to you?
If your siblings think it’s such a good idea, they can take her in.
So siblings take her. Where is the issue
Tell your sibs to send mom money for her housing then. Or they can STFU. lol
“Hey ma! Having any fun yet?”
sounds to me like you are practicing empowerment for yourself, good for you, if your siblings are that concerned they can take her in
NTA. One of your siblings can take her in, because you’re only doing PAID elder care.