I’m getting married next spring and I’ve always pictured it as an intimate celebration with just close family and friends. My fiancé and I decided early on that we didn’t want kids at the wedding. It’s not that I don’t love kids, but we wanted the atmosphere to feel more like an adult gathering without distractions.
When I told my sister about this, she immediately got upset. She has two young kids and said if they’re not invited then she won’t come either. She told me I was being selfish and excluding family, and now she’s making me feel guilty because I really do want her there.
My parents are siding with her and say I should just make an exception since she’s my sister, but my fiancé feels strongly about sticking to what we originally planned. I feel caught in the middle because I don’t want to hurt my sister, but I also don’t want to compromise on something so important to me and my partner.
Am I the asshole for not wanting kids at my own wedding even if it means my sister might not come?
Comments
NTA its your wedding
NTA but I have always found people that ban kids from weddings to be insufferable AH’s
Nta. hire a sitter they know to watch them during the ceremony and reception.
NTA, your wedding, your rules.
They will be upset, you are excluding family, but that’s just how it goes sometimes. I recently went to a wedding where people brought kids, and the babies specifically screamed throughout the entire ceremony and can be heard in many of the videos.
You and your fiance’s opinions take priority. Especially if you’re the ones paying for the wedding.
NTA.
A wedding invitation is not a summons.
You know that your sister will not come if her kids are not invited.
That has to be OK with you since she is your sister. You are half of this wedding.
Your family, your call.
You do not want to resent your husband over this, which is why YOU get the final say on your family.
Welcome to marriage and Congratulations! 🙂
NTA… More and people are deciding on kid free weddings. There is nothing wrong with that.
Just as long as you understand, you may have some close friends and family that won’t attend as a result.
Look, if you exclude kids you will lose adults attendance, that is just life. If you want them to come you have to include the kids. That is the trade off you make when you exclude half of people’s immediate families from an event
It’s your wedding, not a family playdate. You set a boundary, your fiancé agrees, and it’s not personal against her kids. She’s free to decline the invite if it doesn’t work for her, but that doesn’t make you selfish
YTA. It has been discussed so many time on Reddit, just read any of them instead of fishing for karma.
24h ago, you were complaining about your roomate bf sleeping at your place…
I’ll take things that never happened for 20$.
NTA
There is plenty of time to hire a babysitter.
My only question is why is this such a common topic on this subreddit?
Yoʻu made the decision to begin with that you did not ŵant her or her family there. You knew there could well be a problem. Your sister knows this. You just didn’t care.
Stick to your guns. Your line should be that you can’t make exceptions because of the bitterness that would inevitably follow. Do not deviate from that line.
Since there’s no compelling reason why the kids can’t go, is it really worth creating a rift? The offense will never be forgotten any time you bring up your wedding day.
I see a lot of people saying “Your day, your wedding” But truthfully weddings are about family too, not just the bride.
NTA. I hope your family has this same energy when it comes to funerals, family meetings about family secrets, etcetera. Because it is okay to include children in adult functions. Your family is just butt hurt that you and your fiance put your wedding in the category of adult only family functions.
NTA. People can have whatever kid rules they want at their wedding. I find people getting upset about no kids pretty ridiculous. Had kids at my wedding – no biggie; been to no kids weddings – again no biggie.
Yes ur a asshole, how can u have a wedding without kids
Your wedding…your rules.
Did your sister get the wedding she wanted. Do you feel you deserve any less? Stick to your plans and do not be upset if she doesn’t attend.
NTA she can get a sitter or their father can manage them
NTA, your wedding, you decide. I don’t understand why your sister can’t respect that—it’s a huge life event for you, and she should be supportive of your decisions.
NTA but hire security for the venue to turn away anyone with children. She sounds like she would try to just show up with them.
NTAH, its your wedding, if you don’t want kids at your wedding and your sister chooses not to come because her kids can’t go that’s her issue and not yours. You can always remind her she’s more than welcome to come, however she needs to respect your wishes on not having kids at YOUR wedding, and if she can’t get over that then you’ll be sad she isn’t coming to your wedding, and remind her that the invite is open until time runs out for her to be invited and that you hope she attends. In regards to your parents, you should also let them know this is your decision and that this is something you and your partner stand by and NO you WILL NOT make any kind of exception and it is important that they respect both of your wishes on this matter. If your sister and parents continue to push on the matter I would tell them this is non negotiable and they need to respect your wishes. I’m sure that your parents and sister can get past this given a little bit of time, and will accept that this is what you want for your wedding. I also would add if your sister is married (don’t want to assume she is) did she have anything that was important to her that she did or had at her wedding that maybe you disagreed with, but due to it being her wedding went along with it anyways? I will also add she can easily find a sitter for her kids for one night and who knows she may very easily have a lot more fun than she might think. So in conclusion NTAH
NTA
This is between you and your fiance. If your sister or parents don’t like it, they can STFU and stay home.
NTA. If you and your fiancé make exceptions for one person, then you will be pressured to make exceptions for others. Given how expensive weddings are (particularly with pricing per number of guests), childfree weddings are increasingly common.
NTA
You’re not caught in the middle though. You just need to tell her that you understand if she can’t come and move on.
If you have a childfree wedding, then you have to be okay with parents saying no.
Are the children not close family? I never understand why people have child free weddings when they have the most special little people to celebrate with them. It’s ok that you don’t want kids at the wedding and it’s most certainly ok to not want other people’s kids at your wedding. NTA.
However, if you’re a big family girl like me, I couldn’t imagine getting married to the love of my life, joining families together, when my family is incomplete.
Nta its your wedding, your rules.
Just know that your sister and possibly many others might not come.
NTA
By your sisters kids, you mean your nieces or nephews, right? You’re kind of an asshole. Why are you marrying a guy who won’t let you invite your nieces and nephews to your wedding?
NTA, you and fiancé call the shots for what will reduce stress and make the day they best and most positive memory day ever. No one is ever wrong for wanting such days. Until they display entitlements towards guests and also impose emotional and physical discomforts.
If your sister refuses to attend, it’s not your problem.
Congrats on your engagement.
NTA, but you’re going to have to face the consequences.
You don’t want kids at the wedding, that’s fine. It’s your wedding. But you’re going to have to fight for your decision.
Your sister isn’t going to magically be ok with it, and your parents aren’t going to magically get off your case. You’re going to be hearing about this for a long time.
So, make sure you make the decision that’s right for you, and accept the consequences.
NTA
I don’t get these demands of the invited to bring children to weddings.
My parents were happy to leave us kids at home.
I was happy to leave my kid at home. Even when she was a flower girl in my aunt’s wedding, it was church, pictures, then dropped her at home with a babysitter for the reception.
Stick to your guns, make sure she realizes that this is applying to multiple “child family members” on both sides & is not an affront to to her or her progeny. (And she has a good nine months to find a sitter)
I always feel like child free weddings are an asshole move. I grew up where that was normal and kids are the life of the party. I can’t imagine a wedding any other way, and I can’t imagine telling your family to “f” off if they can’t find babysitters. So yeah, your the asshole in my book
Your wedding your rules also “you’re being selfish” this is your wedding not hers so she’s the selfish one for being upset about it.
We had a “No kids” rule and we bent it for one family and they showed up late (as we were exiting the ceremony), then ate dinner and left right after. It felt like our wedding was just their free dinner.
Weddings are not the place for babies or younger children!!
Is it your sisters wedding? No? Then why does your sister get to made the rules?
You can have whatever wedding you like, for any reason. However you can’t be upset if people decline your invitations. Hopefully your family can move on from this if your sister chooses not to attend.
Nta as long as you are okay with her not going.
NTA if you want a dinner party w/adults
YTA if you expect your family to understand.
You’ll understand when you have kids- they are fully a part of your entire life, and celebrating their Uncle’s/Aunt’s wedding is one of them. Again- you do you, but you will regret it once you have your own children and reflect back on it.
A lot of people who have child free weddings will include direct family members like cousins, nephews, nieces etc. Often the rule applies to non family guests.
However it is your wedding and you’re absolutely allowed to decide who to have there! If you don’t want any kids at all, that is absolutely your decision and you don’t need to change it for anyone.
You have made your stance clear which you are allowed to do. Your sister has made her stance clear, that she will only go if her kids can go too, which she is also allowed to do.
There is no situation where she will attend and the kids will stay home. That is ok. You can still get married without your sister. She may have hurt feelings which she is allowed to have. Hopefully you can figure out some way to celebrate after the wedding day, where the kids can attend.
NTA, its your wedding and you can have whatever type of crowd you want at it. But it’s naïve to think there wont be any fallout from immediate family regarding your choices.
Please, dear lord, find a new prompt for your AI.
Unpopular opinion but I never understand child free weddings. In my opinion a wedding is about bringing both families together and celebrating your love for one another. I think weddings are getting to be more about putting on a show and everything being perfect than about love and family. It just doesn’t feel genuine anymore.
NTA. Your wedding. Your decision.
Just dont get mad if people with kids you want there don’t come. Childcare costs money and people will always put the comfort of their kids over events that don’t allow children to attend.
NTA, sick of entitled parents forcing their kids on everyone else all the time.
Why is it people act so shocked when this happens. You knew what you were doing when you made that rule, and by doing that you knew that some people wouldn’t show and that there was every chance it was going to cause an argument with at least 1 person. Your NTA for having no children at your wedding but not sure why you’re surprised this has caused drama for you.
NTA for not wanting young kids but if you want an intimate wedding with close family and friends….arent your sisters kids immediate family? Like I get if you and your sister don’t have a good relationship and you don’t know her kids.
But it IS a little bit of a slap in the face to say close family and then exclude your own nieces/nephews.
To think that you’re good enough to be called an adult is really funny. This is an immature and stupid ask. If I was your sister I would disown you
NTA.
Make NO exceptions for your sister’s kids. You and your fiancé didn’t want kids at the wedding, DON’T have your sister’s kids at the wedding!!!
I’m very sorry to say this, but your sister is a massive AH for calling you selfish for not allowing her kids to attend.
And your parents are even bigger AHs for expecting you to cave to your sister’s demands and making an exception for HER kids.
Seems like sis is mad you wouldn’t allow her to make your wedding day all about her and her kids
Every choice has a cost. You can do whatever you want, but what you can’t do is not pay the cost.
You can have your wedding child-free. Absolutely. It’s your day, do what you want. But, the cost is that your sister won’t be there and your parents will be mad about it. If that is fine with you, go forth and do it.
If you want to have your family with you, you can do that. The cost is your preferred adults-only vibe.
There is not an option where everybody is magically chill with whatever. Such is life.
NAH, yet.
NTA. Tell your parents to stop enabling entitled behavior. Your wedding day is not about your sister and her wants. If she is threatening not to go, then that is her choice. I have a feeling your wedding will be drama free if she stays home
i would say to your sister im sorry you wont be able to attend the wedding however we can set up a zoom link and u and your children can watch from the comfort of your home. i dont understand why your sister can find a sitter for a few hours.
NTA because it’s your wedding but I’ll never personally understand excluding nieces and nephews or honestly kids in general. No kids means no kid noise etc but I can guarantee you that whether you have kids there or not, something will go wrong that day, whether it’s a drunk adult falling down or someone knocking something over etc and it will all still be fine. You can’t control the day no matter how hard you try, you just have to enjoy it as it happens.
NAH. You are free to say no kids can come, she’s free to refuse to come if her kids can’t and to be upset that you’re leaving them out.
But you shouldn’t be upset that your sister isn’t coming to your wedding or that she’s upset by this– that’s a consequence of a decision you made that directly impacts her. You put yourself in this position, now you have to deal with it.
NTA, if you dont want kids, that’s fine. BUT there are consequences one of those is not having your sister there. You were called selfish…and? Your wedding day is not about pleasing everyone. You are suppose to be selfish in certain circumstances.
Yes, there could be lifelong relationship repercussions between you and your sister and your nieces & nephews. Or maybe no one talks about or remembers this.
I suggest in future conversations not to say only close family. It makes it seem like your nieces and nephews are not family or close. Similarly, dont say your sister’s kids. Instead, say I want an adult only wedding so everyone is in the moment, not caretaking a child or children. Part of being a parent is having adult moments and showing kids that all relationship matter and need special time to stay strong.
While you are NTA for not inviting kids, you seem confused as to possible consequences. An invitation is just that, not a command or decree.
I get you don’t want distractions and a quiet celebration. I don’t get why you don’t want your nieces and nephews there. I love mine and couldn’t imagine not having them present. When I got married I wanted all my close friends and friends there. That for me includes my nieces and nephews. I wouldn’t be able to look them in the eye afterwards. But that’s me. I think weddings and funerals are for everyone.
A wedding is yours to host any way you want. You also have to live with your choices. If you really want to go no-kids, you have to be able to stick to it and accept the consequences, come what may. This is a rule you made. Can you live with it?
I mean you did tell your sister that you don’t think her kids count as your close family so that probably stung.
NTA, the fallout and hurt family feelings would not be worth it to me but only you can decide your priorities. If a child free wedding is important to you and your partner and you are willing to damage family relationships over it then tell your sister you will miss her presence but that you understand she can’t make it.
I have never understood why people don’t want children who are family at their wedding. I would stop short of calling you an AH, but I don’t blame your sister for not wanting to come without her kids. If it were a non-family member asking for no children, I feel like that would be a different story, but to me weddings are for families and excluding any member of the family is not cool.
You are not the one being selfish. Mombie who refuses to abide by your rule for one evening is the selfish one. If she’s not willing or unable to find a sitter then she doesn’t come. That’s they way parenting works. Sometimes you don’t get to go to things. Do NOT make an exception. Fuck your parents. You will lose any semblance of “an adult gathering without distractions” and everyone else who DID get a sitter will be angry. You are not caught in the middle. It’s your wedding. It’s your rules. Sister can abide by them or sit it out. That’s 100% on her.
This is a hill to die on. Hold onto your shiny spine and DO NOT cave.
NTA but you better be mentally prepared to face the fact that your sister and/or will parents will skip the wedding.
It’s not unreasonable to not want kids at your wedding. It’s also not unreasonable to not want to go to a wedding where your kids aren’t welcome. Different people have different priorities and you’re allowed to prioritize what you and your partner want at your wedding.
But it is totally unreasonable to harass and guilt trip someone to try and change their wedding to accommodate your preferences. That’s the AH move here.
If I were you I would honestly just be firm with your boundaries and tell her that you understand if she doesn’t want to attend and her presence will be greatly missed. What she chooses to do with that is her choice.