I (39F) married my husband (46M) five years ago. He has a daughter (now 20F) from a previous marriage. She lived with us until she left for college last year. Things were always… tense between us. I tried really hard to be supportive, but she was cold from day one.
She came home during Christmas break, and during dinner one night, she flat out said: “It’s just crazy how some women marry older men just to coast through life.” My husband and I stared at her. I asked her to clarify, and she said, “I mean… you didn’t have a career or anything before you met Dad, right?”
That really stung. I have a degree. I worked as a nurse for 10 years before stepping away after a back injury. I told her that was an extremely disrespectful assumption, and she rolled her eyes and said I was being dramatic.
I told my husband she needed to apologize before I’d feel comfortable having her around again. He said, “She’s young, she didn’t mean it,” and urged me to let it go. I refused.
Well, now she’s asking to move back in because she lost her off-campus housing. I said absolutely not unless we clear the air. My husband says I’m punishing her. AITAH?
Comments
NTA She sure needs you now that she lost her housing, but disrespects you any other time, i am sure you worked hard for your degree and she has no right to disrespect you like that, her dad needs to stick up for you more and not allow her to talk however she wants to you.
No way she should be allowed to live in your house unless she sincerely apologises. This is not punishment, you shouldn’t have to live in the same house with someone looking down on you.
YTA. She’s 20, and probably has baggage from her parents. Sit down and talk to her about it, but expecting a sincere apology from someone so young will just hurt both of you
NTA. He needs to man up and deal with the situation
No you’re NTA. You deserve respect. Least of all at your own home. She’s not a kid. A grown person. But I think the real issue is your husband. He’s enabling her behaviour. He Probably still sees her as a baby. You need to have a serious conversation with your husband.
What?? She doesn’t have a career so she’s wanting to move back in with her (older man) dad? she sounds like a gold digger to me. Tell your husband she can go live with her mom.
I mean, she should be punished. NTA.
NTA. I agree that an apology is appropriate here first.
So she wants to move back in and live off a man? Uh, isn’t that gold digging? 😉
I’d dig her with that one just for fun….
NTA, she’s not your responsibility anymore after she chose a side.
Nta and he’s showing you he’s not going to stand up for you, listen to him
I had to go back and recheck the ages. She’s acting as if you’re 22 shacking up with a 46 year old. She’s delusional. NTA, and don’t back down on the apology.
Of course she doesn’t respect you when your husband doesn’t.
Ya I have seen stories like yours before, you are just upset she called you out. 10 years and you can’t work a desk job?m
Yta
“older man”? It’s seven years. Either you haven’t given us the full story, and painted yourself a completely innocent party, or your stepdaughter is an asshole. No one can determine whether you’re the asshole or not with no context.
Are you 10 years old?
Your stepdaughter called you gold digger and now she cant move back in, to the house paid by her father i assume.
You are pathetic, stop being so fkn offended.
You’re not wrong but she is his daughter. Could you possibly have a chat with her? Just you and her? But be advised , daddy’s little spoiled brat can lie so be careful.
Being a nurse is a career. She’s bitter as her dad moved on and found someone else. No doubt she is trying to compete for his attention. NTA. Don’t let her back in until you get that apology.
NTA but like dude come on she’s a kid acting out.
You wanna build trust and respect? Have a heart to heart with her instead of being petty over an apology and acting like the wicked step mother she thinks you are.
Husband (or you if he will not) needs to sit her down and have a talk. “First off, 6 year age gap is not inappropriate at our ages. Jane is college educated with a solid work in nursing. Due to a back injury that career is no longer suitable. If and when she decides to return to the workplace that is a decision left to us. Your comments are and were inappropriate and will no longer be tolerated in this household….understand?”
The girl’s a bitch, but I feel like nobody is asking about the housing situation, who owns the house? Did you both pay for it? Does it belong to one of you? This is important.
NTA
Husband needs to make up his mind, either she is too young to know manners or she is too old to be punished.
If she doesn’t know any better, then he needs to teach her how to apologize.
I mean you are right, you need to clear the air before she comes back. I don’t think that’s too much to ask for considering all of this.
ESH imo though, she’s 20, she knows not to say what she did your husband is giving her too much slack. But also she’s 20, yall need to talk to clear this bad blood she has with you. It’s all probably just stuff that’s been told to her, not her actual opinion.
You are not that far in age, this is fairly healthy age difference at your age. My husband and I have the same and no one says I married and old man.
She needs to apologize and also ask her what she think nurses do, because it sound like she think you can just waltz off the street and be a nurse. Maybe she can volunteer for 3 weeks at nursing home to be allowed back.
Where is her mum?
Nta she’s totally disrespectful, your husband should have a word with her before you even consider letting her move back in
I am going to assume that you moved into your husband’s house?
If that is the case, then his daughter is wanting to move back into the bedroom that was hers long before you arrived on the scene.
If you really want to force a man to pick between his daughter and you, though, you might end up regretting that decision…..
In some ways it depends who owns the property.
If it’s hers or joint ownership then she can veto the daughter coming back but if the dad owns it then the decision is his.
Obviously it could damage the marriage.