I’ve been saving for almost two years to finally move out and get my own place. I don’t make a lot of money, so every little bit I put aside feels like a huge accomplishment. Right now, I’ve got just enough to cover a deposit and a couple months of rent, and I was planning to start apartment hunting soon.
Here’s where the problem comes in. My cousin recently got himself into debt because of bad spending habits. He’s always buying expensive clothes, eating out, and bragging about the newest stuff he gets. Now he’s suddenly broke and asking everyone in the family for help.
My mom told me that since I have money saved, I should give him “at least a few thousand” to help him get back on his feet. I told her no, because that money is literally my chance at moving out and building some independence. She said I was being selfish and ungrateful because when family struggles, we’re supposed to step up.
Now my cousin is guilt-tripping me too, saying he’ll be homeless if nobody helps him. I honestly don’t know if that’s even true or if he’s just exaggerating to get money. I feel bad because he is family, but at the same time, I worked hard for my savings and don’t think it’s fair that I have to give it up because he can’t manage his money.
AITAH for refusing to share my savings with him, even if it means he has to face the consequences of his own choices?
Comments
Best lessons are hard lessons, handouts never help and giving money to family rarely does either, tell your mom he can move into your room when you move out
Nope. Your mom is definitely the asshole. Tell them she should give her money to your cousin.
AI post. Reported
NTA. He got in trouble by crappy spending habits, not a hospital stay or something. If you give that money to your cousin, he’ll just blow that too.
If helping family means funding their bad habits, then count me out. My hard-earned savings are for my new apartment, not a Get Out of Debt Free card for Mr. Designer Clothes over here.
This is a common repost
cuz is a flaming asshole, yer ma is an idiot asshole , You, nah, not the asshole.
Cousin got themselves into their mess, they can dig themselves right out, why should you have to sacrifice your hard efforts for their selfish foolish choices and actions.
family helps family – sure, but thats balanced against family not hurting family – and cuz is providing plenty of hurt
NTA A few thousand?! Fuck that! Use your hard-earned money for you, OP, and move out. Bad spending habits were never solved by gifting free money to them.
Not the asshole. Family does help family… but that comes in many forms; one of them being “letting them learn from their mistakes.”
It’s so fucking easy to be generous…when it isn’t your money that’s being given away. NTA, but your mother sure is.
A few thousand? Why are they not helping him? If he cant manage his money, that is not your problem. This is a life lesson for him. This should teach him to manage his money better. If you help him this time, what are the chances that he will get into this same scenario and need someone to bail him out? Be selfish, think of you. Next time don’t tell your parents that you have money saved. They will always want you to help someone else in the family, putting yourself at a disadvantage. From now on, you have no money!
IF this is a true story– and honestly it reads like ragebait– tell your cousin that he won’t be homeless because your Mom will absolutely let him live with her because “family helps family”.
Your cousin needs to own his bad financial choices and retrench.
Going forward stop telling people about your financial situation.
NTA, your mom can house, feed and pay him out of her own money. She’s being ridiculous. Your cousins grown and he needs to recognize his own bs. Your mom needs to stop drinking the coolaid. Send this post to your mom after as well. She needs to see even internet strangers have more sense than what she’s spouting.
NTA. You don’t need to give him any of your money. If he’s going to be homeless he can move in with your mom when you’ve moved out, she will have the space and she can step up to help.
He can move into your old room once you move out. Your mom shouldn’t mind since family helps family…
Your mom can help him. She’s trying to keep you trapped. Start apartment hunting asap. NTA
He can use your room once you’re out.
He should move in with your mom.
NTA. This sounds like an attempt to sabotage your independence.
NTA. Ask your mom how much she’s giving. The fact is, your cousin will learn nothing if hes bailed out and it’ll just be a matter of time until he’s asking you for money again. Prioritize yourself and anyone who guilts you just say you’ll consider matching their donations to him
I hope you know in the real world people don’t just hand over money because family is family. Don’t listen to your mom’s bullshit. Do not hand anyone a penny of your hard earned money.
NTA. imho, your mom is trying to delay your moving out. Consider this : if you move out and free up a bedroom, your mom can take in your broke cousin and he won’t be ‘homeless.’
Ask your mom where your cousins help for you was while you were struggling to save and he was buying expensive clothing?
NTA
Tell mom she can give him some money but you won’t be
Your mom can help him because she is his family and that’s what family do.
Use your cash to move out and when he becomes homeless he can have your room
make sure your money is locked down tight lest your mom decides to be generous without your permission.
is she generally controlling and this is a way to keep you from moving out from under her thumb?
she is free to give your irresponsible cousin her money, not yours
your mom was a shitty person for even telling your cousin you had money.
You are NTA but you have a shitty family.
NTA. He got himself into this mess. If your mom wants to give him a few thousand that’s her prerogative, but no one else is entitled to the money you saved. Do not cave to their guilt trip, you’ll never get that money back. Also, going forward do not discuss your finances with anyone, especially your mom.
How does cousin know about the money to start with the guilt-tripping?
NTA. You move out, cousin can move in with your mom–“family helps family.”
Nta just say to him actions meet consequences. He put himself in that situation. Time for him to grow up.
u/bot-sleuth-bot
NTA
let others in your family be suckers, you won’t get paid back if you give this guy a handout
You move out then that frees up a bedroom for your cousin. He can live with your mum and dad.
NTA he won’t be homeless because your mom, his aunt, will take him in since his family, at least that’s what she should do since she thinks like that. You worked hard to save money and bet you’ve missed out on loads of stuff because of it, now it’s your time to get the reward for your sacrifices and his time to face the consequences of his actions. Life is what you make it.
Blocked them. Let guilt trip the air
Tell your cousin to royally f off and his actions have brought about his situation, and it’s not your responsibility to fix it for him!
NTA – tell him that your room at your mom’s house will be empty soon, he can stay there …’family helps family’ so your mom is looking forward to taking care of of him
You can help by praying for him.
NTA
Your cousin can choose to get a 2nd job to cover his own debt.
The only thing I would offer is to pay for a debt management class.
Check to see if any of the colleges in your area offer a night class on this.
Offer to pay for it and pay the school directly. If you give your cousin the cash they’ll just spend it.
THIS is Family helping Family!
They don’t get your life savings cuz they’re maybe blood related!
He can get a 2nd job to pay his debt and learn how to budget his money.
Am I my cousins keeper?
No. He is in charge of his finances!!
You’ll never be the AH for not bailing out someone for their own financial idiocy. The people who are telling you how to spend your hard earned money can pool their own resources and share it they’re so concerned.
NTA. Your cousin needs this kick in the pants to get his finances in order, which requires that he get himself out of his debts. You have your own goals and shouldn’t have to put them aside because of your cousin’s self-inflicted problems.
NTA.
Your cousin won’t be homeless he has all this family that he can move in with. Simply giving your cousin money is NOT the answer and quite frankly that is HIS parent’s responsibility, not yours. Sure family helps family but it seems like your cousin did this to himself and will most likely squander your money, you’re not at the point in your life where you can just hand out this type of amount. If your mom wants to opine she can shell out her own cash. It’s really easy to have opinions when the money isn’t your own.
Drown them all out and stand your ground, this isn’t a medical situation he can file for bankruptcy or move back in with mom and pops.
Nta tell your cousin that you are actually moving soon and your mom will have an open room so she can help him get back on his feet.
NTA
NTA if it’s down to desperate need, your mom (or his mom) can step up and house him. He hasn’t learned anything and will blow through what should be the start of your future in a very short time.
NTA. Don’t give him a dime. You would just be throwing good money after bad.
More money never solved a money problem. The problem isn’t not enough money. It’s being stupid with the money you have.
Tell your mother, she can bankroll your cousin. You’ve earned your savings and you’re not giving it away to someone who spends like there is no tomorrow.
Nope nta. Tell mom she xan show you how family is suppose to act then.
Family can house him if they dont want him to be homeless.
This is why you never tell anyone what tou have saved. Ever
She can just give him the few thousand, since it’s no big deal. NTA.
But maybe take this hidden lesson to make sure you can really afford to move out on your own. If you don’t make much, you will burn through your savings and could end up in the same boat.
Stop discussing your money with ANYONE.
I would guess that Mom doesn’t want OP to move out and so forcing them to give away their savings to Cousin would delay that happening.
NTA
Not your problem.
Ntah he can sell some stuff or get another job. He’s grown you don’t owe him a dime. This is a learning experience for him. (Also learn from his mistakes) Realistically when you move out, you could tell your mom he can move in with her since she will have another room to help him get back on his feet. You worked hard be smart. There is no guarantee he or anyone would help you if you were in the same situation.
Just a piece of advice, live within your means by that I mean materialistic items are always obtainable. That expensive car isn’t always worth it get something that will last like a Toyota or a Honda and maintain it that expensive car will come later if you want it. Same with the expensive apartment that can always come later, try to find something that’s all bills paid (it will help tremendously when you first start out.) Work, save your money, build your credit and put money into retirement in your 20s if a company will match your 401k that’s the best move to make start out at 5% and budget, in a year if you can put another 2-5% and sit comfortably do it rinse and repeat (don’t go broke doing this make sure you can afford your rent, utilities, groceries, and your other expenses And still be able to put a little bit into a savings account) and don’t touch it. Eating out is nice but do it once an a while. Also relationships come and go don’t get tied down with kids to early build your life and experience life you’re young.
NTA. First, “no” is a complete sentence. Second, you actually don’t have that money as it is already earmarked for expenses. You can’t give what you don’t have and you don’t have a few thousand lying around that is open to donate.
Third, facing the consequences of your actions is healthy. It’s how people learn. In teaching, we are always told to make consequences that fit to the actions. You make a mess? You stay later to clean it up. Same applies here.
Nope nope and no.
Maybe he can move in with your mom if he becomes homeless. Maybe that’s what she’s afraid of.
Keep your money. And stop telling your family that you have any money. It’s none of their business.
So you’re a saver and they’re a spender, and everyone’s okay that they can plow thru their money and buy frivolous shit, and think you have to share your money to bail them out?
NTA. Give this person love, food, maybe a place to stay for a couple of weeks only, but don’t give them any money. They clearly have no self control or common sense to manage it. And you’ll be pissed when they’re still in the same boat in a month or two, and you’ll never see that money EVER again. If your mom feels so strongly about them getting financial help, she can give your cousin her own savings. This is very bad parenting; trying to guilt you into giving your saved earnings away instead of encouraging you to save it for yourself and your future.
Don’t do it. You’ll never see a dime of it back. Then the next time he goes broke which he will you’ll be pressured into helping him again. Keep your finances private
NTA tell mom to help him out. That you do not have any extra.
NTA next
Nta
Your cousin may be homeless because of bad choices he’s made, not because you won’t bail him out. Helping him won’t change the fact that he spends more than he makes, so you would never see that money back. NTA
“I don’t have extra money to give him. That money is for my living expenses. It’s not just for nothing money.
He can have my room when I move out. That way he won’t be homeless. You can take care of him and hopefully teach him better financial literacy.
I wasn’t planning on moving for a couple months, but I’m going to expedite that so he can move in sooner. That way we are all helping family here and I’m not just giving away my savings to someone who’s going to just blow it anyways.
As soon as I have a move it date I will let everyone know. Maybe he can sleep on the couch until then.”
NTA
One of the most important lessons in life i learned is never let people know you have money saved up, or make good
Money. Always downplay.
My take on this.
Does your mom want you to move out? Sounds quite a convenient way to keep you there, to expect you to cover your cousin’s poor choices. I would tell her that family helps family with time and practical support. Tell her she should let the cousin stay, not pay rent and have your room once you move out. That way all his earnings can go towards paying the debt. Your mom can help him work out a budget, etc. I would point out you are too young and too new an adult to take on the job of cleaning up his mess.
Tell her, that smart family doesn’t help people who are irresponsible with money. That would only encourage further irresponsible spending. Your cousin is a money pit. He needs to take responsibility for his circumstances.
And doesn’t he have parents he can stay with until he gets back on his economic feet?
Your mom is a HUGE asshole. Is she the one that told your cousin that you have saved some money? That’s no one’s business but yours.
Do not give your cousin a dime. He spent his way into this problem. He’ll just do it again. You would be ENABLING, not helping.
Tell your mom that she can enable him if she wants.
From this point forward, your mom is on an information diet. Don’t EVER share financial info with her (or anyone other than a fiancé or spouse). If money comes up, you’re broke. Life is expensive! “How much have you saved?” “Not enough. Really struggling this month.” This is your refrain EVERY TIME. You don’t owe anyone, including your mom, info about how much you make, how much you’ve saved, how much you won, how much you inherited, how much your bonus is. You’re broke. Always!
Nope NTA your mom can give the money or find it elsewhere
Absolutely not. Hopefully they’ll all stop talking to you and you won’t have to deal with this trash again.
If she were feeling generous she should give him money. It is not generous to insist others do so.
Cousin can move in with your mom, you can move out and get your own place. NTA
Nope. Fuck him and your family. That’s not your problem.
Being homeless is rarely something that just happens to you when you have enough credit to live lavishly. If you’re close I can see helping him out. But family helps family is just dumb, I have friends I prioritize over absent family that never calls unless they need something. Usually money.
nta , not your problem tell your mom to help them out when you get your own place distance yourself from your mother you do not need people like that in your life. it is not up to you to pick up the pieces for those who can not manage money while expecting money from those who save up for years
Hi mum, thanks for the valuable life lesson about the importance of family. I will now proceed to blow all my money on designer crap and you can then pay for my deposit and first month’s rent because “family helps family”
Tell your mom that if she feels so strongly about it, she can give him some of her money. Also, make sure she has no access to your money. NTA
Family does help family. But not when it’s a disadvantage for you. If it’s going to hurt your finances, then it’s not a necessary move.
Especially when they got themselves in that position by being financially irresponsible. I’d never help someone in that regard, family or not. Your problem to solve, not my burden to bear.
You move out and your mom can house your cousin. Problem solved!
NTA, No family does not help family with irresponsible spending
So who’s the family that’s “helping” you? Nah, your mom is on that bullshit. She can give her nephew her money, so that way she can lead by example.
NTA. Of course not. Your cousin got into debt while you were being responsible. Anyone who disagrees can fund your cousin.
Absolutely not.
NTA
Your cousin should sell all his expensive stuff to settle the debt. If he then still needs money, maybe, but until then definitely no.
He needs to learn that his habits have consequences or else he’ll be asking you again in a year or so
Well since you are moving out, cant he just move into your moms place since she wants to help family so bad?
NTA you’re not responsible for cleaning up his mess
NTA he is a $40k millionaire and that is not your problem.
Let your mom help
You are not rich. You are making good choices to achieve a goal. Everyone telling you to give him money should give him money and mind their business about what you do with your money. NTA
NTA – Why should you help someone who isn’t responsible with money. They will just make more bad decisions. On the other hand, you will use the money responsibly to get your apartment. Tell your cousin you will be happy to help set them up a budget.
YTA for such a trite, unimaginative piece of fiction. It’s dumb, too.
If he ends up homeless that aint on you? Why your family up your ass? Where the aunties and uncles at that OWN property??
This is total bullshit. Bad chatbot!!!
Fake repeat post. Even if not completely & totally fake…get a damn backbone. Come on now…you literally already know how absurd this sounds, without having to come posting in this ridiculous echo chamber of nonsense.
Tell him he can move in with your mom since she is so concerned with helping him…
Tell your cousin to get a couple of jobs , and pay off his own debts. And tell your mother it is non of her business. She should want the best for you.
NAH. Tell your mom, or your cousin’s mom to help him, or tell your cousin to stop overspending and pay back his debt himself.
No you shouldn’t give him a cent! I’m sorry, but you sacrificed to save while he was out spending his money and partying. Life is about choices and you made yours responsibly while he didn’t. Why should he benefit from your sacrifices? Screw everyone who says otherwise. THEY can’t put out their money to help him!
Your cousin can sell all the rubbish he brought. The mess us his it’s not your job to bail him out or house him seeing as family helps family he can move in with your Mum when you move out
NTA
Your cousin can sell the things that put him in this position. You worked hard to get that money and shouldn’t have to spend it one anyone other than yourself.
lol. No. NTA. Did your cousin buy you anything when he was spending? Probably not, and even if he did, then reciprocating evenly would be fine. Giving him thousands is throwing good money after bad.
I’ll bet a lot of your family has money problems if this is how they think. Have your mom bail him out since family helps family.
Maybe the cousin could take his latest, best cool stuff to a pawn shop or sell it online. Or make a sandwich instead of eating out. He has everything he needs to get out of the mess he created for himself, and your mom can help him!
NTA – your mom’s mindset will keep you broke and miserable! Do not use your hard earned money to bail out people who misspend and blow their money on irresponsible purchases. You will never have enough to give them. Also, do not tell anyone about your financials anymore! This is the end result. Hurry up and move away from these people.
Easy solution, your family should give you couple thousand=> you move out => your cousin moves in with your parents, this way “family” helps out 2 people at once.