My girlfriend’s father recently demanded that I show him my bank balance. I refused, saying it’s private, and now he’s calling me disrespectful. My girlfriend is caught in the middle, but I feel uncomfortable sharing such personal information. AITAH?
AITAH for refusing to show my bank balance to my girlfriend’s father?
r/AITAH
Comments
NTA – this is an unreasonable request
Hell NO! And what does your girlfriend have to say??
NAT
Unreasonable and more than a little disturbing
NTA. Jeez, he can’t just ask about your plans, not your bank balance!
Not sure how old you are but this is a great lesson in not putting up with bullshit
If this ISN’T fake, you should probably tell him to fuck off
NTA but if it becomes an on going issue, say that you’ll share it if he shares his. I suspect that’ll shut him up.
He doesn’t have the right to demand anything since your not married. If you are working a good job and can afford your bills, then no one but you has the right to your financial independence
cant imagine a reason why he might be demanding it, but you may tell him that you will, if he will show you his bank balance in return.
Unless you were asking him to loan you money, co-sign a lease/mortgage, or invest in a business, he doesn’t have a right to that information.
NTA, that’s just fucking insane unless there’s a ton of missing context here. Like, do you owe this dude money and have been ducking him for months and saying you don’t have it or something?
NTA
Fuck no. He is way overstepping his boundaries and should damn well know it. Never in my life have I ever shown anyone my bank balance other than my husband as we have a joint account.
Ask to see his..tell him you need to know if he can provide proper dowry. NTA.
*if you and your girl discuss finances and are open about it then she’s the only one that needs to know and it’s her place to simmer her daddy down. She should defend you in this moment and I hope she does.
That’s a very personal thing to be asking someone I know why he’s doing it wanting to make sure you have money to take care of his daughter but asking to see your statements is a little far my exs dad wouldn’t tell nobody in his family how much he made an hour much less his statements, just continue being nice and politely refusing
Definitely NTA. That’s your info and yours alone
NTA Unless you are making a specific claim and it is a “prove it to me boy” moment.
Say you say, “I have enough saved to buy her a house when we get married. Free and clear.”
‘Prove it.’ feels more reasonable. Even then I consider him an asshole.
NTA. Your girlfriend needs to tell her dad’s to back off. Not his or her business what is in your bank account.
NTA. It’s none of his business.
“You first.”
“I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours.”
Not his business and NTA. Stand your ground. I can understand wanting to know your intentions with his daughter, future plans, etc, but wanting to see your personal account information is just crazy.
NTA. Your finances are none of his business. He doesn’t get to “demand” that from you. That’s a massive overstep.
NTAH. Ask to see his. Tell him you want to know if he can afford the dowery.
Your gf is not caught in the middle She should be shutting down this unreasonable request from her dad. Any decent gf would.
Tell him to fuck right off!
Lmao id tell him to fuck off
Nta
Ask to see his first.
The only person who will ever have a reason to know your finances if your wife.. in the future.
NTA
Why are people so weird? Who the H asks these things of another person?
Even if married it’s none of his business! Unless he is supporting you no need for him in your business
NTA this is an absolutely unreasonable request and is in no way disrespectful. He is being disrespectful and rude to even ask to see it. It is none of his business. All that is his business is whether or not you treat his daughter with love and respect.
Did he say WHY he wanted this? How old are you two? I wouldn’t share bank info with anyone except maybe a spouse (or my parents when I was a minor) because it opens you up for scams and theft.
How old are you guys? And this is NONE of his business. I don’t get why your gf is “stuck in the middle”. You guys are either super young and she’s inexperienced in knowing what is appropriate or you guys are in a super controlling culture.
NTA.
I assume he’s also offering to share his financial info, right?
Everyone saying to “ask to see his” is just a dumb emotional response. Never stoop to the level you’re bitching about. The problem with this situation is the father created a dick measuring contest and most likely will not relent until either you or him have proven something. Maybe standing up to him is your proving moment.
NTA.
Its disrespectful to ask for that kind of info.
I’d call that a big red flag that she’s not disagreeing with him out right for such an unreasonable request. There are plenty of women out there that aren’t still under daddies thumb.
NTA, it’s none of his business
At this point since you’re still dating, no one has a right to see your financials!!!!
Definitely red flag!!!
Why is he asking this? That is some much needed information before passing any judgment
NTA. Tell him you’ll show him yours if he shows you his. After all, if things get serious, you want to know if he can afford the wedding.
‘I’ll show you mine if you show me yours!’
Your banking information is your private information you do not need to share it with anyone including your girlfriend!!!! Her father is overstepping greatly and your GF may be caught in the middle but if she isn’t stepping in and tell her dad to back off and that he’s being inappropriate by asking then she’s as much the AH as her dad
What the fuck?? Fuck no, that’s psychotic. Why tf would he be entitled to that??
‘I’ll show you mine if you show me yours!’
NTA at all. If this is real, don’t budge and simply tell him no. How your girlfriend plays it will tell you about the relationship’s potential
Abe Weissman lives.
Hell no! Youre dating his daughter not him, tell him to kick rocks
Demand to see his. NTA.
Nta. You shouldn’t tell him or show him anything in that regards. But I’m just curious…did he give a reason why?
I don’t know why we keep saying people are stuck in the middle when they choose the middle. He was way out of line and she should be firmly on your side and telling her dad he’s being weird and inappropriate.
Why he wants to know? Does he show it to you? NTA. Its very weird his request and actitude, not even a father in law has the right to do so.
NTA. No is a complete sentence. Tell your girlfriend that if there’s a proof of income requirement to date her, you wish her the best.
The only way this would be a valid request is if you were co-signing on a loan, starting a business together, etc. and if that were the case, then I imagine you’d have provided that context.
In no way is this girlfriend’s dad’s business. Him demanding to see it makes him a clear AH. I would tell him to mind his business. Best to set this dude straight now.
Back in college a friend mentioned his GF’s parents didn’t approve of her choice. Because, see, “he’s just an engineering major–he’ll never have any money and won’t be able to properly support you and your children”. Her dad was a pawn broker.
Pawn broker, living in a 1400sqft house with none of the trappings of wealth. Yet somehow dad believed engineers don’t make enough to support a family. And this was important enough to him to tell her to dump the guy.
I always thought the proper response to that was “well daddy, you’re so rich, you can support us”.
NTA> It’s none of his business.
of course NTA
If you’re going to show a stranger your balance, show us.
NTA. if he’s this bad now, imagine how bad he’ll be if you actually marry his daughter. Unless he has a terminal illness, I’d be making plans to leave her now.
No fuckin way, I hope she’s worth it, because if he asking for that now just wait. He’s only going to get worse
NTA. Tell them both to go fuck themselves. Block their numbers. You’re free.
It’s disrespectful that he’s asking.
NTA
Tell him to shove it and say sorry to your girl 🤷🏽♀️
That would be the day they were skating in hell. NTA
Ur obviously nta. You shouldn’t be with a girl who chooses blood over what’s right and wrong. She shouldn’t be caught in the middle when there is clearly a wrong side. I guarantee she’s going to get the info herself to please her dad somehow.
NTA
That’s none of his business.
(Would be funny if you moved money from checking to savings and showed him a checking account balance of some low like 20.17. Probably wouldn’t go over so well, but it would be funny.)
NTA. Your girlfriend’s father has no business in your financial affairs.
Be careful with this relationship. What else will her father want to know and have access to if you get really serious. 🚩🚩
Ask him for his bank info, retirement account details, social security number, his wife’s bra size. Make it a game of stupid requests….
NTA OP, I GUARANTEE you like father, like daughter. I had an ex who freaked if I questioned any action she took. Once when she asked for money and I told her I didn’t have that much, she took out a paper and pen and demanded I account for my tax refund check, of which she knew the amount. I almost started to do it, and then I realized and said “You would never do this if I asked, why are you entitled to it?” She had no answer, and it was my sign to get out of there.
NTA imagine having his grandchildren? How much more entitled would he be then? Perhaps have a long discussion on boundaries with your girlfriend otherwise this may be the theme for the rest of your life,
You are NOT the asshole. Even if you had proposed to your girlfriend and were getting married next week, it’s none of her father’s business what you bank balance happens to be. He has no right to that information or even how much you make. The disrespect is 100% on his side. You should tell him he needs to demonstrate that respect he’s talking about by being a stand up man and showing you how much is in his bank account first. If it’s good for the goose, it’s good for the gander. Otherwise he needs to shut the hell up and mind his own damn business.
Is she showing her balance to your dad too?
Hell, no, NTA! You would also be NTA if she were your fiancee, or your wife.
NTA- you don’t loan money to family , you are not anyone’s bank. He doesn’t pay your bills. I’m assuming he’s gonna do it under the guys of making sure you can support his daughter, but you’re financials are absolutely none of his business. I’d be interested in know how your girlfriend handled that. She needs to be the one to tell him to back off and if she doesn’t, then that’s all you need to know and it’s time to move on.
“Show me yours first”
NTA. That is insane to me. No one needs to know that, except maybe your future bride, but also, not even then.
NTA – as a father of 3 ladies and 2 gentlemen (there is a joke in there somewhere). I can understand wanting to know your child will be taken care of. This is crossing the line. Now, this didn’t come out of nowhere. We need to know the rest of this story. Someone said something, and then boom crazy arse question comes into play. What was the conversation before this happened? What has your gf been telling daddy? Are yall having financial issues? Still out of bounds, but it didn’t come out of the blue. (Another joke in there, but we will save that for another time.)
This is one of the few times an unsolicited dick pic is the proper response.
Why would he be entitled to such information? It’s a bizarre request. And it’s definitely crossing a line. Are you leaving something out? Did you recently ask him to marry his daughter?
Ask him what he would think if his FIL asked to see his bank balance.
NTA and it’s not his business
NTA – Is GF’s dad comfortable to show you his bank-balance? I mean: WTF?!? He is not even your in law and even then this would be extremely inappropriate. Maybe he wants to check if you are worth being asked to borrow some money off?
Did he show you his?
It’s weird for him to ask in the first place
NTA.. Gf’s father has zero right to demand anything of the sort. It’s none of his f****** business. That’s quite ballsy of him. I see a future of him insisting you need his stamp of approval on anything you and his daughter do moving forward (rent apartment, buy a home, type of car you should have, the color of your home or car, length of your hair, type of pet and breed, etc..).
My wife’s uncle and aunt waited until my future wife and her family were out of the house and showed up unexpectedly to demand that I have to convert from a non-practicing Protestant to a practicing, church attending Catholic if I want to marry their niece. I waited until they were done speaking and responded, “Well I realize if it WERE up to you two then my answer would be to respectfully decline and your niece and I will just live in blissful unmarried sin for the rest of our lives. But it’s not up to you because neither of you have any say so in our relationship, present or future.”
If this is real their is a lot of missing context. Like you didn’t tell us why he is demanding to see your bank account? Do you owe him money? Are you asking him for money? Do you want to go into business with him? Like there is absolutely no context here. If it’s like a before you Marry my Daughter situation, that’s definitely fucked up. But I have a feeling we are missing a lot of context here.
No one is ever caught in the middle. She choose her dad. Otherwise she would be telling him to back off
He just wants to be sure you can take care of his little girl. Why not compromise and show him your penis so he can see just how well taken care of she will be.
He wanted to see if you could afford the dowry (2 goats and 1 cow) for his daughter. Good luck with that.
Dump her immediately and tell her why.
NTA. That is an unreasonable request.
Karma farming.
YTA
How absurd. NTA
How about asking him to put on paper the dowry he’s going to give you for marrying his daughter?
NTA – that’s nobody’s goddamn business but your own.
It is exceptionally rude, invasive, and entitled behavior to demand that.
“After you let me fuck your wife.”
And your girlfriend is “caught in the middle”? Of what? If one of your parents asked your girlfriend if they could sniff her panties, would you be “caught in the middle”? No. Because you’d know better than to think that.
While there probably is someone in the world who has asked this question, the chance that it was asked, and the recipient thought it was weird and that recipient then needed Reddit to confirm it was weird is bullshit.
This is fake.
If he considers that disrespectful, then he doesn’t understand what respect means
I would ask for his first as well as a credit report and a driving record.
Better luck with your next girlfriend
How is that any of his business?
NTA
Show me yours, and your spouses, and I’ll show you mine😏
Never trust another man with your money or your woman. Other men Including the woman’s father.
He is disrespectful. Ask him to see his lol
That makes the gf’s dad sound like a person who takes money for “certain transactions”. WHY on earth would this guy think this is ok? OP could be anywhere from 16 to 66 and it’s still not a legit request. Unless the “Dad” has nefarious intentions. They aren’t even engaged, let alone married. NTA.
Either the dad is very rich and wants to brag, or is very poor and is searching for a potential meal ticket. Call his bluff. Ask him to show his balance first. If he says no, then tell him to fuck off.
What the fuck is this story? Is he planning on selling his daughter to you or something? Don’t show him. Tell him to get lost.
NTA- my parents don’t know my financial status and nor does my husband or kid. Finance is the thing your protect the most and if he’s offended by this he needs to grow up. I have three accounts one I share with husband that’s for our living I have one for petty cash and then my savings with stocks and gics so I’m telling by n you what ever you do DO NOT Share your money with anyone
What in the name of the Manson family…?!
NTA
OP, have your mom call up his dad and demands to see what he makes a year cause she worried about a gold digger 😆
She’s not caught in the middle. She should have a spine and tell her father that it’s none of his business.
Nta. He can f right off. It is none of his business.
NTAH and if your girl isn’t outright telling her dad to mind his own business I’m not sure she’s a keeper. Imagine 5 years down the road having dad demand you build an addition onto your home because they want to live with you guys and your gf saying “It’s just how he is. It’s easier to just go with it to keep the peace.” That’s not a good place to be. I hope everything works out for you.
Depends on customs ect, but are you close to getting engaged?
Some fathers would be worried if a man can provide for his daughter or not, since the father can end up supporting her and her kids.
Not many decades ago even in western society, you would ask permission of the father to marry his daughter.
Men have the ability to filter out maybe 25%+ of bad men, so this would be an extra opinion/safety if he would be a good match / partner for his daughter.
But feminist would perhaps call the father controlling if he had a say in her choice and not value his opinion anyway.
Did he show you his?
Probably too much but he could infer most of the information he wanted with basic questions like occupation and inquiring if you have any debt.
NGL, I’d dump a woman over this these days. I’m in my forties with enough experience to say “fuck all of that bullshit that comes with you and bye!”
Also, I’m my 20s I would’ve opened a new account with like five bucks and showed it to him 🤷🏾♂️.
NTA. It’s not his business how much you have in your bank account. Ask to see his.
Red flag 🚩🚩 Run
GF isn’t “caught in the middle”. She’s choosing not to defend you against papa’s clearly unreasonable demand. By not taking a side, she’s taking a side and it ain’t yours.
Respond by demanding to see his full medical history. I’m sure he can justify his demand with some kind of “prove your worthy of his daughter” logic. So equally, seeing his medical records and full history will allow you to know if he’s going likely to be a burden on your and his daughter in the future. Its really quite logical and if he refuses, its clearly disrespectful.
He’s the asshole for asking such a stupid thing.
NTA. It’s none of his gd business.
Why on earth would someone so wholly unconnected to you thinks they have a right to see your bank statements???
Doolally!!!
NTA
Create some alt account on mobile banking like Revolut. DM me for invitation code, so we can both get something out of it 😀
NTA. If he asks again, tell him to show you his accounts first.
No you are not the AITAH.
It’s none of his business.
Really, where does he get off demanding to see your bank statements? Wow!
INFO: Is there a country/cultural thing underneath this that is just lost on me? I’m in the US and this seems absolutely crazy
NTA. Tell him to show his first…lol
Just out of the blue? What triggered this demand lol.
NTA
Does he think you stole his money? Or are you begging Him for money he doesn’t think you need? Such a weird demand of your daughters boyfriend lol
You provide very little context here. I’m curious about why he’s asking this of you.
How long have you been dating? Are you discussing marriage? What stage of like are you both (high school, college/uni, working full time in an established career)? Do you have a financial history that is good or bad, outstanding loans?
Have you asked him why he wants this info?
How about context?
I assume your gf’s father has reason to believe that you’re a fiscally irresponsible loser without two cents to rub together.
INFO: How did he respond when you asked to have a good nose around the contents of the drawers in his bedroom and study?
Nta. Breech of privacy
NTA. Not at all. Do not do this.
Or, if you want to have fun, make up a fake bank statement showing that you have a million dollars and leave it out where he can find it. Photoshop is your friend.
Nobody should ask anyone about their bank information, whether it be spouse friend relative mind yo mfkn business.
NTA. It’s none of his business
NTA. Toxic parents will always equate disobedience with disrespect. Your bank balance is private information, and he is out of line. He is not your parent, and you do not owe him anything.
Ask him to show you his medical records
NTAH. Unreasonable Request.
She needs to be NOT in the Middle!
NTA
That’s a very weird ask
NTA…. and your girlfriend is not caught in the middle….. she needs to be the one to put a stop to this nonsense…NOW!!!
Context needed.
Going off your comment history, you seem the type to pretend you have a lot of money while being poor.
If he called you out, he’s nta.
NTA, he is being disrespectful. Did he show you his?
Ask her to show your parents her bank balance.
It’s completely unacceptable. Why is she not shutting this down.
NTA – none of his business.
At the same time there’s no context to this.
Well….are you mooching off his daughter.?.?.?
While I do think the request is UNUSUAL 🤷🏻♀️ Are you gainful employed?? Or are you one of those low-worth males playing video games all day expecting her to cater to your every whim.?!.?!.?! IN WHICH CASE, I’m with the dad right here
Best answer is “None of your fucking business, asshole!”
But why does he want to see it ?
Ask him if I show you mine will you show me yours 🤣🫢
NTA – he doesn’t need that information for anything. He doesn’t have the right to it, if you were engaged or married either. GF should put her foot down. Unless, of course, she is underage or financially dependent on daddy. If either is the case, this could become a huge issue for the future.