So I (22F) just had my birthday last weekend, and a few of my friends decided to surprise me by planning a dinner and getting us all matching outfits. Cute in theory, right? That’s what I thought too—until I saw the actual outfit.
It was a bright green, shiny latex-looking dress covered in cartoon pickles. Literal pickles. With faces. And little speech bubbles like “Dill with it!” and “I’m kind of a big dill!” It looked like something a drunk Etsy seller would make at 2 a.m. as a joke.
Apparently, the whole “pickle theme” came from an inside joke I barely remember—something I said once during a tipsy game night about craving pickles when I’m stressed. That was it. That was the foundation for the entire birthday outfit.
I told them straight up I wasn’t wearing it. I didn’t want to walk into a nice restaurant looking like a rejected Nickelodeon mascot. They begged, said it was all in good fun, and that they’d already taken pics in theirs. But I just couldn’t do it. I wore a normal black dress instead.
Well… they all showed up in the pickle dresses without me. I could tell they were annoyed, especially the one who organized it. The energy was super weird all night. One of them even muttered “guess some people just don’t know how to have fun” when I went to the bathroom.
Now I’m getting passive-aggressive texts about how I “killed the vibe” and “made everything about me” on my own birthday. I feel kind of bad because they did put effort into it, but like… I never asked to be the queen of condiments.
AITAH for refusing to wear the dress, or were they just being too extra?
Comments
NTA. They planned a surprise outfit they found funny without considering if you’d actually want to wear it—your birthday shouldn’t be a costume party you didn’t agree to. Their passive-aggressive reaction is immature. You’re allowed to say no to looking ridiculous, even if it was “for fun.”
It’s your birthday. You didn’t want to wear the pickle dress, and that’s completely fair. They should’ve respected that.
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NAH. This just isn’t really your tribe.
How dare you make your birthday about you! 🤦🏼♀️
NTA.
NTA. It’s your birthday, they should have thought of something you wanted to wear. It really was about you.
NAH – Doesn’t seem like these ppl really know you, perhaps saying “friends” is more accurate.
Is it possible you just tagged along into a party girl clique? They wanna party their way & only have a rando party reference when they think of you in passing. Time to find your ppl, you’re outgrowing this particular friend group OP.
So, I’ve had some time to think about everything that happened, and I wanted to update you all on where I stand now.
First off, thank you to everyone who gave me their feedback. It’s definitely been a rollercoaster of emotions, and I’ve been reflecting on how I handled it. After reading your responses, I realized that while I felt really uncomfortable with the outfit, I may not have communicated my feelings as well as I could have.
In hindsight, I think my friends really did mean well. They were excited to make the night memorable for me, and I totally get why they were invested in the pickle theme. However, I still think my discomfort with the dress was valid. I felt like the outfit was too far removed from my style and something that would make me feel confident on my own birthday. I wasn’t just resisting the theme for the sake of being difficult—I genuinely felt embarrassed at the thought of wearing it.
That said, I understand now that maybe I could have approached it a little differently. I could’ve at least tried to engage in the fun more instead of immediately shutting it down. In a way, I see why they might have felt hurt that I wasn’t “playing along” with the inside joke. But the whole “killed the vibe” comments and the passive-aggressive texts were a bit much for me. I get it—they were disappointed, but it wasn’t like I set out to ruin the night. I still had fun with my friends and enjoyed the celebration.
As for the text messages, I’ve decided to talk to the organizer directly. We’re planning to meet up soon, and I think a conversation about it will help clear the air. I hope they understand my side better, and I also hope they realize that I didn’t intend to make it about me—I just wanted to feel good on my birthday.
So, to answer the question: I still don’t think I was wrong for refusing to wear the dress, but I do see how my refusal impacted the vibe. I’m hoping this is just a misunderstanding that can be resolved with a little more communication.
Thanks again for your thoughts, and I’ll keep you updated if anything changes!
You told them before you were due to go to the restaurant and you went through with what you told them.
NTA.
I could somewhat grasp why they might want to wear similar outfits if it was a hen night but once you’re an adult and you’re having a birthday celebration, you don’t usually all decide to wear the same outfits…unless you’re still believing that you’re in High School!
Right. It’s understandable you felt awkward… your friends meant well, but sometimes a shared joke isn’t worth sacrificing your personal comfort. It’s a tricky balance, wanting to be part of things, but also respecting your own style and preferences. Your feelings are valid, and honestly, declining the dress wasn’t an AH move at all. Maybe they were a tad overenthusiastic, like, maybe they were trying a bit too hard? But hey, at least you got to wear something you actually liked. That’s the important part
Say uh, it is my birthday so it is about me.
They’rw not youe friends.
One persons “fun” is another’s eternal torture
I’m going to go against the grain here and say YTA.
You have a group of friends who remembered some little moment with you and loved it and ran with it. They planned you a party, got you a dress, and all wore it WITH you. This isn’t a birthday hat sombrero thing to make just you embarrassed, it was the group. And you got pissy because it “wasn’t your style.” Whose style do you think it is, exactly? It’s for FUN.
And all this “MY birthday!” “MY special day!” Bullshit. Cut it the fuck out. You’re over 21, everyone is going to steadily care less and less. Hopefully you’ll have a lot of birthdays, and you won’t even remember a lot of them.
You could have remembered this one because you did something ridiculous and had fun. Instead you get to remember it because you shit on your friends’ efforts and were a bitch. Great job.
your birthday is all about YOU, they were trying to make it about them. they are the a-holes.
Party pooper.
NTA
If this was someone else’s celebration or a random get together than I would say y t a and ruined the vibe.
However, it was your birthday. You told them beforehand you didn’t want to wear the dress they went ahead and wore the dresses. They are still giving you grief about “ruining their vibe” for a celebration about you. They suck as friends and you may need to find better friends.
NTA
It was your birthday. It was supposed to be about you, and your friends are buttholes for trying to make you do something that you didn’t want to ON YOUR BIRTHDAY.
Yeah, YTA.
I hope you are able to get over yourself soon. I know you’re painfully young, and that is a big part of it. There’s still hope / time for you.
Honestly I’m surprised you went through with the dinner. My social anxiety/sensitivity to embarrassment would’ve had me walking right back to my car or bus stop when they all showed up looking like idiots.
NTA
You made everything about you on YOUR birthday! And…….
If your friends wanted to dress up and stay in- it likely wouldn’t have been a problem. Expecting you to wear an embarrassing outfit to a nice dinner is out of line.
You’re the asshole for writing this fake nonsense.
“I never asked to be the queen of condiments.”
This is priceless. NTA.
Ummm, I hope some day you learn how to have fun. I could see not wanting to wear it if you were the only one. But if they all did, then you are the old, stuffy one. NTA, but word to the wise: relax, you’ll live longer
— signed: 66 year old grandma that wears some very silly looking clothes because I can, and it’s fun
NTA and it sounds like you have outgrown these “friends” as you have matured and they are, emotionally, still in junior high.
NTA. It’s crazy that women all talk about how it’s my body my choice until they are trying to force someone else to do what they want. If your boyfriend was trying to force you to wear a specific outfit and you didn’t want to, the girls would all be losing their minds on him ffs. The hypocrisy is crazy.
I can see their humor in it. Doesn’t mean I would wear a pickle shirt. LOL. Definately not to a nicer restaurant. I know people who would, they know I wouldn’t. You did kill the vibe, but they didn’t take into account your sense of humor.
> “made everything about me”
it’s your birthday. it is about you. NTA.
Oh hell nah. They can eat some pickled dicks.
This seems like an ai bot. The language patterns and no other posts….seems like most of these posts are now fake. How do we stop this?
NTA, but if all your friends showed up in the dresses, the joke must have been meaningful to them. Any reason it wasn’t to you?
NTA
“I’m sorry I wanted to do my birthday in a way that made ME comfortable. Maybe for your birthdays, we can all wear poop emoji’s hats, since you like to make others feel like shit on their birthday. :)”
Honestly though, kinda sounds like you’ve outgrown this group.
Apparently you were to suck it up and have a shit birthday
Your birthday. Your vibe. Sure they put effort into it, but there’s way better things to plan then matching fits.
NTA – your birthday is in fact all about you. You were up front with them. “I never asked to be the queen of condiments” – I’m still laughing.
It maybe was a funny joke but perhaps they should have just all showed up to the restaurant in their dresses instead of asking you to wear a dress. Maybe they were trying to say that if your stressed, we are your pickles? Or maybe I’m giving them too much credit.
Honestly I’d just say I appreciate the effort you all went to for my birthday but I wasn’t comfortable wearing the dress which I told you. And maybe make your queen of condiments joke and then ignore the comments or just send them pickle memes every time they send a text about it.
Nta, honest no.
Do these girls even know you if they did something so against what you would have ever worn?
maybe they shouldnt expect you to wear an outfit you don’t like on your own birthday.
nta
NTA. It’s not a good idea for a birthday party unless the birthday person has signed off on it. They should have run it by you before spending all that money.
There is a zero percent chance friends spent hundreds of dollars on matching pickle dresses for a non milestone birthday.