For context, I (19F) met my stepmom when I was 3 and spent a lot more time with her than my dad. I don’t have a single memory with my dad from before I met her, so she was basically a third parent. Even when they were separated for two years I still saw her regularly (more than my dad) and considered her my stepmom.
I met her parents for the first time when I was six. They were very excited because I was their first grandchild. They’re extremely rich and got me fancy presents, took me to a fashion show, helped me meet my favorite author, had me stay with them in their rich people house on multiple occasions, and overall just spent time with me and acted like grandparents would.
My little half brother was born when I was 9. After that, they COMPLETELY cut me off. No more visits, no more phone calls, no more Christmas or birthday presents, nothing. I’ve only seen them once in the past five years and that was at a funeral. They said “hi” to me and that was it. He was born five years before the temporary separation, so nothing to do with that. I think they just had their own bio grandchild and decided they didn’t really like me anymore. They also seem to dislike my dad (for good reason), so it could be that.
Recently my dad was talking about the trust fund they have for my little brother. It honestly made me really jealous because I know I’ll never have anything like that, so I simply said “I hate them, they abandoned me as soon as he was born”. He got pissed and started cussing at me, saying I’m 19 and I need to grow up. Then guilt tripped me into feeling bad for using the word hate. I know it’s a bit extreme and I probably shouldn’t have said it, but I was angry and I still am. AITAH?
AITAH for saying I hate my stepmom’s family?
r/AITAH
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Original copy of post’s text by /u/foodadv: For context, I (19F) met my stepmom when I was 3 and spent a lot more time with her than my dad. I don’t have a single memory with my dad from before I met her, so she was basically a third parent. Even when they were separated for two years I still saw her regularly (more than my dad) and considered her my stepmom.
I met her parents for the first time when I was six. They were very excited because I was their first grandchild. They’re extremely rich and got me fancy presents, took me to a fashion show, helped me meet my favorite author, had me stay with them in their rich people house on multiple occasions, and overall just spent time with me and acted like grandparents would.
My little half brother was born when I was 9. After that, they COMPLETELY cut me off. No more visits, no more phone calls, no more Christmas or birthday presents, nothing. I’ve only seen them once in the past five years and that was at a funeral. They said “hi” to me and that was it. He was born five years before the temporary separation, so nothing to do with that. I think they just had their own bio grandchild and decided they didn’t really like me anymore. They also seem to dislike my dad (for good reason), so it could be that.
Recently my dad was talking about the trust fund they have for my little brother. It honestly made me really jealous because I know I’ll never have anything like that, so I simply said “I hate them, they abandoned me as soon as he was born”. He got pissed and started cussing at me, saying I’m 19 and I need to grow up. Then guilt tripped me into feeling bad for using the word hate. I know it’s a bit extreme and I probably shouldn’t have said it, but I was angry and I still am. AITAH?
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If you’re TA for that, then I would be too. You don’t love bomb a child, then discard it when an upgrade comes along.
No. They are weird.
NTA. He can’t defend their actions, so he’s deflecting with this.
What they did was cruel.
NTA. They dumped you when your half brother was born.
not the asshole.
Your feelings are valid and if the word hate is what you need to use to express you self use the word hate. It doesn’t make a difference if you’re 19 if you are still experiencing the loss of abandonment. That your dad let it all happen means he’s a POS. Your dad is the one that needs to grow up. He should’ve protected you from this and he didn’t. I hope you were able to Go low contact with your family, including your dad so you can find people that love you the way you deserve to be loved. When you keep toxic and abusive people around you, it takes up space and it doesn’t allow people who genuinely love and care about you in.
Nta. Disgusting behaviour. Your parent and step mum should have ended that immediately
They used you until they had a grandchild from their own daughter. Your dad is the AH for allowing that but sounds like one overall.
I hate step families that do this to innocent children.
You’re not required to love people. Your dad’s a dick.
NTA, but your dad is an idiot and an AH. Your stepmum’s family became unreasonable ever since your half brother was born. You deserve better
NTA! Your stepmother’s parents are awful people. They spoiled you and then cut you off. That’s awful.
NTA, they are a disgrace, i could never treat my non bio granddaughter (she has been in our family for 2 years before my bio was born) any different to my bio grandaughter
NTA by a long shot. They’d abandoned you without warning and essentially loved bombed you until they no longer needed you. I’m sorry. No kid should go through that. I do wonder why your stepmom never said anything to them or you regarding the drastic shift.
You most certainly are NTA. THEY ARE!
Everyone in this situation is the TA, except you & your little brother. Why on gods earth would your stepmother not say something? Clearly your dad is a pillock so he was never going to, but she was there for you (or so it seems from what you’ve written).
What is the situation with your bio mum?
If your stepmother is the more reasonable one, I would suggest sitting down & having a full & frank conversation about how you feel. You don’t mention anything about your relationship with your brother so I hope this hasn’t affected that. If you can’t speak to her maybe write her a letter. Then distance yourself from your dad & step grandparents where possible.
I also think you should consider therapy, your childhood sounds incredibly turbulent & I think you need help to find some peace for yourself, no-one else, just for you.
NTA
And tell your dad to stop telling you all the fancy smancy things, money, and whatever they get your half brother, because it’s in bad taste, and setting you up to get jealous.
It’s none of your business, and is only rubbing salt in the wound.
And yeah… being a loved grandchild and then being discarded as soon as there’s a ‘rightful heir’ is very hurtful and a vile thing to do to a child.
Your dad is TAH because he should never have brought up the subject of your brother’s trust fund. And why he would defend them, I can’t image.
You could say “dislike intensely” instead of hate, it that makes you feel guilty. But you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. These people used you and then dumped you as soon as they had an alternative.
And they don’t like your dad anyway. So why would he ever be generous on their behalf. Ask him that.