My sister got back with her abusive husband some months ago. He is a horrible man who has in the past said vile, nasty stuff about myself and my whole family including my late dad. He has said in the past that I am whoring myself out and all kinds of disgusting stuff.
I was not happy when she went back and I tried to talk some sense into her but according to her, he is a “changed man”.Whatever.
Anyway, my sister rang me this morning telling me about some land deal they are looking at and long story short, they need my help. She asked me if I would give them my income certificate to get a loan from the bank. I said no and said that her husband should have thought that before pissing people off. She begged me to think about her and the kids and to do it for them, not for him. I hung up. Later, I talked to my mum and she is asking me to help my sister and basically saying I am unkind for not helping my sister. I hung up on her as well.
AITA?
Comments
NTA. F that dude. He is reaping what he sowed, plain and simple
You are absolutely not the AH. Your sister made her choice knowing full well who this man is. You have every right to protect your peace and not support someone who has disrespected you and your family that badly.
NTA, there is no reason why you should help such a vile person. Your sister has made a choice to be with him
You’re not obligated to risk your finances (or get tangled in debt) for your sister and her toxic husband. It’s smart to protect yourself. Her choices, her consequences
nope, u don’t owe them anything, especially after how he treated u. setting boundaries is not being unkind.
NTA! Don’t let anyone especially family push regarding a financial situation. Are they asking you to co-sign a loan? That could hurt you down the line. It could affect your income. Not sure if you are from the US but you would be held liable for the loan. It would affect your credit and if you need a loan or finance, your credit report will show you have a loan payment. There are a lot of negatives and no positives in this situation. Why would they be applying for a loan that they don’t make enough to cover the payments?! Please do not let them have access to your personal info. Doesn’t sound like your sister has the best judgement and her husband doesn’t respect you or your family. How would including money help you in any way? Stay strong, update me.
NTA. Abusers rarely abuse only one person or only in one way. Your sister is asking you to sign up for a long-term attachment to her abusive husband, who will then abuse you financially, emotionally, and/or verbally.
In the weirdest way, she’s asking you to accept that the way he treats her is normal and acceptable by allowing him to treat you the same way. Don’t do it.
Your mother is deluded. Your sister is a fool, and also wants you to participate in fraud.
You seem to be the only one with any common sense at all. NTA. Stay strong.
It’s not wrong. You’re not wrong. You made your choices obvious and she made hers. Basically she dug her grave she has to lie in them.
NTA. You don’t need to help abusive scammers and you certainly don’t want to be tied to this joker or let him risk your ability to get your own loan in the future. Sis made her choice and all you can do is hope she leaves him again and be there for her then. But not with your money or income certificate.
Put a lock on everything and tell your mom to do it too
NTA. Also make sure that your income certificate (alongside all other important papers) is locked up safely so they can’t get their hands on it through illegal means. If you have/buy a safe, make sure nobody else knows how to get in.
In the case of a sudden burglary or something like that, make sure the police knows your sister and BIL were trying to get their hands on your income certificate.
NTA
She’s either asking you to risk yourself financially or commit fraud. That would be a very strong “no” from me.
NTA. Im just here to tell you that 😌
If you still care about the relationship with your mother and your sister, then your course is very, very clear. Listen to me because I’m right.
You say to them I need to have half an hour. We can go out and have some coffee in a place where we can talk.
Both of you have chosen to be ridiculously blind, and you used to term called, “a changed man” …do me a favor when I’m there or when I’m not never never never never use this term again when talking about Joe her abusive ex-husband.
A so-called changed man would’ve had a gathering where he got up in front of all of us and apologized by bring up exactly what he said and then saying what kind of a jerk and asshole he was.
These are the actions of a changed, man who would then have followed up with a good one to three years of showing hard work, discipline, and being that kind of man.
You are both moronic and if you ever ask me about anything with my income in mind and this hasn’t happened. It will be the last time we talk. I love you both to get your head out of your asses.
Is there anything about this that you don’t agree with? Mom? Sis?
If they offer up, any kind of events, cut them off !
Thank you everyone!!
I am an overthinker and a people pleaser so my immediate response is always yes to everything at the expense of my own happiness and peace of mind. Reading through the comments, I have realised sometimes, it’s okay to put myself first.
I have told my mother and sister that I will not be involved in this in any way and if they decide to not talk to me or cut ties, then that’s fine by me.
Don’t get sucked into committing a crime by your family. Stand your ground. This is dumb beyond measure and will get found out sooner or later. And guess who they’re going to blame?