My girlfriend liked an Instagram reel and the subject was a woman doing hard work on her own and the caption was something a long the lines of “discovering that your boyfriend is a b1tch is the worst type of gender reveal”
I was like yo wtf why is she liking this shit. She thinks I’m a b1tch? Lol I know it’s just a reel and it’s funny and I’m being insecure but I sent it to her and was like hey wtf? Lol
She went on to say that she may have liked it because she’s been having to do man shit all on her own lately like put up her shelves by herself because I was unavailable and she’s tired of doing man shit all the time and feeling alone. Which made me think, what if I said something like I’m tired of doing woman shit and feeling like I’m doing all this shit on my own when I’ve got to do stereotypically femine tasks. She got pretty mad when I said that it’s kind of a double standard.
We don’t live together.
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Why are you with someone who needs to make this into a battle? Maybe you deserve each other. NAH or ESH (to your ownselves for staying with someone you fight with like this). There certainly is not a loving relationship going on here.
Either this is AI or your writing skills are awful
Your gf is a hypocrite with double standards.
You deserve better.
NAH/ESH because of a miscommunication.
It’s not about who is “putting up shelves” or doing “cooking and cleaning”.
It’s the attitude behind some of the people saying it.
Like “It’s a man’s job, to fix the car!” or “It’s a woman’s job to do laundry!”
Those people are dipshits.
She’s being an arse. Definitely. She’s not totally wrong that the two things aren’t the same: notice ‘woman shit’ is work that has to be done every day and ‘man shit’ is one off jobs. The sentiment behind the labels is equally bone headed though.
I get it you’re feeling like you’ve had to do a lot on your own and that sucks. I don’t want you to feel that way I’ll try to step up more where I can.
I see the reel and my girlfriend liking it as being a passive aggressive insult to me, kind of. I guess what this all tells me is that my girlfriend feels alone and unsupported. Which sucks to find out. It does seem like there’s a bit of a double standard in that if I said that I’m tired of doing stereotypical woman shit all the time that it would be perceived as sexist.
That sounds very immature. Did she ever ask for help doing those things? If not, she has no reason to be butthurt and resentful, especially since you aren’t cohabitating.
Anyone who cares about gender norms looks like a backward caveman moron to me these days. It’s 2025 people, men can clean and women can work a power drill. You’re NTA because you don’t feel like women should have to cook and clean, you were just using the example to show how she was being hurtful. She actually feels like only men should hang a shelf so she’s a backward caveman moron, otherwise known as an asshole.
Why would she want to be with someone of whom she believes this? And why would you tolerate being with someone who believes this about you?
The logical thing to do under these circumstances, for both of you, would be to break up. That much is true even before you get to the hypocrisy part. Why be with someone who doesn’t respect you?
NTA. I’d talk to her about what you both want out of a relationship. If she wants help with shelving, ask her to wait until you can come by next time because you do love her and want to be with her when she needs you.
I don’t think she meant to like it that reel so you would see it. Seems like she was feeling unsupported in a larger way. These stereotypes aren’t helpful and there’s harm in calling that stuff “for men” but it probably added insult to injury when you equated her private feelings on unmet needs with misogyny and the constant labor placed on women.
It’s a double standard that she’s imposing, but at the heart of the issue it appears that she misses you and liking insults in private because she feels bad, while you’re insulting women to her face as revenge and to prove that she’s a bad person.
I see where you’re coming from, but the conflict resolution you’re using isn’t going to work. Address the actual issues that she’s having if you want a successful relationship. Stand up for yourself but don’t insult other people to prove a point.
Nta because it’s 100% the same logic.
And the fact that your girlfriend is either willfully ignorant or completely blind & dumb towards this, is worrying..
I had a (nonromantic) female roommate who came to me one day and said she wasn’t taking turns taking the garbage out anymore because that was “men’s work.” I said okay, what shared chore would she take over from me that was women’s work? She stared at me like I’d just grown an extra head.
Wow double standards much your gf is being sexist
NTA
It’s the same BS sexism as ever. It makes men who can’t do DIY / use power tools feel bad for no reason, it invalidates the women who do do those things, and it feeds into the idea that “man jobs are occasional and woman jobs are everyday” so women end up doing more domestic labour. In short, it’s a bunch of ass and so is she
It’s absolutely a double standard, terrible sexism. I have to ask, do you cook, does she cook? What do you bring to the table, what does she bring. All these life skills are unisex. I am all about personal growth, as in what are you doing to learn these things. Are they willing to school of youtube it, or bitch? You both need to be in the growth mindset. These skills can be learned. Don’t belittle one another, learn with one another.
I am so glad I taught my daughters better than this woman.
I (a man) taught them to cook, draw, use a sewing machine, use power tools, program computers, paint walls in our house, change a tire. Since they were preteens, when they get any “assemble yourself” furniture, they want to do it.
As for your question — just break up. She sounds exhausting, and she isn’t going to get better. Think about living with her — and then you have to do all the “man shit” while also having her accuse you for being a misogynist about not doing enough of the “woman shit” (no matter how much you actually do — even if you do 99% of the cooking, cleaning, dishes, etc — she will definitely treat you like crap if she has to do as much as a single dish).
NTA
I don’t get it with the man and woman s. If there’s stuff to be done, it’s everybody’s s.
Stop it with the gender stereotypes. That’s so played
I think it depends on what you meant by “stereotypical feminine tasks”. Because cleaning and cooking are not “stereotypical feminine tasks”, they’re tasks that any adult should be doing for themselves. If you believe cooking and cleaning to be “feminine tasks”, you’re the problem, and that’s probably why she got irritated. Doing physical labor when you have a man is of course nice when you have a man, and this generations men really do think they are princesses tbh. I see what she meant. But the incels of reddit are incels who also want to be princesses taken care of so, they will agree w you.
INFO (leaning NTA). It is a double standard. It seems like she expects you to come over and do “man stuff” but she doesn’t reciprocate with “women stuff” at your place. Sounds like she expects to do nothing she doesn’t want to do while you pick up all the slack. But not sure if she does or doesn’t. How were those “man things” getting done before she met you?
NTA. I have my son help me with “man” stuff. To me that is just stuff that I physically need help with or cant lift on my own. I have put up my own shelf with power tools before, lol, doesnt take a man to do that.
NTA. She can’t have it both ways. She’s a big girl, it’s not your job to put up her damn shelves and she’s a hypocrite for acting like it is but then getting mad at you for suggesting it’s her job to do stereotypical “woman” jobs.
What you’re missing and a lot of guys tbh is the “man shit” example you gave, putting up shelves, is a one off job. Mowing is once a week or once a fortnight.
Doing dishes 3x per day. Household cleaning every day. Laundry, every other day or even a couple of times a day if there’s kids. Throw on top of that looking after pets, looking after kids all predominately lands on the women’s plate. These are jobs that require multiple hours a day every single day. It’s a significantly higher workload consistently for years at a time.
That’s why women get pissed if guys say weLl dO yOUr oWn OiL cHaNgE (like most y’all don’t use mechanics) but you compare your odd job like cleaning the gutters every few months to the never ending repetitious time consuming work women get lumped with every day that you refuse to acknowledge is work.
I think you’re both being a little over sensitive. But here’s what I got to say about man chores. Things like putting up shelves and putting things together with power tools for me personally is easier for a man to do than for me are much easier to do, at least what they’re assistance Not all the time, but men are generally better with power tools and stronger. Sometimes I just can’t sink a nail as deep as it needs to go and then my brother comes in and boom it’s done.
She might have liked the project being done or the fact that this girl was great with tools, something I’ve aspired to do. It may not be about you since you don’t even live together. Or maybe she wishes she had a man who lived with her. You’ll never know unless you ask. Just be sure you want to know what she meant. I did not marry a handy guy. He’s more artistic, intellectual. Passionate, funny. He’s my match though because I don’t have to dumb down a talk about art, architecture, politics, Buddhism, quantum physics, a recipe, garden design. I’d marry him all over again. But I do wish for a handy person ,which could be me!
You mentioned you don’t live together- keep it that way. Adulting is apparently an unknown concept for her. NTA.
So you broke up with a girlfriend this week and already have a new one? Or is this the old one that you posted about on a stepparent sub?
It is different but similar because when she is upset about the male role, it is the sense of protection and comfort, when it is the Female role, it is more comfort than protection.
The woman wants to feel protected and taken cared of, while the man wants to feel taken care of.
Can I ask a question?
Why are you monitoring the things your girlfriend likes on social media?
My husband and I bought a fixer-upper last year, since then I’ve; repaired plaster walls, wired in new outlets and switches, painted, done exterior work, etc etc. It’s extremely empowering to be able to hold my own in this house, and I never have to wait for my husband to do projects so the house is getting done much faster. Marriage is a partnership, we help each other where we can to achieve our goals.
I enjoy doing stuff like that! Hell, if my dad hadn’t been such an askhole (misspelled intentionally), I’d be working on my own car instead of outsourcing. I was always fascinated as a kid with cars and making them run but if I showed too much interest then he’d stop sharing his knowledge. I was honestly surprised when he taught me to change my tires, oil, transmission & radiator before I moved away for college. As a woman, your gf sucks. NTA OP