My older brother just got married last weekend. It was a big deal for our family and everyone expected me to be there. But here’s the thing he scheduled it right in the middle of my university’s finals week. I’m a full-time student, and two of my exams were on the same day as his wedding. I told him months in advance that I probably couldn’t make it if he stuck with that date.
He brushed it off and said “you’ll figure it out” and kept the same date. I tried talking to my professors, but they wouldn’t reschedule anything for a personal event. So I stayed back, studied, took my exams, and missed the wedding.
Now I’m getting the cold shoulder from my family. My mom says I let everyone down and that my brother was hurt I didn’t show. I get that it was important to him, but I also feel like my education and future are important too. I didn’t just skip it for fun.
AITAH for choosing my exams over his wedding?
Comments
NTA. You have a good reason for not being able to make it and told him so.
NTA – Prioritize your future and your well-being.
NTA
NTA you told it the date didn’t work and your professors didn’t budge. Oh well not sure what part of exam week they don’t understand. Bc I bet if you flunked the semester they would be mad about that too. So ask your parents what choice they think was available to you.
If this is real your family is stupid
How much is tuition? I’m guessing it’s a lot. And they seriously wanted you to waste that much money on repeating a whole freaking semester? Nta they’re freaking delusional.
You’re not NTA. However, your brother was TA, and sadly, the family joined him.
You figured it out. They need to get over it.
If it was that important for your bro to have you, he would’ve changed the date. What do your family expected you to do ? Missing your exams and failing your year ? NTA
NTA. Just what you want: Failing two courses so you can spend money on re-taking them, along with whatever it costs to attend the wedding. You did the right thing. As for their attitudes: They’ll figure it out.
NTA
He picked his date, fair enough he couldn’t change it as he likely had his deposits down.
You couldn’t make it and gave him notice.
Noone was TA – until your family started giving you the cold shoulder.
Hope you did well on your exams.
Your professors are TA for not letting you take your exams on a different day so that you could go to your brother’s wedding. You’re NTA for wanting to pass your classes.
NTA, you knew the date beforehand and tried to find solutions. You told your brother and he still kept it on that date. His fault, he knew you weren’t free. And your family is wrong for siding with him.
Are you sure he didn’t pick that day purposely to make you choose you gave him fair warning and he still decided to keep the day expecting you to give up your education for his wedding day. I think it’s pretty messed up that he did that and then they all get mad at you because you prioritize something that was already Set in stone before his wedding
NTA my sister planned her 5th wedding on the same weekend as one of my major art shows. I told her in advance I would not be able to make it on that weekend. I support my family with my art. She was disappointed, so was everyone in the family. Everyone was over my absence before the wedding even happened!!! Your family will get over it. If they don’t, move on. The family you make is often better than the family you’re born into!!!
Your dumbass brother is mad that you “figured it out”?
Tell him I’ll come to your next one, he sounds like an utter douche.
Were you expected to blow up your whole life for his wedding?
Tell your parents to go pound sand as well. You told them months ago you couldn’t make it.
NTA hope you did well.
NTA. Your brother knew the conflict and chose to ignore it. Education comes first.
NTAH
This wasn’t some exam thrown at you at the last minute. These were your final exams, schedules since you were signed up for the class, and exams you would need to take to pass the class/maintain a good grade in the class. When your brother gave you the date, you informed him of the conflict, and he chose to keep the date and let you, “figure it out.” You then attempted to talk to your professors who wouldn’t give you any wiggle room for the exam. So you, “figured it out,” and took your exams. Weddings are a big deal and it was an important for your brother’s future, but the exams were important for you to secure your future. Idk what the importance of the date your brother’s wedding was that it couldn’t be moved, but if he knew the conflict of the date he and your family should understand why you couldn’t and didn’t attend. And if they can’t then that’s on them.
Good luck OP, NTAH.
You did the right thing for yourself and your future. Your brother could have been flexible.
I say your family is disappointing because they caused you unnecessary stress during an important week in your university finals. You tried to be there for your brother – ask them to explain why they weren’t there for you! There are AHoles here and it isn’t you.
NTA. The university calendars are available for everyone to see in advance. If there’s someone you want at your wedding who is a professor or a student, you have to consider when the exam weeks are. It’s not a regular job where you can just say “I need vacation this weekend”.
Your long-term priority is your education and career, not a wedding. Very often, failing a class means that your schedule is going to be off for a full year because it’s a pre-requisite for another class. If your brother going to pay for a full year of tuition, room and board to reimburse you for needing to take another year at university.
So your family expected you to damage your future.
So they could have their event.
That’s not what family is supposed to be about.
The fact that they feel this way, and are being 0% understanding?
You made the right choice. Anyone who disputes that is exactly who you need to ignore.
NTA
NTA your future depends on this and if they can’t understand then you have your answer on where you stand with them.
YTA, just because you went to college doesn’t mean you should expect to graduate. Wedding season always interacts with exams.
“I’ll come to the next one…”
NTA. Your brother did this on purpose and your family has probably never been through higher education. Schools don’t reschedule final exams.
Your family and brother are TAH but mostly your brother. He was told months in advance and he scheduled it for then anyway. Perhaps his SO had to have that date for a venue booking, or some other reason, but then the brother should have known you couldn’t make it.
You made the right choice for your future, although I know it was a hard one. Don’t let your family guilt you. Totally your brother’s fault. Good luck with your future.
NTA. Your family sounds selfish and not concerned with your education. Are they going to pay for you to retake those classes or make them up for you if you miss finals? If not, tell them to pound sand.
Are they playing for your schooling? Are they gonna repay for the semester if you fail your exams? You told them in advance your mom needs to stop being trash a mom who would do that to her child is ridiculous.
Does your brother have a long history of sabotaging your efforts? Do your parents usually back him up? Is he the golden child? NTA.
I hear so many stories of relatives with so much input, taking sides of the relative in the wrong. Where has common sense gone? You’re NTA, you tried to rearrange with your professors, communicated in advance your situation. What else could you do? “Figuring it out” in the real world isn’t always in your control. We aren’t special, exceptions aren’t always made because we ask. That is life. You took care of your obligations and future. Nothing wrong with that.
NTA. Don’t invite any of them to your graduation. They obviously don’t understand education.
Hardcore NTA.
Y
My husband had his first-ever exam for medical school the day after my grandmother’s funeral and not only did he stay back, my entire family supported his choice. Your family sounds like they don’t value education or (worst case) like they are the types to sabotage you in your efforts to get one.
Either way, you did the right thing.
NTA.
I know there are cultures (Chinese, Korean, all the high-achieving ones!) where your BROTHER would be getting the cold shoulder from your parents for scheduling a wedding during your exams
NTA. You’re paying for school. You gave advanced noticed and he replied like a snob. You made an earnest attempt to reschedule and couldn’t. Your family is essentially saying you should have taken bad grades in 2 classes instead of focusing on school. They’ll have to get over it.
NTA
If your family have no regard for your education, you have to look out for yourself.
Which you did.
Weddings can be scheduled on any day of the year, you don’t set your University’s exam schedule.
Your family are selfish and unreasonable, and possibly incredibly ignorant as to how higher education works. It’s not like grade school where mommy can write a note and get you out of the test or sports for the day.
NTA. You warned him.
Sounds like they were financially as tied into that date as you were. Even months out, deposits might have been paid – and remember, your brother may have not had as much say in this as his STBwife and her family did. Don’t fret. You did the right thing. Remember your family’s attitude when you are established and comfortable and they come asking for money.
So your family expected you to just fail your exams then? They are the AHs in this scenario.
NTA. You told the family you had exams on that date, brother refused to change the date. You tried to work with professors, they refused. Brother still didn’t change the date. Not sure who’s paying for your schooling but ask them if you’d failed those 2 classes, would they have paid to retake them?
NTA. You informed them of the conflict well in advance, tried to find an alternative. You can’t ruin a whole semester of college and your future for an event.
NTA. He will have other weddings you can attend. Your finals happen once and help determine your future
NTA if brother and his new wife had attended university/college they would know that 2 weeks out of the year are off limits due to exams. Once in the fall/winter the other in the spring. It’s usually the same week every year different dates but the same.
FINAL EXAMS
NTA.
They need to get over it.
NTA. Your family is for thinking a wedding that your brother wouldn’t reschedule is more important than your education and taking your final exams.
Question for OP – your parents aren’t paying for your education, are they? You’d likely have to retake those two classes if you missed the finals.
So you were supposed to fail? How does that make sense.
NTA – my sister just scheduled her wedding for July 2027. It’s a possibility that I will be in the middle of my final bar exams this summer. My exams will come before her wedding 100% and I won’t have any regret. My future comes before my sisters wedding and that’s the same for you !!!
NTA. Your future is more important than his one day affair.
NTA – he knew well in advance and didn’t care. You didn’t just blow off his wedding to party with friends or sleep you had a legitimate reason, you had exams. So were he and your mom expecting you to fail them, not show up to them for his wedding? They’re being incredibly selfish and frankly dumb.
NTA two exams on that day and he had to schedule it for that day? He understands how it works. They’re not gonna make a exception for one person. Your whole future depends on these exams and he thinks you should just blow them off for his wedding? The whole family is out of their mind if they don’t understand that it was out of your hands. seriously ask them what they would’ve done differently? I’m sure they’ll go down a list that you already tried and failed it. You told him what’s in advance that you wouldn’t be able to get out of those exams. Regardless, you still tried and you couldn’t do it. He should’ve thought better of his timing.
One of my cousins did this when he got married.
I’m very close to my nine cousins – it’s almost a sibling-like relationship. We’re also all within ten years of each other. So when Cousin scheduled his wedding in late May, that fell smack in the middle of finals/end of term for about five of us that were still in school.
Of course, we all told them this, but Cousin’s Fiancée just said, “It’s when we can have it.” They got married at a shrine, so I think she was talking about availability.
So RSVP time comes, and five of us RSVP no. Cousin was hurt, Fiancée bawled us out (because it was Cousin’s wish to have us all there), and it’s not like we were happy about it – there’s only so much you can do.
The cool thing was, there was NO sympathy for her from our side. Even my aunt, her MIL, told her, “I told you this would happen.”
They’re divorced now.
Let your brother know next time you’ll show up, but when you fail because you didn’t take your finals he can cover the cost of you taking the class/es again
were they going to pay for retaking the semester? Nope. You did well in taking care of bussiness first.
Also he knew you were in school and that exams would be sometime around then. So if he really care if you were there they could have picked something that would not have been a possible overlap
Nta -Tell him you’ll attend the next one! 😆
nah you’re not the ah. you gave him a heads up, he ignored it, and finals aren’t something you can just skip unless you’re tryna throw your GPA in the trash. he picked the date knowing the risk, that’s on him. you didn’t ditch for a beach trip, you were grinding for your future.
No, NTA. Some things cannot be rescheduled, and those final exams obviously could not have been rescheduled. You did tell him months in advance and well, really unfortunate timing it could not be helped. You made the right choice.