Sorry just had to get this out of my chest since I feel no one really gets me even my family.
I used to live alone with my dog Murphy. I adopted him four years ago after my best friend passed away, Murphy was hers. It felt like the last piece of her I could hold on to. He was old when I took him in, but I didn’t care. We built a quiet life together. He got me through panic attacks, heartbreaks, everything. He was my family.
Murphy started to fade a few months ago. Blind, stiff, barely eating but he still wagged his tail for me. I made my apartment calm and quiet for him. Told everyone, especially my sister (because she often visits unannounced) that he couldn’t be around noise or chaos. She didn’t listen. She showed up uninvited with her three kids, loud and running around like a circus. They pulled at his tail, he panicked and growled. She laughed. Then had the audacity to say, ‘If he bites, we’ll put him down ourselves’
A week later, Murphy died.
I got no apology. Just a text ‘He was gonna die anyway’
Now she’s mad I skipped her wedding. Our parents are calling me cruel, saying he’s ‘just a dog’ But Murphy wasn’t just a dog. He was my grief, my comfort, my emotional support, my last connection to someone I lost and my new best friend.
I stayed home that day. Lit a candle. Held his collar, and crying my ass out. AITAH?
Comments
Tell them it’s about that your sister disregarded a hard boundary.
I’m confused … Your dog passed due to old age & you chose not to attend your sister’s wedding because she did… what? What exactly did sister do to your dog?
Eta – Any responsible pet owner would have never let what you describe happen to their dying pet. You allowed that to happen & that is on you.
NTA. Your dog wasn’t just a dog he was family, healing, and unconditional love wrapped in fur. Your sister disrespected your space, ur boundaries, and your grief. Then laughed about it. You’re not cruel u’re heartbroken. Skipping her wedding wasn’t petty, it was protection. She owed u empathy amd gave you mockery. You did what you needed to do for you. And that’s okay.
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I don’t understand how you are holding your sister responsible for your dog passing away?
She brought her loud family to your apartment, surely you had the option to turn her away and say NO. You didn’t. That’s on you as clearly you know what she and her kids are like.
Yes, it was absolutely not OK for one of her kids to pull his tail, and it’s disgusting that she laughed rather than immediately stop them and discipline them.
I’m sure you aren’t trying to suggest that your dog died because someone pulled his tail the week before.
I understand your intense grief but I think you are overreacting to blame your sister.
However, it’s completely understandable to miss her wedding if it occurred during the time when you were in deep grieving.
Yeah YTA. You literally skipped her wedding because your dog died of old age a week after she came over.
Why did you let her in? Why didn’t you kick them out?
“Family” is not someone that has the same blood or parents as you.
Family is people that CARE about you.
So you let her in?? She came uninvited and you just … let her. Girl. Some of that blame is on you.
I’m a pet owner and I’d disown anyone who hurt them.
But he died of old age and idk all those “messages” are clearly fake and just added in by you to – what? Make her seems more cruel?
Grow tf up. This entire story is such a made-up mess.
NTA. Sorry for your loss.
ESH You can’t complain about something she did without setting boundaries
If your dog was old and frail why would you let her in with her kids. Kids are a lot, I have 3.
Her comment was mean but you were mean too by not going to her wedding and by not setting boundaries.
Nta
But you ruined a great opportunity for revenge…. releasing a bag of live cockroaches at her reception sounds fair
Nta but your sis sure is. That is so cruel to say and do to a dawg. Even non pet owners should have some understanding to an older disabled dawg. And as for what she said after, that was plain old cruel. Keep her out of your life. With sister’s like that who needs a relative?
NTA, but you know it isn’t their fault he died a week later right?
Why didn’t you put the dog in your bedroom when they arrived? I am so very sorry for your loss, but you should have gone to the wedding.
NTA. She’s insensitive.
They’re all insensitive.
I’m sorry for your loss, fly high Murphy 🕊
But… I’m mad at you because you REPEATEDLY let them in, and didn’t even enforce a boundary.
NTA
But why did you let your sister in when she brought chaos to your home? And then let her kids treat your dog this way? You could have just shut the door in her face when she showed up with the kids. This is as much on you than on her honestly.
Nope your sister and parents are AH. I’m sorry you lost your friends
NTA your sister sounds like an unsympathetic peice is shit. Has she no moral code or humanity towards anything other than herself and kids? You were right to cut her off,Now tell your parents why and explain they will be next if they can’t respect your grief or boundaries.
NTA. The reply to “just a dog” should have been “and she’s just a bitch”. While it obviously wasn’t her fault that he died, the text seals the deal imo.
Firstly, I am so very sorry for both of your losses. To lose 2 valued individuals who have been a special part of your life is deeply sad, and I am so sorry that you have had to experience this. I’m not sure if you believe in the afterlife of heaven, but please take some comfort that they are reunited and are looking over you.
I’m not too sure how to judge this situation, as I am deeply baffled. Your sister has repeatedly stomped on your boundaries, so I’m not quite sure why you both let her and the kids in, unannounced, and why you didn’t kick them out once you’d noticed that they were causing distress to Murphy. If this is due to people pleasing and being passive, please get some therapy to combat this and to gain the tools to be assertive and to reinforce your boundaries. If you ever plan to have pets or kids in the future, you need to be assertive and strong in order to advocate for those who rely on you, as their carer/guardian.
Your sister is cruel and is raising her kids to be cruel also. I might advise you to report them to animal welfare services, just so they are on their radar and can be investigated if they treat other people’s animals poorly, too. You should also keep an eye on the kids’ behaviours, because cruelty to animals usually escalates towards cruelty towards other humans, and they could become school bullies or abusive partners later in life. It’s better to nip this in the bud earlier on.
Whilst I can’t see a correlation between whether their interaction directly caused the death of your ailing dog, their behaviour certainly didn’t help and did cause his final days to be chaotic.
As far as the wedding is concerned- invitations are not summons. You can RSVP accordingly however you see fit. As long as you can live with your decision, and as long as it doesn’t cause tensions with family members who you do usually have a good relationship with, that’s the main thing.
If I have to give a ruling, I’m going to tentatively go for NTA. There is no doubt in my mind that your sister and her kids are cruel and are general AHs. You gave that dog as much love as you could, and you took him in when he was grieving the loss of his previous owner (your friend), so for that, you are not an AH. Just use this experience to reflect on how you could reinforce your boundaries in the future, and ensure that the right organisations are aware of animal abuse by your family members so they can be on their radar going forward.