AITAH for sleeping with a guy after my husband said something about an open relationship?

r/

so me (28f) and my husband (31m) have been married 4 years. a couple months ago he started talking about wanting to “spice things up” and suggested an open relationship. at first i told him no, that’s not what i signed up for. but he wouldn’t drop it he kept saying “monogamy is just a social construct” and “if you really loved me you’d want me to explore my desires.” every time i said no, he’d act all cold and moody until i felt like i was the bad guy.

eventually i gave in, mostly because i thought maybe if i agreed, he’d get it out of his system. he swore up and down it wouldn’t change anything between us, and that we’d always be each other’s “number one.”

so, he starts sleeping with this girl from his gym. at first i pretended i was fine with it but honestly it was eating me alive. he would come home smelling like her perfume, texting her in front of me, even comparing little things like “she likes to hike, maybe you’d enjoy it too if you tried.” i kept swallowing my feelings because i didn’t want to be “the insecure one.”

well, a few weeks ago i decided, if this is really “equal,” i should be allowed to see someone too. there’s this guy (call him matt) i’ve known from a friend group for years. we flirted a bit before i was married, so i figured why not. i told my husband i was going to go out with matt and he acted all supportive at first… until i actually did it.

when i came home, my husband was furious. he said i “crossed a line” and that it was “different for men” because “women get emotionally attached.” he accused me of wanting to replace him, said i was “disrespecting our marriage,” and that i “must have been planning this the whole time.” he even told me i was “being disgusting” and “throwing away what we had” all while he’s still sleeping with his gym girl. he also keeps bringing up the fact that matt was my friend, and kept saying i had feelings for him during our relationship which is not true at all.

now he’s saying if i ever see matt again, our marriage is over. but i’m sitting here thinking… wasn’t that the whole point of an open relationship? i only did exactly what he wanted for himself, but now i’m the villain.

so reddit, am i the asshole for actually sleeping with someone after agreeing to an open relationship my husband pushed me into?

Comments

  1. thirdtryisthecharm Avatar

    Your marriage is already over. Not much to do about it at this point.

    NTA

  2. Acceptable_Tiger_661 Avatar

    Nope. He wanted. He got it. He is being the insecure one now.

  3. Lonely_Waffle12 Avatar

    Nah, but your relationship is fucked, file for divorce. Also say she might like hikes but he has a bigger and hits the right spot. Also he probably been wanting to bang that gym girl for a while and it was he brought it up.

  4. munch_munch_cookie Avatar

    People don’t like the consequences of their actions. I wouldn’t have chosen a friend because that’s a little too close but he clearly had this girl already checked out and I assume they were friendly.

    Honestly, I would just leave him. He ruined the marriage not you. 

  5. Lizzydeathstar Avatar

    NTA – this right here is a perfect example of your husband fucking around and finding out. He wanted to have his cake and eat it too, and wanted you to sit him and what? Deal with it? Fuck that and fuck him. Sorry, but your marriage is over in all likelihood. Get a good lawyer and GTFO. Plan well, Document everything, and be smart.

  6. Far_Perspective_1438 Avatar

    You’re husband is a chump

  7. ZookeepergameNo7151 Avatar

    NTA and your marriage was over a LONG time ago.

    What baffles me is how you doing the exact same thing as him is like this cardinal sin.. yet when he does it is all good

  8. Medical-Turnip5388 Avatar

    Lol. Why am I not surprised. NTA in the least. He’s TA.

    u/burbnbougie

  9. spikeymist Avatar

    NTA, he already had a woman lined up way before you eventually relented and agreed to open the marriage. Essentially, he just wants to sleep around and still have his other needs met by you. You also sleeping with someone else didn’t factor into his equation. I think your marriage is pretty much done.

  10. HerosOftenFail Avatar

    Seems fake, but if this is real, your marriage is already over. File for divorce and move on. Want to prove it? Go sleep with a different guy every night for a week following your husband’s “rules” for an open marriage. He will still find every excuse to freak out. He never wanted an open marriage. He wanted permission to cheat while you sit at home. NTA, unless you stay with your loser husband.

  11. Endless63 Avatar

    As soon as the words “open marriage” are voiced by either partner, the marriage is as good as dead.. lawyer up now and walk away with Matt..

  12. Head_Photograph9572 Avatar

    YTA. You didn’t hand him divorce papers the SECOND he brought up an open relationship. Stick a fork in your marriage, it’s done.

  13. Hairy-Proof8504 Avatar

    Just go ahead & file for divorce. Never agree to something you don’t want. Good lord, how ridiculous!

  14. RevolutionaryDiet686 Avatar

    NTA Husband just FAFO. He didn’t think you would ever see someone else and he could cheat openly while comparing you to her.

  15. Slalom44 Avatar

    His definition of an open relationship is for him to screw around but not you. You need to decide whether you are willing to shut down the open relationship or get a divorce. There are no other choices.

  16. Same_Forever_4910 Avatar

    NTA – your husband’s insecure and what he meant to ask you was, can he sleep with chicks he thinks are hot and you well, you sleep with him because, well just because. Men have ‘needs’ you know. An open relationship is open both ways and any ‘boundaries’ or ‘hard nos’ needed to be discussed beforehand, not just when it’s convenient for him.

  17. DangerousGrocery9697 Avatar

    He wanted a free pass and didn’t expect you to join in on your. This man doesn’t respect you. Divorce him and be grateful to be rid of him.

  18. Federal-Night5305 Avatar

    NTA but your marriage is likely over so I’d consult a good divorce lawyer and get your ducks in a row so you can come out of this on top.

  19. Logical-Thanks-6787 Avatar

    Yta for not sleeping with all of his friends. Let’s get it all the way open.

  20. Odd-Establishment187 Avatar

    NTA. But your marriage is over.

  21. MissionHoneydew2209 Avatar

    He didn’t want an open relationship – he wanted to cheat without consequences. Your marriage is over. NTA

  22. TheWanderlustDoc Avatar

    I love a post when a man FAFO. NTA. He just wanted a reason to cheat and then wasn’t happy when he found out the consequences of his actions. I’m sorry 🙁

  23. No_Status_51 Avatar

    Man. How many times ya’ll gotta see it before you understand that an “open” marriage is an “ended” marriage? YBTAH. You’re both the AH. Just call it a draw and move on– live your own lives.

  24. Confident-Sector-713 Avatar

    You would only be the asshole if you’re not filing first. Grow a spine and leave him!!!

  25. Away-Understanding34 Avatar

    How classic…he wanted a 1 sided open marriage where you stay home and pine for him while he sleeps with whomever he wants. I hope you divorce and learn to stand up for the relationship you want. You should have never agreed to open this if you didn’t really want it. 

  26. GingerTuxedoTabby Avatar

    Sweety the second he forced an open marriage on you and then passive aggressively started comparing you to his new fling, you were already done. You don’t decide to randomly open relationships. You’ve either always been open or closed. Also he can’t have his cake and eat it too. Open is not a one sided concept

  27. SubstantialMaize6747 Avatar

    NTA. By asking for an open marriage your husband torpedoed your relationship. He wasn’t even discreet. Coming home smelling of her? I would have thrown water over him.

    And now you’re seeing someone it’s suddenly not right. Tell him either it’s committed and closed, or open for both of you, or divorce. He doesn’t get to fuck whoever he wants and stay married. What a disgusting p*g.

    Personally, I think you should divorce.

  28. DataZealous7633 Avatar

    NTA. He pressured you and enjoyed the benefits. Then moved the goalposts when it was your turn. You are dealing with control and hypocrisy. The issue isn’t with the relationship but with him.

  29. Cute_Context6134 Avatar

    Your husband is insane

  30. Azulcercas Avatar

    I’m not often this lacking in tact, but your husband is a dick.

  31. OneEye3876 Avatar

    Tell him you want some space, maybe he could go to a friends house until you figure out what you want ….

  32. Temperance_Lee Avatar

    Men do this. They ask but they only mean it for them.

    What a loser.

  33. JackB041334 Avatar

    Your husband is a big time asshole. Dump him before things get worse. There is no recovery from something like this.

  34. CocoaAlmondsRock Avatar

    Nope, but now you know that this doesn’t work. You should have divorced him as soon as he mentioned it. He wouldn’t have mentioned it if he didn’t already have someone in mind. He just wanted permission to fuck other people.

    You are NTA unless you stay. Divorce him and move on.

  35. daQueen1011 Avatar

    NTA. It’s already over. Lawyer up and move on where you’ll be happy.

  36. SoKerbal Avatar

    Literally fuck around and find out. NTA.

    Good luck on the divorce.

  37. lefty1207 Avatar

    The man is F’d up. His rationale shows that.

  38. Traditional_Koala216 Avatar

    NTA. For sleeping with someone else. Your husband wanted you to wait around for him while he screwed other people. Now look at him.

  39. Resident_Style8598 Avatar

    Your marriage was over the moment he asked for an open marriage. Just move on.

  40. ilovetab Avatar

    Hon, your marriage was over the minute he suggested an open relationship. You caved & gave him permission to fuck other women, which he would have done eventually without your consent. Now you know he really didn’t mean an open relationship for both of you, just you letting him cheat.

    The good news is that you’re young & (hopefully) don’t have kids. Part ways & find yourself someone who wants the same things you do. Best of luck.

  41. Grand_Wolverine6532 Avatar

    Your husband is a hypocritical, sexist creep! Let him go!

  42. AkimboSlice1 Avatar

    He already had gym girl all lined up before asking you. Everyone is right though, the minute he pushed for the open relationship your marriage was over.

  43. happiness3766 Avatar

    He wanted permission to cheat. I would say your marriage is over. You deserve way better! This man basically bullied you into an open relationship and now is bullying you because you went ahead with it? Like what??

  44. Outrageous_Ad4252 Avatar

    This is so obvious a ruse on his part. He cannot use the term open” marriage to justify his cheating, but not yours. And that is what he did. When you acted, his “charade” ended. That’s why he is upset. Called his bluff, more like it. I don’t know if your marriage can last given his “world view” on one sided extra marital relations

  45. FaithlessnessHead417 Avatar

    FAFO. So long you worthless sos.

  46. Similar_Cranberry_23 Avatar

    Gather your evidence, make a plan. Your marriage was over the minute he wanted to sleep around. Nta and if you sleep with anyone again make sure he doesn’t know about it or can gather evidence on you.

  47. Flaky_Two1872 Avatar

    Jeez this again? NTA, he wanted you to sleep around, he got what he wanted.

  48. Many-Pirate2712 Avatar

    Nta

    He wanted to be able to sleep with the gym girl without feeling guilty, he figured you’re too much of a “good girl” to actually do it.

  49. childofcrow Avatar

    NTA. He sure is, though. He didn’t want an open relationship, he wanted permission to cheat.

    So tell him the marriage is over. Find happiness elsewhere with someone who actually respects you.

  50. oscarish Avatar

    NTA, at all. Sounds like the good old patriarchal double standard. However, it seems to me he’s likely afraid of losing you.,

  51. sweetbitebby Avatar

    He didn’t want an open relationship, he wanted a harem where you smile and applaud. Now he’s mad you played by the rules he wrote.

  52. lilygreenfire Avatar

    Divorce this man. What a piece of shit

  53. RecognitionParty9581 Avatar

    You may need to talk with gym girl to see when they first hooked up. Chances are, he was already sleeping with her and didn’t want to to catch him cheating .

  54. idancer88 Avatar

    He wanted your permission to cheat without consequences, including having to experience what you have by him doing that you. The marriage was over the second he decided he wanted to sleep with the gym girl. Divorce him and be happy. NTA.

  55. duckedup71 Avatar

    You’ve both committed marital suicide. Hopefully there are no kids involved because it’s over.

  56. NotThrowAwayAccount9 Avatar

    NTA, dump the husband, he wants an open cheat card and a loyal wife, fuck that.

  57. sapplesapplesapples Avatar

    Please turn on your capital I function. 😭 

    Also I’m so sorry but this sounds horrendous and I would want to find a way out immediately.

  58. BloodMoonsMeow Avatar

    NTA “you must have planned this the whole time” WHAT NO, HES THE ONE WHO SUGGESTED IT AND IMMEDIATELY SLEPT WITH THE OTHER GIRL AT THE GYM HE PLANNED IT. Also divorce marriage is equal if he wanted polygamy he got polygamy

  59. milkskinzz Avatar

    He basically said, ‘I get dessert, you stay hungry.’ And now he’s shocked you went to another restaurant.

  60. AdAnxious8842 Avatar

    This is standard AI plotline.

    1. One spouse wants to open up the marriage (almost always the husband)

    2. Other spouse is reluctant but eventually goes along (save the marriage, just gives in, etc).

    3. Reluctant spouse sleeps with somebody.

    4. Other spouse is enraged.

    5. Marriage ends. Makes them stronger. Close the marriage. You pick the ending.

    Rinse and Repeat.

  61. soxfan10 Avatar

    NTA, but your marriage is over. The whole “rules for thee but not for me” shit is insane.

  62. No-Figure844 Avatar

    You the ah if you stay with the ah. He’s wanting his cake and eat it too.

  63. Civil-Clue-7129 Avatar

    Maybe you would have a better life with Matt

  64. StructEngineer91 Avatar

    NTA, you know your husband was cheating on you before you “opened” the marriage, right? Or at the very least emotionally cheating and wanting a free pass to cheat physically too.

  65. billy69699 Avatar

    He must be a republican!!

  66. Kristikida Avatar

    NTA he asked for it. Just because he got got he wants to play games. Def a FAFO moment for him.

  67. Calanthetheranger Avatar

    Every single time a man pressures his wife for an open relationship, it goes like this.

  68. BookkeeperNo1888 Avatar

    NTA. He didn’t REALLY want an open relationship. He just wanted a free pass for HIM to cheat.

  69. Deleterious_Sock Avatar

    In the lifestyle we call that OPP: one penis policy. It’s as icky as it sounds. Your husband wants you to do emotional labor but doesn’t want to do his own.

  70. ProfessionalDot8419 Avatar

    This is why I don’t trust male friends. It was Chris Rock, who said that these friends were just dick in a glass case. “In case of emergency, break open glass.”

    “If your woman has platonic friends, that’s who she’ll be fucking, when you mess up.”

  71. TheseDifference5945 Avatar

    Your husband sounds like a slime-ball. And if women get emotionally attached, what about the girl from the gym? Isn’t he concerned she will get attached to him and want to replace you as his number one? Oh plzzzz, he is so full
    of it. I see so many people on Reddit saying their spouses pushed them into an open relationship. If you want an open relationship, don’t get married. Period. These spouses bullying their partners into open relationships are just that; bullies. Selfish, entitled bullies.

  72. 123123saltykisses Avatar

    NTA

    Time for a divorce.

  73. hwga8686 Avatar

    Why  even ask lol?   

    You got  a dud husband who is manipulating you. Open your eyes lady

  74. Rendeane Avatar

    NTA. Your marriage is over. Go ahead and divorce him. He simply wanted permission to have affairs so he didn’t have to waste time and energy hiding his infidelity. By openly having mistresses while married, he has sex, excitement and no commitment or responsibilities. He still has you as his financial support, maid and cook. By having an “open marriage,” he doesn’t have to concern himself with a 50% cut in his standard of living and doesn’t lose his full retirement pension.

  75. waterytart142 Avatar

    Typical – dude only wants the rules to apply to HIM. Such a child. Definitely NTA but please see his hypocrisy and judgement for what they are – huge, waving red flags. Your husband sucks, you’ll seriously be way happier without him.

  76. Leafingblueberry Avatar

    He wanted a free pass to basically cheat. He Alr had her in mind when he first suggested the idea. And now he is acting like a hypocrite

  77. Inevitable_Cycle6960 Avatar

    Your marriage is over. He is currently walking all over you. It is actually really sad. If you have any dignity left, you will immediately leave him.

  78. Purple_berries777 Avatar

    This is greatness. You literally told him
    No so many times and he kept guilting you into an open marriage until you gave in to shut him up even though this was never what you wanted. Classic case of F around and find out. Not to mention this was about him all this time wanting a free pass to cheat while you sit back and watch. He’s an idiot and I think you and Matt should ride off into the sunset(petty I know!🤣) Lawyer up and walk away while you can girl. Keep us posted.

  79. Agreeable-Pirate-705 Avatar

    Nope not the asshole. Your husband’s reaction shows he doesn’t want an open marriage. He just wanted permission to cheat so he could gaslight you afterwards instead of owning his fuckup and his seemingly uncontrollable manchild sexual lust.

  80. Electronic_Green541 Avatar

    NTA lol he literally asked for it.

  81. LoveLolaHeart Avatar

    My guess is he wanted to open your relationship up because he was already sleeping with the girl from the gym. He wanted your permission to cheat and expected you to sit home like a good girl while he ate his cake. Would you even want to save your marriage at this point? NTA.

  82. Intelligent_Move_844 Avatar

    Girl, what are you doing 🙁

  83. Connect-Peach2337 Avatar

    r/openmarriageregret

  84. T-bone186 Avatar

    You should keep seeing Matt, or whomever you want to see. Your husband is trying to guilt trip you for doing what he wanted. This is what he asked for, and he opened the door, so keep walking through it. The marriage was over as soon as he started openly seeing someone else, so you should just do whatever makes you happy at this point. He’s an idiot, and when he’s single again, he will realize his little experiment wasn’t worth it.

  85. PinkIsBestest Avatar

    This is how it always goes for these idiots. They keep thinking that you’ll be pining at home lol

  86. lostandconfused41 Avatar

    Anybody who suggests or participates in an open relationship ITAH.

  87. Cloverjuice82 Avatar

    Play stupid games, win stupid prizes… so he basically wanted to open the relationship one way- his. Think it’s time to call it quits on this marriage. He sounds like an insecure manchild who wants his cake and eat it without you having the same opportunity.

  88. mikerz85 Avatar

    Your husband is a moron 

    Better luck with the next marriage 

  89. beansprout69 Avatar

    Funny how fast that table turned. Obviously he meant it was okay for him screw around on you but not vise versa.

  90. trayC-lou Avatar

    Open relationship is exactly that open for both…he didn’t sign it off with “open relationship for him only” because it means he wants to sleep around and you can’t

    You worried about being the insecure one….men are just as terrible if not worse in these scenarios

  91. stiggley Avatar

    NTA He wanted the “open relationship” because he already had the girl at the gym lined up. He didn’t want you to do the same.

    “Open for me, not thee”

  92. Aggravating-Plum8147 Avatar

    He wants a one sided open relationship. Any excuse he comes up with is bs. He was so high on his new relationship he didn’t consider how he’d feel if you participated. The fact that he had the nerve to talk about how great she is with you makes me think he was just in his own little world. Tell him that you won’t see Matt again, you’ll just make a dating profile. This marriage is over. NTA

  93. DatesForFun Avatar

    hahahaha what an idiot. he really thought he’d get to bang gym girl and no one would want you. turns out he was
    wrong and now he’s big mad. gym girl likely dumped him and no one else wants him
    now

  94. ManderBlues Avatar

    Your marriage if done. Walk away. He wanted to sleep with any woman he wants, but you are supposed to be monogamous. Nope. The fact that you did it ‘reluctantly’ does not matter. Its either open or not. NTA

  95. mimi6778 Avatar

    NTA but your marriage was already over. Your husband insisted on opening up your marriage despite knowing how uncomfortable you were with it. That was enough to end the relationship. Even worse, however, is that your husband didn’t actually want an open relationship. He just wanted to sleep with other women guilt free.

  96. laurawinslow25 Avatar

    Just divorce that insecure baby dick already

  97. Court_Fox_1 Avatar

    NTA send him packing…

  98. nolan5111 Avatar

    He didn’t want an open marriage he just wanted to screw that girl from the gym without consequences (probably already was and just wanted your blessing as a safety net) , and when he found out he wouldn’t be able to have his cake and eat it to he started coming up with a bunch of double standards and bs technicalities as a last desperate attempt to get what he wants on his terms

  99. cherryph4ze Avatar

    Translation: ‘I want variety, but you better be satisfied with leftovers.’

  100. azrolexguy Avatar

    You two are finished

  101. FleurDisLeela Avatar

    NTA your spouse is the typical AH who asks for something, and blows up when he gets it.

  102. MrsMorley Avatar

    Your husband had an unspoken One Penis Policy. 

    NTA and the marriage is probably over

  103. Dokusei_Gnar_Bot Avatar

    Why is it that every single time I hear someone want an open relationship (doesn’t matter if they’re a man or a woman it applies to both) it’s always the one who wanted it that gets super mad when the other one does something? I refuse to believe that open relationships work. NTA but sadly I think it’s over…

  104. Shitwinds_randy Avatar

    People that post this garbage really have no common sense.

  105. SadIndividual9821 Avatar

    You do realize he proposed the idea of an open marriage after he met the gym girl, right? He wanted to sleep with her way before the idea and is now using it as a cover up. If you like sleeping with Matt, do it. That’s what open relationship means.

  106. cica4 Avatar

    Tale as old as time… NTA. Time for divorce.

  107. 13trailblazer Avatar

    NTA. Your husband sure is though.

  108. Seamore_J_Turtle Avatar

    NTA. Opening up a marriage only works when both partners are fully on board, and boundaries are established before anyone sleeps together. Your husband not only bullied you into opening the marriage, he was extremely disrespectful in the way he handled his other relationship, basically flaunting her. On top of that he’s now shaming you for doing the exact thing he said he wanted.

    Your marriage is over. I’m sorry your stbx is such an immature asshat.

  109. PancakeFevers Avatar

    NTA. He doesn’t see you as an equal.

  110. Veronica-lagos23 Avatar

    NTA. He wanted to have his cake and eat it too but couldn’t take it when he was on the other side of it.

  111. DoubtGroundbreaking Avatar

    Why do people put up with the open relationship bs? As soon as the other person even suggests it, the relationship is over time to move on

  112. brunhildeminerva Avatar

    NTA.
    Polyamory can be a really lovely thing but it takes loads of work to be ready to deal with the insecurity and jealousy that comes up. It does come up! It’s also important to be hyper aware of your partners (plural) feelings, to care for each other, make sure you’re giving affirmations. It’s important in monogamy, too, but many mono people consider some of those things a feature of a healthy relationship, so it’s a much harder talk to have.

    That said, that would have been stuff he was working on prior to ever entering into the relationship. Y’all’s, and his new one. But from jump he very clearly didn’t care about the emotional care required for that sort of situation because he literally manipulated you into letting him fuck someone else. The writing on the wall for how this would play out was plain and clear from the first time he brought it up and then got butt hurt when you said no. Guess what’s the MOST important part of polyamory? Enthusiastic, informed consent!

    If you both enjoyed yourselves and both have the capacity to work on this aspect of this kind of relationship, cool. Congrats. But more than likely, it’s best to walk away. He wasn’t even mature enough to be a good husband to one partner. He’s DEFINITELY not mature enough to be a good partner to multiple people! So I would just leave him, and start over with someone who doesn’t think jealousy and insecurity and manipulation and “it’s different for me” bullshit is NORMAL for a relationship. And maybe get some therapy for you so you can work thru the part of you that even has to ask if you’re the asshole here.

  113. Fancy-Priority9863 Avatar

    He wanted permission to cheat

  114. Mindless_Giraffe4559 Avatar

    NTA… It’s time to move on. I may be old fashioned, but a marriage is for 2 people.

  115. Impressive-Dark2097 Avatar

    Men like this seem to think they’ll get whatever girl they want and no one will be interested in the wife. The arrogance is hilarious really

  116. Playful-Mastodon9251 Avatar

    Your marriage was over, don’t stress over it. Just finish the paperwork.

  117. ArmyGuyinSunland Avatar

    The marriage is already over. Call him on his bluff and go see Matt again. Just do it. Your husband became a douche bag a while ago. It will not matter now.

  118. depressedmillienial Avatar

    Your marriage was over when he pressured you into opening it. Nta

  119. AlternativeFigure350 Avatar

    I have no idea what it’s like to have an open relationship and I’m sure that is different for everyone who does….. but I think it’s fucked the way he did this.

    Clearly he wanted to try this and kept pushing.

    So he knew 100% what he was doing and planting seeds about “social construct” bullshit.

    You reluctantly say okay and see if it gets out of his system, and not only does he jump at it, he also starts to text her and discuss her?!

    Again, I have no experience here, but I would think the open part is purely sexual. He wants to have multiple relationships, not just partners.

    He crossed a ton of lines and is the one who introduced all of this.

    I know this is Reddit and we aren’t qualified, but if I ever saw a marriage that someone should run from, this is it.

    He doesn’t want to “try new things.” He isn’t “experimenting.”

    He thought this out (for himself) and thought he got away with it.

    I’d get out now before things are complicated further with a child or something. If that does happen and he asks how you feel about the names Brigham Young or David Koresh….. don’t say we didn’t warn you.

  120. PastBarber3590 Avatar

    You specifically discussed an open marriage for each of you? Or just him. What did he say when you pointed out the asymmetry?

    (I believe an open marriage is a contradiction in terms, but obviously you all know better.)

  121. xazraelx1 Avatar

    he wanted a one sided open marriage. you should have known thats how it works for men /s

    your stbx husband is a jack ass. you deserve better.

  122. TherealDaily Avatar

    This should be cautionary tale for all ppl that think the grass is greener 😉

  123. PBmaxprofit Avatar

    Go give Matt a knobber and a good ride. Tell hubby he has his Buddy, you got yours. It is probably the beginning of the end, so plan accordingly

  124. Luna_Blackfire Avatar

    He’s the asshole. You never wanted this to begin with.

  125. SecondSpecialist2821 Avatar

    Your marriage is already over. Just call a lawyer and get on with it.

  126. Not_the_maid Avatar

    NTA – but your marriage is over. It was over when your husband started to sleep with another woman.

  127. Remote-Comedian6455 Avatar

    Marriage is already done. Move on. Best of luck to you!

  128. SP-10MK2 Avatar

    Jesus. Look, I’m team monogamy all the way. And even I know that this isn’t how any of that is supposed to work. Your guy didn’t want an open marriage, he wanted a girlfriend. Truthfully, the minute he brought it up the second time your marriage was toast. And he’s already going to cast you as the villain, so just go to the lawyer and do it clean.

  129. Bruin9098 Avatar

    Well, you kinda answered his question.

  130. phtcmp Avatar

    NTA, ditch this turd.

  131. Patient_Quail6102 Avatar

    NTA he just wanted permission to cheat with this girl, that it sounds like he already wanted to sleep with and probably what led to the conversation.

  132. tdfast Avatar

    There’s a good video on this, it might be useful to help your husband understand the situation better.

    https://youtu.be/WntjAM2wqF8?si=q6NhoUHejonu_75E

  133. Elegant_righthere Avatar

    The “point” of the open relationship was that he wanted permission to cheat. Period. He wanted you to stay home and pine for him. He’s a loser d-bag, and you deserve better! Your husband doesn’t respect you, value you, or see you as an equal partner. NTA

  134. 1openmind4all Avatar

    NTA… lol.. this is a classic FAFO moment. He got what he asked for. Kinda ironic he’s had a continuous relationship with gym girl.. fucking and texting her. But yet you’re the one who’s in an emotional relationship?? 🤣🤣.

  135. SusieV1991 Avatar

    I literally laughed out loud, you should have laughed at him too because it’s hilarious. He got exactly what he wanted and hated it.

    He friggin BEGGED you like a child for an “open relationship” and bragged about his new sex partner around you. You decided to reap the benefits too and now YOUR the bad guy? Heck no. 

    Open relationships only work if you set clear boundaries, BOTH parties are on board and you BOTH follow those boundaries. He just wanted to sleep with the hot girl at the gym without guilt but it backfired.

  136. snickle17 Avatar

    Your husband is an immense piece of human shit.

  137. brent_bent Avatar

    Your husband is a kunt. Enjoy your life and understand all his accusations are confessions of what he actually thinks. He’s the one who threw things away and is then gaslighting you with nonsense about how this is all your fault when he’s the one who pushed for this over and over. F him. NTA but your hubby is a jackass.

  138. WeaselPhontom Avatar

    NTA, he wanted permission to cheat a.s expected you not ro partake. He’s a hypocrite and id  be calling that out. I would retort that he wanted an open relationship, he’s having sex with a woman he actively pursued at the gym. 

  139. amy_crypto Avatar

    Nta. Your men is very weird lol.

  140. WillingnessKnown9693 Avatar

    Sorry but the concept of an open relationship, much less and open marriage escapes me. Hey, if that’s your thing more power to you, but for me the best part of being in a relationship is that you have a partner that makes you feel special, like you are the only one for them. Further, marriage to me is a contract between two people, a commitment between the two. And there are two ways out of it, death or divorce.

    The old “we are spicing it up” or “exploring my desires” “I wanna do this before I get too old” “it just sex” “it doesn’t mean anything” is a load of crap. Your partner wanted to screw around and did. At that point your committed relationship, much less your marriage, was OVER. You were roommates sharing the same space and screwing who ever you wanted to.

    He is a hypocrite. You aren’t the villian, HOWEVER you did decide to participate after telling him NO and it wasn’t what you signed up for. I think you should have stuck to your principles kicked him to the curb the first time he did it, likely he was cheating before you brought it up.

  141. mjsunsay Avatar

    yes open marriage always end in divorce for those who dosen’t have the 100% mindset for it

  142. Background_Year_5172 Avatar

    People in an open marriage get what they deserve. Live with it

  143. Lost_Ad_6420 Avatar

    Your husband is a typical goof. My suggestion is you sleep with me a couple more times and if you can stomach it sleep at three or four other people that will make your husband understand things a little bit better. Teach him a lesson

  144. Lost_Ad5243 Avatar

    I am sorry you feeled eaten alive. It should have hurt so much. I don’t think you feel better now, but you took a step toward your freedom (divorce). I wish you the best.

    Your future ex husband is a huge asshole.

  145. West_Abroad_1697 Avatar

    I wouldn’t even respond to him and keeep doing you! That guy needs to deal with it.

  146. No_Preparation_379 Avatar

    NTA

    He just meant that your marriage was “open” only for him.

    Sounds like you need to see a lawyer as your marriage was over once he started talking about an open marriage, sleeping on the regular with one person, and now comparing you both. Do you really want to live the rest of your life like this? Plus, what if he gets this girl or another one pregnant or an STI?

  147. Horror-Jicama8913 Avatar

    I feel like I’ve read this story before, nta obviously but this feels fake

  148. Immediate_Paint_3828 Avatar

    NTA. But your husband is a major one. You deserve to be with someone who either wants monogamy with you, or who will let you be equally open.

  149. Jstj4m13 Avatar

    Get proof he’s cheating and how long and file for divorce. Yes, he can do the same but you did it long after he did and I hope you have written proof he requested an open marriage. While it will also work in his favor, it’s proof you only did as he requested.

  150. Trick_Turnover3706 Avatar

    A. He was fkn before getting permission, just was hiding it .
    B. Your marriage was over when he asked

  151. Own-Tank5998 Avatar

    YTAH for playing his game, the moment he brought up the open relationship, you should have dumped him, he was probably already cheating.

  152. Comfortable_Self_736 Avatar

    This can’t be real. I refuse to believe married adults can be this stupid and immature. 

    ESH you don’t love or even like each other.

  153. Delicious_Scene6045 Avatar

    Girl you married an asshole. He destroyed your marriage by asking for it to be open and then getting mad when you do what he said he wanted. He’ll never do the hard work that he’ll have to do to recover from this.

  154. Slow-Olive-4117 Avatar

    Hell nah. He didn’t want an open relationship. He wanted to sleep with the gym girl, now that he did you can’t. Your marriage is over this is so gross on his part.

  155. rocketmn69_ Avatar

    Rules for thee, not for me

  156. K_808 Avatar

    The secret to doing fake stories here is you have to start a new account, then take down all your other engagement bait posts first so people don’t know you’re hopping from sub to sub doing lazy bait posts. Pretend it’s a burner account, so you can actually get the karma before selling it. This one’s way too obvious nobody’s going to believe you went from dealing with a heartbreaking toxic situation to lazy polling black ops 3 players and back in 10 minutes

  157. Few-Network-9412 Avatar

    Lmfao NTA and leave your loser husband for Matt