ok this is kinda long so sorry in advance but I really need to get this off my chest. I (30F) have been with my husband (33M) for 8 years, married for 6. we have a 6 y/o son together. my MIL (60F) has never liked me. I tried so hard in the beginning to win her over, I was polite, respectful, even bit my tongue when she said rude stuff, but over time I realized she just doesn’t like me and never will.
She always finds something to pick at. The way I cook, how I dress, how I talk to my husband (her precious baby boy 🙄), but worst of all, the way I parent. And she does it right infront of my son, constantly.
Some examples:
- Me: “Let’s put on sunscreen, it’s really sunny today.” Her: “Oh please, kids need some sun. You’re being paranoid again.”
- Me: “We don’t do soda at home.” Her (giving him a Sprite): “Grandma’s house, grandma’s rules.”
- And once she literally told my son: “Mommy gets flustered easily, doesn’t she? That’s why grandma has to help sometimes.” IN FRONT OF ME. Like I was invisible.
Anyway this all boiled over at my son’s bday party last weekend. We had close family and friends over. He asked for a 2nd cupcake and I said no, because he already had one and we were about to do presents. MIL right away goes, loud enough for everyone to hear, “Oh don’t be such a control freak, let the boy enjoy himself.”
I tried to stay calm and just said, “I said no. Please respect that.”
She looks at me with that smug look she always has and goes, “Poor kid. Imagine growing up with a mom who doesn’t know how to have fun.”
And I just… snapped. I was already stressed from hosting and this woman had been on my case the entire afternoon. I said, probably louder than I meant to,
“Imagine being a grown woman who can’t stop putting down her daughter-in-law in front of her grandson. Maybe if you respected boundaries, you wouldn’t feel the need to act like this all the time.”
The room went DEAD quiet. She looked shocked, then got up and left. My husband was just kinda frozen. Later he told me he gets why I’m upset but that I “shouldn’t have caused a scene.” Now MIL is saying she won’t come over anymore unless I apologize. SIL said I embarrassed MIL in front of everyone and should’ve just “pulled her aside.” But BIL and a couple others said it’s about time someone stood up to her.
Now I feel torn. I don’t want my son to think it’s okay to talk to people that way, but I also don’t want him thinking it’s okay to let people disrespect you especially when they’re family.
So yeah… AITAH?
Comments
NTA at all …. your MIL sounds toxic
NTA Don’t you DARE apologize! You have a serious husband problem, number one. You need to tell that guy to man the hell up and do his job. You were absolutely right to stand up to this bully at last. She just can’t take what she likes to dish out. The only people who should be apologising are this horrible woman and your cowardly runt of a husband.
Edit: Just to highlight this particularly annoying element of this; your husband should have been the one standing up to her for you. That he’s the one demanding you apologise to her now? He should be so ashamed of himself. He’s no man at all.
NTA and you have a husband problem. He does NOTHING when she denigrates you in front of your child. And he defends her.
Denigrating a parent in front of a child is emotional abuse.
So let’s make this clear. Your husband PERMITS child abuse and then protects the ABUSER. You have a massive massive husband problem and you need to sort it out with him if you ever want to have MIL pull her head in.
I’d say NTA, but I would apologize if you want that kid in her life. If not, just ignore her. She’s in the wrong here.
the sunscreen thing is insane. does dad think that’s okay????
Your husband is a little bitch for not sticking up for you. “Scene” or not, it’s your kid, your home, your life. Let your husband go to visit his mom on his own time and keep that shit to himself.
Maybe explain to your son, that gramma is an absolute bully and it’s not ok to treat you like that
No need to apologize. The woman is toxic. You don’t need her in your life and neither does your son,