My (26F) boyfriend (26M) and I have been together for almost 8 years now and have bought our house 2.5 years ago. Last summer our basement was fully flooded and we had to redo it all. My bf suffer from anxiety and he is very picky with how our renovations are done as he works in this field. We have been at it for almost 8 months now and we have encountered a lot of difficulties. Wrong deliveries, incorrect installation and so on. Since I’m working from home, I am the one there to open the door to the team we hire and pay people. We had a lot of arguments because he feels like I’m responsible for everything wrong that happened since I was at the house. The thing is, I’m working and I can’t leave a client call to look at every corner of the basement before paying people. During our arguments he usually becomes quite aggressive with his words saying that I’m never able to do anything right and he thought I was smarter than that. Keep in mind that every issue that we had, I handle the correction with the compagnies. Fast forward to today, there was a guy at the house installing our shower door and when I saw the invoice, I immediately paid the guy to not forget about it even if he was halfway done with the job. When my bf saw that, he brought me into another room to “silent scream” at me that I was never able to learn from my mistakes (I.e., paying before the job was done) and basically being quite upset. At this point, I’m really fed up with his behavior so I told him to go fuck himself. Apparently I talked loud enough for the worker to hear me (which we don’t know if he did) and now my bf is mad at me.
I understand that I should not have said it loudly but at the same time, he earned it. AITHA? I feel bad and I would need advice.
Note: In my country it’s not common to be married and it’s a common decision not to be.
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My (26F) boyfriend (26M) and I have been together for almost 8 years now and have bought our house 2.5 years ago. Last summer our basement was fully flooded and we had to redo it all. My bf suffer from anxiety and he is very picky with how our renovations are done as he works in this field. We have been at it for almost 8 months now and we have encountered a lot of difficulties. Wrong deliveries, incorrect installation and so on. Since I’m working from home, I am the one there to open the door to the team we hire and pay people. We had a lot of arguments because he feels like I’m responsible for everything wrong that happened since I was at the house. The thing is, I’m working and I can’t leave a client call to look at every corner of the basement before paying people. During our arguments he usually becomes quite aggressive with his words saying that I’m never able to do anything right and he thought I was smarter than that. Keep in mind that every issue that we had, I handle the correction with the compagnies. Fast forward to today, there was a guy at the house installing our shower door and when I saw the invoice, I immediately paid the guy to not forget about it even if he was halfway done with the job. When my bf saw that, he brought me into another room to “silent scream” at me that I was never able to learn from my mistakes (I.e., paying before the job was done) and basically being quite upset. At this point, I’m really fed up with his behavior so I told him to go fuck himself. Apparently I talked loud enough for the worker to hear me (which we don’t know if he did) and now my bf is mad at me.
I understand that I should not have said it loudly but at the same time, he earned it. AITHA? I feel bad and I would need advice.
Note: In my country it’s not common to be married and it’s a common decision not to be.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Because I snapped at my boyfriend in front of someone he works with and that was mean
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. If boyfriend wants to be in control of the renovations, he can be there for the renovations. If he can’t be, he can’t get angry about things. He absolutely deserved to be told off here, and frankly, after months of this, I’m surprised you’re still there.
I’ll be honest, it wouldn’t matter if I waited until the job was finished to pay someone. I don’t know enough about renovations and construction to notice anything but GLARING mistakes. Is there a reason your BF feels you should be able to inspect things at that level? Again… if he wants it done HIS way, he needs to be available to make it happen that way. It IS possible. He could be in this situation as a single man, and he’d have to make it work. He still has that option. It might be good for him to treat this like he’s a single man before he ends up single for real.
ESH. He shouldn’t yell at you but you don’t seem to be accepting responsibility for being the person actually on site for the repairs. You really didn’t think you’d remember to pay after the job was done? I mean the workman could have asked or could have billed you. Is your boyfriend picky or can you just not be bothered? It doesn’t look like the job will be completed any time soon.
NTA
It’s not your full responsibility to be watching over all the renovations, especially since your boyfriend is the one who is worried about it AND you have a job you have to do. Additionally, your boyfriend has been blaming you about all the mistakes that he claims wouldn’t have happened had he been present. At some point, everybody snaps back if they’re constantly getting blamed.
Z
See my last comment and
Fwd it to your punk ass bf
Listen, that man hates you