My granddaughter Haley (22f) was kind enough to drive with me to another state so I could visit an elderly aunt in a nursing home. She was a trooper in that we spent 7 hours at the nursing home and she never complained about it, was very cordial and engaged in conversation with my aunt and her son. The next day we went to my cousin Jimmy’s (70m) house, met up with another cousin Mark and his wife and the 5 of us went out on the side-by-sides. Haley was having a wonderful time, loved being out in the fields and woods.We stopped for lunch, Jimmy was having a couple beers so Haley joined him…2 beers. We rode so some then headed back to Jimmy’s house. Mark and his wife left but Jimmy’s gf Carol joined us. Jimmy offered Haley more to drink and since she is adventuresome she accepted them. She was starting to feel it, very talkative and enjoying the company of us old folks. Jimmy had to go out in the field to pick up his grandson who was goose hunting and asked Haley to go with…which she did. They were going to clean the geese when they got back, which Haley was all excited to learn, then go to dinner. But as soon as they got back she told me we had to leave RIGHT NOW…I figured the alcohol hit her. as we were leaving Jimmy told me to text him Haley’s number so he and Carol could go visit her. We left and she told me that while out on the side-by-side with Jimmy, he put his hand between her thighs, asking if that was OK, then pushed his hand even higher. She was mortified that this old man did that to her. The sad part is she said “I thought family was safe”. He called me the next morning to see “how Haley was doing” and I just told him she was fine. Later I sent Jimmy a text message…didn’t trust myself to call him…telling him that what he did was not OK and that Haley was not fine with what he did. I also told him I would not to sending him her number and that he would not be going visit her. I wrote out exactly what he had done so he knew that Haley had told me…no guessing. I have also told both my sisters about it and will tell my brother but am wondering if I should mention it to his siblings. Or would that be an AH move to tell them? I also want to tell his daughter as she has a teenage daughter…just to warn her not to let her dad alone around her daughter. Would that be pushing it too far?
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My granddaughter Haley (22f) was kind enough to drive with me to another state so I could visit an elderly aunt in a nursing home. She was a trooper in that we spent 7 hours at the nursing home and she never complained about it, was very cordial and engaged in conversation with my aunt and her son. The next day we went to my cousin Jimmy’s (70m) house, met up with another cousin Mark and his wife and the 5 of us went out on the side-by-sides. Haley was having a wonderful time, loved being out in the fields and woods.We stopped for lunch, Jimmy was having a couple beers so Haley joined him…2 beers. We rode so some then headed back to Jimmy’s house. Mark and his wife left but Jimmy’s gf Carol joined us. Jimmy offered Haley more to drink and since she is adventuresome she accepted them. She was starting to feel it, very talkative and enjoying the company of us old folks. Jimmy had to go out in the field to pick up his grandson who was goose hunting and asked Haley to go with…which she did. They were going to clean the geese when they got back, which Haley was all excited to learn, then go to dinner. But as soon as they got back she told me we had to leave RIGHT NOW…I figured the alcohol hit her. as we were leaving Jimmy told me to text him Haley’s number so he and Carol could go visit her. We left and she told me that while out on the side-by-side with Jimmy, he put his hand between her thighs, asking if that was OK, then pushed his hand even higher. She was mortified that this old man did that to her. The sad part is she said “I thought family was safe”. He called me the next morning to see “how Haley was doing” and I just told him she was fine. Later I sent Jimmy a text message…didn’t trust myself to call him…telling him that what he did was not OK and that Haley was not fine with what he did. I also told him I would not to sending him her number and that he would not be going visit her. I wrote out exactly what he had done so he knew that Haley had told me…no guessing. I have also told both my sisters about it and will tell my brother but am wondering if I should mention it to his siblings. Or would that be an AH move to tell them? I also want to tell his daughter as she has a teenage daughter…just to warn her not to let her dad alone around her daughter. Would that be pushing it too far?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. You’re protecting both your granddaughter and his granddaughters. Jimmy deserves to be put on blast for sexually assaulting his young relative, especially because he probably though that she was an easy target after plying her with alcohol.
Go off grandma. Tell ’em all.
NTA. He was creeping on your 22 year old granddaughter. He deserves to be outed to EVERYONE for his actions so that they know he isn’t a safe person to leave a young lady alone with
NTA! Blast this mofo to everyone. If he blames it on his drinking that’s a whole other level of AH for him. He is a sexual abuser the family and everyone involved with him needs to know so no other women/ girls get put in that position.
I would start the conversation with his siblings by asking if he’s had any similar behaviors in the past, just to see if this is a pattern that they already know about. If you go head on, you might get hit by an immediate denial: “he wouldn’t do something like that!”
Anyway, NTA. feel free to rat him out, grandma/grandpa. But I would leave the teenage daughter alone for now. That seems more like a family conversation that needs to happen first between her and her dad.
NTA! Tell everyone exactly what he did and warn others – his next victim might not be so lucky. Love to your granddaughter, I hope she’s ok
As a man myself who is very close to his age, you need to scream that from the rooftops you need to tell everybody what a perv this guy is, there’s absolutely no reason for that behavior.
So Jimmy offered your granddaughter drinks and then he was able to have time alone with her. That was no coincidence, he was trying to push his way hoping that alcohol and shame would mask his actions.
Ha planned and calculated how to sexually assault your granddaughter.
YWBTA if you don’t tell everyone about this. How would you feel if one day he assaults his granddaughter and you did nothing? TBF you should tell the police too but they probably wouldn’t be able to do anything about him.
No good would come of not telling everyone close to him. Let them all be warned.
NTA
Nta. He is is ah. Don’t let the perpetrator be the victim. Tell your family what happened and cut contact to anyone siding him. This kind of behaviour is disgusting and unacceptable. Unfortunately hard to prove and even harder to suit him for this
Warn as many people you can. Let the word spread. If they blame your daughter again go no contact.
You are doing the right thing.
NTA. I would go scorched earth.
Shine the brightest light on that cockroach…he deserves the consequences for his disgusting actions.
NTA 100%. I wish more people had grandparents like you. You’re a hero. And that’s not an exaggeration. Too many people try to downplay a family member’s bad behavior. And too many people excuse old men’s horrific actions simply because “they’re old”. This was a sexual assault, and he should be called out for it to the fullest extent. It sounds like he’s also trying to have contact with her to make sure she’s not going to tell or possibly even press charges. Even if he wouldn’t do this to his granddaughter (which it’s entirely possible he would, given what you’ve said), his family should know he’s willing to take advantage of a young woman, presumably because he assumed he would get away with it. It’s not an AH move to make sure people around this man are safe and aware of his behavior.
On blast! I’m going to bet it’s not the first time he’s touched someone. Creepyness doesn’t just come out the woodwork unless the tree is already rotten.
I would also ensure someone sensitive and trusted have a chat with the young ladies of the family to make sure it has not happened. And to reassure them that family would support and protect them.
I would also ensure Haley has support and potentially counselling. It’s a pretty big mirror to break that family is not always safe. He’s also shattered her sense of safety within her family.
Absolutely NTA
He Needs to be put on blast to everyone. They need to know that he should not be welcomed around anyone. Even adults aren’t safe around him
NTA. You’re warning people about a sexual predator, they deserve to know.
There will be pushback, though – some people will shoot the messenger instead of the abuser. Unfortunately, his daughter probably already knows, but naming him as a predator will help anyone he’s already assaulted and hopefully reduce his opportunities.
What he did is sexual assault, and it’s illegal. Haley has the right to call the police and report it if she wants. That may be very stressful for her, so if she doesn’t want, don’t push. Her first priority should be protecting herself.
ps:
NTA you’re protecting your granddaughter and potentially others. What Jimmy did was sexual assault, plain and simple. You handled it calmly but firmly, and warning others especially his daughter with a teen isn’t overstepping, it’s responsible. Silence only helps predators. You’re doing the right thing by making sure no one else gets hurt.
It is possible that he is suffering from a dementia-type disorder and is becoming unable to control his impulses. Certainly in that situation everyone would want to know so they can make sure that he has the support and medical care and supervision he needs.
It is also possible that he is an inappropriate creep trying to take advantage of a family member. Certainly if that’s the case, everyone would want to make sure that he has the consequences and supervision appropriate to his actions to protect the family and all vulnerable people he might attack.
NTA for refusing to enable sexual abuse regardless of the cause. This is one of those absolute rules of “we don’t tolerate that”. Anyone who thinks otherwise doesn’t get to remain in contact with the others. Good for you for not remaining silent.
One thing to consider for the future if asked for anyone else’s contact information: tell them to give you their information and you will pass it along. Let them decide for themselves if they want their information shared.
You have to let everyone know, because every female is at risk around this old pervert. The fact that he did this to a 22 year-old means what the hell would he do to a younger girl?
Info: what’s a side-by-side? Like an ATV (all-terrain vehicle)?
Nta tell literally everyone. He got her under the influence and then tried to take advantage
Tell EVERYONE! silence is how this crap keeps going on.
NTA, by telling you may prevent it happening to someone else.
Look after your granddaughter if there’s any fall out.
Chances are good that he’s already tried this shit already, I mean, he’s 70 years old. You may find some other women in the family who’ve buried a memory like this. It may be contentious when you out him. It’s common for families to force the victim to not “make a big deal” about it in order to keep the status quo. So they don’t ruin his life but ruin hers instead. It is so helpful that you believe and support her. Getting the truth out is like sprinkling salt on a slug and watching it wither.
NTA…Good on you for believing your granddaughter without hesitation. It’s a shame this happened at all, but at least there is trust and support between you.
NTA, I’d be putting it in skywriting and telling everyone, embarrass the hell out of him and warn others. That was beyond creepy and wrong.
NTA — you’re protecting your granddaughter and everyone from predators. All must fear. Big NTA.
NTA. Put him on blast and tell everyone. He got her drunk and tried to take advantage of her. That is disgusting.
NTA TELL EVERYONE
Tell your granddaughter Reddit is pro-Haley. And you’re a good grandma, because Haley knows you are a safe person. Nta
Tell the whole family! Silence allows predators to thrive. Please continue to support your granddaughter and encourage her to get counseling.
NTA Tell everyone including his wife. He may be having some dementia symptoms if he has never acted this way BUT that doesn’t mean you should not protect other girls and women in his family.
NTA.
NTA. Tell everyone that he’s not safe.
I wish the adults in my life had done this for me.
NTA.. Tell it and tell it all to every family member
TELL EVERYONE SO THEIR DAUGHTERS AREN’T MOLESTED.
NTA
What an a-hole!
NTA.
You should absolutely warn anyone who might be accosted by this man. Whether to tell his siblings would be a judgement call based on whether there is anyone for them to protect/warn.
The sad thing is, his siblings probably already know or suspect, and they didn’t tell YOU.
NTA. Everyone needs to know he’s not safe and a se*ual predator. He only has himself to blame for his actions, and he should feel shame, embarrassment, and guilt for what he tried. It’s probably not the first time either.
NTA. Tell EVERYONE and let them judge for themselves if they’d like to continue to have a relationship with him
NTA. Tell everybody what happened. This probably isn’t the first time he’s done something like this or worse. Maybe with you letting people know it will help someone else from becoming a victim.
Tell everyone, or this won’t be the last time. And I doubt this was the first time Jimmy had done something. Jimmy is a sexual predator.
NTA I wish I had a grandma (or any family member) that had the same reaction when I told folks what my cousin did to me. as soooo many others have said already, TELL EVERYONE including his spouse, their friends, the cops, any schools he is near or has contact with students at. He brazenness and use of alcohol to drop her defenses are massive red flags that he has done this before. Him calling to check on her in the morning was a check to see if she told anyone, cause if she didn’t he WOULD try again and again (with her or with others). Make sure Haley knows that what he did was wrong, and her telling you was absolutely the correct thing to do.
Jimmy is a predator, more likely than not has at least 1 other victim but probably several, and will do it again until he is stopped by the law or mother nature.
NTA. Protect others by telling people EXACTLY what he did. He is vile.
NTA
You are more than justified in letting everyone know.
There is a chance that he is experiencing a loss of inhibitions that can come with a form of dementia. In this case, people need to know so he can receive appropriate treatment and so those around him can be aware of his condition and take appropriate precautions. Carol may need to be part of managing Jimmy if this is the case.
Or, he may be a dirty old man. In this case, people need to know so they can be aware and take appropriate precautions. Carol may want to guide his social interactions. They should also be aware so, if he makes this sort of advances on someone who brings charges against him, they won’t be caught in a “But Jimmy would NEVER…” situation.
Tell the whole family and then tell the police. She was assaulted. Whats the difference between what he did and if a stranger did this to her in an elevator?
F family and the polite way society protects criminals just because you know them. How many years of, ” dont embarrass us by telling everyone uncle Jimmy molested you. Be polite”
This reminds me of the way college women get raped and then are encouraged to report it to the school and not the police. It makes it easier for the school and the police who dont need to worry about it. Who cares about the girls.
Maybe if your niece had been a nephew, suddenly jimmy would seem like more of a pervert wouldnt he? But the assault is the same. We just find it more acceptable to let women be assaulted.
She did you a favor so kindly and no one protected her more? This is what you call family? Do you think this is the first time he did this or has it been 70 years of relatives not wanting to make a big deal of it?
If nothing else, i hope this teaches your niece family are the last people you trust and rely on.
NTA
Tell everyone. You never know who you saying something will give the courage to speak up because he undoubtedly has done this to others who’ve not had the courage Haley did to tell you. And by that same token you never know if you’ll prevent someone from also being SA’d (because that’s what this is) who didn’t know not to be alone with him.
Haley is brave. Haley knew to speak up – likely because you and her parents have made her feel safe in doing so, which means you’ve all done a very good job.
NTA, but before you tell everyone, I would let your granddaughter have some level of agency in deciding how many people are told this story. I think you have good intentions in wanting to protect her. But a part of that is also letting her be a part of deciding how the information is provided to others.
Probably he has always been this way. Looks like he’s losing the ability to hide it. Also looks like his family has been covering for him.
Yes, warn everyone, because this is going to happen more and more often. Persons who fit his predation profile need to be aware that they need to stay out of reach.
NTA thank you for believing her and standing up for her. Everyone needs to be told. He assaulted her, and you know this was not the first time he did that to someone, and won’t be the last unless everyone knows, and he’s prosecuted, or at the very least never allowed to be alone with anyone again.
NTA
NTA at all. You need to tell those close to him and anyone else who is old enough and relevant to protecting any female relative of yours. You do not need to keep it a secret for his sake. He go himself into this.
That said, I hope people realize that you are only doing it to protect people from him, and you can be clear in the way you present this information. This shouldn’t be about demonizing him, marginalizing him (although some of that will be necessary), or getting people to cut him out. It’s about protection.
NTA – shout it from the roof tops, what he did was not okay and should not be kept in the shadows.
nta
but see if haley would be okay with all the people knowing what happened, but if i wad haley, i would sing like a canary
sorry that this happened to her
NTA – tell everyone and be specific, contact the police too.