I live with my girlfriend and work from home the majority of the time. I started therapy a few months ago and one of the suggestions from my therapist was to journal so I thought I’d give it a go.
I’ve started doing it after work so I’ll spend an hour decompressing in the home office, some of that time is used for journalling, some of it is just to decompress and have some time on my own. My girlfriend has started getting annoyed at this and said it’s weird I’m spending an hour each day away from her.
I said it’s hardly a long time that I’m spending in the office but she just said I shouldn’t be doing it. I explained again that she knew why I was doing it and why it was important but she just repeated that I shouldn’t be doing it.
She said I should reduce the length of time and reduce the frequency but I refused. She said I should be compromising it I just pointed out we still have hours together each night so it’s not like I’m spending all my time on my own.
AITAH for taking an hour to myself each night and not shortening it?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> started taking an hour to myself each night and refused to shorten it,
My partner said I should be open to do it less frequently and for doing it for less time
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NTA. I need decompression time too and I take a lot more than an hour a day for it.
Your gf seems exceedingly selfish and inconsiderate of you and your mental health. 1 hour a day is really not a lot
NTA This is a very normal and healthy boundary to have. The fact that she cannot respect something so simple makes me wonder how else she disrespects your boundaries?
NTA. Your girlfriend is.
Aaaaaand red flag number 1. If she can’t see the value in you spending ONE HOUR away from her to JOURNAL then she’s not the one. She’s being possessive which is never a good thing. I’d suggest leaving her before she decides to tear out your journal pages or burn the thing entirely. It wouldn’t be the first time someone’s SO on reddit did something like that because they were jealous of the other person’s hobby taking up their time or happiness.
NTA btw.
NTA. And quite frankly it’s toxic that she demands to have your full attention all the time. It sounds immature and needy. Keep taking an hour for yourself and setting boundaries – and if she persists, the only thing you should stop doing is dating her.
NTA. She would probably go ballistic if you asked her to shorten her “me time” or a spa day.
NTA
An hour really isn’t that long a time to take for yourself. Personally, I think it’s a good way to, as you said, decompress, especially if you had a hard day at work. I think she’s selfish if she thinks that you don’t deserve just one hour to yourself every day.
NTA. It’s normal to set healthy boundaries and it’s okay to have an alone time.
NTA. My husband WFH and has a very similar routine. It isn’t usually a full hour but he always takes a little time to decompress before switching into home mode. What is her reasoning for, “you shouldn’t be doing it?” other than just because she doesn’t want you to? Right now she sounds very dependent on you for her entertainment. Does she have a job, hobbies, or any friends? Do you often find her getting upset with you for not dedicating every bit of your free time and attention to her? If so she is being needy and controlling.
NTA
She seems toxic AF. Is this someone you see a future with? An hour a day away from her is too much? That’s kinda neurotic and controlling behavior.
NTA, although your gf is. Don’t stay with someone who doesn’t support your personal growth.
NTA ur girlfriend is weird
NTA
You’re describing a short amount of time for yourself. Like far below average and she still has a problem with it
If she knows this recommendation comes from your therapist and is STILL wanting you to cut your time, she’s the problem
NTA. Personal time is important. It seems like your GF is being very controlling about this, and that’s a bad sign.
nta you’re still spending time with her and your therapist recommended it.
Info: how much time do you spend together?
If you’re taking an hour after work and then spend 2-3h with her, she’s being plain unreasonable. If you finish work, go to the gym, do your therapy, do chores, journal, and then have no actual time for her, then you both probably need to review your schedules.
At least have the decency to be honest to your GF and tell her the truth – she doesn’t bring you peace.
NTA unless you are leaving her to take care of children by herself all day there is no reason you can’t take an hour for yourself. She is extremely codependent if she is upset by spending an hour apart a day. Tell your therapist about this and see what her opinion is. I do r think it’s healthy to spend ALL of your time together
NTA maybe like go to the gym or soemthing so she stops bothering you
NTA. My husband and I each take a nonnegotiable hour (sometimes longer, when we need it) of decompression time a day. Don’t budge on this, if she can’t appreciate that she found a guy with the mentality of “take care of yourself first before you can take care of others well” then she’s not for you!
NTA, a healthy relationship allows for personal time.
NTA. Her codependency is her issue to sort out, not yours to manage. Coming from another codependent person
Nta. Sounds like she’s the reason you need some me time
She doesn’t want you to have anything to yourself including time because she’s a controlling narcissist. You deserve so much better and need to get out as soon as possible. Abusers don’t stop. They only get worse with time. Just keep working on yourself and you’ll find someone so much better. A good woman that’ll treat you right.
NTA. If your girlfriend can’t cope with you having an hour to yourself then something is definitely wrong
She is TA. She is also part of the problem. Dump her!
NTA. Boundaries and alone time are part of a healthy relationship between two healthy people. Sounds like she needs to start some therapy, herself. Or you’re going to end up becoming healthy enough that you can’t handle this.
If it helps you, then it’s weird she doesn’t support you on this. You’re NTA. I had a partner at one time who would get upset I’d do an hour of yoga/meditation when I got home from work. It’s what I needed to recharge.
If you don’t have kids, NTA.
If you do have kids, then YTA.
Sounds like you should make it 2 hours tbh
Esh but definitely more her and only if you aren’t willing to compromise ever. Like if you had dinner plans would you shorten it or be a stickler for needing exactly an hour?
No, not necessarily. But are you holding up dinner? Do you expect to eat with your partner or for her to fly solo? What’s the plan if there’s kids?
My recommendation is move the journal hour to the end of the night and establish time alone in your home office or guest room.
NTA. It is good for you to have this time for yourself. I do not think twice about my husband playing video games in our media room away from me for an hour or longer. Everyone needs alone time!
NTA
Sounds like your gf is codependent.
NTA. She needs her personal time too, maybe not an hour but we are all different. As long as you aren’t neglecting her and disregarding her feelings (which is not the case) then you are in the right. She is not considering your needs and feelings. I suggest having a sit down conversation about how important this is to you and if she refuses to listen then you have your answer.
Maybe discuss a time? Because usually after work its time to cook and all, and thats now all up to her.
Unless you want to have dinner on spanish times, its kinda unreasonable to do this every day directly after work.
No kids? NTA.
(Not that you would be t a if you did, but the situation would be more nuanced.)
That personal time is therapy, quite literally. If there were other things that needed doing during that time, I could see her protestations, but otherwise it honestly just sounds clingy and intrusive.
NTA
Tell her to get a hobby NTA.
While you two are a couple, you are both still individuals with individual needs. If she can’t accept the fact that this is a need for you or if she feels your needs are no longer compatible, it’s time for the breakup talk, not a talk about “compromises”.
Nta. She’s being absurd and insecure. Take ALL the time you need.
Personally I journal and meditate in the morning, for many reasons, one being that I love my boyfriend so much I want to be with him as much as I can. I don’t want him sitting alone every night. He works hard all day and works out in the morning and wants to spend time with me too.
NTA. From the someone who has been happily married for 30+ years, time apart to explore your own interests and just be alone with your thoughts is incredibly important. One hour a day to yourself is not too much to ask. It’s concerning that your girlfriend is so clingy and unreasonable she can’t see that.
Reserving judgement….would love to hear her side of this.
NTA but I’d dig into this a bit more with her if you haven’t already. Is it that she doesn’t want you to do it at all, the length of time or time of day? Is there one night of the week she’d like to do something together and it conflicts with this time? If there is no good reason for her getting upset, I’d reconsider someone not giving me time and space. If she has a valid reason for requesting that you shorten this time every once in a while it would also make sense that you be flexible here and there. It’s healthy to have some alone time and space so it’s good that you maintain this boundary.
She thinks you’re jacking off in there.
NTA. What’s the point of paying a therapist if you’re not going to do the homework? That’s not very supportive. I don’t think that’s too much to ask. You didn’t mention having kids or anything like that. I do the same every day, no matter how busy I am I try to spend 30 minutes to an hour doing something I enjoy. It’s usually after everyone goes to bed unless someone wants to participate in the activity because it’s not the same thing all the time.
NTA but I’d bring it up with your therapist. See what they say. I’m guessing it’s your girlfriend who is weird, not you.
NTA. Some people have an hour commute. Tell her you are “commuting” so that you can be the person you need to be.
Copy of the times, pipe, slippers and 2 fingers of whiskey, it’s every working human’s right (in the 1940’s)
NTA! Couples NEED time apart. Sometimes I feel like my partner is right up my ass! If I want to go out she HAS to invite herself. If I say no that I’ll be right back she pouts and gets pissy. It’s not worth it. So I take the time when I can.
You’re likely NTA, but there are a few things you could do to clarify if this is red flag behavior on her part or just a communication issue. 1. It sounds like her love language might be quality time (if you don’t know your respective love languages, you should both go take the quiz and talk about the results) and she just wants to have more time around you. The way you’re presenting it, she’s demanding you give up your alone time which is not okay, but if it’s really just that she wants to spend more time with you and doesn’t know how to express that, then this could easily be resolved by talking through it. 2. Could you possibly have her join a therapy session with you, so she could see from a third party how and why this hour alone is so important to you? Sometimes just having someone else validate that you need x helps your partner understand better. 3. Does the hour alone need to happen right at the end of the work day? Could you shift it to after dinner or the hour before you go to sleep? If you spend 8+ hours working (assuming, separately from her) and then add another hour to that stretch, I could see why she would be upset that you’re adding an hour to the chunk of time in the day that she’s not seeing you, when that hour could maybe be broken out somewhere else in the evening so it seems more tenable. Just to be clear, I say all this with the hope that it’s really just a miscommunication between the two of you, but if she is demanding and unwilling to accept that you need the hour to yourself/uncompromising on her request then she is definitely TA. Hope you two can find a resolution soon, regardless!
She needs to watch Ted Lasso Season 2 Episode 7.
NTA – Respectfully, you need to get away from her. This is a major red flag. She will derail all of the good work you’re doing in therapy.
Don’t stop. I started journal king and my emotional health drastically improved.
I don’t know if you are the AH or not as you haven’t elaborated on other things. Yes, it is good to spend time decompressing, but are you preventing her from getting the same time to also decompress? Do you share the mental load with her, or just leave her to it? Do you also do other things that are one-sided like going out with the guys and leaving her with the kids? Be honest with yourself when you answer these questions and communicate with her, not Reddit.
Girlfriend is TAH.
One text, message, or call in the morning, and the same at night, is appropriate.
If she can’t give you one freaking hour to yourself, drop her and move on.
That is just ridiculous.
NTA. One of the biggest mistakes people make with regards to work/life balance is not taking that time to decompress and disconnect. They get off work and immediately do chores, or go to the gym or something else. The brain needs time to relax a bit after work so that you can release all the mental stress from work. I do this as well and have done it for most of my marriage. My wife completely understands it and gives me no crap for it, because my mental health vastly improved, as well as my behavior towards her by giving me that time. It’s not weird at all and if your girlfriend actually cares about you, she wouldn’t be so insecure about it and understand why it is important, instead of labeling it “weird”, which is both belittling and insulting, and not supportive at all. I would attempt to explain it to her, maybe even take her to a counseling session with you so she can hear from the therapist why it is important. If she doesn’t take it seriously and continues giving you crap about it, then perhaps she doesn’t actually have your best interest at heart since she’s not even attempting to understand it.
NTA – she herself needs to take an hour a day to reflect/decompress.
NTA. What you are doing seems very healthy. Many people go to a bar and drink for that same amount of time EVERY day after work. You will be a better partner for her because you are taking care of yourself. Would she have a problem if you worked out for an hour everyday instead?
She can’t control when, how long, or what frequency you need your time. She needs to chill.
My husband takes his personal time. He does it once I go to sleep. He gets to be silent and spend time with himself. It’s very healthy.
NTA – Your girlfriend sounds like she could use some therapy of her own. Decompression after work is normal and important. You may want to re-exam your relationship with this person. Perhaps get couples counseling.
NTA
It’s only an hour and you are allowed to have some quiet time to yourself. I am married and I have found it’s actually really good to have some time in the day where we can both have some time to ourselves to just fully relax. Like I don’t even always do anything productive, I just like to space out for a while after a long day and let my brain rest, then I’m good to go and do whatever. Talk to your girlfriend and suggest that she start doing something like what you are at the end of the work day, just take that hour and do something that’s just for herself rather than try to get your attention for that one hour per day.
You should point out to her that she also has this hour for herself to read or meditate or whatever. She might start to like it!
NTA.
No chance she’d be open to having her own hour of journaling time?
NTA, I live with my fiancé and will fairly regularly take an hour after work to decompress by gaming. I do check in that he’s OK with it, but he’s always cool and will often just crack on with the washing up, safe in the knowledge that I wash all his pants.
You are together. You live together. It is a compromise on all sides to find a comfortable middle ground in which you both thrive.
Edit: a word
NTA, that’s basically your commute time from office to home. You just happen to be taking that time in your office space and not on a bus or car. Everyone should have time for themselves.
NTA, and I am giving the GF some side-eye for basically being jealous about this.
IMO time apart is essential for most couples, and often overlooked. Whether it’s a hobby like gardening or biking or painting or whatever, it’s good to have time apart as well as separately. Among the many benefits are that it gives you more to talk about.
Perhaps your GF could use some therapy to dig into why this hour seems so threatening to her?
Reserving judgement, I’d be wondering about the quality of the time you two spend together. Because if her emotional/mental/physical needs aren’t being met, she might be asking for more time in the hope that is the failing not the quality of the time you two spend together. Or if she ends up doing all the housework while you take your hour could be an issue. At the very least, you two need better communication.
She should take your hour and make her hour too. It’s not that hard to figure out. She could do so many things for herself during that hour too. When you learn to be alone you also learn to appreciate others company. Good luck and keep your hour.
NTA It’s normal to need time to yourself. It’s just an hour also, which doesn’t seem excessive to me as a daily thing. If the issue is that she misses you while at work and wants to see you, maybe you could introduce a 10-15 minute period of catching up right after work before you have your hour? I think if she’s willing you could find a way for both your needs to feel met.
Info: do you have children? Because if you do, and she has to solo parent for you to get a daily hour, plus your work, and she doesn’t get any time to herself? Then you’d be a huge AH.
It depends. Do you spend 12 hours a day working and then use a 13th hour for yourself? That is too much.
If your work days are more reasonable and you are off by 5:30 or something, then fine.
Another option is to choose the start of your day to take the hour. Then spent the end of your day with her
When my husband and I first started dating, he let me know that he needs alone time sometimes. I was like THANK GOD because I’m an only child and I also need alone time. Turns out I need more than he does, and we’re both totally cool with it. One of my favorite things we do is I sleep in on the weekends and cuddle the foster cat. He watches movies that I don’t want to watch with our cats out in the living room. Sometimes he’ll go to a theater at like 9am and he will be back before I’m even awake. It’s awesome, highly recommend
NTA, no question about it. People, even those in relationships, need their personal time to decompress, I’d say it’s healthier that way. And an hour is barely much to ask for.
If your gf DOESN’T need decompress time of her own and can’t understand the concept of it in general or the fact that you would need it for your mental health, it’s a serious problem. It means that, in her eyes, you exist to soothe and regulate her emotions as opposed to being your own person with your own needs and emotions to regulate and soothe.
It sounds like your gf needs therapy too.
NTA.
NTA. There’s something wrong with your GF if she doesn’t think you can have an hour to yourself each day to decompress. Your GF is selfish and doesn’t believe in self care. Sounds like you need a better GF.
NTA. I am like this, my partner thought I was weird or would strop if I stayed up late just to have some me time.
I told them I couldn’t be my best self with them if I did not have an hour or so to clear my head.
They tried to push back but I said I found it weird they had to be with me all the time and I wanted a partner, not a baby.
They got the message after that.
This is super weird, especially since she’s asking you to stop doing it altogether. If she were asking you to schedule differently, like “hey could you move your journaling time to the morning or before bed” and for a real reason, like “I’d love for us to be able to meet for happy hour after work,” or “I’d really like for us to spend time together right after work, it’s the time of day I need that kind of support the most,” or even “my libido is highest in the early evening,” or something like that, I could understand, and it would be a reasonable compromise. Weird for her to ask that you stop doing it altogether though, especially since it’s something your therapist specifically recommended you do and not like you’re just watching TV or playing video games alone with the door closed or even napping (not that those things aren’t fine to do, but just that it’s especially weird when it’s a therapist-recommended activity for your mental health rather than pure recreation/rest).
NTA. Your therapist suggested it. She should leave it alone. You’re not going out and partying. If she doesn’t, at least you’re not married.
My question is if she is feeling needy is there something that she isn’t getting? Maybe the time you spend together after your 1 hour decompression doesn’t feel like quality time together. Maybe doing something that connects you two will help.
I had this issue with a past partner. It wasn’t until years later after splitting that I realised his idea of quality time was just co-existing in the same room together and my idea was games, activities, a walk, not just sitting on the couch staring at screens.
Not trying to defend her but I think there is a deeper issue at play and putting a finger on that might solve the problem.
I absolutely think you deserve your time for journaling and decompression. It isn’t weird, it’s actually quite thoughtful and allows you to show up as the best version of yourself. It’s also something you’ve figured out helps you mentally – learning about ourselves and what we need is an ongoing process. Being with someone that can understand that these things can and likely will change over time is massive.
NTA I do the same thing. From 6-7pm no one talk to me or at least don’t expect me to make any decisions during that hour. I’m on the phone all day, I need to compress.
So from the comments you’re spending plenty of time with her.
NTA. People need their own time; an hour a day isn’t that bad if you’re spending the rest of the free time of the day with her. That’s… a low bar ask.
NTA
I wonder if there could be a compromise, not that you have to of course, I’m just thinking how I’d go about it. Like maybe twice a week spend first some time with her and do the Journaling before bed or something?
NTA she’s probably the reason you need an hour to decompress before dealing with her. She sounds beyond exhausting.
What time do you get home from work? Is it meal time? Does she cook for you, and is expected to wait for this arbitrary hour to be finished?
9-5 is normal working hours. Let’s say you have a half hour commute. So your hour doesn’t end until 6:30, which is still in regular dinner timeframe but on the later side.
I’m leaning towards NTA but there’s lots of factors that could make this ESH or NAH
NTA. This kind of thing is actually really healthy for most relationships. You should both be able to be in the same place without being with each other, if that makes sense. My husband and I spend a lot of time at home, but we aren’t in the same room all the time. We have different hobbies and I can’t watch Bones reruns in the same room he’s watching Supernatural reruns, you know? I’d probably murder him if he tried to follow me around the garden all day, and I would definitely be a distraction if I hung around his office all afternoon while he edited photos and videos.
Having some time alone with yourself is a good thing, but I agree with others that have said you should try to find out more about why she’s asking you to shorten your You time.
NTA. I respect my partners had a busy day and needs time to decompress and destress. If he wants to relax for an hour after a shower, then why wouldn’t i let him?!
No judgement, but it sounds like she is missing you after a long day of work and is seeking connection. I’m not saying the way she is going about it or the words she is using are right, but perhaps it is worth an open, vulnerable conversation.
Would you be willing to finish work, come out and spend say half an hour or an hour or whatever chatting with her, connecting with her, and then going and having your 1 hour of journaling/decompressing time?
If she can’t understand that you need this time, especially at the recommendation of your therapist she may not be the person for you.
She sounds codependent and isn’t being respectful of a healthy practice.
NTA
NTA. You ARE compromising by only taking an hour. Encourage her to enjoy that hour to herself, too.
Info: What does both of your weekly schedules look like? How old are you both? Would it be possible for you to move the hour to the end of the night?
IE: work M-F 8am to 7pm or something like that
Im thinking if my husband came home every day after his 10 hour days and went straight to lock himself in a room for an hour I’d feel a bit hurt. Mostly cause I miss him lol. But idk your schedule.
NTA
You have found something that is helping you live a more (mentally/emotionally) healthy life.
Most good partners in your life would be happy for you.
If you two had kids and needed to get them fed and put to bed, I could understand your gf asking for you to be present at a key family time. If your gf had to wait an extra hour for dinner. I could understand her wanting you to schedule differently so that you two could eat dinner together.
But she just jumps to you need to give her some of that reserved time. No issue; she just thinks your free time is hers to claim.
I would ask her to explain if there is a specific challenge this is creating for her. If there is, then address that problem. The solution is not that you have to give up something that is helping you. (E.g., prep dinner ahead of time so that she is not stuck cooking dinner every night.)
Even then, she has been ta for pushing one solution that pleases her and hurts you instead of raising her concerns and problem-solving with you.
If her issue is solely that she wants to claim you free time, then you may use some of your decompression time to ponder whether she is part of the things you need to decompress from
NTA.
People need to decompress. I often listen to music & go for a walk especially if I’m upset or had a bad day, it helps me calm down.
It’s very important to take care of your own mental health but it is also important to address the feelings of your partner. We’re only getting your side of the story. Perhaps she feels alone, or maybe it’s a case of her doing all the cooking, cleaning and menial tasks while you’re decompressing and she FEELS like you’re not pulling your weight or something like that.
Best to have a few more heart to hearts and figure out the what works for you, there’s no point in “being right” in the eyes of an reddit audience if neither you nor her are happy! Good luck 🙂
NTA. I find it strange that she can’t handle an hour away from you unless you have a lot of other things going on where you’re out most of the day and that’s the only time she gets to spend with you or if you have kids. Doesn’t she have hobbies and things she wants to do for herself?
NTA. I’ve been listening to this book called Love Sense. It talks a lot about attachment styles and how people respond to situations. It sounds like maybe she has an anxious attachment style and you wanting time alone may be causing is an underlying fear of losing closeness and connection with you. She just may not be able to verbalize it or understand the underlying problem. It may be helpful to express that you still care for her and still committed to the relationship you just need some time to do your therapy hw and have some decompression time after work. Emphasize that it doesn’t mean you want to be away from her and remind her she can use the time to insert hobby/interest here.
She’s def the AH for saying you SHOULDN’T have alone time but there may be a need for reassurance.
Idk you’re relationship but this was my first thought.
Best of luck.
NTA. You should ask why it bothers her so much that you’re spending time alone, because that’s not a healthy mindset.
INFO: What happened immediately after work before you started taking the time to yourself? Were you both preparing dinner, doing chores, caring for pets/kids?
If so, the problem could be the timing of your alone hour more than the hour alone. You shouldn’t take less time for yourself or take an hour less often, but you could agree on a time that is more palatable for your partner if there’s something they’re now doing unassisted that you were previously doing together.
NTA, she’s a little weird, and a lot of selfish to want you to not take time to yourself.
My husband’s ex (her loss) would never let him do things on his own. When I first acquired his sweetness, he would ask permission to go tinker in the garage or program or whatever. I was like, my dude, please go do something. I just got off work and I could use a few minutes to be less peoplely.
You deserve down time. Some people can decompress during their commute. You have found what works for you. If she can’t entertain herself for any length of time, you might be dating a toddler.
At first I was going to say you were ta, because why does it have to an hour, and why an hour every day? If your gf is coming home and doing chores or starting dinner she may be objecting to you “doing nothing”.
Is there any reason it has to be right at the end of the work day? Could you journal during lunch? Could the two of you make dinner together to relax and reset? Could you do some journaling before bed?
NAH
How controller of her. That’s not reasonable
this is codependent af
NTA
NTA. I feel like her controlling behavior may be why you need therapy in the first place. I’ve been married 31 years. Husband is free to spend his time as he likes. So am I. We chose to spend time together. But sometimes we don’t.
What is she doing in that hour? Decompressing herself?
Are there other factors that the girlfriend is asking for help/consideration with that are being left out here? (Is she expected to do more of the cooking as a result of this? Does it mean that dinner gets pushed back to a difficult time frame for her?) If so, can the journaling/decompression time be moved to a more convenient time?
If it’s just that she expects you guys to be spending as much time together as possible, then this strikes me a simple incompatibility issue between an introvert and an extrovert. It doesn’t make anyone an AH but it might mean that you guys just have competing needs and aren’t a good fit for each other.
But I wonder if OP is even aware of the gf’s exact complaint here. It seems to me that this should be something they can work around if they’re dedicated to listening to each other’s needs and trying to find a solution that works for both of them.
NTA.
It’s okay you want to spend time by yourself. Has your girlfriend given any good reason why you can’t?
Because right now, she seems to be saying that you need to stop because she doesn’t like it and that’s not a great look for her.
You’re drawing a healthy boundary to practice self care, which is HEALTHY, not weird. Her inability to respect your boundaries and respect your need to spend an hour a day alone in your home (not out at bars) is weird. I might be able to understand if you were leaving her to take care of kids alone when you could take your time once they’re in bed but seriously? Don’t let anyone talk you out of caring for your mental health.
Info: does she commute to/from work? I used to cherish that time to decompress and found that’s about the only thing I miss about WFH (the decompress time, not the commute).
How is it a compromise if you just do what she wants, and she doesn’t change or give up anything herself?
NTA. It’s kind of a red flag when a partner gets upset that you sometimes exist outside of interactions with them.
Run!!!
Nta for following your therapists suggestion, your gf doesn’t seem to understand, i don’t see your relationship lasting
NTA but I see where your gf is coming from. As an anxious person I act how your gf is acting sometimes. A solution my bf and I have is staying on the phone with each other while we both decompress and do our own thing. (We don’t live together) sometimes when we are in person we just cuddle and both do our own things to. Maybe having your alone time with her on the phone or in the same room could help??
NTA. I would think your girlfriend would want you to improve your mental health and well-being.
My parents are still happily married after 50 years. They often hold hands while walking around together. They still take time apart. Dad likes riding his motorcycle or working on projects and Mom likes gardening and reading. Alone time is HEALTHY.
NTA if this is something your therapist suggested and she’s not respecting it, she’s not respecting you. Sit her down, calmly explain it in detail, if she doesn’t turn around on this, she’s the asshole.
How long are you alone in the office for work?
NTA. I go to the gym five days a week, I’m usually there for about an hour, and my gf doesn’t complain. It may be tougher for your gf because you’re physically in the same home – it might help if one of you was out during the journaling
Tell her you are doing the mental equivalent of pooping, and that it is private time. Do you hover over her when she is popping?
NTA
Tell her to reduce the bullshit spewing from her mouth and find a new gf. This is a MAJOR problem among today’s women – thinking that their opinions/feelings about how men spend their time matters. It’s about controlling you AND your time.
NTA, I am curious WHY she wants you to stop and if she can’t come up with an answer why should you even take her request seriously? She mentioned compromise, what’s she suggesting you compromise on because she’s offered nothing and just doing what she asks is not compromise.
NTA, you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do