My(22f) friend who is the same age as me has recently found out that she’s pregnant. She was quite distraught at first since she’s not ready for this big of a jump, and she’s not sure if the father would commit to her and her baby. We’ve been friends since high school, and I honestly wanted to be there for her as much as I could, so I made her a little gift basket.
She’s not very far along so I just made a basket with a bunch of gifts for her including some sweet treats, a card and merchandise from her favourite show. I also added some baby clothes in neutral colours , a baby hat and some other baby stuff. I came over to her place and she was elated when I gave it to her and thanked me for helping her through a tough time I told her that I’m happy to help her at any time. We’ll I was happy to help her until a mutual friend told me that she saw her and my ex walking hand in hand after coming from a scan.
I asked around million times if she was sure and she saw that she posted a picture on her private insta of my ex and her saying they can’t wait to meet their beautiful baby. If this was another ex of mine I wouldn’t of have minded but the ex she got pregnant by was incredibly abusive he gave me a black eye and slashed my car tyres he also stalked me by messaging me dad telling him to ask if I’d get back with him. My ‘friend’ knew all of this she saw the effect it had on my mental health and how it caused me to fear getting into a relationship. Yet she went behind my back and got herself knocked up by an abusive deadbeat.
When I saw the pictures I knew that I’d never be friends with her again and I was fine with that I’d rather have toxic people out of my life but one thing I can not go over is the money I spent on the basket. So I went over to her place and her sister let me in and I just went to her room to the basket and left a note in its place. It was so embarrassing cause I had to run through the backdoor to avoid being seen and this whole thing feels immature. Anyway in the note I wrot show I felt about her betrayal and told her that I wish all the best for her child that’s being bought into the world by an abusive deadbeat beat and someone who has no loyalty to her friends i may have phrased that a little differently. I’ve blocked her on everywhere so I don’t know her reaction I feel like i should’ve been more cival and gone no contact without explanation. I don’t know if this is a very asshole situation but regardless, AITAH?
Comments
NTA you gave her the gift as a good friend and by dating and getting pregnant by your abusive ex she showed she’s not your friend. So no gift. Pretty simple.
"You know what they say: one friend’s trash is another friend’s treasure… or in this case, one ex’s baby mama is another friend’s reason to reclaim their gifts! Who knew friendship came with a return policy?
NTA because she knew and hid it from you. That’s just dirty! I don’t blame you at all. But I will say you should’ve left the gift and blocked her from everything so she knows you know. Then every time she sees that basket she will feel like shit! When he hits her and she sees that basket, it will hurt more.
"I mean, who knew the real plot twist would be in her love life? Maybe you should start making ‘ex-proof’ baskets in the future!
YTA. You had already given it to her. What you did is theft. You SHOULD be embarrassed.
NTA. Unblock her though. My TV is on the blink and I need the entertainment….
yta. It’s not yours once you gave it to her. That’s not how gifts work. Everything else is irrelevant. You stole from her.
NTA-she hid it from you, she doesn’t deserve your basket.
NTA. If she was really your friend she never would have entertained the thought of your abusive ex, ok maybe an F up but then she would have told you right after it happened. Ok maybe she was scared of losing you.. but then as soon as she found out she was pregnant she could have told you.. OR MAYBE WHEN YOU GAVE HER THE BASKET SHE COULD HAVE COME CLEAN. She had lots of chances to inform you and she chose your abusive ex over you. That’s her choice, she had the audacity to accept a gift from you while she herself was being dishonest.
Normally I live by the once you give a gift it’s no longer yours but I understand why you took it back.
YTA. A gift, once given, belongs to the recipient. You stole from her. Hate her if you want, but don’t steal from her.
NTA for feeling the way you do. Going to her house when she wasn’t home and taking the basket is extreme, IMHO, and technically illegal since it was a gift and therefore was her property.
ESH. Your friend for sleeping with your ex and not being honest and you for taking back a gift. The gift was hers. You stole from her. Have fun with that mess.
YTA
Not for being upset but a gift is a gift. Once it’s given… snatching it back is petty AF.
Throughout life I have given plenty that I regret later maybe. I gave MANY people my time they didn’t deserve but can’t get that back.
Cut ties, do what you have to do but don’t be a petty B and snatch a gift back. Especially going into HER home to do so.
What did the baby do?
Definitely NTA for taking back the basket. But hopefully she also doesn’t end up with a black eye.
Does she have another support system in place for when things go south? Definitely not saying it has to be you or something you need to worry about, but maybe get the mutual friend or the sister to sorta make sure the baby is okay, at least.
I’m gonna get downvoted, but oh well. What you did was illegal. Once the basket was given to her and you left, it was legally hers. You did not give it to her with a stipulation regarding who the father was. You entered her home and her private room and stole something. So for that, YTA. That being said, it was epic, haha, and don’t let them bring you down.
You are the AH for technically stealing the gift back. However, it’s a justified YTA. Personally I would have left the gift but let her know I know. Her feeling guilty everytime she saw the gift would be so satisfying.
She’s showed you who she is….
AND you don’t owe her anything.
While I do think it was kind of childish and petty…
So was thinking she could hide who her baby daddy is forever. You were just meeting her where she was at.
When she comes crying to you because he beat her or skips out on her kid – let her know she did this to herself.
NTA
NTAH
NTA – I’m proud of you!!!! These people don’t deserve your kindness.
If you’re feeling icky about taking the basket back- why don’t you check with friends and see if anyone has a neighbor or coworker who is a new parent and could use a little extra help?
Take the great karma points from surprising someone in need with your thoughtful basket and leave your exfriend to her assuredly miserable life.
NTA for being upset. YTA for taking back a gift no matter what. And sneaking into her house to do it should’ve been the red flag. The whole action of that was petty, IMHO.
Also- after this big a betrayal, perhaps just quietly severing ties and being a bit more mature about things. She won’t wonder why. She’ll know. She’s known the whole time, I can assure you. She made her choice. Let them be toxic in peace.
Very immature. If you have concerns over whether you did a bad thing, you did
ESH. Her for not telling you and you for taking back a gift that you gave her presumably with no strings attached.
Sorry your friend sucks.
NTA for being upset. Absolutely YTA for B&E to get a gift back. It’s a gift! Not a loan. Once you give a gift, it’s out of your hands literally
NTA Updateme
NTA, that’s so shitty. She’s really going to be regretting it. She probably deep down feels like she’s special or something like he won’t treat her like he treated you. So dumb. Poor kid. Glad you cut her off and took back the gift though.
Well once you gave a gift it’s a gift, now if you’re cutting her off then take the gift and move on.. she broke the girl code..
Taking back a gift is tacky as hell.
Updateme.
ESH, especially the abusive baby daddy. Based on your telling of the story, baby mama sucks because she knowingly chose an abusive baby daddy for her child. You also suck a bit because it seems like you have 1st hand experience with the manipulation, gas lighting, and isolation that occur in abusive relationships but you’re still judging baby mama in a way that comes of as more jealous than concerned. It’s fine if you need to separate yourself from the situation to protect your mental and/or physical health but judging another woman for choosing the same wrong guy you had once chosen doesn’t make sense.
NTA for being upset and done with her. YTA for stealing back the gift you gave her. That’s tacky.
NTA, you did the right thing. I wouldn’t have blocked her just because my petty side would have wanted to see her reaction, especially since she might try to spin the story and make you out to be the bad guy. Definitely speak your truth and people start asking questions. Update me if anything happens !
Fuck that. If a friendship is over, make sure to not be damaged financially. I had a friend that crossed some boundaries and then resorted to name calling when I try to enforce them. I had lent him some money. I didn’t argue with him over the name calling. I just told him to pay me back first. After he did I told him to fuck off and then blocked him. NTA.
That’s awesome. She sucks. Good for you.
Was it petty?
Sure was
Was it justified?
Sure was
It would have been a much cleaner break if you just washed your hands of it…but all you have to do to explain yourself is as follows
You tell the people that the father of her child stalked you and physically assaulted you in the past…. And that you didn’t want anything with your name anywhere near this man because you don’t want to give him any excuse to start stalking you again.
So you removed any trace of your existence from her home and cut her off completely
And that anyone who chooses to stay in her life knowing the father of her child is your stalker…you will be cutting them off too
Nta. But real question. Do you think he impregnated jer to get to you?
Bravo
ESH However, this is typical tit for tat situation, friend did something unforgivable, hurt OP probably beyond maximum and OP retaliated with thievery.
I get OP, she decided to steal while overwhelmed emotionally, not rational decision but we all know how emotions can affect judgement sometimes so I can’t judge to hard, thus esh.
It looks like karma had her fingers here for her friend, she got OP’s revenge quickly.
NTA – Illegal move, but morally justified IMO. She had it coming.
Weird she thought you wouldn’t find out who her baby daddy is. Even weirder she saw you go through all of that with him and thought he’s not going to treat me like that. What a terrible friend. NTA, the gift was given under the condition that she’s your friend. You wouldn’t be giving your abusive ex’s girlfriend a gift.
NTA, but your friend is an idiot. She saw the abuse and still got with him.
That poor baby…….OP for the sake of that innocent baby, is there any way you can alert your ex friends family about him?
lol I would’ve wanted to see her reaction but it’s healthier the way you did it. Good on you for taking back the basket. If you can return the things in it do that. The basket you can always reuse for a future gift
You stole from her, hopefully she doesn’t call the police. Once you gave it to her, it’s hers. You have zero right to take it back.
Justified yta regarding the gift but if this guy is as insane as you say…. Did you not just give HIM the perfect excuse to start fucking up your life again? Technically he could call the police. The fact you didn’t just steal it but snuck around their house to do that is a bit yikes.
NTA, normalize cutting out people who betray you in 2025
YTA for stealing the gift back. If she ate the treats, were you going to take her poo just to get the treats?
You should just have gone NC with her and block her every where because you don’t have to tolerate that POS.
What she does with her life though, is her problem. She will learn her lesson soon enough. Or maybe not. But it’s not up to you to decide. What you can do and should do is protect yourself.
As much as storming back out the front door with the basket would’ve been a badass bitch moment, scurrying out the back is soooo relatable ☠️☠️☠️.
I’m sorry for the reasons behind it but hopefully “the time I stole back a gift basket from a pregnant lady” will seem like a funny story in lighter times.
NTA. You went out of your way to support her, and she turned around and got involved with someone who traumatized you. That’s a massive betrayal. Taking the basket back might’ve been petty, but honestly, she doesn’t deserve your kindness after what she did. Going no contact was the right move, she made her choice, now she can deal with it.
Walk away.
Updateme
NTA.
UpdateMe
Never leave a note admitting to theft. That was stupid of you. Other than that, NTA
Nah. She’s going to be beaten and abused and neglected and used. Once you’ve cut her out of your life, she’s useless to him except as an incubator and property. No sympathy for her. She is dating her friend’s abusive ex, which is a shitty thing to do as a friend and an idiotic thing to do in general. I would ONLY follow their lives a bit so you can report them to whatever child safety organizations exist in your part of the world for when he starts in on the kid(s).
It’s shitty to take back a gift, but you gave it under false pretenses and her behavior is so, so, so, much shittier.
NTA. She knew exactly what that guy did to you and still chose to be with him. That’s not just betrayal, it’s straight-up disrespect. Taking the basket back might’ve been a little dramatic, but honestly? Fair. She lost a good friend, and now she can deal with her choices on her own.
I mean your friend is an idiot she decided to have a baby by a guy who is a domestic violence abuser? He obviously impregnated her to get back at you. She is in for a world of hurt.
NTA. Those are the consequences for her actions.
Updateme
ESH, how is it a slight to you personally if she’s having a kid with your ex? It reads like you’re pissed she’s with him in the first place and the abuse you suffered is only second to her choice of penis attached human.
He comes out as an abusive asshole, you as a jealous ex and your friend as an ingenuous person.
It also sounds like there’s more to the story.
Chances are he only got with her to get closer to OP, and this whole thing isn’t over. Op please be careful, do not meet with her or her family or friends. I’d be afraid of this guy being forced in your vicinity again.
She’ll be a single mother pretty soon when he figures out you’re no longer friends.
Is it still victim blaming if they’re not the initial victim and enter into a relationship with the abuser?
NTA
I probably would have let the gift basket go and just cut contact but I applaud you for sticking to your guns
Honestly? No. It’s a slightly messy situation, but I’m petty as hell and I’m glad you got the basket back. You’re such a great friend for even doing that for someone in the first place. Also, I hope someone else reaches out to her concerning the abusive nature of the ex. Even though she probably knows what she’s getting into (since you mentioned she knew the details of your relationship) she could still be a potential victim of abuse. It’s not your obligation to do so, but I do hope you can help another friend point it out and knock some sense into her.
They’re both trash, but I wouldve let the baby keep its things. Its innocent in all this and you may one day be the only person who can advocate for its safety from the pos ex and the two bit heaux.
ESH. It’s fine to feel the way you do, but once a gift is given, it’s no longer yours to take. Your ex-friend sucks for obvious reasons. Sadly, she’s going to need friends in the future, but she hasn’t been a good one, so she might not find people willing to help her.
It’s pathetic how some women will date a friend’s ex despite knowing how shitty the man was to their friend. It’s like they feel they’re in some competition or they think they’re so special that he would never treat them that way.
Unfortunately she’ll find out the hard way. My sympathy is with that poor baby.
I think I would have left the gifts, and a note saying "Every time your child uses any of this, think of me and what you threw away."
NTA, she will get her karma. I just feel bad for the child coming into this mess.
NTA.
You shouldn’t have needed to go full on Mission Impossible to get the basket back. She should have told you when you gave it to her that your psycho ex was the father.
But you said that she was elated and thanked you for helping her through a tough time. You also already knew that she wasn’t sure that the father would commit to her and the baby. And it was someone else who told you that she had seen her with your ex. They were also the one who mentioned the ‘private insta’ account.
Is it possible that she thought that you knew it was him all along? It just seems weird that she would be so pleased to see you rather than worried if she was really hiding this from you deliberately.
I’m in no way saying that getting together with your abusive ex was a good choice, I’m simply suggesting that your mutual friend might be stirring a pot of shit that she shouldn’t be even approaching and I don’t think her intentions are good.
>Yet she went behind my back and got herself knocked up by an abusive deadbeat.
Did she "go behind your back," though? You’re both REALLY young. Really young people do stupid things. And, quite frankly, if your ex is as abusive as all that, he’s going to be abusive to her, and she’s going to need support.
She’s already pregnant. Why would you take back your gift? Do you think she got knocked up to spite you?
…or is this – because your account is minutes old – just another one of those stupid-ass ragebait posts that constantly show up on here?
Either way, YTA.
UpdateMe!
Updateme
Soft YTA. You went into her house under false pretences and stole from her. I’m pretty sure you committed a crime and left a confession at the scene.
Had you asked for it back, that would be fine. Cutting her out of your life is fine. But stealing is a crime and you have potentially gotten yourself into quite a bit of trouble.
Do you think your abusive ex won’t try and use this against you?
Cut them from your life and move on. But remember once a gift is given it is no longer your property regardless of how your feelings towards the person you gifted to change.
I don’t think you are the A but as abusive people are extremely charming and manipulative I would feel a bit sorry for her. Abusive people can put a positive spin on all of your true tales of him to make it seem he is a victim.
NTA
I’m not going to lie, I cracked up at the imagery of you grabbing the basket and running out the back door like a thief in the night.
Anyway, yes it was petty but I think given the circumstances, I think your actions were justified. Your ex-friend is pathetic and I feel bad for the innocent child that’s about to be born into this mess.
Updateme
I’m sure this’ll cause quite the shitstorm but yes YTA. Once a gift is given it is no longer your property, it’s the recipient’s. What you did is theft. And honestly if he is as bad as you say he is she’ll get her just rewards in time anyway. Honestly all you’ve done here is make yourself look like the second most trashy person involved in this mess of trash. Not a single person here – yourself included – is worth a damn.
That girl was never your friend 😳😳😳
She’s not your friend, period. She watched you go through hell yet turned around and got with the guy who did that to you. I feel nothing but anger, disgust and hate for my friends ex, especially after what he did to her. I cannot fathom ever getting with him.
NTA!
Updateme
UpdateMe
NTA for how you feel. But I do think you should have left the gift. You could have instead sent her a Get Well card stating that you’re thrilled to hear she has found someone as treacherous and backstabbing as herself, and she can keep the baby gifts as a reminder that you will never be her friend again. Include a p.s. that says you picked a Get Well card because you know she’ll need it at some point in the future. And then every time she uses those baby items, she’ll remember she’s a shit.
She’s going to regret it later
You should just send a note wishing her luck with an abusive person that he is and including examples just telling her to be careful she does not experience what you did. Abd you hope that in the few years that passed since he was with you he really became the decent guy that she deserve
Yta. Thats breaking and entering and burglary. You should have just told her “thats the last thing you will ever get from me…make it last.”
NTA. Removing all traces of your gift was wise. As someone else pointed out, the chances are high he pursued her to mess with you, that she’s a pawn in his ongoing stalking of you. Keep her cut off; if you unblock her, it’s entirely likely that he’ll be the one messaging you as her if you don’t.
I’m really sorry about your friend. If you have her family’s contact info, warn them to protect the baby as much as they can–then block them as well.
You can’t help this situation, so leaving it behind, clean and clear, is the best option.
WINNER MOVE. I APPLAUD YOU. NTA
Updateme
NTA Hahaha I kind love that you went and took it back, not many people would do that! unfortunately for her, I’m sure someone who was once that abusive to you will do the same thing to her in time. Abuse often ramps up after the woman has a baby. While some people are telling you to unblock her for the sake of more drama, I think it would be best for you to keep that door closed. And possibly keep your ears up about that abusive POS bothering you again after you took back the gift basket (LOL).
NTA these trash people & their trash baby can live their best trash lives.
Sometimes life is like finding an unexpected unicorn at the supermarket, you just have to laugh and embrace the magic, even if it’s in aisle five.
NTA. Your friend needs a respite check tho.
Yes. YTA. She will almost certainly regret her decision, but it wasn’t about you. It’s severe ‘main character syndrome’ to see this as an insult to you or as disloyalty rather than the fuck up it is.