My wife and I like to travel as much as we can. Sometimes it is just the two of us, and other times it will be with our kids. We live in the US, so we will do all-inclusive trips with our kids (both under 10), and then we will go to bigger cities or Europe when it’s the two of us.
I travel for work and also do a lot of rewards point management between a few credit cards. We still end up paying out of pocket, but with good strategy and planning, I can do a family of 4 to a Carribean all-inclusive for about $3,000-4,000 for 6 days.
We had returned from a recent trip and were at a family event where my wife’s cousin asked about a recent trip, and we gave the highlights and showed some pics.
She then lamented, “I wish I could travel as much as you guys.” I made a remark that I thought they travel pretty regularly, which they do. But it was always to Disney. They do a family trip to Disney 3-4 times per year, sometimes more if the husband has a work conference in Orlando.
When she mentioned that it was always Disney, and that she wishes to see real castles in Europe, I said, “Just stop going to Disney.”
It was like I shot her dog.
The idea of “stopping” their family Disney trips was the worst thing ever. It was building core memories and becoming a family tradition, and it wasn’t something she wanted to stop. She got really angry about it, like I was asking her to stop celebrating Christmas.
My wife defused the situation and later told me to never talk about Disney again with her cousin.
AITA for telling a family member that if they wanted to travel the world more that they should stop making every trip a Disney trip?
Comments
lol NTA
You provided a logical solution to her lamenting. It’s not your fault that Disney Adults don’t use logic.
3-4 times a year is nuts, I’ve done it once a year the past two years with my kids and next year it’s universal or something different. Some Disney fans are nutty but nah you weren’t being an AH trying to get them to change it up a little bit.
NTA – I wish I could travel like you do? She literally can. For what Disney costs they could probably go on multiple trips a year to other places if they are going that much.
NTA, but take the wife’s advice and don’t bring it up again.
Some people grew up going to Disney several times a year. I live in SoCal and it’s very common for people to have yearly passes. They keep this tradition going with their own kids.
It’s not my thing, but I can empathize with how they feel about a special place that brings them joy and gives good memories.
NTA, but now you are aware they are Disney cultists. I’ve never understood it but I am keenly aware that it is practically a religion to some so while your comment made absolute sense, it was like saying they should give up water. Next time she makes a snide comment just say “we prioritize our travel differently” and leave it at that.
In my opinion counting other people’s money is always an asshole thing to do and, this is what you are doing. You are basically telling them how to conduct their personal affairs. What business is that of yours? So she wishes she could travel like you… so what? Why do you have to turn this idle musing into a lecture about how she and her family choose to spend their time? Travelling to Disney is cheaper and easier than travelling to an all-inclusive Caribbean resort. Especially when one of the family members seems to already be a frequent traveler to Orlando. Also, you say you and your wife take no-kids trips to Europe. She may not have the same support system in place that allows for such trips, and no amount of not going to Disney will make a week long babysitter appear for them.
When people are grousing about inconsequential things like how they wish they could do X, this is not an invitation for you to try to manage their lives so they can achieve it. Just say “Yeah, that’d be dope huh?” and let the conversation move past it.
NTA. Family bonding of constantly visiting fantasyland, that will bode well. 🙄
Most parents make the Disney family trip at some point, they can bond and have memories at other places. Avoid the conversation for your own sanity.
Definitely NTA.
You just reminded her that if all roads lead to Disney, none lead to Europe. It’s clearly her problem, not yours, and not worth the conversation in the future.
I don’t know if the cousin was trying to get you to offer to pay for a trip for them to Europe or to let them use your points for it but that’s the feeling I got. They could easily afford a trip elsewhere even if they eliminate 2 of their Disney trips.
NTA – she commented she wanted to travel like you, and you made a suggestion
Disney people are weird and it’s a cult if they are going that much.
So “knowing” they are Disney people …. Maybe you were TA – Disney people go to Disney.
She might have just been nice saying “I want to go to castle too”. But she does go to castles – the Disney castles ;). Maybe they could go to Harry Potter castle too if they expand to universal
NTA. People like this who have such little self-awareness kind of blow my mind. My wife and I decided that her staying home to raise the kids was the best thing for them, and we’d often hear neighbors say things like, “Oh, you’re so lucky you get to stay home and raise the kids–I wish we could afford to.” Meanwhile, they’re buying brand new, expensive cars every year, live in a McMansion and talk about all of the stuff that they do and trips that they take. Like, stop doing all of that and you could do it to.
I know of people who do that as their family vacation every single year. It’s sad because there is so much natural beauty in the world that is not man made that people should see. And there is so much culture and history to absorb it is ignored in favor of commercialism.
I live less than 30 minutes from Disney and my kids only visited 3 times while they were growing up. It was less expensive and more rewarding for us to visit numerous national parks and Europe than to spend a week at Disney.
Maybe they have some sort of membership to Disney. But obviously saying that to them is not going to help them. If that subject comes up, just nod and smile, noncommittally, and let them ramble. They’re not looking for solutions. They are just venting.
NTA but dude, read the room? You fucked up socially. It’s not your family.
When people who aren’t close to you say shit like that in conversation, you’re meant to brush it off. They’re just being polite in the “self depricating compliment” way. They may even be looking for validation of their own travels.
Giving actual “advice” is not what the social rule for that situation is. Especially if it can be interpreted passive aggressive like that. I’m autistic and even I know that will always backfire.
It makes them feel like you’re calling them dumb AND acting like they were being serious about something that isn’t meant to be taken seriously. That’s breaking a social rule.
Don’t give financial advice, especially in imperative form, to people who aren’t YOUR side of the family, unless you’re actually friends.
Things you should have said for example according to the social script for an acquintance of a spouses extended family:
“Yeah, we’re really lucky”
“Uh-huh, travel sure is expensive these days”
“Oh yeah, for sure takes some saving up”
“Oh, I’ve seen your domestic trips too, they look awesome as well!”
“Well, one day, eh!”
“Never say never!”
Things you could have said to communicate the same thing in a socially acceptable way if you’re just going to die on this hill of “candor”:
“Yeah, we just have prioritised the abroad trips over all others, so we don’t really do domestic travelling to save up”
“Have you ever considered switching out one of the Disney trips for an abroad trip?”
“Are you planning on a Disney trip in another country some day?”
If an autistic person can figure this shit out, you can learn it too. Not your family, not your place to comment.
Remind her that there is a Disneyland in Paris, Japan, china.
If this cousin was sane she’d do maybe 1 Disney trip a year and use what money she’d spend on the 2 or 3 others for different trips and have new experiences. But she’s fixated on Disney and you can’t reason with a Disney person. NTA.
NTA – Disney is everything that is wrong with travel, America and this species. Hold that card high. Say it again. It’s not your job to enable idiots.
YTA. None of your business how they manage their money. The correct response is “aw yeah, maybe someday!” Or at most “let me know if you want any tips!”
NTA…You’re doing the right thing. Keep it up.
You explaining that they absolutely could afford to go to some of the places she dreams about if they forego just some of their Disney trips isn’t unreasonable or even rude.
You weren’t telling her not to go to Disney or that it’s not a worthwhile place to visit but that the way to afford some of the other kids of travel is to reduce spending on the travel they currently do.
I’ve never understood that Disney logic. Sure it’s a great experience with your kids. So do it a couple of times, but also go another trips .
I’m not a Disney person, I have taken my kids to Disney World, maybe three times in their lives, but I did do a Disneyland tour in Europe. It was amazing. It was a great way to introduce Europe to the kids and I’m not a tour person either. But this really worked. We flew into Rome on her own and met the tour group there. There were maybe 25 people. The kids age from 10 to 16. The hotels were top-notch. We had a very well planned itinerary. We went from Rome to Tuscany to Venice. They took our luggage for us so we didn’t have to deal. I did not see one Disney character, but they did have certain events for the teens separate from us. Not many. But enough. For instance, while we did wine tasting in Tuscany, they were doing some sort of relay races and dinner and a movie:
Wasn’t this same thing just posted?
NTA its not your fault, Disney adults are just creepy weirdos.
When I was younger a guy I worked with stole thousands from the shop we worked in that was owned by our friends dad. Owner was such a nice guy always willing to help you out etc.
The guy spent the whole lot on a solo trip to Disneyland for new years. He couldn’t even understand why he’d lost his job, he needed to go to Disney and that’s the only way he could afford it, didn’t see the issue.
NTA, but I hope you learned a lesson. Disney adults are crazy, don’t address them with logic.
I’m not an adult Disney fan but thought it was fun when my wife’s parents took us with our son a few years back.
Who the hell wants to go there 4 times per year though? Sorry I hate to be judgmental but that’s just so odd to me. Living in la la land.
Did you say that, with no context or explanation? I can see why it would be rude.
Comprise. Admission and in-park costs are cheaper at overseas Disney parks than at Disneyland and DisneyWorld, and their attractions are newer and aren’t falling apart and smelling like mold like the American parks. They could travel the world to those parks on the same budget and not have to forego Disney time.
But she already does travel. She just keeps going to the same plastic place every time.
NTA. They’re making a conscious decision as to where they travel. That’s on them.
No. She thinks a European trip is Epcot….😂🤣
NTA. What you suggested wasn’t unreasonable.
Don’t have the conversation with them anymore. If she brings up her complaint again just gaze steadily at her her and say “I have no idea how you could work it out.” And keep gazing at her until she shuts up and changes the subject.
Sounds like she wants her cake, your cake, and everyone else’s cake all to herself.
LOL. Your wife’s cousin is an idiot.
I was ready to say not to tell Disney people to not go to Disney. But the facts are different than I expected — here, the person expressed a desire to go someplace different. Of course if you have the same allotted vacation time, and one person always goes to Disney for all of that vacation time, then they can’t go someplace else.
Your wife’s cousin chooses to go to Disney and she herself should understand that choosing to travel to Disney means they can’t simultaneously be traveling elsewhere. Going to Disney twice per year would be enough.
NTA but your wife is right to say leave it alone. Some people have blind spots or topics that it’s just better to leave alone because they aren’t reasonable about it. For example, k have a friend who has repeated the exact same list of problems for 10 years but won’t take any steps to solve them. Otherwise lovely person but seems unable to handle this in an effective way. There’s no point in me saying the obvious. It just upsets her and puts her on the defensive. So I stick to other topics and make comforting noises if she ever brings it up rather than engaging. There’s nothing v to be gained by offering solutions to a problem someone doesn’t want to fix.
NTA – but they are Disney people, going to Disney 3-4 times PER YEAR is excessive and only die hard Disney people do that kind of shit, so you’re NTA but you also can’t win in this situation
NTA, I feel like though she was hopping you would say “well we will help pay for it if you want to go”. She didn’t want a solution as much as she wanted and easy free (for her) solution.
You give a perfectly sound response that she could control but people do what they do. Being angry with you was totally unreasonable on her part.
But like others have said, don’t bring it up again. If she says “I wish would could do trips like you” just say “yep” and leave it at that.
People who are singing up in Disney…. Universal Studios always if they must.