I (23F) was part of a cosplay group recently we were doing characters from a popular anime that has a lot of big personality types and flirty dynamics. Most of us hadn’t really hung out in person before the shoot, but we’d been chatting online and agreed to meet up and do something fun together.
One of the guys in the group was playing a character that’s kind of flirty in the show. He was decent online, but in person, he came off… a lot. During the shoot, when the photographer asked for some “in-character” poses, he grabbed me around the waist without asking, pulled me into him, and later put his arm around my neck in a way that felt overly intimate. At one point, he even tried to pull me in by the hips.
It was making me really uncomfortable, and I didn’t know how to react at first there were a bunch of people around, cameras going off, and I didn’t want to be the “problem.” But eventually I stepped back and just told him, kind of quietly, “Hey, can you not touch me like that?” I wasn’t rude I was just trying to set a boundary.
He didn’t say anything in the moment, but later someone else from the group messaged me saying I made things awkward and that he felt embarrassed. Apparently the photographer thought the pose “looked great” and I “killed the vibe.”
I honestly wasn’t trying to ruin anything. I just didn’t want someone grabbing me like that without checking in first. Now I’m being treated like I was uptight or dramatic, and I keep wondering if I should’ve just let it go but at the same time, I don’t think I did anything wrong?
So… AITAH?
Comments
NTA.
He is the one who made it weird by grabbing someone without asking or talking about it first.
NTA
No. Fuck anyone who isn’t supporting you. No one should be touching anyone without consent.
NTA. You are never the problem for expecting people to respect your personal space.
NTA, hun. Boundaries are crucial, and they should be respected. You were really right to speak up when he overstepped.
Fuck those people. Cosplay is not consent.
NTA. Full stop
NTA.
Grabbing someone around the waist without consent isn’t right. You had every right to feel uncomfortable and ask him not to do it again.
NTA. Cosplay is not consent. Period. You’re allowed to set physical boundaries regardless of what characters you’re portraying
NTA! This was someone you never met in person and he should have asked before touching.
How hard would it have been to ask “Would you be okay with posing like this” before just grabbing you?
He may be cosplaying Sanji or whoever, but underneath the cosplay are real people with real boundaries that don’t go away.
NTA
NTA – you’re entitled to set a boundary and you did without making a fuss. Without making a scene.
The fact that other folk in the group are blaming you for setting a clear boundary and calling out an action that wasn’t appropriate.
Rule number one is to not touch the cosplayers, even other cosplayers. NTA.
You have every right to bodily autonomy, and he should’ve gotten your ok first. You didn’t make things awkward. He put you in a difficult and unwinnable position.
NTA
“Cosplay does not equal consent.” That’s a statement I hear and see anytime I go to a convention. He didn’t ask you, you politely asked him to stop. Those guys suck.
NTA
He was ashamed, because he knew what he did is wrong. It maybe did kill the vibe, but you only reacted to his actions and calmly.
I assume the photographer was just another dude and not an actual photographer, because any actual photographer knows that the FIRST thing to do is make sure everyone is comfortable… and the more uncomfortable or compromising the position people are being put in, the more you need to make sure everyone is absolutely comfortable with it first.
NTA. You’re not an object to be handled. He shouldn’t have been grabbing you.
NTA, and the idiot who messaged you cause the creep whined to them or straight up put them up to it. Costumes do not excuse bad behavior.
Next time don’t sign up for shit you’re not comfortable with, like an in character photo session with flirty dynamics.
NTA.
This how people learn what’s acceptable – in the future he’ll ask.
You did great!
it’s okay to want to be asked before people touch your body – anyone who says otherwise is gaslighting you.
So I wouldn’t believe second hand info about what the photographer thought. You set a clear boundaries and if they don’t like it then you don’t need to participate with them Again. You are far from nta
Never ever. I don’t even know what the rest of the post says but no. you are NEVER TA for telling someone to not touch you.
So much of western society especially is so intent on gaslighting on uninvited touching. is 99% of the time is it harmless and well intentioned? Sure but it doesn’t matter. Asking first is just as harmless and even more well intentioned. it blows my mind that people think the former is perfectly fine but the latter is the outrageous version.
NTA – His actions are the issue here, not touching without consent isn’t something that should need to be set as a boundary, it’s the normal level of respect you accord another person.
The guy doing the touching was in the wrong but may have just been overly enthusiastic as opposed to a creep, however the person who messaged you afterward is a true AH. Anyone who tells young women not to cause a fuss, that they’re overreacting, or to take the high road when they’re being touched without consent has bad character.
Nta how else did they want you to express you didn’t want to be touched? You get to say stop touching me without worrying if it would hurt his feelings.
NTA. If you’re uncomfortable, you have the right to express that.
NTA. Cosplay isnt consent.
Nya, don’t get gas lit into thinking you did anything wrong by saying you felt uncomfortable and that they crossed lines and boundaries.
Men are all like “what?!?! Its just your body?!?!” 🙄
100% NOT the asshole. I don’t care what the circumstances are if someone that you don’t want grabbing/touching you touches or grabs you, it is absolutely okay to tell them not to. The person who messaged you from the group who said you embarrassed the offender is part of the problem. The guy who touched you without your person is responsible for embarrassing himself. Period. And the only vibe you killed was a creepy one.
NTA. He should have asked rather than assume you would be okay with it.
And it’s not your responsibility to coddle his emotions, feeling bad because he rudely (and from the sound of it, roughly) violated your boundaries. So fuck those people too.
No of course not. If you don’t want someone to touch you, no matter who they are or for the reason even is there isn’t one you should always say no and they HAVE to listen . If your friends don’t support you in this they aren’t your real friends and he defo should have asked if he could put his arm around you for the photo.
No. NTA. Someone touching you without your permission is never okay.
NTA. I read somewhere that actors discuss the plan before doing intimate scenes, and that makes so much sense. I get that he wanted to be in character, but grabbing you the way he did was completely inappropriate. He feels awkward now because he did something wrong, as he should.
Color me shocked
NTA.
So ignoring the “cosplay isnt consent” crowd, while true you did consent to the shoot and knew the characters well enough that this was inevitable. After the first time you shouldve spoken up and said it then, that you just wanted him to let you know what he was going to do.
NTA. You have every right to set boundaries, especially when someone’s touching you without permission. Feeling uncomfortable is valid, and speaking up doesn’t make you dramatic or uptight — it makes you respectful of yourself. The guy’s behavior was way out of line, and it’s on others to respect your boundaries, not pressure you to “go with it” for a photo. You did nothing wrong.
NTA. Just because you’re wearing a costume doesn’t give license to anyone to touch you. If he wanted to do a particular pose he should have asked permission first.
NTA, there are other poses he could’ve done without touching another stranger. He being an asshole
No one has the right to just grab you like that. You definitely are not the asshole and it’s problematic that you are being accused of “killing the vibe” because you weren’t interested in being manhandled. That’s more than a little unacceptable.
Very very very NTA.
You were assaulted. You have every legal right to turn around and smack him or yell at him or any number of things you did not do. Instead you politely and quietly asked him to stop.
If he was lost in the moment and caught up in the LARP aspect of cosplay, he has no real cause to feel super awkward. You just apologize, explain that’s not what you intended, and apologize again. The “awkward” feeling is that person feeling bad for making you think they’re a creep.
That’s not what happened here. It sounds like the awkward feeling he felt was indignation and entitlement.
I would just respond back to the group “hey y,all. So it seems something that happened has been taken out of context. At the shoot, x was acting in character and kept grabbing me by the hips. I’m not saying he meant anything of it outside of being his character, but we all do have a right to express how we like being interacted with. I didn’t like that touching so I asked him to stop. No big deal, I just don’t like being touched like that, especially when we havent interacted in person before. I’m not calling anyone out or saying anything disparaging, just trying to express how I like to be interacted with when it comes to physical touch.”
If they respond negatively, just block them and move on. There’s so many cosplayers out there these days, you’ll be quick to find a new more female friendly group.
Just go to one of the cosplay reddits and say “hey I’m a female cosplayer who’s looking for some female safe & friendly groups in my area. I’m currently watching/reading …” You get the idea.
Why would you ever think you were the asshole for this?
He is the one who made things awkward and ruined the vibe. All he had to do was keep his hands to himself. I really hope you stick up for yourself here. You did nothing wrong; he forced you into a situation where you had to speak out.
NTA It would have been easy enough for him to ask if you’re down for more intimate in character poses. Who knows? You might have been if you’d been given an opportunity to have the choice.
Immediate NTA. Guy violated your boundaries after you explicitly told him no. It doesn’t matter if you “killed the vibe”, it matters if you’re comfortable. So that guy and photographer are TA.