I was interviewing this guy for a very good software engineering position. He passed the first round, and both I and everyone involved in the second round really liked his resume and experience. On paper, he had everything we were looking for, and honestly, this looked like a life-changing opportunity for him.
Then he shows up, very serious and not smiling at all. I’m used to that in tech interviews, and I understand it can be an intimidating environment.
We did a round of introductions, and then he opened the interview by saying, “Let me tell you a little bit about myself.” We said, okay, go for it.
He started talking and talking about his personal and professional background. After about three minutes, I jumped in to ask a follow-up question based on something he mentioned. He replied, “I will answer, just give me a moment,” and continued talking.
A coworker jumped in with another question, and he said the same thing to her.
At this point, we were kind of looking at each other, but decided to let him continue and give him the benefit of the doubt.
But after more than five minutes, I jumped in again with another question. I had to talk over him to do it. He finally paused and answered, but in such a long-winded way that he ended up veering into another topic.
My coworker asked another question, and the same thing happened.
At this point, I was ready to end the interview. I tried to politely wrap it up several times, but he was unable to read the room and just kept talking. I finally raised my voice slightly and said something like, “Thank you very much for sharing your background. In the interest of time, I’d like to ask if you have any questions for us.” This is standard protocol and helps us prepare answers for future interviews.
He asked a question about the team. As I was answering, he raised his finger and interrupted to talk more about his background. I let it go. Then he asked another question, which my coworker started to answer, but again, he spoke over her to talk about himself.
I tried once more to interrupt politely, but he kept talking.
At that point, I was done. I said, “John, you really have to shut up and listen.” He was surprised, as was my coworker, but he finally stopped talking. I continued, “You walked into this room with a 99 percent chance of getting the job. Now that chance is zero. The only reason is because, in less than fifteen minutes, you’ve demonstrated that you don’t have the capacity to listen at all. So I’m telling you now, you’re not getting the job. But if you take anything away from this interview, let it be this: no matter how good you are technically, if you can’t listen, you’ll never excel in this career.”
He apologized and said, “Can we start again?”
I replied, “You had your chance. Best of luck in your future interviews. Make sure you listen.”
Looking back, I know I could have handled that differently, but I still feel bad for the guy.
Comments
Big info needed: are you a woman?
Sounds like the type of guy to talk over women. You honestly did him a favor with that advice. And you did yourself and every woman in that office a favor by refusing to hire him.
he had it coming… he was going to an interview, not a therapist
NTA there’s always someone like this and maybe you gave him pause for thought in life being blunt. You probably avoided a future PITA too.
YTA
Your job was to conduct the interview and render the decision after it’s finished. Not to give the candidate a piece of your mind. Your behavior was entirely unprofessional. Since you already converged on the negative decision at the very beginning you could just let him do whatever he wanted in the remaining time, why would you care what he says or does? I get it, he was irritating, but in this case you should have been the bigger person because you were representing your employer. If you can’t handle bad candidates maybe don’t do interviews then.
NTA. You gave him the benefit of the doubt, and plenty of signs to shut it,none of which he took. You did good,no reason to feel sorry for him.
looks like your interviewing skills are subpar at best. is there anyone in the department that would be able to do a better job than you did here? yta.
NTA you’ll do better next time.
You actually gave him more feedback than many people would have. NTAH
NTA. Honestly, he needed to hear it from someone in a position of hiring authority. Sure, his ego may be bruised, but that likely needed to happen.
NTA.
He needed something harsh to cut through the internal monologue spilling out into the room. You did him a massive favour.
Nah you handled this well. Once the finger went up to silence you all the respect went out the window
NTA. He proved that he is not a good fit for your. company
as an HR professional, you shouldn’t use that specific language. however, you’re justified in your action and decision, its only the language that would be an issue.
(alternatives – i need you to stop talking and listen to what i have to say right now; you need to stop talking and listen now)
99% chance? Meanwhile my brilliant introverted husband cannot even get in interviews. HR needs a better way.
NTA. It sounds like he had rehearsed a speech and was really not ready for questions, so he thought he could bombard you with the longest elevator pitch of all time. He lacked the flexibility to read the room and respond to direct questions.
You gave great feedback that will help him in the future. Sure, it was blunt, but if he is neurodivergent (seems very possible) that is the most likely way to get through to him
I’ve received interview feedback before and it was appreciated. I’d rather learn from the experience than repeat the mistakes.
NTA Don’t second-guess yourself. How many interviewers just say, ‘ We’re going in a different direction’, if they say anything at all? How many applicants like this keep making the same mistake over and over because no one ever tells them the real reason why they flubbed the interview? Maybe next time, substitute ‘you need to stop talking and listen’ for ‘shut up’, but you did this guy a service.
If this storybis true you gifted him with empwering advice. I might have mentioned not allowing nerves to overtake your abolity to listen and process…
NTA
I messed up interviewing someone once. It was someone that worked with my then wife (now ex). Interview was going OK and he started dropping f-bombs.
I don’t mind foul language. The army taught me how to use “fuck” like it’s a comma.
But there’s a time and place for it and an interview is not the place. I hired him against my better judgement and ended up firing him a year later because he was horrible at his job.
Trust your guts, you made the right call.
NTA. I feel a little bad for him, but he needs to learn to not be a fucking blabbermouth. Listening is very important in every aspect of life. He likes the sound of his own voice a bit too much.
God, I hate long-winded people who can’t just answer a simple question. Not long ago, I was speaking with someone and asked a simple question. It could have been answered in 2 or 3 sentences. He went on for 20 minutes. I couldn’t wait to get out of that room.
Can you imagine what this guy would have been like to work with? You did the right thing.
NTA. He sounds annoying and like a liability
he needs to hear that in exactly that way. you did him a favour
NTA at all
You tried the subtle, polite route multiple times. It didn’t register.
You honestly did him a favor. Hopefully he’ll take the feedback and learn from his mistakes.
NTA
In this day and age of litigious-happy people, it is very rare for a candidate to get legitimate feedback, especially about why specifically they are NOT getting a job that hasn’t gone through 5 different HR sanitization protocols to the point of being useless. You did this guy a favor by actually being honest with him and giving him actionable feedback for future interviews. If he can’t understand that, then he is only proving you more correct in your assessment.
Were you a bit harsher than strictly necessary? Probably. But it definitely sounds warranted to get the point across.
Honestly it would be great if an interviewer just came out and said why you weren’t gonna get the job.
It sucks to not get one but have no idea why. “You did great but you lack experience.” Or “Your answers to some of our questions were not what we’re looking for.”
NTA.
It was an unorthodox way to end a job interview? Maybe
It was effective? Absolutely
I would love for job interviewers to be this direct and blunt and not just, “well call you” to proceed to wipe my number off his phone, just tell me what I did wrong dude, so I can go and apply it with your direct competitor.
And for the guy, I hope this is his wake up call to start communicating better.
YTA
He sounds like a typical neurodivergent person who simply cannot read the room. It’s very common for ASD people to REALLY want to finish what they were saying. They take it as a personal insult to be interrupted.
So it kind of sounds like you were both pushing each others buttons, but you escalated to ‘shut up’.
Me I only ever tell a person to shut up if they are being racist or something.
Man everyone instantly bashing “he sounds like a jerk” for someone that just sounds like their autistic and scripting.
Honesty was ultimately a kind option. Many people dont hear negative feedback because others are afraid of confrontation. You turned this from a disapointment into a learning moment.
NTA. You handled that great. Maybe the next time he goes to an interview, he will check his ego at the door.
NTA. You actually did him a solid. Most people would not have told him what he was doing wrong.
I’m waiting for him to post on reddit “Interviewer Told Me to Shut Up!”
NTA. I had an interview where you had to prepare a pitch for yourself, like an elevator pitch. It was consulting, so it was a mock presentation to a potential client. I was way too long winded. Typical pitch for them was 3-5 minutes and I talked for 10 minutes. After my pitch, which was with HR, she called me out right away. Something like “Hey, that was great but way too long. I timed you and you were at 10 minutes. You lost me after 5.”
I didn’t get defensive, I took the note. I actually thanked her. I said, “Thank you, that’s good to know. I need to cut that down. That’s something I’ll work on.” Then we went on with the interview.
This was interview #4 out of 7 I ultimately did with them. I did get the job but I bet I wouldn’t have gotten advanced to the next level if I acted like that guy. I learned a lot from that.
You did him a favor for his future interviews. And also your company because it sounds like he wasn’t a good fit, anyway. Hopefully he learned from it. Although it does sound like he was disrespectful in general, so who knows if he learned from it. You did what you had to do, OP.
OP, respect. I have suffered through nearly the exact same type of interview and have opted to just let the mouth run and the clock burn. My Director looked at me after one such interview and said, you could have ended that 5 minutes in. Had he been leading, he would have, and he would have been a dick about it – You were not. I’ve sat down to interviewees who came in tattered hoodies and flowered leggings, hell, pajamas even, and still given them my time. They did not deserve it. Having the nerve to end an interview where hiring odds are 0 and there is absolutely no value add is something I’m actively working on. Good for you.
It probably crushed him, but he’ll remember that forever. YNTAH. I once remember when I was complaining about my roommate’s trash and he replied: “You just don’t like other people.” It’s blunt messages that stick with us and make us genuinely change.
I’ll go with NTA, but I don’t think the dude is either. And it’s ironic that you complain about his listening skills while getting impatient listening to him. It is your job, no?
Honestly, I commend you for doing what I likely would wish I could do, but I’d still remain as professional as possible.
NAH. Yeah, he did fuck up, but he doesn’t reach ah level in my eyes.
You did nicely being patient and giving him insight in what he fucked up with
Dang…maybe he was just super nervous. A life changing position, shit I would’ve been nervous too. He didn’t handle the situation well op, but you sent him on his way for being too talkative?
He was dismissive I get it but why not make that clear that is not tolerated while employed there.
Just seems like something that could’ve been easily corrected. You’d had a sterling employee who had a rocky start. Big deal, he needed a few adjustments. YTA.
YTA- This is either ableist or you’re a but of an asshole.
I’m not sure he would’ve learned anything if you have him that second chance.
You did him a favor. Well done.
What did your co-worker say after the interview?
I’m not sure he would’ve learned anything if you have him that second chance.
You did him a favor. Well done.
What did your co-worker say after the interview?
NTA you’re probably the only person in his life who wants him to get better at being professional.
If every interviewer was as honest as you, people would find job hunting much easier
Many highly technical people don’t have a human interface.
Short run: YTA if only because most people tiptoe around things like that.
Long run: NTA because you actually gave him clear, usable feedback that he can figure out why he gets so many interviews that never culminate in a position.
Damn I think you killed it. NTA
I once supervised a guy in a tech-adjacent role.
We did data analysis and we were working closely with a dev team on how to automate parts of it.
This guy studied engineering with a side of comp Sci and desperately wanted to move into tech. He was actually a really nice helpful dude, normally.
He moved up to a team lead role in my team and I appreciated him. So I started bringing him into the tech meetings, recognising that he probably had a pathway here to start learning some relevant related tech project management skills and maybe even move over to that side eventually.
He was a disaster in every meeting. He was so desperate to show off his technical knowledge to the dev team, he started talking over me, his supervisor, constantly. He’d try to finish my sentences every sentence, always incorrectly. Totally missing the point of the conversation and veering off on irrelevant tangents.
He was making himself look worse, not better, because he didn’t know how to have a productive meeting or let anyone else talk.
I had to say things like ‘Johnny stop interrupting me and let me finish my sentence. Johnny you will get to talk in a second but not now, Johnny I am speaking.’ He wouldn’t stop.
It got to the point where I had say ‘Johnny, JOHNNY! STOP!’ Like to an unruly child who wasn’t listening. ‘Johnny just stop for a second, Amy is speaking. This isn’t on topic for right now and you’re talking over people. Just. Stop for a second please.’
He looked mortified, but started again a minute later so I just hushed him like a persistent toddler. Just waving him off like ‘Shhh not now Johnny’ whenever he started speaking.
It was, obviously, a terrible look for him that he had to be treated like a child in professional meetings, and clearly I had to stop including him in them, killing his opportunities for progression.
I felt bad for him of course, but it was his own behaviour that did it. It’s entirely fair and actually a kindness that you were so blunt with this guy. Maybe he’ll be able to learn from it what he clearly hasn’t learned from more subtle feedback before you, which I don’t doubt he’s had.
NTA: I have not landed a job from exactly that, and that was the feedback I received a month later. I would have appreciated the more direct straightforward approach at the time personally.
NTA I was project manager for a dev team that had a guy like that. I finally resorted to having our meetings standing up in the hallway outside my office in the hopes that his bad back would keep him from blathering on for 45 minutes about every aspect of what he did this week.
He definitely needed to be told to shut up. I am guessing you are a woman as was your coworker. He sounds like a mansplaining mygonistic idiot. He wanted to brag to both of you how great he was and thought he could take over the interview because he was the man. He wanted to set the precedent that he was in charge. I am so happy you shut him down and sent him packing with no second chance.
I know someone like this
I have a team member like this. We’ve tried to mentor and coach him, but he has a ”script” in his mind on how a meeting should go. If you push him out of that, he glitches and can’t get move forward. He also thinks he’s the smartest person in the room and is frequently wrong in areas that are not his expertise. All while trying to talk over you.
Unfortunately it’s not my decision to keep him.
I work in HR. I promise you have him as many chances as is reasonable before you had to resort to telling him to shut up.
Bravo
Don’t feel bad. He works with me now. Every day he tells me about the Roman Empire.
However, it could be that you missed an opportunity. Maybe he was worth having.