I’m 24 and have been dating my boyfriend for about a year. He works in a smaller office where everyone is super close, always grabbing drinks after work and texting constantly. I never had an issue with it until a few weeks ago when he started acting sketchy. He was always glued to his phone, stepping out to take calls, and flipping his screen over when I’d walk by.
One night he fell asleep with his phone unlocked and I saw a bunch of messages from a woman he works with. Her name’s Bri. They started off kind of flirty and escalated into full-on sexting. She sent pictures. He sent them back. They talked about hooking up but “not getting caught.”
What really set me off is she’s married. I found her Instagram and sure enough, she posts pictures with her husband and their toddler like everything’s perfect.
So I messaged him. I told him everything, sent screenshots, and let him know this wasn’t just a misunderstanding. He was shocked and thanked me for being honest.
My boyfriend lost it. He said I completely overstepped, that it wasn’t my place to ruin her marriage, and that I’ve now made his job miserable. Some of his friends are saying I went too far and should’ve just left it alone.
But honestly, if I was being cheated on, I’d want to know. I didn’t lie. I just didn’t protect someone who didn’t deserve it.
AITAH?
Comments
hope u mean ex boyfriend
NTA. Break up with this pathetic loser.
NTA
I would want to know if my partner did that.
Also. Did you spell ex wrong by accident?
Or are you actually still with him?
NTA. He’s just trying to twist it on you instead of owning up for his own actions. That was manipulators do
HAHAHAHA
*uck him.
edit: obviously NTA
People that get caught always get really mean. Don’t feel bad about it. I once did that too. Went to the bar of my coworkers gf, said i need to talk to her, told her her boyfriend is a big ass cheater, he should ask about some asian girl kissing him in “this exact Place” and she should ask him about “german lessons”
Before i even got home i got like 20 calls, he and his friends wanted to beat me up. Obviously nothing ever came from it.
Felt awesome. If you are a cheater, you deserve whats coming. Dont ever feel bad for speaking the truth
You did the right thing by telling the husband, he deserved to know. And I really hope that you dumped your cheating boyfriend. Because you deserve better.
Don’t listen to anyone else but your own conscience, you saved that man alot of heart ache down the road and showed him who his wife was.
NTA. Girl wtf?? She was CHEATING and ur bf was right there w/ her doin it. Ppl act like exposin liars is worse than the actual cheating 💀💀 if that was MY husband id wanna kno too. U did the right thing
NYAH. Lose this loser and quick!
And now that he’s your ex, he’s no longer your problem.
Actions have consequences. He needs to man up.
NTA. You did great. And have you left that asshole? He has some audacity to blame you for the consequences of his actions!!!
She should dump him. He cannot be trusted. He should dump her too. Cheating is obviously wrong, but he cannot trust her after this either.
The audacity for your BF to get upset when he is cheating. Just leave him.
NTA – she burned down her own marriage, he poured gas on the fire. Fuck ‘em both.
NTA
Cheaters deserve mutual exposure. This is a near to absolute sentiment on my part, and only in a case where a cheater is demonstrably in an abusive relationship would I caution against it, but even than I don’t condone the behaviour.
Just another AH upset for the consequences of his actions! SHE and HE ruined that marriage! Not you!! Leave that worm of a man. He and his fling are meant to one another
No. You didn’t do anything wrong. They did.
It wasn’t your place to ruin her marriage – that place was already taken, when she cheated & blew up her own marriage – ?? Like duh. 🙄
NTA. What do you mean “if” you were being cheated on?!? Girl, you WERE being cheated on, you just forgot to punish both parties. Updateme
NTA. Your actions seem completely in line with a normal human reaction. Your bf is cheating, and a way to get back at her was to tell her husband. FAFO…
Isn’t him exchanging nudes crossing the line? He can do what he wants but you can’t react?
I would do the same thing.
He’s the asshole
NTA.
Your boyfriend doesn`t respect you and that woman doesn`t respect her husband. You deserve better than an unfaithful boyfriend. Same with that poor man. You did good!! Your soon-to-be-ex overstepped, not you. Cheaters should be brought to public.
NTA
Oh no it’s the consequences of his own actions 😭
NTA. Leave this man. His work life is miserable because he overstepped boundaries with a colleague and overstepped the boundaries of his relationship. He deserves everything he gets.
NTA I would be concerned that they were in support of keeping this quiet and her (hopefully ex) boyfriend was upset that looked at his shit well he shouldnt of been sexting a MARRIED woman and she should of not been planning to open her legs for someone else other then her husband and acting like a 24/7 corner shop.
You did the right thing 👏
NTA. Cheaters get no sympathy. Drop 150lb+ dead weight and any friends that sided with him. They showed their true colors. Hopefully, after you heal, the next bf will be a good one.
I honestly don’t get this. My wife and I know the passcodes for each other’s phone. Our daughters too. How do people think they’ll never get caught? Or is that part of the thrill? I feel bad for Bri’s husband, but you did the right thing.
I mean YOU didn’t ruin her marriage though. She did that on her own. His work situation also was something he caused.
NTA
NTA, mate. Cheaters gotta face the music. It’s really screwy he got upset at you for his own mistake, lol. Dude needs a reality check, big time. Only thing you did was keeping it 100, so no guilt on your end. You dodged a bullet, tbh. 🤷♀️ Good on ya for looking out for the other guy too. Some peeps might disagree, but that’s a clown take, imo. 🤡 They did the dirty deed, not you. This ain’t your circus. 💯 Keep ya head high, you’re better off.👍👏👏👏
The only reason why your boyfriend lost it is cause now he’s not gonna be able to sleep with his coworker! And good for you that this clown is your ex-boyfriend because everybody deserves better than this because he did cheat on you! UpDateMe
You’re my hero! Thank you.
Yes you are definitely the asshole. Its none of your business.
>My boyfriend lost it. He said I completely overstepped, that it wasn’t my place to ruin her marriage, and that I’ve now made his job miserable. Some of his friends are saying I went too far and should’ve just left it alone.
Instead of addressing his cheating, he blames you for it blowing up? Nice!
NTA. You did him a favor!!! Dump your guy
I dont know. It wasnt your place to get involved with. Yeah shitty behavior of them for sure and you should have ended it right then and there with him. Even if a false story, why was it your place to ruin that toddler’s childhood? Perhaps the wife would bet her shit together, be remorseful, repent and become a great wife and mother some day.
NTA always exposed cheaters.
Eh, I get your reasoning. But, it seems like you were harder on than your boyfriend…still, NTA.
“Some of his friends are saying I went too far and should’ve just left it alone.”
Well they are HIS friends and only heard his side of the story.
Reply with “Well I’m happy you are forgiving enough that your partner can cheat on you and you’d be fine with it, I’m not as I was raised with morals and a spine”.
NTA and I’m glad you dumped him and let the other persons partner know. I’d want to know if it was happening to me. I’m sure it’s going to be very awkward in his office now. Good.
Good for you NTA
NTA – that’s get karma for sleeping with your man and cheating on her husband.
Nta, I would want to know, hopefully you find better in the future.
NTA. HE overstepped boundaries with a married woman and tries to gaslight you? Kick him to the curb with all the other trash.
You did not ruin their marriage, she did. Boot your boyfriend and block him. You deserve an honest and loyal man. You are not the AH.
I don’t know why you needed an validation, of course you’re not the AH. You only would have been if you kept your mouth shut, once you found out you had to pick a side. Either hers by keeping quiet or the husband’s and you stepped up and chose correctly, well done.
NTA I think you should dump this loser and block his friends.
Why is this loser still your boyfriend?
NTA – the fact he lost his shit proves he doesn’t see the wrong in what he was doing.
NTA…..I’m sure anybody in that woman’s position would want to know about some shit like that. Just because you live with a solid sense of ethics does NOT make you an asshole.
NTA. You did the morally and ethically correct thing and your hopefully ex boyfriend is for the streets. You don’t want a partner who is morally bankrupt.
Golly jeepers, ex. Disgusting actions have disgusting consequences. Who’d have thought?
Girl power to you. Do on yo other as they do on to you. You decided you were not going to be the victim. Now they feel like the victim. You turn the tables around. That’s power.
Gone on and be happy. You sure let this loser know he can’t mess with you.
He planned to cheat on you with a married woman and you are the villain? Yeah, sure Ken.
“But honestly, if I was being cheated on, I’d want to know.”
Heads up: You were being cheated on.
Great job! I would want the honesty.
NTA in life you can do anything you want but you need to be prepared to pay the price.
NTA. This isn’t her first rodeo, so you did the husband a huge favor.
‘If I was being cheated on, I’d want to know’
Honey, you’re being cheated on, what do you mean? Leave him. Also NTA
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You overstepped by —- what exactly? Figuring out he was cheating and found something about it? Nah, you causing them to suffer the consequences of their actions isn’t “overstepping”. That’s him learning accountability.
NTA…but I would have contacted her first and given her an opportunity to come clean to her family on her own terms. It seems a little spiteful.
Only he and she are responsible for the outcome of their actions.
YTA you’ll never be honest but you didn’t do this for the benefit of the husband you did it to spite the wife because your ugly
NTA
EX and ex’s side piece literally F*ed around and found out.
I love how cheaters get mad when you expose them. How can you ruin a marriage? No buddy, YOU and HER did that.
NTA – hope he’s an Ex Boyfriend now. His morals are F’d up!
>My boyfriend lost it. He said I completely overstepped, that it wasn’t my place to ruin her marriage.
Tell him that he doesn’t have to worry about her ruined marriage but his own ruined relationship. Then should have slammed the door on his face.
>They talked about hooking up but “not getting caught.”
If this text was from a while back and if they have actually hooked up, then go for STD panel too. All the best!
Hope you mean your Ex tried to gaslight you.
Good for you, standing up for yourself and respecting yourself and your values to do the right thing … regardless of what POS ex bf you have.
You need a set of new friends too, if they condone cheating. Maybe he was or they were also actively cheating
NTA. You are a good person. Keep being you.
NTA id tell him that I thoroughly do not give a shit about her marriage or his job being miserable. It’s not your problem anymore
NTA
At all. People always want to point at others for the drama, they created the drama and fallout by cheating. His work is a mess because they acted a mess.
A mate of mine (single) was messaged by another mates bf on tinder. They didn’t know each other & the friend that was messaged only recognised him because of photos I had on sm. She immediately messaged me with screenshots and asked if I could pass along and give her contact details – she was afraid of being shot as the messenger, but that didn’t overwhelm her not being willing to be a party to someone else’s pain.
And that’s what you did – you made sure you didn’t contribute to the continuation of someone else’s pain.
“It wasn’t my place to ruin her marriage.”
Did the homewrecker (your bf) actually have the gall to say that to your face? Hypocrite much?
These are the consequences of their actions: FAFO.
NTA.
That’s how it goes.
Ah they have learnt you play with fire you get burnt . You can never predict what a betrayed partner will do . Fuck em
He’s the one that helped ruin her marriage. You could have handled it in a different way, but you are NTA.
Get tested asap.
Sent thr stuff to the office
Bosses and tell
Them
These are your employees , maybe look at emails thru their work
Even if it was an asshole move, you’re the one we need.
NTA good for you
NTA fuck em both. He’s definitely sleeping with her.
NTA
NTA. Guess they don’t have to worry about getting caught now. LOL!
Guys casually ruining two relationships then tries to take the high horse and say it wasn’t your place to ruin their marriage LMAO. NTAH what a cock
You are being cheated on even if it hasn’t turned physical. Shake the slime off. Leave the worm infested to theirselves. Live clean. Survive and thrive!
Your ex is the gaslighting final boss.
WHAT A HERO!! BRAVO WE SHOULD MAKE THIS TYPE OF STUFF MORE COMMON 👏🏾
NTA. A lot of men are always on the side of a man deserves to know if his gf/wife is cheating on him but as soon as it’s them that are cheating with a woman in a relationship then they’re all for not getting exposed because it’ll destroy a relationship. I’m sure if one of the friend’s girlfriend’s/wives were cheating then they would want to know. And yeah you did ruin a relationship your ex and his AP did (in fact two relationships) by cheating on their partners.
NTA
You didn’t ruin this woman’s life, she did that herself, along with your ex’s help.
You handled this perfectly. I was happy to see that you broke up with him as well. It’s always funny when they react that way after being exposed. I would tell anyone defending him that their actions are appalling and thank them for revealing their true character. Cut them all out of your life. NTA.
He ruined the marriage. Well I guess the woman did, but he helped.
NTA… he’s scum, dump his two-timing ass…. you did the right thing in informing the husband.
NTA – she ruined her own damn marriage, just the same as HE ruined your relationship.
NTA- they ruined her marriage, not you.
Nta and you mean ex bf right? And she ruined her own marriage. Not you. Everyone who says you went to far has cheated on someone.
Some of his friends can go to hell.
NTA.Her husband deserved to know so it’s his choice to stay or not. She planned to physically cheat (she already was emotionally) and she would be putting his health at risk. I hope he gets a dna test on their kid.
NTA. I hope that’s an ex bf. Yup you did the husband a favor.
Well hopefully you dodged a bullet here. Never keep a dog and shits where it eats.
Obviously in a euphemism about people. Not abbandoning pets
NTA you did the right thing! That husband deserved to know what was being done behind his back. I am sorry this happened to you.
You WERE being cheated on.
To quote your boyfriend, “Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh”
facts “maurry voice” the results say you are not the asshole.
You did what I would have done. Fuck his job, fuck her for ruining a marriage and a family. And fuck him. Fuck anyone whos willing to cheat for any reason
NTA. Actions have consequences. He’s old enough to know that.
NTA…Idk how people try to make the other person guilty by “going trough their PRIVACY” dude you cheated and now you care about your affairs marriage you’re so sick didn’t even apologized god girl please have this sick guy out of your life and have some space for yourself you don’t deserve this and whoever telling you that you “overstepped” ask them to get cheated first then talk to you they went FAR too they cheated first you just put the truth infront nothing else you can’t be guilty for being honest….please take a break don’t get them get you ok sweetie!
NTA. Your “Boyfriend” is definitely an asshole. He’s just mad he got caught. You did the right thing.
You definitely didn’t overstep.
Your ex and Bri are the one’s who overstepped and destroyed their relationships. No one else to blame but them.
NTA but common…you were being cheated on. Dump him.
Oh no! the consequences of my own actions!(OPs hopefully ex boyfriend)
NTA I hope he divorces her. Cheater don’t deserve empathy
NTA – You absolutely did the right thing. I’d want to know.
NTA! She ruined her marriage not you.
Lol not the cheater saying you overstepped…
NTA. He deserved to know.
It’s always a Bri. Seriously. Never met one who was conservative in her exploits 😂😉😉
NTA.
Who ruined the marriage? The cheating wife and your cheating (now ex) boyfriend.
Who ruined your ex-boyfriend’s image at work? Your cheating boyfriend.
You didn’t push them to have an affair. They are two grown adults who did that themselves.
You just ensured that the husband knew what kind of woman he was married to.
Atta girl . You did the right thing
Huge huge huge NTA.
Overstepped? OVERSTEPPED. So, this husband was supposed to be oblivious?? NTA, but your ex is.
Stop voting Democrat
How many times has Bri done that with other men before your ex?!
Bri’s husband should get a paternity test done. Maybe the toddler isn’t even his!
NTA. Step out instead of cheating.
Maybe you should have said.. I know you’re playing around a married woman.. maybe you stop before her husband bangs on the door.. or maybe I’ll call her or face her at your job & show her that I can send proof to her husband… then he can tell you if he wants to be single because this is not long-term impressive.. now you dont feel safe there..thinking of moving.. especially if you have to worry about a random husband breaking in & going berserk. Maybe you should cut your losses…
NTA I hope he is now you ex cheating boyfriend…
Thanks for alerting the innocent husband. You did right in my eyes.
All you did was help yourself and her husband. And if he’s more concerned with her marriage and not your relationship, then I hope he’s your ex now
Nope! Dump his ass. If he’s cheating on you and you’re not married and the person he’s cheating with is, then you have a larger problem! Once a cheater, always a cheater. Get rid of him!!
NTA and he is trying to wiggle his way out of accountability. He cheated, and it is the fault of him and his stupid co-worker for making the work place awkward. She destroyed her marriage; you just shined a light on the damage. Guarantee her behavior was different at home, too, and the husband was wondering what was going on.