I live with my parents and they have recently gotten back together after separation of about 2 years. My bf had passes to attend a small art film festival. I was supposed to go with him but some college dates coincided with it and I told him I won’t be able to come.
He then asked my mom to accompany and she agreed. He told me about it and I didn’t show it but I was not cool with it. When they were separated, my mom exclusively dated younger guys. One even younger than me and it felt like she was trying to show it off to me.
Now that she was eager to attend the festival with my bf just felt off. I told her to cancel on him and she asked why. When I told her truth she asked if I don’t trust her alone with my bf and I said no. This upset her greatly and she is acting distant since. Am I the asshole for treating her with caution?
Comments
NTA. Honestly, I get why it feels weird. If my mom had a pattern of dating younger dudes younger than me, I’d be side-eyeing the hell out of that too. U didn’t scream or accuse her of anything, u just said u felt uncomfortable. It’s ur right to set that boundary, even if it hurts feelings
You’re doing the right thing. I’ve seen many “documentaries” with this kind of plot and it’s best to always be wary . As one video game said, “Careful what you trust, Sergeant. Sometimes the people closest to you can hurt a lot worse.”
NTA. It’s sad that you can’t trust your mom, but the question here is: Why did your boyfriend ask your mom to go with him and not a friend? That’s weird.
NTA, you brought up a valid concern with your mom and instead of addressing it she is playing victim. I’m sorry you’re going through that, such a strange dynamic to navigate. If I were in your shoes I would draw hard boundaries with both of them until your mom earns your trust.
NTA. ngl that’s weird af. like why ur mom even going with ur bf in the first place?? that aint normal behavior. u got every right to feel weird bout it especially if she got history w younger guys. idk it just dont sit right
NTA. That sounds like such an uncomfortable situation, your gut was picking up on something that just didn’t sit right and it’s okay to honor that. Maybe the way it come out hurt her feelings, but the feeling itself? Totally valid, trust gets built over time, and if something in her past made that hard for you, that’s not your fault.
ESH
She dated younger guys doesn’t mean she would try cheating with your bf – that is an AH thought process.
Idk how young the guys she dated were – maybe she sucks too if they were underage or your friends circles. Otherwise no, I don’t think she sucks…that’s a double standard.
Is your boyfriend aware of her tendencies? Maybe just have a Frank conversation with him that you can’t trust your mom she’s a cougar and has no morals when it comes to whether a guy is committed or not and you’d rather not face a situation where your mom is hitting on your boyfriend and making things super insane.
“We need to treat my mom like a Walmart cashier. Polite. Civil. Distant. Not like a potential bestie. Because she’s not trustworthy.”
So at some point you thought about your mom fucking your boyfriend
Look, I obviously don’t know all the details of your relationship with your mum, but assuming it’s a reasonably normal one, I’m going with YTA. Just because your mum dated younger dudes doesn’t mean she is going to pursue your boyfriend. I’m assuming she would respect your relationship and is just keen for a day out.
I don’t understand why the bf asked ur mom? that’s a very weird thing to do, doesn’t he have friends, his parents etc. Why ur mom not dad if he wants someone to not get offended if u became available?
Do you think your mom would do that to you. I hope not. This is different than a split with her husband. This would be betraying her own child.
If she’s trying to reconnect after a separation from your father why would she even consider going anywhere with any other guy alone.