I’m 27F and my best friend Kara (26F) has been married to Jake (30M) for a year. I’ve known Kara since college, and I was her maid of honor. I’ve also gotten close to Jake over the last few years. He’s genuinely a good guy, stable, kind, and he treats her like gold.
About two months ago, Kara started meeting up with her ex from high school. At first it was just catching up, but I found out it had turned physical. She told me flat out that she missed the “thrill” and that Jake was “too boring.” She was seeing the ex while Jake was away on work trips and hiding it like it was nothing.
I asked her what the hell she was doing. She laughed and said it didn’t count because she never slept over and that she’d stop once she got it out of her system. I told her I couldn’t pretend I didn’t know. She told me if I said anything, we were done.
So I told Jake. I didn’t go into graphic detail but I told him enough that he knew the truth. I felt sick doing it but worse staying silent.
He moved out that weekend.
Kara blocked me on everything and now half our friend group is calling me a traitor and saying I ruined her marriage. A few people say I did the right thing, but the whole thing has blown up.
AITAH for telling him?
Comments
You did right by telling Jake Honesty matters more than keeping a secret that hurts others Not the AH
NTA. Your friend is a liar and a cheater and should never have made you hold a secret like that. It sounds like you may have even warned her ahead of time that you wouldn’t hold her secret either. She is just mad she got caught. I would tell your friend group that if they don’t want to be shitty people, then don’t do shitty things.
She shouldn’t have been a hoe. NTA, cheaters deserve to be called out
She ruined her marriage. You just let her husband know that it had happened. You know you’re not the AH and you now also know which of your friend group are. Be thankful and choose those who share your morality to socialise with.
NTA. You are who you hang out with. All of those people have low moral character. He believed they were in a monogamous marriage. You did the right thing. He deserves honesty, loyalty, and respect. I can guarantee if the tables were turned and he was the one cheating that she would have reacted similar to him – but she feels she gets a repeated free pass?? He has every right to make an informed decision about whether he wants to remain in this relationship. He also has every right to know about her sexual history for his own health and wellbeing. He can go get tested now. She was being a snake. Your other friend’s sound the same. It seems you’ve outgrown them and that they’re all the same. You should cut them out too. Perspective 33F, married.
You did nothing wrong. You didn’t ruin her marriage, she did that all on her own. Anyone who is supporting her is not the type of person you need in your life. Jake deserved to know, he deserved respect and sadly you were the only one to provide him with that. She is no friend of yours. She fecked around and found out. You didn’t lie to her.
ask your former friends if you should lie for their partner too.
If she would cheat on her husband she will betray you too. You obviously need better friends.
Who in your friend group is actually taking her side? How many of them do you actually want in your life after this?
Are you the AH? It all depends n why you did it. Was it really out of genuine concern or do you have a love of drama? You’ll need to work with a therapist to know if you are an AH here.
“You” ruined her marriage huh. lol!
I think her sleeping around did that.
NTA.
As for the friend group, with friends like that who needs enemies?
Cut them loose and find grownups to chill with. They sound like immature doorknobs.
NTA. You didn’t ruin her marriage, she did. And do you really want that type of person as a friend anyway?
NTA She ruined her own marriage by thinking with her genitals. Your former friends support a cheater, apparently. You don’t need any of them.
I hate “friend groups.” You have a problem with one person and you lose half your friends
You should walk around with your head held up high. Also, drop those who don’t agree with you, their morality is questionable at best.
You did the right thing and lost a shitty person for a friend. Win-win. Keep your head up.
She ruined her marriage by being a hoe.
Id tell everyone that you’d rather be a traitor and still keep your morals than be a cheat.
I feel this is a fake post
You did the right thing you tell everyone she blew up her marriage by cheating
👏👏👏👏excellent
Anyone who objects to exposing a cheater is a trash person and you are better off without them in your life.
AI written
NTA. Keep the few people that said you did the right thing.
Either this is fake, or half of your friends are dreadful.
NTA – and you didn’t ruin her marriage, she did.
Well that was a self righting problem. Good riddance.
The people calling you a traitor are trash ass people
You’re better off without them
NTAH
Half your friend group just showed what kind of people they are
Easy to blame someone else for your actions. You NTA, she is.
It sounds like you did a great thing by telling Jake. You can get rid of a LOT of immoral and unethical people in one full swoop.
Remind those telling you that you ruined her marriage that I wasnt the one fucking someone else but the husband I shared vows with. Tell them that you now know where their morals lay and maybe send what they are sending toy to their partners warning them about how they viewed the whole situation is kinda sus- maybe reflekting guilt?
NTA
Good for you. NTA
Would you rather meet your maker as a good person or a loyal friend? NTA
Anybody that says that you are a traitor. You should ask them if it was happening to them would they want to know. I’m pretty sure, other than the scum bags , would definitely want to know.
NTA. Unfortunately, doing the right thing doesn’t get you any awards, and sometimes the backlash lands on you.
But ask yourself, are the people defending her actions and shaming you for telling the poor guy the truth and blaming you for having enough respect to tell a good guy hes being played, are those the people you want in your life?
If the answer’s yes, grovel and flatter, and they’ll probably welcome you back to an extent. If you mention you were jealous, she might even forgive you lol.
YOU ruined their marriage??? You didn’t ruin their marriage, Kara did. Wth!? NTA
Who needs friends who gaslight you????
Nta. Yta to yourself if you stay friends with her after this.
I would ask everyone whoncalled you a traitor who they cheated on and with who? As only cheaters bac cheaters.
Nta do you want friends that think you ruined the marriage
Unless you have a time machine it’s pointless to ask now
Like, you didn’t think she was gunna stay your friend right? Not to worry, you and Jake will be sleeping together soon
It wasn’t your position to tell.
Kara blew up the marriage. Not you.
NTA – You did the right thing but unfortunately it comes with consequences. I have come to believe that “All cheaters should be outed ANONYMOUSLY!” Anonymous in order to avoid friend group fallout. You provide all the receipts that you have and slowly fade from the friendship. Kara is not a good person and will eventually burn everyone around her because snakes bite whomever they’re around. The friends fall out is because people place a high value on loyalty even when that same loyalty should be canceled with a morality clause. She continuously betrayed the person that she swore to god that she never would. Whoever does that to someone that they “love” can do that and worse to someone that they don’t love. Besides you are the company that you keep and will be labeled as such. If you have gangster/thug/cheater/slutty friends then people will assume that you are like those that you surround yourself with. Your life will improve without having the friends around who condone her betrayal and you will choose better friends because of it as well. Good luck and I’m cheering for you.
Nta seriously who are all these friends that everyone has that think cheating and lying is OK, telling the injured party the are being dramatic. Clearly you are right, your exfriend is an asshat, your “friends” need to go, cause they are not your friends
People defending cheaters are crazy, that woman blew up her marriage not you, real friends dont put each other in that position. She told you and tried to keep you quiet by threatening to end your “friendship”. NTA people deserve to know when they’re being betrayed
Youre an angel. That’s good work.
NTA, Kara and her friends who agree with her cheating with her ex are the AHs
You are NTA. You absolutely did the right thing. You didn’t ruin her marriage, she did, and it only took a year. I’ll still never understand why people get married if they don’t have any intention of staying loyal. Good for you for doing the right thing regardless of what it was going to do to your friendship, he deserved to know. As far as all of the other friends that say you did the wrong thing, you should cut them loose too, they are definitely not good people deep down.
All those people calling you a traitor have the same curse that can’t be cured. They are disloyal or have been. Drop the lot of them.
If being a liar or a generally icky person is a requirement for the friend group, you are in the wrong friend group. Good on you OP.
NTA. She ruined her own marriage. Jake deserved the truth.
Message back to the friends who sided with her:
‘Thank you for showing me our morals do not align, and I do not wish to remain friends with someone who thinks I am in the wrong for calling out someone’s harmful and disgusting behaviour.
I told Jake that Kara was cheating on him because he deserved to know. And since you clearly do not think the spouses of cheaters deserve to know, I will ensure that if I ever come into the knowledge that your partner or any future partner is cheating on you, I will stay out of it and assume you are ok with this behaviour given your views on cheating.
I will be blocking you and do not wish to stay friends.
Thank you for showing me who you are, I believe you.’
YOU ruined her marriage? Not HER? Bro. Good riddance to losing those friends. Those are some nasty people.
You did the right thing, she is a horrible person and you should be happy to have her out of your life.
You did the right thing, so stay strong and if half your friend group backs her cheating then they are friends you don’t need as they are also liars.
if any of my friends hid behind lies to shield a cheater they would no longer be friends.
Head high girl you did the right thing.
NTA. and you should cut off any snakes who said you’re a traitor… you’re a reflection of the company you keep and those people aren’t worth keeping around
“A few people say I did the right thing”
Those are good people, keep those people.
You may have lost a friend, but you’re better off. If she’d betray her own husband like that for a childish, selfish reason, she’d for sure do that to you. NTA
Her cheating ruined the marriage lol… Half your friend group sucks ass, ditch them.
NTA. They’d been married for less than a year when she started cheating. Thank goodness you told him before they had added kids to this shitshow.
You did the right thing. She is horrible and so are the friends that think it’s ok to cheat. Drop them all.