I (16) guess I need to give some backstory for this to make sense. My dad left when I was 3, and my mom remarried my stepdad when I was 7. He’s been more of a father to me than my bio dad ever was, helped with homework, came to every soccer game, the whole deal. My bio dad would pop in and out whenever he felt like it, maybe twice a year if I was lucky.
So last month, my bio dad shows up out of nowhere wanting to “reconnect” and be more involved. I was skeptical but whatever. Then he starts trying to parent me about everything, my clothes, my friends, my grades (which are fine, by the way). The breaking point was when he saw me getting my ears pierced and flipped out, saying I needed his permission for stuff like that.
I told him I already asked my mom and stepdad, and he goes “Well I’m your real father, so my opinion matters most.” I just looked at him and said “Where were you when I had nightmares at 8? Or when I broke my arm at 10? You can’t just show up now and play dad when it’s convenient.”
He got all quiet and said I was being disrespectful. So I said “You want respect? Try earning it like my stepdad did.”
Now my mom says I was too harsh, but honestly, I don’t feel bad about it. Was I wrong though?
Comments
NTA so proud of you. If my dad tried to come and lecture me about my clothes and grades etc I’d block his ass before he could finish his next sentence. And also- his permission for what? He doesn’t come around or anything- that’s not your father- your step dad is your real dad. Bio dad can suck ass the bitch.
NTA he left your life. He shouldnt come back into it feeling he can boss you about. I got into contact w my bio dad a few years ago. He understands that me speaking to him is on MY terms and I will block him if he says something that I don’t like or upsets me. Just because you’re his biological child does not mean you owe him anything. If you don’t want to have a relationship with him then I’d end it. It seems like he feels entitled to what you do with your life so id honestly cut him off. Like you said your step dad was there for everything. He seems more of a dad then your bio dad
NTA. First off, respect to your stepdad for stepping up and giving you what seems like a good family dynamic. Your mom is wrong. It wasn’t harsh, it was factual. Facts don’t care about feelings. Don’t apologize. Stay true to yourself.
NTA. You spoke divine truth.
Donating DNA doesn’t give you a free pass to respect, or the right to rock up and start controlling your kid’s life when you couldn’t be bothered being there for the important stuff of raising a child. And if I was your mum I’d have said “good on you! At best at this point, he can be like an uncle who can share in whatever parts of your life you deem ok to share with him, so he doesn’t get to say squat about your choices or things that you’ve already cleared with the parents who are taking care of you.
NTA. He needs to earn that parenting role by actually parenting. Can’t just step in whenever and expect to have a say in your life. He should be working on building trust, forming a relationship and STAYING AROUND before he tries to parent you in any sort of capacity.
Good on you for speaking the truth and putting him in his place.
NTA. Your bio dad is just a sperm donor and your stepdad is your actual father. Remain loyal to the man that was always loyal to you.
JFC. You cut straight to the chase, no weasel words, no nothing. Good for you, for putting up those boundaries.
Keep strong.
NTA
I’ve had to tell my dad that he let money get between us. It’s very sad when family treats us bad. Shalom you’re loved 💔
What did your bio dad say to that?
Great job standing up for yourself. You did nothing wrong.
Absolutely not, you simply reminded him of the consequences of his choices. He chose not to be there, he chose to let your stepdad do all this now he has to face the consequences of that action that you care very little for him, you don’t have the same respect and admiration for him that you do your stepfather. You’re absolutely right had he been there more he could have earned your respect and all of your love not being there you don’t even really know this man.
NTA, not at all. I would be far less gracious to my male biological parent if he somehow tracked me down.
NTA- good for you!
NTA
NTA. Mom needs to stay in her lane, you were honest.
My wife is looking at me weird because I literally stood up and gave you a standing ovation in my living room when I read that. Good for you bud
Good job. Honestly don’t give him the time. I hate to sound cynical but he’s probably just working some angle anyway
NTA. Stand your ground. He deserved what he got.
Well said.
NTA at all. He needed a reality check, and you gave him one. Good job.
You’re right. He was never a dad to you. He can’t suddenly pretend to be now and expect you to listen to him. What an arrogant asshole.
NTA.