I 23M had a horrible childhood to say the least, my father left us when I was 3 and he never even visited us or tried to reach out to me in any way and we never even knew where the hell he was, he just vanished one day.
that destroyed my mother, she barely fed me and some days she even forgot to do that, and emotionally she wasn’t there at all for me because she was always busy going out with more men than I could remember, but eventually one of them stuck around and in 2 years when I was around 9 they were married and he moved us in with him and his 11 year old son at the time. His son bullied me and beat me up hours at a time every other day and my mother didn’t even pretend to care and her husband was actively encouraging him to, I won’t go into much more details but that was just the tip of the iceberg it was literal hell on earth for me in that house.
eventually I made a really close best friend at school and one time after I was seriously beaten up by my mothers husband and his son my friends dad noticed and took me aside and asked if everything was fine at home, I just broke down and told him what I have been going through for years and he just listened to me and then asked me if I wanted to come live with them and he insisted saying that I’m like a son to him and that my friend has been worried about me for months and he assured me that it’d not be an issue to them financially at all and to not be shy about it and I accepted and hugged him and just cried thanking him, he said it’s alright and that they’ve always wanted another kid but couldn’t due to health concerns for his wife, he took me back to my mother’s house and she and her husband were actually glad to hear about it and had no problem signing away their rights to my friends parents like a huge weight was lifted off of them, I took all my stuff which wasn’t much and officially moved in with my best friend.
the difference was so insane between my life before then and after that, my friends parents soon officially adopted me and they became my real parents and now I call them mom and dad and honestly I couldn’t ask for a better family, mom was actually a mom that I used to hear about she was genuinely kind and loving and interested in my life and was proud of every little accomplishment and achievement and dad was just as loving and he was there always and he was exactly what I always imagined a loving father would be. They even paid for my college and refused to let me or my brother work to help them with the costs telling us to enjoy our selfs and that college is a once in a lifetime experience and to have fun and that bills and work were coming eventually, I got into law school to become a lawyer like dad while my brother is in medical school studying to become a surgeon which I’m honestly so proud of him for.
Around 2 months ago I got a notification from facebook which was weird as hell because I haven’t used it in literally years so I opened it up and it was a message from my biological father which was literally the first time I’ve heard from him since he vanished 20 years ago when I was 3, it was a typical hi how are you doing I miss you type of message and I just went to the point and asked him what he wanted and he gave up and asked wether we could meet up, eventually after talking to mom and dad about it I decided to give him a shot after dad encouraged me to hear him out and that maybe he had changed. I met my bio father at this cafe downtown at a neutral place and he obviously looked much older than I remembered and he looked defeated, he started with some awkward small talk and he apologised for what he did and I cut him off and told him to get to the point because I didn’t want his bullshit, he sighed and said his 17 year old daughter was dying of kidney failure and that she needed a new kidney and nobody in his new family was a match and he was hoping I’d atleast get tested to see if I’m a match because we have the same blood type, I cut him off and told him no without hesitation, he looked at me defeated and begged me to reconsider and I told him no again and that he’s crazy for even thinking I’d ever consider something like that, I told him he left me to go through literal hell for an entire decade so he can go play house with some other woman like I didn’t even exist and that he had no right walking back into my life like he’s my dad and expecting me to hand out my damn kidney just because, he started crying and saying my little sister could die and I said she’s not my sister and that I couldn’t give less of a fuck about wether she lives or dies, he called me heartless and left crying.
Now I know that I went overboard with that and I don’t wish anything bad to happen to the little girl I know she must be terrified and already going through hell and my dad being a deadbeat piece of shit isn’t really her fault but I just couldn’t hold my anger after I saw him, all the hate I have for him exploded right then and there.
I talked to my parents about it and they said they’d support me and whatever decision I make, even though mom seemed sad for the girl.
Would I be the asshole if I refuse to donate my kidney to my half sister and was I in the wrong for how I reacted to my biological father?
Comments
Is this an AI rewrite?
Never give up body parts to people who have never cared for you. NTAH
Nope NTA. He still doesn’t are about you, he just sees you as spare body parts to save the kid he does care about. What a selfish prick.
It is sad she is going to die but no different than if I were going to die needing a kidney and we had the same blood type. We are strangers, your half sister is a stranger. Besides i think whether you are match is more than just blood type. I would just block him and move on with your life.
You can test the compatability and if you feel you are being coerced tell the hospital and they will say you are incompatible regardless of the results. NTA
NTA, it’s absolutely wild to me how apparently this is common for deadbeat parents to come crawling back for body parts and acting like it isn’t a big ask even if they hadn’t been deadbeats.
If he had come to meet you few years ago without any agenda . That would have been different . Dont feel guilty . Block them. & dont share it with all your friends . People never understand other problem & what they faced .
NTA He sealed her fate long ago when he abandoned you.
NTA I’m glad you have a loving family. Please live your best life.
NTA – Not your issue to deal with.
He was never a father. He was just a sperm donor. 😠
He gave up on you a long time ago. He didn’t care at all.
It’s completely reasonable that you give up on him too and not care at all.
If he reach out again, just tell him you’ve learned from him and is simply matching his energy.
There’s more than 8 billion people on Earth. He can go find another donor he hasn’t shit on for 20 years.
NTA. Just block him.
nta you don’t owe him anything. It’s unfortunate for his daughter.
There really needs to be a rule on this subreddit where if a parent abandons you as a child and only comes back wanting money/an organ from you then you’re NEVER TA here…
NTA Op, i’m sorry both of your dna donord are trash people
You’re not the AH for tearing into biodad, he deserved that and more. You’re not spare parts for anyone. If you are feeling guilty about not helping her, talk to your brother who’s in med school, he can explain how unlikely it is you would be a match for her.
I’d say YTA for refusing to even consider helping your half-sister to spite your bio father. I get that abandoned you to a horrible situation. He shouldn’t have just ditched like that, I get you there. Bio mom is more at fault for your childhood than he is. She didn’t care that her husband was abusing you. Bio dad wasn’t in the picture and for all we know, she may have been abusing him if she was willing to abuse her own child.
But your half-sister is innocent. SHE didn’t do anything to you, at least not that I read in this post. Considering you haven’t had contact with your bio father in 20 years, I’d think it’s safe to say you may not have even known she existed.
So why is she being punished for what your bio dad did? She wasn’t there, she didn’t make him leave… but now she can just die and you’d be able to make your peace with that knowing you could have at least tried to help her?
NTA
Your kidney, your life, your choice, and your sperm donor has no right to ask anything of you.
As much as the situation sucks (keep in mind that this kid had nothing to do with him leaving you and your not-mom, she’s just the product of what came after), NTA. You owe him nothing.
NTA I think you have way too many emotions about your bio-dad to make a decision either way, and I would hope the doctors would not allow you to donate.
Also unless she have a very rare type of blood and whatever else need to match, a kidney should not be impossible to get from non family donation.
And can’t you survive for some time on dialysis? It sucks sure but you can survive, right?
Updateme
Between you and your bio-dad / sperm donor, NTA. You have no obligations to him, and your half sister is a stranger.
If you half sister had been the one to reach out to you for this, that would’ve been a reasonable thing for her to do to try and save her life, and your politely refusing to do surgery for a stranger would’ve also been reasonable, so in that scenario N A H. If you’d rebuffed her rudely like this, that would’ve made Y T A.
If a random person asked for a body part would you give it? While this is sad she is dying, she is a stranger and you do not have to feel guilty about not giving a stranger your body part. That is something too big to ask and the fact your sperm donor only reached out to ask about that is a damn shame. I would seek out therapy op but this is not your battle, it’s theirs.
What is it with these strangely similar stories popping up on my feed?
NTA – If his daughter wasn’t sick, you never would have heard from your AH sperm donor. Block him and don’t look back.
Please cut ALL contact with your bio & step family!! You have a good family now, you have a family that CHOSE YOU! Go give them big hugs! Hang out with them & build your life around those who chose to build you up, not beat you down!
NTA!
You were right to ask your dad to get to the point. You could have asked him if he’d have contacted you if he didn’t have a sick daughter, but you know the answer to that one.
And if what you did was “heartless,” so was walking out on your kid and not contacting them for 20 years.
NTA
NTA under no circumstances give this girl your kidney. Innocent or not she’s not really your sister and it’s her fathers fault for all this.
Ask him if he would be willing to pay 18 years of back child support? Paid in advance. Not that you should do it, but just to gauge how much he acknowledges how much he fucked you over. NTA
Not the AH at all. Your sperm donor has a lot of nerve telling you FU FU FU FU for years and then sob up when you turn it back at him. I’m sorry for her, but she’s not your responsibility. Karma is kicking his ass. I’m glad you were able to take your power back